by Stella Rhys
I knew he was thinking of Wyatt when I saw the blankness drift into his eyes again. I held his face tight.
“Stop it,” I said, firm again. “Don’t shut down on me now. Okay? Do you see me? I’m the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. I never dreamed I could feel so much at once.” I laughed gently. “I’m pretty sure that if someone like Cam threatened me at any other time in my life, I’d crumble and fold. But I feel strong now. I don’t feel like my only move is to hope for the best – I feel like I can fight for it now. Whatever I want, I can get it myself. I feel like a new woman and I know a big part of that has to do with you.”
Lukas broke into a grin. “You make me happy.”
“Same,” I smiled, massaging his head as I watched his eyelids get heavy. “I’m so happy I found you,” I whispered, watching him for once get sleepy before me. We closed our eyes as our hearts beat against each other but as I considered confessing my last secret to him, my pulse quickly outraced his. “Lukas?” I brushed my hand across his forehead, pushing back his matted hair. I studied the way his lips faintly curved at the sound of his name and without thinking twice I freed the words my mouth had kept captive for days, letting them finally tumble off my tongue. “Lukas, I love you.”
Lying on his chest, I waited for him to say it back.
31
LUKAS
Before I even opened my eyes, I knew she was gone.
There were plenty of other rooms in the house for her to disappear into, but I knew she wasn’t in any of them. She wasn’t anywhere in my apartment, and for some reason, I knew that as a fact. In the fog of my sleep, I vaguely remembered the void she left against my chest after breaking free from my arms. I had a faint memory of her kissing the back of my hand before climbing out of bed.
But there was no memory of her getting back in, or making any sound around my house.
“Shit.”
The second my eyes opened, I climbed out of bed, getting dressed fast as I looked around the room for signs of her things. Her panties were on my nightstand but her bra was nowhere to be seen and when I rushed downstairs, I found my floor clean of her dress. The purse she brought – a brown, leather tote of some sort – was nowhere to be found.
“Fuck me,” I growled as I paced the floor of the living room, trying again after the first call she didn’t pick up.
I heard her last night.
I was half-asleep but I’d heard her say “I love you” – I just didn’t say it back.
Fucking asshole, I cursed myself as I yanked some shoes on in a hurry. I couldn’t explain my inaction last night. I couldn’t explain it as it happened and I still couldn’t now. I just knew that I’d made a mistake and that Lia wasn’t just up early and starting her day. She was gone.
“Hey, Sam,” I was breathless by the time I caught the doorman of the building on the sidewalk. “I’m sorry to ask this but you know the woman I had here the past few nights?”
“Certainly do. She’s hard to forget.”
“Were you here when she left? Did she look upset or angry or…” I trailed off, feeling like a fucking idiot and hoping Sam would bail me out.
“I did see her, Mr. Hendricks, and she was smiling when she said goodbye to me. But your other friend was here this morning. She tried to convince me to let her up.”
I frowned hard. “My other friend?”
“The blonde one who used to come here sometimes?”
I slapped my hand against my face. “Noelle.”
“Yes, Noelle. I called your apartment, there was no answer, and I told her I couldn’t let her up unless you were expecting her, so she waited in the lobby. And when she saw your girlfriend, she approached her,” Sam said with a face of regret. “She followed her out and I wish I could have asked her not to but I couldn’t overstep my boundaries, Mr. Hendricks. I apologize.”
“Please don’t apologize,” I shook my head, my mind racing. “I appreciate everything you did. Thank you, Sam,” I said calmly despite the fact that inside I was losing composure. I wanted to find Noelle and lay into her for whatever bullshit she had subjected Lia to, barely twenty-four hours after Cam threatened her. I was tempted to take the cab I flagged down straight to her apartment and ask what the hell she even said but I refused to indulge my anger.
Lia was the priority. She had been since I met her.
So after giving directions to the driver, the car sped off for 18th Street.
“Lukas, calm down. If she’s in there, she’s not going to appreciate you practically knocking down her door!” Tess hissed, at my side as I knocked on Lia’s door in the hallway. “What even happened last night? Tell me!”
I clenched my teeth, knocking hard for another ten seconds before I gave up and cursed under my breath, leaning my head back against the door.
“Cam threatened her yesterday.”
“Motherfucker,” Tess breathed out right away. “What did he say to her?”
“He threatened her business. Said he could easily kill it before it even started.”
Tess swallowed. “Shit. Can he?” she asked, looking especially small in her oversized hoodie. She twisted the drawstrings nervously as I shrugged.
“I don’t know. Probably. I can blacklist him from real estate but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s from a family with money and respect. Considering he doesn’t have shit else going on in his life, I’m sure he’d actually take the time to terrorize Lia.”
Tess crossed her arms, leaning on the opposite side of the hall. “I hope you’re not blaming yourself.”
“Of course I am. You know what kind of life she had before she met me – she knew exactly what was going to happen every day. She was fine. Then I came along and turned her world upside down because I couldn’t stop myself from seeing her,” I grumbled, jerking my hand through my hair. “She was just… fucking hard to quit. And trust me, I tried. I told myself night after night that this would be the last one I cared and the next morning, I’d wake up dreaming about her.” When I dropped my hands from my face, I glared at Tess. “Why are you smiling?”
Tess shook her head. “I’m not.”
“This isn’t arguable, Tess. I don’t know how the hell to fix things right now and there’s a fucking smile on your face.”
She threw her arms out. “I’m sorry!” she said, bursting out laughing. “I’ve just known you my whole life and I’ve never had the pleasure of seeing you in love, so sorry for being at least somewhat amused.”
“I’m glad my torment amuses you.”
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t correct me just now. So you are in love with her?”
I stared at her. “You’re not that clever, Tess, so don’t give me that smug-ass face.”
“Say the words. You love her.”
I ignored her. “What do I do now? You’re a woman. Tell me.”
“Well, for starters, I think you should breathe in and breathe out. I’m sure she’s staying with Sara but she’s going to have to come back here at some point to get her work stuff.”
“And you’ll tell me the second you hear her?”
“No, I’m not going to violate her privacy like that.”
“What the fuck, Tess?”
“Hey, you fucked up by not saying ‘I love you’ back to her when you know you felt it. Also, you fucked up by letting Noelle so much as lay her eyes on her,” Tess argued to my irritation. “With work and Cam and now Noelle, can you imagine how overwhelmed Lia is right now? She needs some time. And if her career is getting as busy as you say, she might wind up needing even more time. And you’re just going to have to give that to her.”
“I don’t want to be without her. I don’t think I can.”
I could see Tess itching to fire back with some attitude but she softened.
”I know she helped you get through this month, Lukas. Honestly, she helped me, too,” she said, pulling her sleeves up over her hands. “Every time I heard you on the phone, you were so calm and happy and in a way, it calmed
me down, too. It’s not like I didn’t spend nights crying over Wyatt, thinking about him, but it helped a lot to know we weren’t both spiraling,” she whispered, laughing softly to herself. “You’re gonna get mad at me but at one point, I texted Julian asking if you were really as okay as you sounded. If you were hiding anything from me.” She glanced up at my unchanged expression, her eyes glinting as she smiled. “He said you really were happy – that you weren’t doing anything crazy, you weren’t blacking out or getting into trouble with Emmett. He said all you were doing was spending time with ‘the girl’ and to me, it felt like a miracle. I was so happy you found love that it gave me something else to think about. Besides Wyatt, besides Cam. And honestly, it healed me, too.” When I looked away, she laughed. “Don’t hide your tears from me, asshole. I’ve cried in front of you enough times.”
“Yeah, but you’re my little sister, so you’re supposed to,” I said, putting Tess in hug-slash-headlock I reserved only for her. I kissed the top of her head. “I’m glad we both did okay this month.”
“We did better than okay. Especially you.” Wrestling out of my grip, she looked up at me. “You’ll find her and make it up to her. I believe in you.”
“Thanks, kid.” I laughed because she looked like a little squirrel brushing away all the hair I hugged into her face. With a sigh, she blew the last lock out of her eyes.
“It’s gonna take time is all. I’ve known Lia for two-and-a-half years and she’s spent every day I’ve known her busting her ass to get to exactly where she is now. She’s got a lot on her plate right now.”
“You’re right.” I tugged on my lip. “Shit. Do you remember the name of her investor? Elaine? Elaine something?”
“Dude, I didn’t give you that speech so you’d try to track her down through her investor.”
“Yes or no – do you remember the name?”
“No,” Tess answered, tugging on my sleeve when I started off. “Where are you going?”
“Somewhere. Don’t exhaust yourself trying to stop me,” I snorted, watching her heels drag like she was jet skiing across the floor.
“Stop it, Lukas. Give her time!”
“I don’t have time. I can’t fucking breathe without her.”
Tess let go of me. I heard her stumble back a few steps and glanced over my shoulder at her. When I glanced back at her, she was shaking her head and laughing at me.
“Fuck in love, you’re head over heels – kid.”
“You might be right about that,” I called back to her as I headed down the stairs.
32
LUKAS
Thank God for that hot night at the hotel, when Lia left her phone with Sara. Had it not happened, I’d have no idea where to find that workaholic friend of hers.
Riding the elevator up to the fifteenth floor of the Tate Building, I knew well I wouldn’t get anything out of Sara. Any question I asked her, I was well aware she’d dodge it or refuse to answer. It was precisely why I didn’t tell her that the sole intention of my visit was to figure out the full name of Lia’s investor. My plan was to have her divulge that information accidentally, and to leave without her even realizing what she’d done.
I planned on being in and out. Of course, I’d never actually been to the office on a weekday so I wasn’t prepared for the sheer amount of women on the floor, all of them turning to blatantly stare at me as I stepped off the elevator. Hilariously enough, Sara’s head, plugged in with ear buds, was the only one that didn’t turn.
“Hi, is it alright if I ask Sara a question really quickly?” I asked the girl at reception. She quickly fluffed her hair before answering my question.
“Umm, is she expecting you?”
“Not at all,” I smiled.
“Oh,” she smiled back, covering her mouth. “Um…”
“It’ll just be a second.”
“I know she’s really busy but I’ll make the exception for you,” the girl giggled, pointing me toward Sara’s desk.
“Thanks.” I gave her a wink that she blushed at before I went off toward Sara’s desk. But there was still a fair amount of red tape to get through before I got to her, and that red tape’s name was Rachel.
“Hold up.”
I turned to see her getting up from her desk.
“My neighbor!” she hissed to her surrounding coworkers before turning to me with her mouth wide open. “Lukas Hendricks, what is your fine ass doing here?” She walked out of her cubicle with her arms outstretched, shoving her tits against me as she gave me a hug. “Are you here to see me? Tell me you’re here to see me.”
“I’m here to see Sara.”
“Well, if you’re sleeping with her now I hope I’m next in line,” she giggled.
“I’m not sleeping with anyone but my girlfriend, Lia, but thank you for the offer,” I said, peeling her gently off me. She was stunned long enough for me to escape, but I heard her mutter behind me as I headed off.
“So that’s really a thing?”
“Oh, it’s really a thing,” I tossed over my shoulder before reaching Sara’s cubicle and tapping her shoulder. Like the last time I saw her, her dark mass of hair was piled at the top of her head and she was typing faster than I knew humans could. She held up a finger, likely assuming I was a colleague, before turning around. Of course when she finally did, her eyes bugged out.
“Whoa. Hi,” she said curtly, yanking out her left ear bud.
I grinned. “Hi. Can we talk?”
Her dark eyes scanned the room behind me. She wrinkled her nose at what I assumed was everyone staring at her. She craned her neck to look over the wall of her cubicle, wrinkling her nose at the occupied conference room.
“Can’t it wait till everyone leaves?”
“No.”
Her eyes darted around once more. “You do realize there are thirty women staring at you right now, right? As you’re about to grovel for information about Lia?”
“I’m aware.”
Sara sighed and pulled her headphones fully out. “Okay, then please make it quick because I have a ton of work to do and you should know already that I’m not going to give you any useful information.”
“No?”
“No. That’s how best friends roll. They don’t give up information that they know is private, especially when it involves the person they’re dating.”
“Yeah?” I thought about the private information Julian had taken upon himself to offer to Lia. “I have a friend you could probably teach that lesson to.”
“He can’t afford me. What other questions do you have?”
“You know what I’m going to ask. Where is she?”
“Working. She’s making tons and tons of beautiful truffles as we speak.”
“Do you know which kitchen she rented?”
Sara took a sip of her tea. “Yes.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Are you going to tell me?”
“No.”
“Does Elise Allen know?”
Sara squinted and made a face at me. “Who?”
“The investor.”
Sara snorted. “Elaine Gardner,” Sara corrected, compelling me to grin. “And no, I doubt she knows because Lia changed her mind last minute about where to rent. So… sorry.” Her hands still cupped around her tea, she shrugged. “Any more questions? Or are we done here?”
“We’re done,” I smirked. “Thanks, Sara. You helped a lot,” I added as she narrowed suspicious eyes at me, joining the rest of her colleagues in staring me down as I turned around and got the hell out of that place.
33
LIA
I was running on fumes. The worst part was I couldn’t even sleep during the one-and-a-half hour train ride here. My brain was still in lockdown mode, refusing to rest until it knew everything I needed done was finally done.
Technically, it was.
In the past week, I’d rented a commercial kitchen for cheap from a friend of Sara’s, I’d scoured a stack of resumes to hire three other sets of hands and I
’d spent a minimum of twelve hours a day tempering, pouring, piping, painting and cooling my chocolate. I’d produced literally thousands of glassy, shiny perfect little truffles and bon bons. I practically sleepwalked my way out of the kitchen every night, got on the train and floated up to Sara’s apartment to crash on her couch for four hours tops. Then I was up again, ready to rinse and repeat.
Exhaustion was such an understatement I would slap the word if I could.
Of course, a part of me was grateful for it because it helped me forget everything else – as much as I could at least.
“Hey there, I’m here to run a sample station today,” I greeted the first employee I saw upon walking into the Long Island location of Gotham Grocer. “Would it be possible to speak to Chris? That’s who I’ve been emailing about this.”
“Oh. Absolutely!” the girl smiled. “Please feel free to wait by the café while I go get Chris.”
“Thank you,” I said, hoping the smile I returned was a passing human smile. I was just so damned tired that I couldn’t even tell. In fact, I couldn’t even muster up the excitement to be here, despite the fact that I’d fantasized for more than five years about having a distributor carry my chocolate. It had been a more feasible dream to me than opening up my own store, so back in Ritchie and Gail’s kitchen, I used to always fantasize that the corner deli would one day give me some tiny display.
Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a beautiful store like Gotham Grocer would be the first to really do it.
It was a gourmet market I’d only become acquainted with upon moving to Manhattan – and even then, I rarely went in because as just a grocery store, it felt completely out of my league with its big windows, fancy coffee bar and ornate displays. It was my aspirational store to merely shop at, so selling my product at a place like this easily my oldest dream come true.
