“If you do that, you can have butt sex whenever you want,” I told him.
“It was more than worth it. You want to order some more champagne, soak in the tub and fuck all night?” he asked.
“Duh! Sleep is overrated,” I said. Reluctantly, we separated and climbed out of bed. We weren’t finished yet and we both had to prepare for the marathon ahead. I freshened the water in the Jacuzzi as Hunter called room service. “Ice cream. I want ice cream,” I told him. Hunter inquired about it.
“They have vanilla, chocolate, mint chocolate chip and cookie dough,” Hunter informed me.
“Yes,” I said. He laughed and ordered some of each. “And some wings...ooh and maybe a pizza,” I added. Hunter laughed but nodded.
“That does sound good. Anything else?” he asked.
“No, that’s good,” I replied. Hunter finished and then joined me in the tub. We had some time so we cuddled together in the corner of the big tub. “I can’t believe we got married,” I remarked.
“It’s surreal, isn’t it?” Hunter agreed and then asked, “Do you regret it?”
“No! Not for a moment. I admit, getting married probably wasn’t the safe, sane thing to do but I don’t regret it. You?” I asked.
“Nope. Best decision of my life,” he told me.
“It changes things though,” I said. I barely had time to let the fact I was married soak in much less the future implications. I wasn’t even sure what getting married meant.
“I can get a housing allowance now,” he told me.
“That wasn’t what I meant. But I wonder if the university has any perks for married people...anyway, I meant it changes things. It changes my plans,” I said.
“So you regret it?” Hunter asked again.
“No, I don’t. I want things to change. I just don’t know how things will change,” I said. I was almost speaking to myself.
“I wish I knew exactly what you were talking about,” Hunter said.
“Sorry, I mean with my...you know, activism. I don’t see things the same way. I mean, I do but...it’s like I feel the same way but I have a different perspective,” I explained.
“You don’t have to change to please me,” Hunter assured me.
“I know. But I have changed. I just wish I knew where that was going to lead,” I said.
“We’ll figure it out,” Hunter said. I looked at him curiously. “What?” Hunter asked.
“Nothing. I just like the sound of that. We...we will figure it out,” I said, emphasizing the word we.
“You know, I won’t be able to talk much once I’m there...in Iraq, I mean. Sometimes but not all the time,” Hunter said.
“You talk too much anyway,” I teased. Hunter smirked. “I better get used to it, huh?” I told him. Hunter just shrugged by way of agreement and acceptance of what neither of us could change. “Holy shit, I’m a military wife. Mind blown,” I said as I mocked my head exploding with my hand. That wasn’t even on the list of possibilities and now it had come to pass.
“You don’t have to be...not for long,” Hunter said.
“Maybe I want to be,” I said. Hunter kissed me.
“It will all figure itself out,” he told me. I guess it would.
“I have a lot to think about. About what I’m going to do. I’m not going to protest anymore. I’ve got to figure out some other direction to take,” I said.
“You can if you want. We’re married, not some kind of hive mind,” he told me.
“I don’t want to. Not like I used to,” I said.
“I’m sure you’ll figure out some way to redirect your passion,” he said.
“I guess,” I told him.
“You know, they said it would be forty-five minutes before the food gets here. You want to do it,” Hunter asked, changing the subject.
“Already?” I asked incredulously.
“My mom might have slipped me one of my dad’s Cialis pills as we left,” Hunter told me. I stared at Hunter, incredulous.
“I absolutely love your mom, you know that?” I exclaimed.
“She has her moments. So?” he replied.
“It’s barely midnight. We don’t have to be downstairs until eight. We could knock one out before the food gets here and then do it again after we eat,” I said. We wouldn’t get to do this again for a long time. I was eager to pack in as much pleasure and intimacy as we could.
“That’s what I was thinking. Now get up on your knees and bend over,” Hunter ordered.
“Yes, Corporal McCoy,” I replied and did as I was told much to my delight.
>>O<<
Hunter and I barely made it downstairs by eight. I would have liked to say it’s because we slept in. Honestly, we didn’t sleep at all. We finished making love and realized it was seven -thirty. We hurried to take a shower barely making it down to meet the rest of the family on time. We greeted the others and only Indigo and Sandy looked well rested. Nate looked a bit haggard but not too bad. Penny, well, she looked well worn.
“Do I look as bad as you do?” she asked me as we hugged.
“I’m afraid so,” I told her. She smiled.
“I didn’t get a wink of sleep,” Penny admitted.
“Why? Were you up worried?” I asked. Penny looked at Nate and back at me. I should have known better.
“Yeah, let’s go with that,” Penny said and then leaned close to me. “Strippers are fun,” she told me quietly. I was a bit shocked but considering everything I’d heard prior, I wasn’t terribly surprised. I think I had a new confidant.
“I’ll have to take your word,” I replied as my mind went crazy trying to imagine exactly what about strippers was so fun. My mother-in-law was out of control but I not only didn’t care, I admired her.
All too soon, we were headed to the airport to drop Hunter off. My high turned into a major low as the reality hit me. In the last twenty-four hours I’d learned Hunter was back in town, had a knock-down, drag-out with my roommate, reconciled with Hunter, agreed to marry him, actually gotten married, went on my honeymoon and learned maybe a little too much about my new mother-in-law.
And as suddenly as it all happened, the fairy tale was coming to an abrupt end. I’d just barely committed to Hunter and now I had to give him up. But as bad as that was for me, it was worse for him. I’d get to go back to school, finish the semester and move on with my life...sort of. Hunter would be, well, I wasn’t sure what he’d be doing. I assumed it would be dangerous and at the very least uncomfortable. He was going to war even if they weren’t calling it that.
While my life would go on much as usual, his would be one of sacrifice and misery. At least that’s how I imagined it. It wasn’t fair and I felt a pang of guilt. I saw with even more clarity the folly of my ideology. My intentions were pure but after I marched in protest, I went home, slept in my own bed, ate what I wanted. Daisy cast men like Hunter as villains. I doubt true villains would endure the hardships our military men and women suffered. I never considered why they did what they did. I knew now.
I was already breaking down but I promised myself I’d keep it together. I was only partially successful. As we parked in the parking structure, tears were already running down my cheeks. Hunter held me and while that helped in some ways, in others, namely containing my emotions, it didn’t. Then the slow walk over the sky bridge, down the escalators to security. Only Hunter could go beyond that point.
He said goodbye to Indigo, who was crying along with Penny and me, and then Sandy. Sandy was steady, comforting her wife who was left weeping. Then Hunter shook his dad’s hand and they hugged. Even Nate’s eyes were red and glassy. I wanted to turn away when Hunter said goodbye to Penny. I mean she kept it together for the most part but there was something poignant about a son wishing his mother goodbye as he was leaving to go fight.
Then it was my turn. Hunter stared into my eyes. “I got you something,” he said. I wasn’t sure how that was possible since he hadn’t been out of my sight since the previous afterno
on. “Well, actually my dad got it. Last night after we left the restaurant. Reno’s got it all. Casinos, wedding chapels, strip clubs...,” he began and I glanced at Penny. She blushed. “...and pawnshops,” Hunter finished and produced a ring.
“Oh, you...I...I love you,” I exclaimed and held out my hand. Hunter slipped it on and I noticed he wore one too. They didn’t match but it didn’t matter.
“With this ring, I thee wed,” he told me. That did me in. I began to cry openly and nearly uncontrollably. Hunter pulled me to him and held me as I sobbed. “I’ll be back before you know it, Mel, and then we can start our life together. Pretend it’s an engagement,” he told me. I laughed.
“I’m going to miss you so much. We wasted so much time. I wish we had it back,” I said.
“We’ve got right now,” he told me. I nodded and held onto Hunter for dear life. We stood there as other passengers walked around us on their way to far off places. None of those places, it felt to me, were as far away as Hunter would be going. But all good things come to an end and Hunter had to go. He kissed me one last time, then walked around the corner and was gone. I stood staring at the entrance to security trying with all my might not to chase after my husband.
“C’mon, Mel. Let’s go,” Nate said softly after a minute. I wiped away the tears as Nate put his arm around me and we walked away. Penny joined us, her arm around me as well. Indigo and Sandy followed, Sandy supporting Indigo much like Nate and Penny supported me. I was tempted to call or text Hunter but I resisted. I had to let him go. Minutes later, we were back on the freeway and headed home.
Somewhere between Reno and Truckee, Penny, who had sat in the back with me to keep me company, finally spoke. “He’ll call when he gets to the base and probably once he lands in Iraq. We’ve done this before,” she assured me.
“Thank you for everything. I’d be a hot mess still crying outside of security if it wasn’t for you guys,” I said.
“No, you’re strong. You’ll get through this,” Penny told me.
“I’m just...I graduate in a couple of months and I don’t know what I’m going to do. I need something to take my mind off of all of this. But my activism...I have to find something else...some other way to help, you know,” I said searching for answers that I couldn’t find.
“Hunter told me what you said to him. He’s not a victim,” Penny told me.
“I know that now,” I assured her. I was at a crossroads and I didn’t know how to proceed. I supported Hunter but I still had reservations about what he did and why.
“It is possible to support the man but not the mission, necessarily. At least not the big picture mission,” she explained.
“I know that too. I just don’t know how to do that. I mean, really do that. How do I not promote the war and the policies while supporting the men and women that fight?” I wondered.
“They aren’t victims but they need help. Not just while they fight but when they get home. Some of those men and women have problems. They need good people to look after them, give them a helping hand or maybe just be there for them,” Penny said. Suddenly, a whole new path was illuminated for me. One I hadn’t even considered before.
“Help veterans?” I asked.
“You’re not endorsing the war they fought. You’re helping real people with real problems. You may not be putting an end to war, something I’ve found is probably impossible, but at least you’re cleaning up afterwards, helping to heal the wounds,” Penny said. I let that sink in. I was an activist. That’s what I did, what I wanted to do. I didn’t do it for myself but to help others.
I wasn’t laboring under any illusions. I knew I wasn’t going to end war or change the course of a nation, or the world for that matter, all by myself. I’d be lucky to educate a few people as I tilted at my windmills. That was enough...or at least it used to be. But helping actual people that were in need, like the homeless veterans at the shelter or the wounded warriors or those with PTSD, that was actually doing good. Tangible good.
“Thank you, Penn...I mean, mom,” I said and hugged Penny. I had little idea how to go about doing what I suddenly knew I must but I would figure it out.
“You’re welcome dear,” she replied but as we parted, she had more to say. “For the record, I was pregnant with Hunter when I was on the steps of the state capitol protesting the Gulf War. I see a lot of me in you,” she explained.
“This might sound weird, but will you be my best friend?” I said, half kidding.
“Oh the trouble you and I could get into,” Penny told me with a wicked smile. Nate looked back at us in the rearview mirror and shook his head. “Oh get your mind out of the gutter, Nate,” she told him. We all had a good laugh and it felt good.
>>O<<
The months went by without Hunter. His family was my only savior during those trying times. Daisy and I agreed to disagree so we could finish out the semester. I didn’t tell her I got married, only engaged. Better to not throw gasoline on a fire, right? I graduated that May. My mom and dad were there along with Nate and Penny. They lived a couple of miles from the university but I think they would have flown across the country to see their newest daughter graduate.
Penny and I were thick as thieves while her son was deployed. I spent many evenings and weekends at my in-laws house and Penny and I had many adventures. She seemed to be eager to keep her own mind preoccupied as well as mine. I was glad for that. We didn’t get in too much trouble, though she might have sent pictures of me getting a lap dance from a beautiful stripper to Hunter for me. Maybe. And if she did, Hunter was grateful for it.
After I graduated, I did a little soul searching as I worked odd jobs to pay the rent on my new one-bedroom apartment. Finally, I decided to go back to school and work on a secondary degree in psychology. But I didn’t enroll at Berkeley. I planned to enroll at UC San Diego once Hunter came home. In the meantime, I stayed in Berkeley to be close to my new family, especially Penny, my new partner in crime and emotional crutch.
Life went on, slowly and at times painfully. The emptiness was punctuated by tiny moments of great joy when Hunter was able to call home. But those times were few and far between and though I was happy to hear his voice or sometimes see his face, he sounded different, distant. Between those calls, worry became my new overriding pastime. Worry for both my husband and his buddies. I wasn’t religious or even sure I believed in God but I assure you, I prayed every night for their safe return.
Then one night as I watched television, the call came. I hung up and for a moment, I didn’t move. I couldn’t believe what I’d been told and as it sank in, I hugged myself and began to cry.
>>O<<
I stood on a dark tarmac as the big airplane taxied our way. I didn’t know what to expect. I’d never done this before. It was nearly two in the morning. Women and children, the families of the men returning home I assumed, held banners and waved flags. I had nothing to celebrate at the moment. I didn’t know what to expect.
Inside, my stomach was churning. It had been over six months since I saw Hunter. I’d spoken with him over Skype when we could link up our schedules but even those virtual visits weren’t the same as seeing him in the flesh. I’d been apart from my husband longer than I’d been with him during our short marriage. Nate and Penny declined to come along. They told me it was my place now to greet my husband, not theirs.
The plane eased to a stop as men began to ready things on the ground. The engines slowly stopped spinning and finally, a door opened. A Marine appeared and made his way to the ground. A woman off to the side of me squealed in delight. Obviously, he was her Marine. I watched as more Marines disembarked the aircraft, the tension rising with each and every one.
I was shocked at the way they looked. Each appeared tired, distant and gaunt. They seemed a bit overwhelmed as they exited the aircraft to the cheers and shouts of the crowd gathered around. I watched intently for Hunter but when I finally saw him, I hardly recognized the man I fell in love with. He was thinner t
han I remembered and he had a steely-eyed stare, almost as if he was still on a mission. He never surveyed the crowd to see if I was there. He just descended the stairs dutifully.
The Marines lined up in formation, some of them extricating themselves from the hugs of their overzealous loved-ones, and after a few words by an officer, they were dismissed. Some men all but ran to hug their wives or girlfriends, to hold their children or meet babies that had been born in their absence. I was overcome with emotion as I saw the joy they felt. These men had endured over half a year away from family and friends and they did it for me...for all of us. They did it to protect our nation and the politics were largely lost on these Marines. They did it out of honor and duty, not for any fickle agenda. They did it because no one else would.
Hunter - Big Girls & Bad Boys Page 9
