“He wasn’t wearing a jacket and tie,” Kay said, with audible relief in her voice. “He was dressed really cool in this coal-black shirt and black jeans, with the sharpest-looking black shoe boots I’ve ever seen. They had splashes of crystals on the back.”
“Not just jeans. Very tight black jeans,” Ginny added. “He looked poured into them as if they were a mold of him from the waist down.”
“They’re hip huggers,” Darlene said. “So it would be from below the waist down.”
“Excuse me,” Ginny fired back. “I didn’t take his measurements as quickly as you did.”
“You mean you wish you did,” she replied. “Maybe he didn’t give you time enough. Maybe he spent more time with me.”
Ginny pressed her lips together and slammed her locker closed.
What was going on here? Were they already competing for Summer Dante, competing so intently that they’d sacrifice one another on some altar of romance? Was all truly fair in love and war? I had been attracted to these girls because they were like a knot, tight, ready to risk almost anything for one another and so in sync that they practically ate and slept simultaneously. Everyone at school, even the older girls, recognized that there was something special about them, and everyone was jealous of their friendship, a friendship that they wore like dog collars around their necks. It was why I was so intent on becoming one of them and so depressed that I might have failed.
“What about Todd?” I asked Darlene.
“Todd who?” she replied, and they all laughed.
“Wait until you see Summer Dante’s eyes. I’ve never looked into eyes like his,” Mia said. “I swear, those ebony orbs were swirling.”
“Or yours were swirling,” Kay said. “Mine were,” she confessed without hesitation or embarrassment. “I felt like I was . . .”
“Like you were what?” I demanded. They were beginning to annoy me. No boy could be this compelling.
“Like I was falling into them, helpless. I think I would have done anything he wanted right then and there. I can’t explain it.”
They all turned strangely silent, falling into their own memories, reliving a few moments with Summer Dante. For a moment, I wondered if he could hypnotize people as well as Uncle Wade could.
“He doesn’t float or something, does he?” I asked. “His feet hit the ground when he walks, right?”
Indignation washed across their faces as if I had spoken blasphemy about a real American hero or a biblical one.
“Wait until you meet him, smartass,” Kay said. “We’ll see if you don’t drool.”
“Well, I hope I do,” I said, smiling. “You all seem so pleased.”
“So pleased?” Darlene mimicked. “Pleased? I don’t think that’s the word I’d use. It’s more than pleased.”
“It’s an orgasm,” Ginny said, finally breaking the intense mood. She laughed. “Practically. I mean, I’m speaking for myself when I say practically. One of you might have had one.”
“I won’t be the first to tell,” Kay said.
“Boys can pop their corks quickly, but girls are better off,” Mia said, as though she were the authority on sexual relationships. “We keep popping,” she added, and everyone laughed. I did, too.
Good humor returned, and we started for homeroom.
“I thought none of you would go out with a boy in our class,” I said.
“Somehow I can’t think of him as just another boy in our class,” Mia said. “He’s too sophisticated.”
“And you know this that quickly?”
“I have a sixth sense when it comes to that,” she offered. “We all do.”
Nobody disagreed.
“How does it look for this weekend?” Ginny asked, stepping up closer to me.
“I’m in.”
“How much do they know?”
“Only what I know for sure—the mall, a movie, and pizza afterward.”
“Very clever. See, it works. Believe your own lies first.”
I nodded, clinging to the idea that it was still not a lie since the party wasn’t confirmed.
“Oh, and I have until midnight this time.”
“You’re a regular Cinderella,” she said. “Good work. We’ll get you straightened out yet.”
Will you? I wondered. Or will you bring me so far down I’ll never get up, not in my parents’ eyes? We sauntered in and took our seats. For a moment, I didn’t realize it until I saw where all my friends were looking. Summer Dante was in Cassie’s seat. I had the chilling feeling that he was somehow destined to be there, destined to replace her.
He sat with perfect posture and didn’t look at anyone. His hands were clasped before him on his desk. I couldn’t take my eyes off him, first because his sitting there brought home the reality that Cassie was gone, off into some therapeutic fog, working to bring herself back into the sunshine, and second because there was an aura about him that was both pleasing and dangerous.
Suddenly, he broke his perfect form by turning sharply in my direction and stabbing me with his eyes. I think I gasped audibly. He had turned just the way I might if I had felt someone was looking at me intently. There was that tiny sting at the base of my neck whenever I felt that, and I was always right. Someone was staring at me. Now I was caught doing the same thing. I felt my face flush with embarrassment.
The girls hadn’t exaggerated about his striking good looks. His beautifully formed full lips softened instantly into smoothly tanned firm cheeks. I couldn’t turn away. He nodded at me, and I rolled my eyes away like a fighter pilot might roll his plane to escape an attack. I was grateful for the relief the day’s announcements brought. I could catch my breath.
When the bell rang, we all rose with the same hopeful expectation: Summer Dante would gravitate toward one of us to walk through the halls to our first class. It would be like putting on a valuable jewel, eye candy, evoking green envy from the eyes of every other girl in the school.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Darlene shake Todd off. It didn’t take a genius to see why she was being cool to him so suddenly, and I knew he was hurt and angry. He glared at Summer Dante and fell back as Darlene, wearing her inviting smile as obvious as a car’s front bumper, slowed when she reached Summer first. He barely acknowledged her, made a sharp turn to his left, and fell back to speak to our homeroom teacher. Disappointment fell like a window shade across Darlene’s face as she caught up with the rest of us.
“I’m curious,” I said. “You were so enamored of Todd Wells that you’re still wearing red this morning.” I nodded at the red ribbon in her hair.
“So?”
“What happened to your being so desperate for Todd’s affections?”
“Summer Dante happened,” she replied without the slightest bit of shame.
Everyone but me smiled with approval.
“So you’re no longer interested in Todd?”
“Why? Are you going to chase after him now?”
“No. I was just curious about how this works,” I said.
“How what works?” Darlene asked.
“Being in love with someone one day and not the next or when someone better-looking comes along.”
“Hello! We’re not love slaves, Sage. If Todd saw he had a chance with Scarlett Johansson, he would drop me so fast my head would spin. He’s always talking about her. We’re not committing ourselves for the rest of our lives when we go out with someone, even when we go steady,” she said. She looked at the others for support. “Give me a break, right?”
“Right,” Ginny said. She looked at me. “Sometimes you do seem like you’re out of another time, Sage. Relax. We’re all just drooling and enjoying it.”
“So are you,” Mia said under her breath. “So don’t act like Miss Goody-Goody.”
“Pardon?”
“I saw the way he looked at you and the way you reacted,” Mia said as we continued down the hallway. “The others weren’t in position to see, but I did.”
“And?”
/> “I’m not blaming you for anything. I wished he looked at me that way,” she said, and walked faster.
Really? I wondered. Was there something special about the way he had looked at me as opposed to how he had looked at each of them after all they had told me? I looked back. Summer was just coming up behind us, talking to Ward and Nick. What had drawn them to him so quickly? Whatever he said to them made them laugh. They looked like they had been friends forever, patting each other on the back and nudging each other playfully for superior position the way boys who were good friends often did.
He obviously made friends more easily than I did. A ton of questions about him cascaded through my mind. Where he came from and what brought him and his father here were at the top of the list, along with what had happened to his mother. Obviously, whatever tragedy had befallen him and his father had eventually made him stronger and never detracted from his personal strength. He looked so centered, self-confident, and determined. How did he get that way? What was his secret, and could I steal it for myself?
He caught me looking at him, his eyes shifting quickly to capture mine as if he was highly receptive to my gaze. He smiled, and I turned away and kept walking. Unlike the reaction to him that my girlfriends had, I was feeling some uneasiness about drawing his attention. A strange black veil suddenly seemed to fall between us. Of course, no one else could see it. I felt blinded.
It wasn’t difficult for me to read and handle any of the boys I had met in this school. To me, they were all open books, talking to me with heads made of glass, their thoughts and real intentions written across their foreheads. But Summer Dante looked invincible, like someone beyond me. I didn’t tremble, but I told myself to be careful. From where the warnings came, I couldn’t say, but they came from someplace deep inside me, a place that existed in my old visions, maybe even one I had yet to realize.
He sat behind and away from me in our first class together. Despite how much I wanted to, how much the urge to do it banged away at my resistance, I did not turn around to look at him. I did have trouble concentrating on the lessons, and when I looked at my girlfriends, I saw how often they were turning to look at him and wink a smile.
After the bell rang to end class, I rose slowly, taking extra time to gather my things. I was hoping he would leave ahead of me. From the way my girlfriends were exaggerating their preparations to leave, I guessed he was still in the room.
Tired of hearing them giggle and fantasize about him, I decided to walk to my next class myself and shot forward. Just as I reached the door, I felt him come up beside me.
“You have extraordinary self-control,” he said. “You must be special.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I think you know,” he said with a smile, and hurried ahead to catch up to Skip and Jason.
He was making friends quickly with every boy in class, I thought. How was he doing that?
“What did he say to you?” Ginny demanded first as the girls caught up with me.
“Who?” I asked, even though I certainly knew. It was important for me to pretend indifference, as if I had an obligation to show them how to behave around boys.
“Don’t play games, Sage. We all saw him hurry to catch you, and we saw him talking to you.”
I looked at them, all so intent on knowing. “I made no sense of it,” I told them. “He babbles.”
“Babbles? I wish he’d babble to me,” Ginny said.
“Babbles what?” Mia practically shouted.
“He told me I had great self-control. Well?” I followed when they all stared blankly. “Can anyone tell me what he meant by that?”
“You didn’t know him from before, did you?” Darlene asked suspiciously.
“No. Don’t you think I would have said so?”
“Maybe you would; maybe you wouldn’t,” Kay offered.
“What’s that supposed to mean? Does everyone have to talk in riddles?”
Kay laughed, and everyone kept walking.
“What?” I yelled after them.
Kay paused. “We’re all friends, Sage, some of us since kindergarten, but we’re all in competition with one another.”
“For what?”
“Every good-looking boy out there. Is that breaking news for you?”
I just stared at her. I was afraid to say yes.
For the next two periods and until lunch hour, Summer paid no attention to me. I glanced his way a few times, but he was focused on schoolwork and barely looked up at any of us girls. They were all disappointed; Darlene was the unhappiest, since she had driven Todd away. Between classes, Todd was already talking to one of the prettier girls in the freshman class, Hannah Rose. I saw the tiny but distinct signs of regret in Darlene’s face as we gathered around our table to eat lunch. Summer wasn’t with any of the boys in our class. He was sitting with Nick, Jason, and Greg, which was strange. He was already involved with older boys. They were talking and laughing. Did boys bond faster than girls? I wondered. Obviously it wasn’t such a no-no for older boys to be friends with younger ones.
“I found out something new about Summer Dante,” Kay said when we were all settled. She wore a look of self-satisfaction, even superiority.
“How could you find out anything new so fast?” Mia asked, jealousy seeping out of her eyes and smeared across her lips.
“I have my ways,” Kay teased. Then she sat forward, as we all did to hear what she had learned. “He was homeschooled for the last five years. That’s why he’s in our class, even though he’s older.”
“He’s older? How much older?” Mia asked.
“I don’t know, exactly. His father is a romance writer. He publishes under the name Belladonna, and his books are supposed to be very, very sexy.”
“What?” I asked. I felt the blood rush up through my neck and into my face.
“What what?” Kay asked.
“That name he writes under—Belladonna?”
“So? Why? Does your mother read his books?” she asked, looking at the others and smiling. “Or have you been sneaking them into your room or something?”
I shook my head. “No, I just . . . I’ve heard that name,” I said, fumbling my words.
Ginny was busy working her iPhone and leaned in with her discoveries. “Atropa belladonna is a perennial herbaceous plant whose berries are extremely toxic. They can cause delirium and hallucinations.” She looked up at me. “Is that where you heard it?”
“No,” I said quickly.
She continued to read from her Internet search. “The name means ‘beautiful lady,’ and the plant was used in a risky cosmetic practice in Italy. The belladonna berry juice was used to enlarge women’s pupils, giving them a striking appearance, but it can be poisonous, and many died unexpectedly, chasing their dreams of beauty.”
“I love it,” Mia said. “I’m getting one of his books today after school.”
“That’s good. Wait! I have a terrific idea.” Darlene leaned in like a conspirator, and we all did the same. “Let’s all get one of his books and bring them to school tomorrow and display them in front of Summer Dante,” she said.
Everyone but me giggled with anticipation. I was still thinking about his father’s pen name.
“I’ll take care of it. I’ll buy a copy for each of you,” Kay said.
“I can’t wait to see the expression on his face,” Mia said.
“I hope Jason is inviting him to his party this weekend,” Ginny said, looking toward the boys.
Kay turned to me. “Who do you predict will hook up with him first, oh great romance guru? Should we wear any specific colors or do our hair any specific way?”
I looked at Summer and then back at them and shook my head. I wasn’t getting any vibes. That black veil had fallen again. In fact, it was almost as if he wasn’t there. “I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe none of us.”
They were all quiet for a moment, and then Mia practically growled at me. “Don’t dare tell us you think he’s gay
.”
I looked at him again. I still had no visions, no flow of energy coming from him that I could read. “I don’t know what he is,” I said softly, almost too softly for any of them to hear, “but I can tell you this.”
“What?” Ginny pounced.
“He’s different, very different.”
“You sound like you’re afraid of him,” Darlene said, smiling. “Afraid you might lose your virginity?”
They were all smiling at me now, waiting for my reaction.
“Maybe she has already,” Mia said.
“None of you has,” I said.
“How the hell do you know?” Kay asked, as if I was insulting them.
“I didn’t for sure, but from the way you reacted, you just told me I’m right,” I said.
No one disagreed.
Darlene changed the conversation, probably to avoid any more talk about it. All of them seemed eager to do that. I listened and nodded at some of the comments about hairdos and nail polish, but my mind drifted away constantly, and my eyes, as if under his control, turned toward Summer.
Before the bell rang to send us to class, he looked my way, but he didn’t smile.
It was strange. It was as if he was throwing down a challenge, daring me to try to ignore him.
More important, I had no doubt that I would lose that dare.
And even more important, despite the act I had put on for the girls, I didn’t care about losing to him.
10
I was the only one in our group of girls who had chosen to take the vocal music elective and therefore the only one who was in the school chorus. It was my next-to-last class of the day. I had just started singing in the chorus in my previous school before my parents had decided to transfer me.
A vision of myself singing in a church choir had haunted me until I had joined the chorus, but when I sang at my old school, even though our choral director, Mr. Hertz, was sweet and gentle, I often had flashes of a dour-looking elderly lady berating us for not putting our lungs fully into it and being stingy with God. I still decided to continue singing at my new school.
The moment I walked into the practice room and saw Summer Dante up front speaking with Mr. Jacobs, I knew all my girlfriends would regret not taking the class. All of us quickly took our places, the girls mesmerized by the sight of Summer and Mr. Jacobs laughing like old friends. Mr. Jacobs wasn’t dour, but he usually rationed his smiles and laughter like someone making his way through a desert of depression. He turned to the class and held his hand on Summer’s left shoulder.
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