He wore me out. I don’t know if the idea of being caught scared the shit out of me, but every thrust seemed to feel so much more pleasurable than normal. It was exhilarating and the hottest damn thing I’ve ever done in my life.
I sit with my back to him on the four-wheeler with his arms wrapped around my waist. This is too perfect and the fact that all this is coming quickly to an end, has me feeling sad. I close my eyes and let out a sigh. I don’t realize I did it until Beau kisses me behind my ear. “You okay?”
“Yeah Beau, I’m good. It’s beautiful out here.”
“You make it even better. Shay, I want to tell you something. I know this doesn’t change things, hell I wish it could, but I still can’t let this go unsaid.”
I turn around to look at him wondering what he is trying to say. He looks nervous as hell sitting there and when our eyes lock, he runs his hands over his hair. “What is it Beau?”
Big mouth Shay has to open her mouth about everything. It’s just me, it’s who I am and what I do. He gazes into my eyes and it hits me in the pit of my stomach. I know exactly what’s going on and I so badly want to freeze time to stop this moment, but I can’t and it’s going to forever alter everything. I’m not ready for this to happen, I’m not ready to ruin this yet. It wasn’t supposed to be ruined until I left to go back home.
“Shay, I’m in love with you.” He says with hope in his eyes. Hope, the one thing I crush on a daily basis. I never wanted to have to do this to him. Could I love Beau Granger? I so could love him in the perfect world where we live in the same city, but to live states away? I couldn’t put myself or him through that.
“Beau, stop.” I stammer out the best I can.
“Shay, don’t tell me you don’t feel it too, I know you do. We can make something work I know we can.”
“Beau, please listen to me. This wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I live in Missouri and I’m happy there. This was supposed to just be summer fun, and I don’t know what happened.” I whisper. Fuck, I love Beau Granger. Someone call the press and print this first thing, Shayleigh Dougherty has fallen in love.
“You do feel it, I know you do. Shay, please give us a chance.” He pleads with me. He’s so damn sexy doing it and I wish I could fall at his feet and tell him everything would be more than perfect and we could do this, but we can’t.
“Beau, I do feel it. For the first damn time in my life, I feel it. This with you,” I say pointing at him. “is the best damn thing I’ve ever experienced and I’ll never forget you, but you know this won’t work. Long distance doesn’t work.”
He lets out a frustrated sigh. “I’ve been waiting to tell you exactly how I feel and when I finally do, you shut me down.”
“Beau, I’m so sorry.” For the first time in my life, I am sorry. For the first time, I’m feeling like absolute shit for shutting him down. I never thought I’d have to break his heart to begin with anyway.
“This is unbelievable.” He says as he places his head in his hands. He has no idea the guilt I’m feeling right now. This is suddenly the most awkward position I’ve ever been in and if I had magical powers, I’d make myself disappear. “You ready to go back to the party?”
All I can do is nod my head yes. I don’t just want to go back to the party, I want to go lock myself in a room or better yet, drive back to Sienna’s.
Chapter 13
The ride back to the party is completely awkward. When Beau parks the four-wheeler, all he does is give me a sad look before walking away. He won’t talk to me, great. The thought to walk up and grab something to drink crosses my mind, but I want more than nothing to just get out of here. Being around here does nothing but make me want to crawl into a corner. He is so damn sexy and sweet, any girl would be lucky to have him love her. If I lived here, I would love him with everything I have inside me. I knew this was going to end in disaster and it’s all my fault.
Sienna is dancing around having the time of her life. Her face falls when she sees mine. I didn’t realize I had begun crying until she wrapped her arms around my neck and asked if everything was alright. “Shay, what happened?”
“He, he loves me but I, I can’t.” she squeezes me tighter not letting me go. “I just want to go back to your place.”
She finally pulls away and looks into my eyes. “Let’s go then. Here’s my keys.” She says handing them over to me. “Let me tell Rob bye and we’re out of here.”
This is why I love my best friend. She’s putting an end to her absolutely perfect night to take her sulking best friend back home. I climb into the car and wait for her to come get in. Of course, the only person I see walk in front of the headlights is Beau and his eyes lock with mine. He stares for a moment before he decides to walk over towards the car. Where the hell is Sienna when I need her? My eyes land on her and Rob kissing. Looks like she’ll be another minute or so.
Beau stops in front of the window and I close my eyes as I roll the window down. “Shay, why are you leaving?”
“This is the best thing right now Beau. After this summer, you will thank me for this.” He tries to speak but I continue, “I think it’s best if maybe we don’t see each other for the rest of the time I’m down here. It’ll only make things harder.”
He stomps his foot on the gravel and lets out another sigh. “Shay, stop please. I can’t not see you for the rest of the summer. I won’t say anything else about it, I swear. Just please don’t go.”
Sienna comes walking up, finally and sits in the passenger seat. “You ready Shay? I’m tired.”
She’s nowhere near tired, but faked a yawn and I give Beau a sympathetic look. “I’ll catch you later Beau.” Before he can say anything else, I drive away.
***
The next morning, Sienna is sitting bright eyed and bushy tailed at the table drinking a cup of coffee. I didn’t sleep worth a shit. Me breaking Beau’s heart meant Beau getting drunk and texting my phone all night long. He doesn’t see that what I did was for the best. I wanted to answer his texts, but I can’t. This summer with him has been far more amazing than I could have ever dreamed. I want to stay and finish the rest of my time here, but it suddenly seems impossible.
“Good morning gorgeous.” She smiles at me.
“Hey,” I mutter back.
“How’d you sleep?”
“Like shit. Beau blew my phone up all night long.”
“I didn’t know he was going to do that to you. I had no clue how he felt.” She says sympathetically.
“I had a feeling Sienna. I had that feeling because I felt it too, but it would never work. I tried to tell him that.”
“I’m so sorry Shay. What do you say we just hang out here the rest of the summer?” she offers. Her offer is sweet and sounds amazing but deep down, I know what I have to do. It’s time to go home.
“That sounds great Sienna, but I think it’s time for me to leave. I know this is sooner than planned, and I’m sorry, but I have a lot of stuff to do before the semester.” She begins pouting and I give her a half smile. “I’m so sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”
“Fine, I understand. Are you going to tell Beau you’re leaving?” she asks.
I shake my head no firmly. “No, I’m just going to leave.”
“This sucks.” She says. “I finally got you here and it’s time for you to go.”
“I know, this has been the best summer ever. I’m so glad you asked me to come down.”
“When are you heading home?”
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath This decision isn’t an easy one and if I thought my heart was hurting before, it’s damn near broken right now. “Today. I’m about to pack my stuff and leave before he can realize I’m gone.”
I turn to walk back towards the room that I’ve stayed in all summer. I grab my suitcase from the closet and begin to pack everything I brought back inside. I see the black lace bra and can’t help but feel the swarm of butterflies that invade. I push them back as I continue packing. Once I’m su
re I have everything, I double check and look up to see Sienna standing in the doorway.
“I wish you weren’t going. We should still have a few weeks left.”
“I know. This is going to help keep things from being awkward. I’m sure he’ll move on with his life soon anyway, I mean he is God.” I say with a forced smile. Truth is, I hope he never forgets about me and I hope he has hell moving on because I know I will. Beau Granger is forever etched into my heart, body and soul.
I grab my suitcase by the handle and drag it towards the door. Sienna follows and opens the front door for me. The morning heat hits my face and I have to squint to see. The sun is so damn bright. I pop the trunk and set the suitcase where it sat right before I ever got here. I turn to face Sienna and she has silent tears running down her face.
“I’m so glad you came to see me Shay. Next time, I’m coming to see you. We’re going to keep this up, do you hear me?”
I pull her in for a hug, holding her tightly. “Yeah, we are keeping this up. I’m not going that long without seeing you ever again. Tell him I’m sorry, will you?” I ask her.
“You know I will. I love you Shay.”
“I love you too, Sienna. Thank you for everything this summer.”
“Let me know when you get home?”
“You know it. I have a long drive, so I better get on the road now.” I tell her wishing it wasn’t true.
We finally break the hug and I know if I don’t get into the car now, I won’t be leaving today. As I sit inside my car, I wave to Sienna and blow her a kiss. I’m going to miss the hell out of her, I know it already.
I back out of the driveway and begin the long drive home. This time, I’m consumed with thoughts of Beau and the memories we made over this short period of time. Three hours up the road, there are no messages from Beau. I think he’s finally understanding this is for the best. I grab my phone and call Dad. I haven’t heard from him in a while and now I can’t wait to see him. He’s shocked when I tell him that I’m on my way home. He doesn’t ask questions and I don’t say anything. I just tell him I’ll see him when I get home. Home, that is the only place I want to be now.
Chapter 14
A year has passed since that summer. Sienna told me Beau was pissed when he found out that I left without saying anything to him. I don’t blame him. I would have been pissed too. He was so pissed, I haven’t heard a single thing from him. It hurts like hell to not hear from him, but I expected this. I knew when I shut him down, this would happen. It’s never hurt like this, but then I’ve never loved anyone like I love Beau Granger. He consumes my thoughts, every minute of every day. I don’t know that I’ll ever get him out of my mind, but dammit, I don’t regret a single moment I spent down in Louisiana.
I have everything I need for this upcoming semester ready to go. I’ve thrown myself into keeping busy by buying stuff for school or the house and also cleaning. Dad gives me funny looks most of the time, but still never asks any questions. I know I can go to him with anything and everything, but since this happened last year in Louisiana, I don’t deem it something to worry him with.
My phone rings and I jump to see who it is. I set the pile of clothes in my hand on the bed and smile when I see Sienna’s name. “Hey Sienna,” I answer.
“Hey Shay, what’s going on?” she asks.
“Just cleaning and folding clothes. I swear I think I’m going to go into the maid business soon.” I laugh.
“You’re still cleaning like crazy?.”
“Yes, I’m still cleaning. I’m trying to get everything I need done before Wyatt comes to pick me up.”
“You’re still seeing him? Wow, I’m surprised.” She snorts. “I just wanted to call and check on you. I miss the hell out of you.”
“Yes, I’m still seeing him. He’s a nice guy, Sienna. I miss you too.”
We talk for a few more minutes before hanging up the phone. Dad should be home soon and I want to have all the clothes put up. The dishes were done hours ago and I’m running out of busy work. This isn’t good. Memories of Beau always pop up in my head when the busy work runs out. His eyes, lips, and oh god his touch. Those memories like to pop back up after a year and it drives me completely insane. Knowing I’ll never be affected by a single touch again just kills me. He was it for me and I let him go. I learned last summer that dirt roads were for more than just riding along, they were for falling in love. Beau Granger taught me all about love. That dirt road changed my life.
Wyatt Perry is a good guy though. I’ve been seeing him for four months and he makes me happy, or at least that’s what I’m attempting to convince myself. Truth is, I compare him to Beau when I shouldn’t.
I toss my phone back onto the bed and hear it ding. My heart begins racing when I see Beau’s name on my phone. I haven’t seen his name in a year and to see it now, it has my heart cutting flips and my breathing is erratic. It’s just a text message and I want to see what it says but I don’t wants to seem desperate to open it. Sitting on the bed, I stare at the phone closely and count to ten before picking it up.
His name on my phone sends chills throughout my body. I tap the message and feel a slow smile instantly spread across my face as I read.
Beau: There hasn’t been a single moment since that summer that I haven’t thought about you. I know I’ve been distant, but I just wanted to see how you were doing.
His message evokes all of those memories inside and I want to answer, but I’m not sure what to say. What do you say to something like that? Sorry for falling in love with you but not being able to admit it? Sorry for leaving you hanging without a single goodbye? I don’t think anything I could ever tell him would be able to justify any of that. I decide not to answer and try to find more busy work to do. It wouldn’t be fair to Wyatt for me to answer it.
Thirty minutes pass and I have the bathroom practically squeaky clean. I could eat off the toilet seat, not that I want to. That’s just how clean it is. I hear the door open and Dad calls my name. “Hey Shayleigh, I’m home.”
“Hey Dad, I’m just finishing up some cleaning.” I place the cleaning spray underneath the bathroom sink and stand up to admire my work.
Dad comes into meet me and stares at my latest conquest. He shakes his head laughing before stopping and patting the pockets in his pants. “I think I left my phone in the car, do you mind going to get it for me? I have a client that’s supposed to call me back. I can’t believe I took it out of my pocket.”
I look at him a little funny. It’s not like him to ask me something completely off the wall like this when he could just go get it himself. I’m a little baffled. “Uh, yeah I can do that. Let me wash my hands. How was work?”
“Oh, same as every other day. I’d ask how your day was, but I can clearly see. The house looks good, Shayleigh.”
“Thanks Dad. I’m just killing time before the semester starts. You know it’ll be tough on me when I’m back into the swing of things.” I tell him as I dry my hands on my shorts.
He pats me on the shoulder and smiles. “I know, but I’m so proud of you.”
I smile back as I remember he asked me to get his phone. “I’ll be right back with your phone Dad.” I tell him as I turn to walk into the kitchen.
I’m humming one of my favorite Justin Moore songs. Funny how this was the song Beau and I danced to a year ago, I wish I could just learn to let that go. I’m still humming along really getting into it as I open the front door. My heart stops and I have to blink, there is no way I’m seeing this right now. I think I’ve officially lost my mind or I’ve been inhaling too many cleaning products. No way in hell is Beau Granger standing in front of me.
Chapter 15
One Year Later
Beau
Two months ago, I moved abruptly from my comfort zone in Lake Charles, Louisiana to Springfield, Missouri. Why would I make such a sudden move? I did it for her. I let her walk out of my life without fighting like I should have. My gut twists now just thinking of how easily
I let her slip through my hands. When she wouldn’t answer my phone calls or texts, I knew something had to be done. Life as I knew it would never be the same again. She wrecked me and I’d let her do it again if it meant I could hold her in my arms one more time. That is why I’m in here now.
Shay’s best friend, Sienna, helped immensely with this whole move. She gave me Shay’s address and I admit, I felt like a creeper the first time I drove past her house. Knowing she was merely a few feet from me made my heart pound relentlessly against my chest. I have to see her, but not yet.
Sienna’s last phone call was a few days ago and I decide it’s time. I can’t live my life in the shadows, lurking around and watching her every move. I need to see her and see if she still feels what she said she did for me last year. Just seeing her from a distance awakens all those feelings and without a shadow of a doubt, I know I still feel all those things.
I park my truck in front of her driveway and let out the breath I’ve been holding. It’s now or never. My feet touch the ground and begin moving forward all on their own. I know what I want and I’m here to get it.
“Can I help you, son?” My eyes look over to see an older man approaching me. There’s no doubt this is Shay’s dad. They are spitting images of each other.
“Yes sir, my name is Beau Granger.” I say extending my hand to him. He takes my hand in giving it a firm shake. His lips curl up into a smile as he tells me it’s nice to meet me. “I’m a friend of Shay’s from Louisiana and I was wondering if she was home.”
He looks me up and down. He looks at me the way you would expect a father to look at the guy interested in his daughter. “She’s here. Would you like to come inside?” he offers.
Panic hits me for a second. She has no clue I’m even here, so I don’t want to startle her by just walking into her house. Standing outside doesn’t make it any better, but this feels safer. “No sir, she isn’t expecting me and I don’t want to barge in. I’ll wait out here if that’s ok with you.”
Dirt Road Summer Page 6
