“I’m so glad, and it was my pleasure. Thankfully Harlowe wasn’t too cranky today. I think she’s cutting a tooth.”
“Oh no, she was a perfect angel. If she was cranky I didn’t notice at all because she’s such a sweet precious baby,” I answered as I watched Beau holding Harlowe, who was resting her little head on his chest. I smiled as I watched my friend carrying his sleeping baby girl in his arms and my heart warmed at the sight. I was so glad that he’d finally had the family he’d always deserved.
“Yeah, she’s sweet and precious when Beau’s in the room,” Danni laughed. “I know my little girl loves me but I’m number two when Daddy’s around. It’s okay though, it’s impossible not to love the man.”
“Very true,” I answered, winking at Beau when he glanced at me. “Are you sure that you don’t want me to stay and help you clean up?”
“Are you serious? No way am I letting you lift a finger, Jessie. You’re super pregnant and need to let Kris get you home and in bed.”
I stifled a yawn. “Well I would argue with you, but I am feeling a little tired. Sleep sounds amazing right about now.”
Kris came back inside the house at that moment and walked right to me. Placing his large hands on my belly, he said, “Okay the car is all packed. Are you ready to head home, beautiful?”
I nodded at him. “Yeah, I’m ready. I’m pretty wiped out.”
Everleigh came into the room holding Max and said, “Get all the rest you can now because that little one will be here soon and sleep will soon be a distant and fond memory.”
Laughing, I answered, “I can’t wait for that. I’ve waited to have a baby keep me up for so long.”
“Well you’re almost there,” she answered and hugged me. “Get some sleep and call if you need anything, okay? Whatever you need, you call and between Danni, Sadie, the guys, and myself it’ll get done.”
“Thank you Evie,” I replied and kissed her cheek before she released me. “I appreciate that. Thank you all for today, it was wonderful. Good night to you too buddy,” I said to Max and blew him a kiss. “You be good for Mommy and Daddy, okay?” Max smiled and made little spit bubbles in his mouth and I chuckled.
I said my goodbyes to everyone before Kris and I walked out the front door and to the car. After making the short drive back to our house, he quickly led me inside and straight to our bedroom.
“Lay down and put your feet up,” he ordered as he grabbed a throw blanket from the closet and unfolded it. As soon as I was lying on the bed he covered me with the blanket and started adjusting my pillows. “Is there anything you need before you get some rest?”
I chuckled at him and replied, “No, Kris, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Are you sure? I just want you to be comfortable and get as much sleep as you can,” he said as he continued to fuss with my pillows.
I grabbed his wrist and placed a hand on his scratchy cheek. “Baby, I’m fine. Wake me up in a few hours, okay?”
He leaned down and kissed my lips sweetly. “Okay. I’m going to bring the gifts inside and get them set up in the baby’s room. If you need anything you just yell and I’m here.”
“I’ll be fine. Thanks,” I said, kissing him back before yawning. “Love you.”
He reverently rubbed my belly and gave it a kiss before saying, “Love you too,” and leaving me to take a nap.
When I woke up, I felt groggy before I’d even opened my eyes. I tried to stretch my legs but they were too stiff from lying in the same position for so long. I opened my eyes to look around and the room was pitch black. Kris was sleeping next to me and it was as dark as midnight. I looked at the digital clock on Kris’ side of the bed and the time read eleven-thirty. I blinked in surprise; I’d been asleep for more than seven hours.
I looked at Kris sleeping soundly next to me and noticed he was still in the same clothes he’d worn all day long. He must have been so exhausted because he hadn’t even taken off his shoes. Poor guy, I thought to myself. I reached out and stroked his cheek and sighed in contentment. God I loved this man.
As I tried to turn to my side, I gasped as I felt a sudden gush of liquid burst from me and my eyes went wide. After taking a few deep breaths, I reached out to flick the lamp on and slowly sat up on the bed. I didn’t want to freak Kris out if it was just a false alarm so I slowly stumbled to the bathroom so I could check things out.
Once I made it to the toilet, I pulled up my dress and lowered my panties before I sat down. As they fell to the floor, I looked down and saw they were soaking wet and tinged with a small amount of blood. I remembered Dr. Mitchell telling me to look for these signs and instead of being scared or nervous, my excitement and adrenaline took over and I knew that I needed to get ready to go to the hospital. After I took a quick (well, as quick as I could have) shower and I got dressed, I slowly walked into the bedroom to wake Kris up. He looked so exhausted and I hated to wake him, but I was sure that my water had broken and there was no time to try to ease into labor at home; I had to get to the hospital soon.
I walked to his side of the bed and gently shook him. “Kris? Kris, wake up.”
He immediately jolted awake and turned to face me. “Jess? Everything okay?” he asked groggily.
I smiled and nodded slightly. “I’m pretty sure my water just broke.”
His eyes widened to the size of quarters and his face went completely pale. “Fuck! Okay, I’m up,” he said, jumping up off the bed and frantically grabbing my hospital bag and the fully stocked diaper bag that was waiting by the bedroom door. He was running around and gathering things up with a dazed look on his face and I bit my lip to keep from laughing. He looked so cute in his half-crazed state.
I leaned against the bed and sat my bottom on the very edge of the mattress. “Kris?”
His eyes snapped to mine and he crossed the room in just a few steps. “Are you all right? Are you in any pain?”
I placed my hand on his cheek and answered, “No, Kris, I’m not in any pain yet. I feel okay.”
“Is there anything you need?”
“Yeah, I kind of need you to take me to the hospital.”
Kris’ eyes glinted as he smiled at me. “Right,” he laughed. “Okay, let’s go have a baby.”
I leaned in and kissed his lips, lingering a little longer than I meant to. He helped me off the bed and after he grabbed the bags we locked up the house and made our way to the hospital to finally meet the child we so desperately hoped for.
“Did you call everyone yet?” I asked Kris as he walked back into my room carrying a pitcher of ice water. I grimaced slightly as the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. It had been three hours since I’d arrived and my contractions were definitely intensifying. Once I arrived at the hospital and checked in, I was quickly examined and checked into a room. After about two hours of no progress, Dr. Mitchell had suggested that we get the contractions going since my water had completely broken. She didn’t want the baby being in there too long because of risks of infections and I was okay with that. I wanted our baby getting here safely and I’d do anything I could to make sure of that.
“Yeah, I just got off the phone with Jude. He really wanted to be here but I told him to just get some sleep and come after the baby’s born, just like you asked me to. Everyone wanted to come, Jess.” He poured some ice water into my cup and I immediately took a long satisfying drink.
“I know they did, Kris, but it’s almost two in the morning. If everyone came they’d have to wake up the babies or call a sitter in the middle of the night and I don’t want them doing that. The babies might be scared if they wake up and their parents aren’t there.”
Kris picked up a damp cloth from the stand by the bed and dabbed it across my sweat-covered forehead. “I get it, Jess, but…” he trailed off.
“What is it?”
“I just…I guess it just feels weird to not have the whole family here when our baby is born. They all know what we went through to get here and it just doesn’t
feel right not having them here.”
“I know, it does feel weird, but I am honestly thinking of Max and Harlowe. It’s so hard to be here without all of my family but those little ones need their rest. Besides, no one knows how long this labor will take and they could very well be here before this little one is b-oh, whoa!” I stopped mid-sentence when I was hit with another hard contraction.
Kris grabbed my hand and said, “Just breathe, Jess. Hold onto my hand and squeeze as hard as you need to, okay?”
I closed my eyes and breathed as evenly as I could…shit, that one was bad. As soon as it had subsided, I released his hand and smiled at him.
“I’d better be careful. Those magic hands of yours pay the bills,” I laughed as I wiped a tear from my eye.
He smiled in return and leaned to kiss my forehead. “Oh I’m fine, Jess. No offence, but you’re grip is kind of weak.”
“Ha, really now? I don’t seem to recall you complaining about my grip on other appendages of that sexy body of yours.”
“Oh well that’s different,” he said, winking at me.
I smiled and took a deep breath, enjoying the moment of comfort before the next inevitable contraction hit me.
I felt like I was dying, like my body was being ripped apart from the inside out…and I was cherishing every moment of it.
It was close to six in the morning and I had been in active labor for almost seven hours. Dr. Mitchell had checked my progress at four o’clock and I was fully dilated and ready to push. I thought that the end was close and that we’d finally get to meet our baby, but after pushing for just over two hours nothing was happening. I kept hearing the words “vacuum”, “forceps”, and even “cesarean section” but I blocked everyone out. I had waited so long, went through much worse pain, to be in this moment and there was nothing, nothing at all, that anyone could say to me that would convince me to have any interference in delivering my child. No matter how painful this experience was, it was a sacred and beautiful one and something I probably would never have again. I was bound and determined to feel every single bit of it.
“Okay Jessie, get ready to push again,” Dr. Mitchell said and I leaned my head up, readying myself. “You’ve really got to push as hard as you can because you’ve not made any progress in the last thirty minutes.”
“Okay I can do it,” I answered and I caught a glimpse of Kris’ terrified expression before I took a deep breath and pushed with every bit of strength I had.
Kris held onto my hand for dear life as I pushed hard, the pain ripping through me to the point that I was nauseous. When I stopped to take a breath, I looked into Kris’ eyes and his face was white and ashen. He looked completely panicked.
“You only have a few seconds before you have to push again, Jessie. You made some progress but you just have to keep it up,” Dr. Mitchell stated.
“Jess, baby, maybe you should think about letting the doctor do something to help you,” he said, practically pleading.
“No Kris, I want to do this on my own. The baby’s almost here,” I said, barely getting the words out before I felt another contraction. I leaned up again and pushed with all my might and the burning was so intense that I thought for a moment that I was going to faint.
“Good, Jessie, keep going. The baby’s head is almost out,” said Dr. Mitchell. “Kris, do you want to see?”
I looked at him and almost laughed. I knew he wanted to see it but I could tell he was terrified of how horrible it would look.
“Kris, it’s okay. I don’t want you to miss it,” I told him.
“Jessie, it’s almost time. Get ready. Kris, if you want to watch come stand behind me,” Dr. Mitchell commanded.
Kris looked back to me and I nodded at him. “Go. I’ve got this,” I said and leaned my head up again and pushed with every bit of energy I had left.
“Keep pushing, the baby is almost here!” said the doctor and I looked over at Kris as he watched the birth of our child. I expected him to still look freaked out or scared but his expression had changed and he was staring in amazement.
I took another deep breath before I gave one final push and suddenly, through the craziness, I felt instant relief from the pain followed by the single most beautiful sound I’d ever heard in my life…our baby’s first cry.
“Well hello there, little one! Kris, do you want to tell Jessie what it is?” asked Dr. Mitchell.
My eyes met Kris’ and he had tears streaming down his cheeks. With beaming pride and so much love, he reverently told me, “It’s a boy. Jess, we have a son.”
My heart swelled in that instant and suddenly I was in love with two boys…I had a son. Tears were rolling uncontrollably down my face and I smiled at Kris as the doctor placed my newborn son on my chest. I protectively placed one arm around him while I gently traced the perfect curves of his tiny face with my fingertips.
“Hello, sweet boy,” I said softly to him and tried to soothe him as he cried. “It’s okay angel, Mommy’s got you.”
Kris quickly moved to us and I expected him to lean down and kiss our son’s head but before he did he pressed his lips to mine, his bottom lip quivering as emotion consumed him. I could taste the salt of his tears as he gave me several quick kisses. “You’re amazing, Jessie Engle. I love you so, so much.”
“I love you too,” I answered, beaming at him.
He moved to our baby and kissed his forehead gently, whispering, “Hello little man. You’re beautiful mommy and I have been waiting a lifetime for you.”
“He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?” I asked.
Kris looked up at me and blinked away happy tears before saying, “He’s absolutely perfect. Thank you, Jessie.”
I smiled at him. “What are you thanking me for? We made this little angel together. Everything beautiful we’ve ever done in our lives we’ve done as a team.”
He leaned in and kissed me gently. “We always will.”
We spent a few moments bonding with our son before a nurse carried him over to be weighed and checked out. He weighed seven pounds and two ounces and was twenty-one inches long. Once the nurse brought him back and placed him into my arms, he was wide awake and I finally got a look at his eyes. My heart clenched as they were a perfect mix of blue and green. I knew there was a chance that his eyes would change but I had a gut feeling that they would stay that color and would be the cause of many broken hearts down the road.
“So, Mommy, does this little guy have a name yet?” Dr. Mitchell asked me.
Kris and I decided on two names, one for a girl and one for a boy, and we both agreed to use our initials when naming the baby. This was probably our one shot at having children so we wanted to give the baby a piece of us and decided to use the initials of both our first names for our child.
Kris looked at me for approval and I nodded at him, letting him know I was still okay with the name we’d chosen. “We do. Kallum Jace Engle.”
Dr. Mitchell smiled and answered, “That’s a great name, I like it.”
Kallum squeaked and blinked his eyes a few times. “I think he likes it too,” I said softly. I gently stroked his soft hair with my thumb and rocked him gently in my arms. “Welcome to the world, Kallum. I promise your daddy and I will do everything we can to make sure you have everything we never had. You will always have a warm bed, a full tummy, and lots of family and friends that will remind you every single day that you are loved and wanted.”
Kris kissed my forehead as I wept with joy. I’d never known this kind of happiness in my life, never thought it was ever possible. Despite my blissful feeling, I shed tears for the little girl we lost. Even though it had been ten years since we lost her, her spirit was still felt in every breath I took and one day Kallum would know about her. Until then, I planned on making sure he knew he had an extra angel up there looking out for him.
Soon Kallum was all clean and snug in his blanket and I was all stitched and ready to move to my recovery room. As soon as Dr. Mitchell told us that it was time to go,
Kris asked, “Do you want me to call everyone?”
“Yes, definitely. I’m sure everyone is awake by now. I can’t wait for everyone to meet him,” I answered, still lightly touching his perfect little face.
He leaned in and kissed my lips, lingering a few moments before pulling away. “I don’t think you’ll ever know in your whole life how much I love you.”
I beamed at him and replied, “Believe me, I think I do. I loved you long before you knew.”
“Thank God you did.”
“I always will, Kris. Always.”
He smiled and swallowed hard. He kissed me once more before saying, “Always. I’ll be right back.” He moved to the corner of the room and began calling all of our family and friends, one by one and beaming with pride as he told them that our son had arrived.
I watched him call each one of our family to tell them we had a son as I cradled Kallum to my chest. For a brief moment, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. This was my dream. It wasn’t about being rich or famous. I just wanted to be a wife and a mother. This was the only thing I’d ever really wanted and I think in that moment I loved my husband even more.
I’d lived a life that no child should. I’d been hungry. I’d been cold. I’d been scared. I’d been beaten. I’d never have guessed that the day that I stared out the tiny, dingy window of my old apartment and wished that I could play with the handsome, blonde boy that lived down the hall from me that I was looking into my future.
[Bad Blooded Rebel Series 06] - Deeper Page 26
