“Seriously. It’s been ages. Any chance of you lending out the boy if I don’t get lucky?”
“It’s not really up to me.” I sound blasé, but we both know I don’t mean it.
Amelia looks me over. “No way. Your bang-bang shoes alone will have him wrapped around your finger.”
I look at the shoes in my hand. Black patent leather. Spiky three-inch heels. My prom shoes. They’re the only thing of mine I’m wearing. The short black skirt and silver halter are compliments of Amelia. I tried on at least half her closet before she pronounced me ready for Roppongi. I’m taking her word for it since I’ve never been, but I’m not sure I won’t be trying to pull my skirt lower all night. It looks more like a Band-Aid, although Amelia insists it’s on the long side for the club we’re going to.
“Finn’s not a wrap-around-your-finger type of guy. Bang-bang shoes or not.”
“You don’t think so?” Amelia’s putting on lipstick now, which means she’s almost ready, thank God.
“Um, no.”
“I’ll bet you a shot he doesn’t take his hands off you the whole way there.” She meets my eyes in the mirror, waiting for me to agree.
“I don’t do shots, so no. Besides, it’s just not how he is.”
Amelia turns around now. “No. He’s not. Not in real life anyway.”
I hate that phrase, especially in relation to Finn. “Right. The events here are fictional. Any relation to actual people or places is purely coincidental.”
“Don’t get all pissy. You’re just not his type. And vice versa.”
“I don’t have a type. I’ve barely even had a boyfriend before,” I say.
“Exactly. And he does not go out with the virgin queen. That’s for sure.”
No. He doesn’t. But it’s been three weeks since Kamakura and we’ve spent every day together. Truth be told, we’ve spent most of our six weeks in Tokyo together, although the first three were definitely less intimate.
When Finn asked what happened between me and Dad that night after he left, I told him that we reached an understanding, which is technically true. I understand Dad would rather not acknowledge that Finn and I are dating, so I don’t bring it up unless he does.
“Hey, that’s not exactly fair. Or accurate.” I stick my tongue out at her in the mirror.
“Semantics. Either way, you know I’m jealous as hell.” She grins at me and picks up her bag. “Just don’t try to tell me you don’t have him right where you want him.”
“He will be right where I want him if we ever leave this room.” I stand up and open the door. “Seriously, you look great. Let’s go.”
After Amelia brushes mascara over her lashes one more time, we finally walk out the door and pile onto the elevator with five other girls, all heading out for the evening. The company dorm is a weird concept to me—working together, living together, even bathing together. It all just seems like too much…together. And the rules. Midnight curfew on weekdays. No men allowed upstairs ever. Check in and out via an antiquated wooden board. But, as Dad explained, it’s the only way most young people can afford to come to the cities to work, especially with housing so expensive, and Amelia doesn’t seem to mind. It’s not so different from college, she’s said, and like all rules, the degrees to which they’re followed vary.
A girl on the elevator asks us where we’re going tonight, and when we tell her Roppongi, she and her friends giggle. They’re going there, too.
“It’s best place to meet gaijin boys, no?” the girl asks.
“She has a boyfriend. She doesn’t care,” says Amelia.
A couple of the girls make that weird cooing noise Japanese girls make when they like something, and I try to catch Amelia’s eye in the mirror. She hates that. Says it reminds her of fourth grade. She’s not looking at me though, and the doors slide open in front of us, taking the mirror with them. We pile into the lobby, putting slippers into their boxes and sliding on our shoes. Everyone waits a turn to check out and bid Fujito-san, the dorm mother, goodnight, and we’re finally in the public reception area.
There are actually a lot of men waiting, smoking cigarettes, reading newspapers. Finn and Akihiro are looking at something on one of their phones and don’t see us come out at first, but the chatter of all the girls flooding into the reception area gets their attention and I’m still about seven steps from Finn when he looks up.
I wish I could capture the look on his face. Remember it on days when I feel like absolute crap. Because he doesn’t see anyone else. And his smile is beautiful. There’s no other word for it. He stands up and extends his arm to put it around my waist, pulling me into him even though I’ve got two steps to go and stumble a little.
“Jesus. Look at you,” he says.
My smile is so wide my face might crack. “And likewise.” He’s wearing dark jeans and a lavender buttondown with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and he looks like the guy in those Cool Water ads before Josh Holloway started doing them. Not that anyone remembers that guy anymore, but I do because Mom used to love him. For a while there was a billboard of him in Times Square and she’d make us detour by there on our way to Penn Station whenever we were in the city so she could ogle him in all his forty-foot glory.
Finn runs his finger along the back of my halter between the fabric and my skin. “Yours?”
“Amelia’s. But the bang-bang shoes are mine.” I lift up one of my heels to show him.
“That’s what they’re calling them now? They look like fuck-me heels to me.”
“You want to?” I say. “Amelia bet me a shot you’re all over me in these shoes.”
Finn raises his eyebrows. “The shoes have nothing to do with it.”
“What’s up with that?” I try to sound sarcastic because I don’t usually ask. He likes me. I know that. Damn Amelia’s voice in my head.
Speak of the devil. He doesn’t answer before her arm winds around my shoulder. “See, it’s started already.”
“Stop it.” I turn to Finn. “She wants to know if she can borrow you if she doesn’t hook up tonight.”
“Hey, what’s wrong with me?” Akihiro asks. There’s never been a single thing between him and Amelia, but he looks hurt.
“Are you serious?” Amelia says. Which does nothing for the look on Akihiro’s face.
“Why not?” He sounds annoyed now more than anything.
Amelia raises her eyebrows. “Okay, fine. Kiss me then.”
“What?” asks Akihiro.
She repeats the words again like English is his second language. He looks uncertain but he does it. Right there in the lobby amidst the small crowd caught between coming and going, he kisses her. Even I can tell it’s not bad, since it lasts a good twenty seconds.
Amelia’s definitely a little flushed when Akihiro backs away, but she licks her lips and turns to Finn. “Okay, your turn.”
What?
“My turn?” Finn asks.
“Yeah. Compare and contrast.”
What the fuck? I know Amelia thinks she’s doing me a favor, proving Finn is only interested in me, but it feels like some kind of test. For both of us.
Finn looks at her. Like, really looks at her. Then he purses his lips a little and says, “No.”
“No? What do you mean no?” says Amelia.
“Just…no.” His voice hasn’t changed, and his arm still circles my waist. I have an instant flashback to Kathy Johnson. Kathy had been embarrassed. Amelia, however, laughs.
“Damn. Okay.” She links her arm through Akihiro’s. “Let’s go then.”
The girls from the elevator have been watching us, and I get the feeling they’ve understood plenty about what just happened. I’m not sure I understand it myself, but from the way they’re looking at us, it seems like they’re expecting something more and maybe I am, too. But Amelia and Akihiro head out the door and Finn follows, so maybe not.
We end up far enough away from them on the train that I can bring it up without them overhearing. “I thi
nk Amelia was a little surprised you wouldn’t kiss her.”
“No, she wasn’t. Besides, why would I? I thought we weren’t hooking up. Wasn’t that the deal?” The way he says this makes me squirm, like I was the one she propositioned.
So I stammer. “I…yeah. I mean, I wasn’t suggesting that. I just thought maybe you’d kiss her.”
He takes a step back and looks at me. “If the rules have changed, you should let me know.”
I squeeze my toes together inside my shoes, but he can’t see that, thank God. My voice comes out cool. “Nope. Not that I know of.”
“So why would you want me to kiss your friend?”
“I wouldn’t.”
“Exactly.” He steps closer, and I feel the heat of his body, even though he’s not touching me. “Answer your question?”
I put my arm around his neck and pull him to me. With my heels on, we’re nearly the same height, and I kiss him. Full on. When I back away, I ask, “Answer yours?”
“No.” But he smiles as he says it and Amelia’s right. Aside from that minute, his hand doesn’t leave my back or my arm or, when the train brakes hard, my butt, the whole way to Roppongi.
When we pile out of the station with everyone else on the train and finally catch up with Amelia and Akihiro outside the club, I can’t help noticing they’re awfully close.
“What do you think? Are they going to hook up?” I murmur to Finn.
He shakes his head. “She’s dressed to kill and, let’s face it, Akihiro’s a scrawny Japanese guy who’s way too geeky for his own good. She’s out of his league, and she can do better.”
“Wow. Harsh. I thought you guys were friends.”
“We are, but she can.” He says this so matter-of-factly it irritates me.
“Well, so can you.” I’m not fishing for compliments. I really mean it just as a statement.
“And so can you.”
Even though I wasn’t fishing, I’m annoyed he didn’t deny it. I edge up to Amelia, and the bouncer at the door sees us and gestures us in, leaving Finn and Akihiro waiting outside. She hardly looks around, just heads straight to the bar and orders two shots.
“What are you doing?” I yell in her ear. The music is so loud I might never hear properly again. Seriously. The lights are pulsing yellow, green, and red, and the line at the bar is already forming behind us.
“You owe me a shot,” Amelia yells back.
“I said I wasn’t doing that.”
The bartender puts two shot glasses of beige-ish liquid on the bar and drums her fingers, waiting for us to pay. I don’t even want the shot, but I dig in my wallet for money and both of us put bills on the counter that the bartender whisks away. Amelia picks her glass up and looks at me.
“Come on. I won.”
“I told you I wasn’t taking that bet.” The one where Finn couldn’t take his hands off me. Even though he can apparently do better.
The thought annoys me all over again. We don’t talk about his ex-girlfriends much. I know he has them, but I don’t know how many and I don’t know how serious they were. Mindy thinks it’s weird I don’t want to know, but I can’t imagine it would help in any way. Kind of like with Mom’s cancer. When she first found out, she was obsessed with trying to figure out how and why she got it. She spent hours on the Internet, with doctors, even with quacks in Chinatown, but none of them could tell her what might have caused it and they all agreed on one thing: knowing wouldn’t matter. It wasn’t like you could go back and do things differently.
“Come on. It’ll be good for you. Loosen you up.” Amelia’s still waiting with her glass poised.
I pick mine up by the sticky edges. “What is this anyway?”
“A screaming orgasm. I thought it was appropriate.” Amelia clinks her glass against mine. “Kampai.”
“Kampai.” I clink back against my better judgment and drink it. It’s good. Creamy with a hint of coffee. I put the shot glass down on the bar as Finn and Akihiro join us.
“What are you doing?” Finn asks.
“A shot,” I answer, like I do them all the time.
But he knows better and raises his eyebrows at me. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes, thanks, Dad. Do you want something?” I hear my snippy tone, but I can’t stop it.
“I’ll get a beer.” He says something to Akihiro and spends approximately two seconds at the bar before the bartender comes up and takes his order. How curt she was with me and Amelia is how friendly she is to Finn, laughing and swinging her long dark hair. He smiles at her, leans in close so she can hear. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, but my gut tightens another notch and I sidle up next to him, my mouth close to his ear.
“Will you get me a drink?” The bartender looks at me this time and her eyes go from me to Finn and back again. The look on her face is clear. He can do better, and she has someone in mind.
“Coke?” he asks.
“How about rum and Coke?”
He looks like he’s going to say something about that, but he doesn’t, just turns back to the bartender to order. He hands me the drink with a wary look that seems to grow as the evening progresses. Because I don’t want him to ask, I stick close to Amelia, although I tell myself it’s just that he’s not dancing and she is.
We squeeze off the dance floor and are waiting for yet another drink when she says, “I think I’m going to hook up with Akihiro tonight.”
“Really?” They’ve hardly spoken since we arrived. He’s been hanging with Finn somewhere while Amelia and I have kept to the dance floor.
She looks around. “There aren’t really any better prospects and it’s been so goddamn long.”
“How does he feel about that?”
“Well, I just have to work it, don’t I? And then he’ll think it’s all his idea anyway.” She grins at me.
I laugh. “Right.”
“You don’t have any condoms on you, do you?” she asks.
“Um, no. Sorry.” Not that I have any need for them.
“They probably sell them in the ladies. I’ll go and get some in a minute.”
“Where are you going to go?” I ask. Amelia’s not allowed to have guys in her room, and I’m pretty sure Akihiro’s grandmother would take exception at a houseguest.
“Oh, hell, I don’t care. Love hotel. A dark corner. Does it matter?”
I’m not a prude. At all. Finn and I fool around plenty, even though we aren’t officially doing the deed, and I’d definitely consider a dark corner if the opportunity came up. Still, I can’t imagine the situation in reverse, me asking Amelia if she’s got a condom I could have.
“I guess not,” I answer.
“I should probably go find him if I’m going to make this happen. You coming?” she asks.
I nod and follow, weaving through the swaying bodies on the edge of the dance floor. It’s been over an hour since I’ve last seen Finn, and when I can’t find him, I wonder if he’s gone. I’m looking off to the left when Amelia yanks me to the right and I nearly smack into him, stopping just short. She goes and puts her hand on Akihiro’s arm, leaving me looking at Finn’s chest.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi.”
“Having fun?” I ask.
“What’s going on, Zosia?”
I look up at him. It’s impossible to hear his tone with the music, but he doesn’t look mad. Uncertain, but not mad. “Nothing.”
“Really?”
“Really.” I look down at my shoes and tilt back on my heel.
Finn takes my wrist, leading me away from the bar through a maze of tables I haven’t even seen yet, back to a wall of doors, one of which he pushes open and locks behind us. It’s a bathroom. One of those black marble bathrooms you see in swanky clubs that’s so dark you wonder how people even find the toilet once they’re inside. The only light is coming from three white candles along a ledge jutting out from the wall.
I jerk my hand away and back into the sink. “What are you doing? Why are
we in the bathroom?”
“What’s going on with you?”
“I told you. Nothing.”
“You haven’t talked to me since we got here. And you’re drunk.”
I would argue I’m not, but what I say next would just prove me a liar. “You don’t go out with girls like me. Even without all the shit from my dad. So why are you?”
“What’s this about, Zosia?” The candlelight flickering over his face doesn’t give me a good read on him, but his tone is careful.
“You didn’t answer my question. Finn.” My tone, on the other hand, is confrontational. One hundred percent.
“I like you. I think that’s fairly obvious.” Now his voice is hard.
“You can do better. You said it yourself…”
He cuts me off. “When?”
“Out front. When we got here. We were talking about Amelia. Who, by the way, is asking me for condoms because she wants to hook up with Akihiro.”
He ignores my I-told-you-so tone. “I’m sure I didn’t say I could do better.”
“You did, but that’s not the point.” Even though that’s the thing that annoyed me to begin with. “I asked you why you’re going out with me.”
“And I told you. Because I like you. Is there something else you want me to say?”
“Not if that sums it up.”
“It doesn’t sum it up.” He spits out the words. “I have a long history of bad choices.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“But you’re not one of them.” He takes half a step closer. “Are we done with this?”
“Sure.” I don’t mean it. I cross my arms over my chest and refuse to look at him, which is too bad because I think he was going to kiss me and that might have helped.
Instead he gets frustrated. “Jesus, Zosia.”
“I’m not your type, Finn. I know I’m not. Even the bartender can see that.” My voice is heated.
His is even but cold by comparison. “Fine. You’re not. Is that what you want me to say?”
No. Nonononono.
He continues, “My type are girls who want nothing from me. You want everything.”
If he’d said it differently, I could maybe take that as a compliment. As it is, it makes me feel harsh and demanding. “Sorry. My mistake.”
Swimming to Tokyo Page 17
