by Jody Hedlund
“Maybe.” He squirmed with the realization that she wouldn’t need to worry about bedrooms by the week’s end. Elise and Marianne would be able to provide everyone with their own rooms and their own beds.
“Once Anna no longer needs my bed, Olivia can sleep with me,” Sophie said softly, almost shyly. “But I didn’t know how you’d feel about it . . .”
How he’d feel about it? Was she asking if he planned to continue where they left off this morning when he’d almost carried her upstairs?
Of course he wouldn’t want Olivia there. That was how he’d feel about it. He’d want Sophie all to himself all night long. But he wasn’t taking Sophie to his bed. Not now, not ever.
He ducked his head to hide his desire. “How’s Anna?”
“She’s afraid that if Reverend Poole discovers she’s here, he’ll force her to go back to the Pierces’.”
“Once the reverend sees her wounds, he wouldn’t dare make her return.”
“But what if Mr. Pierce lies about what really happened? If Mr. Ramsey can twist everything to keep Nicholas, then it could happen to Anna too.”
Reinhold didn’t think the reverend would be so cruel as to make Anna go back. But he hadn’t expected the reverend to allow Mr. Ramsey to keep Nicholas. “We won’t tell the reverend she’s here.”
A hopeful glimmer lit Sophie’s eyes. “Really?”
Reinhold hesitated. He couldn’t keep Anna with him indefinitely, especially after Sophie left. Such a living situation would be scandalous. But he certainly couldn’t hand her over to Reverend Poole and chance her having to stay with the Pierces. He scrambled to find a solution. “Maybe Anna could stay with the Duffs. Euphemia keeps teasing me about stealing you away.”
“Perfect!” Sophie clapped her hands together. “Euphemia would love having Anna. And I know Anna would love Euphemia.”
Reinhold allowed himself a smile, one that contained his relief. “You can ride over tomorrow and ask her.”
Before he could stop Sophie, she closed the distance between them and flung her arms around him. She laid her head against his chest and hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Reinhold.”
He held himself stiffly, his arms at his sides, and tried not to think about how heavenly she felt or how much he liked her silky hair against his chin.
“You’re so good to me,” she said.
He relented and allowed himself to hold her and return her embrace. He knew he’d made a mistake the moment his hands reached the small of her back. Every nerve in his body became keenly conscious of the contact.
He could sense she was just as aware of him, and that realization only stirred his desire. There was no denying the attraction between them. It was alive and intense.
Her fingers unfurled against his back and slid upward. He closed his eyes against the sensation that rippled across his skin. He couldn’t let himself get carried away again like he had earlier. But when she rose on her toes so that her nose and mouth caressed his neck, his hands flattened against her spine, drawing her closer.
They were alone. All he had to do was fall backward and bring her down with him onto the bed of hay. He wanted to kiss her again. Surely a few kisses wouldn’t hurt them, wouldn’t cause any problems.
But as he rubbed his jaw along her cheek and brought his lips to the delicate spot beneath her ear, his heart clanged a warning. If he started kissing her, he wouldn’t be able to stop. And this time they might not have an interruption like they’d had this morning when Anna showed up.
She shifted, and he reluctantly loosened his hold on her back. Just as he thought she was disentangling herself and stepping away, she returned, wrapping both arms around his neck and dragging him down until their mouths met.
For several heartbeats, he lost himself in the kiss, in a world where no one else could dictate their lives, where he could be with her and love her and never stop.
Did a place like that exist?
“Reinhold,” she murmured, breaking the kiss.
“Hmmm?” He brushed a kiss against her cheek, against her temple and hairline.
“Reinhold,” she whispered again, her breath coming in short bursts, “I love you.”
Her declaration sent a chill rippling through him, making him shudder.
She leaned back and studied his face as if searching for his love in response.
Maybe she thought she loved him. Maybe their shared passion and kisses caused her to feel something that resembled love. But who could really love him, with the monster that lived inside him?
He had to put a stop to this attraction. He had to do it now. And he knew of only one way.
Sophie watched the emotions play across Reinhold’s face like changing shadows tossed by the wind.
“I sent a telegram this morning,” he said, his voice shaky and hoarse.
“What kind of telegram?” She wanted to return her lips to his and forget about everything but the two of them. If she kissed him again, surely he’d admit that he loved her too.
She could feel it in the way he held her and kissed her and touched her, the gentle but possessive way he claimed her. She wasn’t just imagining this, was she?
But he stepped away, breaking the connection with her. “I sent a telegram to your sisters.”
Time seemed to stand still, devoid of everything except the gentle rustle of the horse’s tail, the steady chewing of the cow, and the sleepy snorts of the pigs.
Surely Reinhold hadn’t done it. Surely she’d heard him wrong.
She clutched her apron, tangling her chafed hands there to hide their trembling.
“I expect Elise and Marianne will be here by the end of the week,” he continued, his voice stronger now.
She hadn’t heard him wrong. He really had betrayed her. And he’d broken his promise to her, the promise that he wouldn’t contact them or tell them where she was.
She’d wanted to put her life back together first. After her marriage to Reinhold, she’d been on her way to proving she wasn’t such a failure. With a handsome husband, a good home, and the ability to provide for Olivia and Nicholas, maybe she would have been able to face her sisters again with her head held high.
But if they came now, they’d discover she hadn’t been able to truly care for Olivia and Nicholas, and that because of her poor choices the two children had ended up in a terrible placement with the Ramseys. They’d discover her marriage to Reinhold was contrived, and maybe they’d even find out she’d coerced Reinhold into marrying her.
With their rich, loving husbands, if they didn’t scorn her, they’d certainly pity her.
Panic bubbled up inside her at the realization they would see her broken life in all its crumbled shards. No, she didn’t want to reunite with Elise and Marianne yet, not until she could bring some order to the mess she’d made.
What should she do?
She darted a glance behind her toward the wagon, then to the horse stall. She still had a few days, maybe a week, before they arrived. She could be long gone by then.
Reinhold seized her wrist. “Calm down, Sophie. Everything will be all right.”
She jerked out of his grasp and took a rapid step away. She slipped, and her feet tangled in her skirt, causing her to fall and land on her backside.
Reinhold held out a hand to help her up, but she ignored it and scrambled to her feet, glaring at him. How could he have done this to her? And more important, why had he done it? Especially after this morning, so soon after they’d been intimate with each other? So soon after making her believe that what they had was real?
“Why?” she asked as a stinging heat strained her lungs.
He stuffed his hands into his pockets, his broad shoulders slumping. “I should have told them sooner, Soph. After all the heartache and worry they’ve been through over you, they deserve to know you’re alive and well.”
“But why today?” she persisted. “Why now?” She knew she’d probably regret asking the question, but she needed to know the truth.
>
He hesitated, but then resolve settled over his features. “We formed a partnership so that you could get Olivia and Nicholas. And now that you have Olivia, I’m planning to release you of the partnership with an annulment.”
“An annulment? But why?” She wished her voice didn’t sound so needy.
“Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have married me. You were desperate and needed a solution to a problem. I was that solution, but that doesn’t mean it’s permanent.”
Anna’s question from earlier echoed in her mind: “Are you planning to go your separate ways eventually?” Had her friend seen the signs that somehow she’d missed?
“Then you never planned to stay with me?” Sophie asked.
“You deserve to decide who you want to marry,” he replied.
“I chose you.”
His face was darkened by the stubble he hadn’t shaven that morning, and his green eyes were equally dark. “You had no other options. If you had any other choice, you wouldn’t have married me.”
Was that true? She supposed in some ways he was right. She wouldn’t have needed him if she’d been able to save Olivia and Nicholas by other means. Nevertheless, she had no regrets about marrying Reinhold. He was a good and kind man. She couldn’t ask for a better husband.
But what about him? Maybe he wouldn’t have chosen her. Maybe he wanted a better wife. Someone who was more experienced with farm life, who wasn’t intent upon bringing two orphans with her into the marriage. Someone who wasn’t as tainted by the city streets.
The ache gathering in her heart spread through her chest. She thought she’d found a place to belong, a place she could finally call home. More than that even, she thought she’d found someone who would finally love her.
Why were the people she loved always abandoning her? First her father and mother, then Elise and Marianne. Now she was a burden on Reinhold. He didn’t want her either.
“So you thought that by calling on my sisters to come here, you could be rid of me?”
“No, it wasn’t like that, Sophie. I sent the telegram because of me, because after this morning I realized how easy it would be to use you.”
So he wasn’t denying the attraction that easily flared between them. He’d felt it too. But that’s all it was to him? Just physical attraction?
“With the way things have progressed, I’m bound to do something I’ll regret.” He stared down at the hay beneath their feet, his arms straight and stiff with his hands still deep in his pockets. “And if I do take advantage of you, then I won’t be able to give you an annulment and set you free.”
She wanted to tell him she didn’t want an annulment, that she wanted to have a real marriage with him, that she didn’t want to be set free. But she’d already told him she loved him. Hadn’t that been enough? If she said any more, she’d only be humiliating herself. Besides, she sensed he was determined to sever the ties with her one way or another.
“If you wanted to be free of me, you should have just told me,” she whispered. “You didn’t have to send the telegram to Elise and Marianne.”
“They need to know you’re all right.”
“I’ll contact them when I’m ready to do so.”
“Because they’ve both married wealthy men, they can take care of you now.” His words rushed out as if he needed to convince himself as much as her. “They’ll provide the best of everything—food, shelter, clothes, and anything else you could ever want.”
“Those aren’t the things I want.” Did Reinhold really think she’d take physical comfort in place of love? Surely he had to know that wasn’t important to her, especially after all the sacrifices she’d made for Nicholas and Olivia. All along she’d chosen being with them and loving them over her own well-being. And she’d do the same for him.
“I know how important Nicholas and Olivia are to you,” he went on, as though sensing the direction of her thoughts. “Maybe Marianne and her husband, Drew, can help us with Nicholas when they get here. Drew has connections with the founder of the organization and might know what to do to help.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to involve them in my problems.” After all, if Reverend Poole said that the Children’s Aid Society’s policy was to leave orphans where they were placed, why would Drew go against that and risk his job for her?
Sophie tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. After the long day of tending Anna and Olivia, her appearance was frightful. Worse, she’d just discovered that her husband didn’t want her and that she no longer had a home.
What would Elise and Marianne think once they saw her and realized how pitiful her life was compared to theirs? After running away so she could keep Nicholas and Olivia together, she’d even failed to do the one thing she’d set out to accomplish. She was a failure all around.
“I don’t want to see them.” Tears stung her eyes.
“You have to,” Reinhold said adamantly. “They’re coming here for you.”
“No. I refuse to see them.” She tripped over the drying potatoes, suddenly desperate to get to the barn door. She wasn’t sure where she’d go or what she’d do. All she could think about was leaving, getting far away before her sisters saw the brokenness of her life.
“Sophie, wait.” Reinhold scrambled after her.
She fought back blinding tears and rushed to escape from the barn and from Reinhold. If he didn’t want her in his life, then he had no business interfering with what she did or where she went.
Jerking the barn door open, she stepped into the cold night, letting the blackness envelop her. She’d taken only two steps when Reinhold’s hand closed around her arm, bringing her to a stop. She twisted and tried to break free, but he held her tight.
“Please, Sophie. Don’t do this.”
“This is your fault!” A sob escaped before she could catch it.
“I just want what’s best for you.” His voice was raw with anguish. “You have to believe me.”
“You don’t know what’s best for me!” she yelled, but the wind whipped away her words.
Ahead of them, a light glowed from her upstairs bedroom window, the room she was sharing with Anna. But all the other windows of the house were dark, seeming to taunt her that she was no longer welcome there.
Another gust of cold wind slashed at her, slicing through her clothes and sending the message that autumn could be as brutal as winter. She didn’t look forward to the prospect of being homeless again with the constant pressure to find a warm place to spend the night. But she’d survived in the past, and she could do so once more if need be.
She struggled to free herself, but Reinhold gripped both of her arms, holding her in place.
“I hope you’re not thinking of running away again,” he said.
She debated lying to him so she could sneak away without his attempting to stop her. But the truth was, there was nothing he could do to prevent her from going, short of tying and locking her up. And she didn’t think Reinhold would resort to Mr. Ramsey’s harsh tactics.
“You’ve left me no choice but to leave,” she answered.
“Please, Sophie.” He started to wrap his arms around her, but she fought against him.
Frustration and helplessness welled up within her, and she pushed and pounded against his chest. But he stood immovable, keeping her in place. When she finally gave in to the futility of fighting him, she sagged and began sobbing.
This time, as he gathered her into an embrace, she didn’t resist. She pressed into him and cried for all she’d lost—the time away from her sisters, the love of family, the safety of belonging, and of not having a home. She’d missed them and wanted to see them. Deep down she did.
But she was afraid.
Reinhold didn’t say anything. He held her in his thick arms against his solid body, shielding her from the wind and the cold, until finally her tears stopped.
She sniffled against him, clutching his shirt and clinging to him, too weary to feel any shame for needing him
. She didn’t protest when he swept her off her feet and into his arms and carried her to the house. After entering the kitchen, he kicked the door closed and moved to the stairs. At the second stair, he paused. Or maybe she only imagined he did.
Was he remembering being in the stairwell last night? He’d held her then too. She’d thought he wanted her, even loved her. And because of that, she’d been ready to give herself to him. But all along he’d been biding his time, planning to end their relationship, keeping her at a distance so he could have their marriage annulled.
She sighed against his neck. Why was her life always breaking apart?
As they entered the bedroom, Anna’s eyes widened at the sight of Sophie in Reinhold’s arms. She quickly scooted over, and Reinhold gently laid Sophie on the bed next to Anna.
He surprised Sophie by taking off first one shoe and then the other before pulling the covers up over her. “Promise me you won’t do anything rash tonight,” he said, his forehead lined with anxiety. “Promise me you’ll sleep the night right here. We will talk more about this in the morning.”
She was too tired to run away tonight. Besides, Olivia was in no condition to go anywhere. And she still didn’t have Nicholas.
“Promise?” he whispered, his eyes pleading with her.
She’d have to come up with a viable plan before leaving. She couldn’t just pick up and go as she’d done so many times in the past. Although she didn’t owe Reinhold any promises after his betrayal, she knew she couldn’t leave him without saying good-bye first.
“Please, Soph.” His voice was desperate, and she could feel Anna’s questioning eyes upon her.
“I promise.”
Chapter 22
From the bed, Sophie stared unseeingly at the gray sky outside the window. She’d awoken at dawn as she’d grown accustomed to doing. She’d checked on Olivia, who was still asleep, then returned to bed, unable to go down and make breakfast for Reinhold and Jakob.
A while ago she’d heard the kitchen door open and someone rummaging around the kitchen—probably Jakob looking for something to eat before heading out to the fields.
