by J L Park
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
“Hey. Was I asleep long?” She shook her head, sipping at her drink.
“About an hour. Long enough for me to think.” I frowned. “Nothing bad, just thinking over things. Listen, I’m sorry about earlier when you had to wake me.”
“You don’t have to apologise. I get it. Hell, Ti had to wake me yesterday, ‘cause I was shouting. You don’t have to explain anything you don’t want to.”
She nodded, staring into her drink. “I’m just concerned that it’s so early for you, that you don’t need to deal with my shit.” I opened my mouth to say something, as she held up a hand to shush me, “And us. What is this? It’s been a month since you escaped. You’ve been here all of five minutes, and I’m getting you into bed with me? How is that going to help? If I can’t control my own desires, and at least give your recovery some thought, what kind of person am I?”
I stared at her, frowning. “Paige, I’m an adult, if I hadn’t wanted to I would have told you. I wouldn’t have climbed into bed with you,” A small grin flitted across my face, “and had a great time. You did nothing I wasn’t happy to do. Hell, to be honest, I would have had you asked me the moment we met, I thought you were that hot.” I grinned, as she blushed, “Sure it hasn’t been long since… that. But, maybe it’s part of my recovery, to know it can be gentle, it can be fun, it can be with an amazing person who I’d like to get to know better, rather than just what we have in common. What kind of person are you? I’d like to find out!”
Paige turned to face me, a frown creasing her brow, saying nothing. “I was still so angry, I guess I thought you’d still be angry, and that I had moved too fast. We hardly know each other, I didn’t even stop to think.”
“Oh, I’m angry, Paige. Just not with you. Not with anyone other than…" I paused, could I be honest with her yet, or should I say what was expected of me, “Him, and how they have made it to be okay for people like him to do that, more than once.” I paused, it seemed my mouth had decided on a mixture of both, “But, I guess I’m not just angry. I'm aware there will be a lot I have to sort out, but I’ll do that when I need to.”
She nodded, standing up, pulling on her pants, and shirt, silent. A deep sigh startled me out of my daydream. “Reed, I’m not sure this is a good idea,” she muttered.
“What isn’t?”
“This. Us. Now.”
“Who said?”
“Me. You don’t think so?”
“No, not really. There isn’t a time frame for getting past everything, yours might be longer than mine. Sure, things moved fast but was fine with me. If you’re feeling guilty, you shouldn’t.”
She somehow looked relieved, sitting down on the edge of the bed, rubbing her face with a small smile. “Thank god for that.” She chuckled, “Ah, there's a few things you should know.”
“Aside from tell no one? I’m pretty good at that one.”
“Ha, no, not that. Given we didn’t come back to the dorm today, and they saw us working last night, ah…” She blushed, running her tongue over her bottom lip, hand trembling, nervous.
“They’ll know, anyway?”
She nodded.
“Geez, you do this often?”
Shaking her head, she laughed. “Not this early on, anyway! But, yes, they’ll know. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you. We get to know each other so well in the dorms, you know who’s supposed to be there, and who isn’t. They will have noticed us both missing, not working, and put two and two together.”
I looked down, to hide a smirk, and got dressed. “So, they will think I’m easy then?” Without looking up, sounding as serious as possible.
“Oh… God… no. I… ah…”
I looked up then and giggled. “I’m yanking your chain, Paige. It’s okay. Anyone has an issue, I’ll sort it. Let's go.”
We arrived back to the dorms to a barrage of whistles, jeers and a few slaps on the back. Paige just grinned, saying nothing, heading to her cubicle. So I did the same, lying on the bed grinning to myself.
“You’re looking happy, miss.” A familiar voice murmured from the edge of the cubicle, Ti’s head poking around with a smile.
“I know.” I laughed, as she came and sat on the bed.
“I guess the rumours are true then,” she smirked.
“Are rumours ever?” I winked at her, as Paige shouted from her cubicle not that far away.
“’Course they are. There, it’s out there. Confirmed. Now shut up.” I laughed and shrugged my shoulders at Ti, who punched me in the arm. A cough from the dorm doorway startled all of us into silence. Maddox stood in the door way.
“Members Raeburn, and Taylor - may I speak with you in private?”
I glanced at Paige across the room, who frowned as she left her cubicle.
“Paige, Reed is supposed to be learning the ropes for this week, right?”
Paige nodded.
“And last night?”
More nodding.
“You were sure she was following you even in the call out to Arator?”
Paige swallowed.
“She told me I was supposed to,” I offered, Maddox scowled.
“I was asking Paige. I will get to you.”
Nodding, I assumed a less defensive position in the hallway.
“Are you sure she was following you?”
Paige glanced at me, then looked up and made direct eye contact with Maddox. “I had advised Member Taylor to stay behind me, as I climbed from the vehicle, sir.”
“And did she?” Not breaking eye contact
“No, sir.”
“So, you let an untrained rookie into the field on her own?”
Paige swallowed again, “No, sir. I did not intend to, at least.”
“But you did.”
“I did, sir.”
“And you know why we don’t let untrained rookies out by themselves?”
“I do, sir. I’m sorry.”
“Stand down, Member.”
Paige lowered her gaze, and stepped backwards.
“Member Taylor, did you disobey direct orders last night?”
“No, sir.” I tried.
“Did you stay behind Member Raeburn at all times?”
“No, sir.”
“Then you disobeyed Member Raeburn’s direct orders, did you not?”
I locked eyes with Maddox now. “Perhaps.” I felt Paige cringe beside me, “But, there was a solution to the fight that no one was seeing.”
“Perhaps??! It’s a yes or no question, Member Taylor, and your excuses aren’t worth the breath you wasted on them. Did you or did you not disobey direct orders? Insubordination will not be tolerated.”
“Yes, sir. I disobeyed direct orders.”
“Member Taylor, there are rules for rookies for a reason. That you disobeyed these rules, and a direct superior, calls for punishment. Do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Member Raeburn, a leader must manage their troops at all times, including reprimanding a member for disobedience. You failed in this last night. You will also be punished, do you understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Come. Both of you.” Maddox seemed unreasonably angry, given if he was aware I disobeyed orders, he’d know I got the fight stopped. He almost reminded me of when he found out it was Walker on the train, anger rippling barely concealed beneath the surface. We followed him to a room, in which there was a central area lower than the rest, and told us both to stand in there, but to remove our uniform jackets, and shirts. Standing half naked, we waited for the punishment in the dark. Paige sniffed beside me.
“Reed. I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“No, I am, I disobeyed your orders, it’s my fault we’re here.”
“Yes, I know. I’m sorry for what comes next.”
My hands began to tremble, nervous about what came next. Footfalls somewhere above us, others filling in to witness the punishment, as the lights spluttered on. Maddox stood on a lighted area,
above us.
“Rules are rules, Loyal Ferox. When those rules are broken, punishment is given to those deserving of it. These rules are to keep you safe, and strong. These rules have been broken just last night. A rookie member broke away from the group, disobeying direct orders from her leader, who also could not keep her members in line. Therefore, you are all here to witness punishment taken out upon them.”
Someone shoved me forward, into a wall, and stood off to the side of me as I heard something being dragged across the floor. A quick distressed sounding breath in from Paige almost covered the sound of a whip being readied. I made to move, and the man beside me glared, his hand on a tazer gun. I braced myself as the whipping began. A sob from behind, punctuated by heavy breathing, and grunting as she raised her arms again, let me know they were making Paige do it, trying to whip me into submission. So damn cruel. She continued, trying to stop a few times but being whipped herself to continue. My knees buckled at one point, but I refused to cry out, to give Maddox the satisfaction.
“Member Raeburn, continue,” Maddox boomed.
“No,” she pulled herself up to her full height, “No more. She can barely stand.”
Maddox scowled at the insubordination, and walked away from the lighted area, appearing in the dark doorway of the inner circle. As I glanced over my shoulder, I witnessed him take the whip from Paige, and use it against her twice, before pushing her to a different edge of the circle.
“This. Is. How. You. Do. It.” He grunted between vicious cracks of the whip over my back. I closed my eyes, trying to ward off a memory that would make me drop to my knees. A warm, sticky sensation ran slowly down my back, teasing me with flashes of the shed, of blood running down my back. My knees no longer wished to hold me upright, as I dropped onto them, trying not to vomit with the memories. I could hear Maddox’s boots heading over, nudging me with the handle.
“Get up. It’s your turn now. Punish her.” He dragged me to my feet and turned me to face Paige’s back, shoving the handle of the whip into my hand, and moving my arm to show me how to do it. I blinked at him, until he snarled in my ear, “Do it, or I will excommunicate you from Ferox, this minute.”
I shook my hand and gave it a few test tries. Paige stifled a gasp as the first one hit but clenched her fists with each stroke. I continued until my vision swam, which wasn’t all that long, and Maddox stopped the punishment, sending everyone else back to the dorms, and left us in the circle as he stomped off.
Paige sat, curled up near the wall. I stood still until I could see, then walked over to her, gingerly pulling my shirt back on, holding Paige’s in my other hand.
“Paige?”
She looked up, a darkness swimming in her eyes, serious anger bubbling under the surface.
“I’ll never disobey your orders again.”
She let a tear fall as she shook her head and pulled the shirt on.
“No, you fucking won’t.” She growled, “But that was too much. He never would have done that if it was the guys.”
I frowned, gingerly sitting beside her. “You mean, this punishment isn’t given out to the guys if they disobey the leader?”
“You thought Ferox was different? Because we let girls out in the front line?”
I nodded.
“More fool you. Ferox is no different to any of the other sections, Pius included. Hell, it’s almost worse than Pius.”
“What do you mean it’s worse than Pius?”
“At least in Pius, you know your place, and you’re reminded of it daily. Here, they make you think you can do the same things as the guys, only to punish you more, or treat you differently. The guys would have got a slap on the wrist. Jesus, he made me fucking make you bleed, Reed.”
“And me you, I think. I couldn’t see at the end.” She reached around under her shirt and pulled her hand back with blood stained finger tips.
“Apparently so. See what I mean. Some days I hate it here.”
“Then you can always leave, Member.” A dark voice growled from the hidden doorway, as Maddox stepped out, his face like thunder.
Paige just looked up at him, did not stand on ceremony. I wasn’t sure her legs would hold her, mine wouldn’t.
“We do not keep anyone here that doesn’t wish to be here.”
She glared at him, silent. He paced the floor in front of us, so angry you could almost see the steam coming from his ears. He stopped and glared directly at me.
“Reed, do you know why you are made to follow a senior Ferox for weeks to train?”
“To learn the ropes, and the rules, without making any mistakes that could cost us?” I tried.
“To learn the ropes, yes. But there is more to it than that.” He squatted for a moment, “It’s to keep you safe.”
“Isn’t that our job?” I blurted, before thinking.
“It is. But as a female Ferox, you are at risk when out on patrol on your own, particularly as a rookie. You could have endangered everyone in the team with your stunt yesterday.”
I frowned, I hadn’t asked anyone else to join me.
“How, sir? I didn’t ask anyone to join me, and it got it solved didn’t it?” He scowled,
“It may have this time, but it could have had much more dire consequences. Your excuses for your behaviour will not be tolerated. You risked the lives of your fellow team members by pulling that stunt. And if you can’t understand that, maybe you need further beatings? Or casting out.”
“Again, sir, how?”
That may have been the wrong question to ask, as Paige cringed beside me, and Maddox’s face clouded over further, he moved forward, spittle flying as he spoke, his face inches away from mine.
“You are being deliberately obstructive, Member. Refrain at once. You know the reasons why.”
Paige murmured something he made her repeat. “She doesn’t know, Maddox. She never got told.”
Some of the thunder left his face, then returned when he realised he’d need to tell me.
“The rules are in place for a reason, and they are rules in Ferox because a stunt very similar to the one you pulled yesterday, got several of the Ferox members injured and one Taken and killed. Doing something almost exactly as you did. I WILL NOT have my members risked by the mistakes of a stupid little girl.”
I nodded, watching his face, as he remembered the incident.
“I was fucking there, and I couldn’t keep them in control, they took her. They took her and tortured her for months. Until they dumped her body at our doorstep. THAT is why you WILL obey the rules, or you will leave.” He stood and left the room again.
Paige had been watching me. “His little sister, Reed.”
I gaped at her, shocked “That explains some of it then.”
“He’s harder on the females because of that. It wasn’t her that disobeyed, but another female who is no longer in Ferox.”
“Cast out?”
She shook her head, pointedly staring at her fingers. “Dead.” A single word brought up so many questions, and assumptions, I’d probably never get answers to.
“Jesus.”
Paige’s face remained thoughtful, quietly brooding over something. “I’m not sure that's all of it though,” she muttered, grunting as she pushed herself up into a standing position, swaying slightly, “Come on, we should get back.” She reached out to help me up.
“Paige, I’m sorry. I didn’t listen, and we both ended up hurt. I’m sorry I got you hurt.” She shook her head, “You don’t have to apologise, I saw what you were doing. He’s overlooked that it worked, in favour of the rules. The rules don’t fit everyone.” She paused, thoughtful, “Though, I do have to say one thing. Most Ferox have passed out when he’s in a mood like that, it’s the only way he knows to stop. You didn’t. He probably didn’t like that… but you would have proven yourself to quite a few people in the crowd.” She swayed, looking away, as she started heading back to the dorm, making me attempt to jog to catch up.
We walked slowly back to
the dorm, Paige slipping her hand in mine when we were in darkness, releasing my hand when we got to the well-lit dorm. The others watched us walk to our respective beds, silent or quietly talking to each other, eyes on the two of us. Once they had seen us safely to our beds, they went back to talking amongst themselves. I sat on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out how to get my shirt off without too much pain.
“Reed?” a quiet voice asked from the hallway, “Can you give me a hand?”
Getting to my feet, shaking with effort, I wandered out of my cubicle to find Paige in the same predicament. I grimaced and followed her back to her cubicle.
“This might hurt,” as I gently took the back of her shirt and lifted it up to her shoulders as she sat backwards on a chair, “Fuck.” I hissed through my teeth, as I managed to get it over her head, and off her arms, her back fully exposed. Red welts, broken skin. I wanted to touch it, to magic it all away, as a tear rolled down my face. Another member had quietly arrived beside me, holding out gauze and saline and pointing to some dressings she had placed on the bed.
“For you too, Reed,” she murmured as she turned to leave. I opened the packages and broke open a tube vial of saline.
“Paige, this will sting. I’m so sorry.”
She nodded, and turned to me, with her belt between her teeth and a sad smile. “Nothing new.” She muttered around the belt.
I started to clean the wounds gently as she hissed with pain. Dressings over the open wounds, I helped her put a new shirt on before she turned to me. “It’ll be stuck to you now, Reed, let me take it off. Sit.”
I did as I was told, grunting with pain as she peeled my shirt off my back. A couple of sniffing noises from Paige, before she started to clean my wounds, being extremely gentle. Almost too gentle. I made to try to ask her to be less gentle when it hit me like a punch to the face.
