I took a deep breath before replying. “Uncle, please don’t misunderstand me, I mean no disrespect and I don’t want to hurt Aunty Matile any more than I already have – but I can’t go back. Not now. All my life I’ve wanted a mother. My father knew that. I know he loved me, but I need to find out why he lied to me, why he kept me from that woman. Please don’t make me leave now.”
Another deep sigh and Uncle Tuala gave a resigned shrug of his shoulders. The gently creeping evening was beginning to fill the room. “Leila, as you wish. Of course you can stay here with us as long as you like.” A smile. “We have grown to care for you. Even Matile – in her own way – would miss you should you leave now. We will let this matter rest. At least for a while.” He turned to leave the room. “Now, I must tend to your aunt. This day has been very difficult on her.”
And with that, our conversation was ended. Concluded, but far from satisfactory because I had a million and one questions, and no-one to ask them of. I tried calling Grandmother Folger but her secretary said she was in New York for a board meeting and I hung up before she could transfer me. I didn’t really want to talk to my grandmother. She had been part of the web of deceit I had lived in for eighteen years. I was in shock.
I had woken that morning with no parents and before night fell – I had a mother.
I was still in a mild daze at school the next day. Ms. Sivani had to repeat her questions on poetry several times before she could jolt a response from me. At lunch, I told Sinalei and Simone to go on ahead without me to the canteen, I couldn’t stand the thought of trivial conversation when I was plagued with so many doubts and questions. I took a seat at the furthest classroom block. Which is where Daniel found me.
“Hey, here you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.” his smile turned to a question at the sight of my expression. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Are you still feeling sick from yesterday?”
He sat down beside me on the wood slat bench. I could tell he had come from PE class because his hair was still wet from the showers. The burnished red sparkled with moisture. He leant closer, waiting for my reply.
“No, I’m fine,” I tried lying first. But he raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t buying it. I threw privacy to the winds. “Ok, well actually, I’m not fine. Remember that red car outside my house yesterday?”
“How could I forget it?” Another smile that caught at my dark mood and entangled it with lightness.
“It belonged to this woman called Nafanua. She says she’s my mother.” There I’d said it. The ‘M’ word sat in the open air, daring me to defy it. Daniel’s face was puzzled.
“Your mother? But I thought you said your mother died when you were a baby?”
“Exactly. That’s what my dad told me, that’s what everybody told me. My whole life, the single most defining feature – the fact I had no mother – turns out to be a big fat lie.” My voice climbed higher and higher as the words poured out. “You know, ever since my dad died, it’s been me against the whole world. I’ve been so alone, there hasn’t been anyone I can trust, anyone I can count on who really knows me, who really cares about me. But I could handle that, because I just held tight to the memory of my father, I held on to him in here and it didn’t matter that I was alone. Because I knew he loved me.” My voice sank to a whisper. “I knew I was worth something.” I shook my head in despair. “And now, I find out that the man who said he loved me more than anything, the father who was everything to me – well, it turns out he was a huge liar!” I caught myself and turned away, battling for composure. Daniel took a deep breath before he spoke.
“Leila, this is a huge shock for you. And I can understand how upset you must be, but think about it. Your father really loved you, everything you’ve told me about him, well, let’s just say, I’m envious that you have those memories. Of a dad who wanted you, cared for you and was obviously proud of you. Now, if he did conceal your mother from you, then there’s got to be a reason. If there’s one thing I know from my observations of adult relationships and my umm, limited personal experience, well, they’re complicated. There’s always two sides to the story and when you’re standing on the outside, you sure don’t hold all the pieces to the puzzle you know? I’m not saying this doesn’t bite, this is rough, I’m just saying, don’t be quick to condemn your dad or this woman who’s supposed to be your mother. Are you sure she really is who she says she is?”
I nodded with troubled eyes. “Yeah. My Aunty Matile knows her. And there was one photo of her and my dad together. It’s definitely the same woman. There’s no getting around it. That woman is my mother.” I shook my head, remembering again the cold beauty of the woman in vivid red. “I just don’t get it. It’s like everyone was in on it. This whopping huge conspiracy or something. Aunty Matile knew. Even my Grandmother Folger knew. My dad told everyone the truth except me. He lied to me.” The words died away, mired in sadness.
Daniel’s tone was gentle. “So what are you going to do? This woman, this mother of yours, where is she?”
“I guess she lives here. Matile seems to be either terrified of her or completely hates her. I don’t understand. The woman said she wants to talk to me more. Says she wants us to know each other, but I don’t know.”
“I seem to remember talking to a girl a few weeks ago who said the exact same thing. She said she came to Samoa because she wanted to get to know her mother better. Hmm, now where did I hear that from?” Daniel’s eyes were dancing. I grimaced at him.
“That was different. I thought she was dead. You can’t just waltz into someone’s life and tell them you’re their mother then expect everything to be hunky-dory. Life doesn’t work that way!”
“Oh, so how does it work then? If it isn’t ‘hunky dory’?”
“I … I don’t know. It’s too weird. And …” in the blazing light of the mid morning, my fears seemed silly, “she’s kind of scary. She gives me a strange feeling. I can’t really explain it. The whole thing is freaking me out.”
I stared at the floor, thinking he would laugh at my confession. It did sound ridiculous when I spoke it out loud. His hand under my chin gently raised my face to look at him. His eyes were soft.
“Leila, that’s not silly at all. All your life you’ve believed your mother was dead. Then some strange woman walks into your house and announces, ta-da here I am. It’s understandable that you would feel strange. And even a little frightened. You’ve been through a lot this past year. I can’t imagine what this must be like for you to see her, almost like meeting a ghost.”
My mind heard him, but my senses were drinking in his closeness. Sitting there side by side, we were alone at the furthest reach of the school. He was golden red in the sunlight, all heat, muscle and warmth. Always ready with that crooked smile that tugged at my insides whether they wanted it or not. Always finding me at my most vulnerable moments. Like a programmed missile that honed in on my sadness. Something kept bringing him to me when I needed him most. He was waiting for my response. I smiled weakly and nodded.
“I guess you’re right. It was kind of eerie seeing her like that. And maybe, I should give her a chance to explain. I’ll think about it.” I felt better already, just saying it. Deciding that I would go ahead and contemplate the possibility of a living mother.
Sensing my light shift, Daniel smiled. Still he held his hand to my face, one finger drawing a delicate caress against the side of my cheek. Still he did not pull back. Our eyes were caught, melded as one. His smile drew me closer. I wasn’t thinking any more about my new-found mother. Or about anything else. I breathed in nothing but Daniel. My gaze flickered to his lips, a heart’s breadth away from mine and I wondered what they would feel like. What they would taste like.
The bell rang, jarring through our connection. Daniel dropped his hand and looked away down the hall.
“I guess we better get to class.” He stood slowly, his bag over one broad shoulder. I remained seated, my thoughts struggling to pull away from th
e possibilities that had crammed into the moments before. I took a deep breath, steady Leila, breathe. I gathered my things, hoping the mundane would distract me from the other-world of delight. Daniel stood beside me waiting patiently. He reached out his hand.
“Here.” I looked up at him but his expression was unreadable. He took my hand in his as I stood, his firm grip steadying me. I was up, standing as tall as I could beside his towering height, but still he didn’t release my hand.
“What class do you have?” He asked casually, as if unaware of our still-clasped hands.
“Umm, Math. In block C. How about you?”
“English. Ms. Sivani. In block C as well.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Anything that wouldn’t sound idiotic. As we began strolling down the hallway with our fingers entwined. It didn’t seem possible that something as simple as holding another person’s hand could have such an impact. Where minutes before I had been sinking into that darkness that I had lived in a few months ago, I now glided, as if nothing but Daniel’s hand kept me anchored to the earth. Students met us further down the hall, headed in the opposite direction. I tensed, and flexed as if to pull my hand away, before prying eyes could flame with curiosity but Daniel was quicker. His grip on mine tightened. I turned to look up at him and he had a question in his eyes. As if to ask, is this okay with you? Are you alright with this? In answer, I kept my hand in his and walked on beside him. I could have walked with him through fire, but all too soon, we came to my classroom. Where a muffled squeal from Sinalei confirmed that yes, she had seen me walking with Daniel. Holding hands.
“Are you feeling a bit better?”
I nodded silently giving him a grateful smile. Still, he seemed unwilling to say goodbye, to let me go. “I’ll see you later?”
My fingers were slipping from his grasp when he suddenly took two steps back, around the corridor corner, away from prying eyes, gently tugging me along with him. “Come here.” The unexpected move had me reeling and he steadied me against him with my back to the wall. The corridor was empty and so – for all intents and purposes – we were alone.
I looked up at him questioningly, “What is it?”
“I just wanted to tell you something. Back there when you said how alone you felt? How, without your dad, you’ve got no-one to trust, no one to turn to?”
Again I nodded, this time unwilling to trust words as all my senses screamed at Daniel’s closeness.
“Well, you’re wrong. You’re not alone Leila, you’ve got me. I don’t ever want you to feel that way. You can trust me. Whenever you need me, I’m here. Just remember, you’re not alone. Okay?”
His sincerity pierced me to the core. Standing there enveloped in his arms, I knew I would never feel as secure and protected as I did when I was with him. Before I could respond, he bent his head towards me and breathed a fleeting kiss against my cheek. And then, just as quickly, he moved away and was walking on down the hall, throwing another glance back at me before he quickened his pace to the next class.
It took a few moments for me to catch my breath, before I could go to class. When I entered the classroom, Maleko stood to attention with a mischievous grin. “Ahh, here she is.”
He bowed with a flourish and knelt in front of me. “Oh please my lady, can I hold your hand too?”
The room erupted into laughter. I ignored them all and found a seat beside an excited Sinalei. Thankfully, the teacher walked in and started class before she could harass me with her curiosity. I couldn’t evade her when we changed rooms, though, for last period.
“Ohmigosh Leila, what’s going on with you and Daniel?! I didn’t know that you two were … you know, close!”
“We’re not. I mean, not really, not like that. We’re just friends that’s all. He’s been really helpful with some stuff I’m going through. Friendly. That’s all.”
Sinalei rolled her eyes. “Whateverrrr.”
Simone interrupted. “Shut up Sinalei, can’t you see the girl is trying to be discreet. And what’s a little hand holding? I hold hands with Daniel alllllll the time and with Raymond and with Mark and with Leo and with Sanerivi, with everyone!” He frowned, “ Wait, strike that - okay, maybe I don’t hold hands with Maleko though.”
All three of us burst out laughing as Simone twirled a pirouette in the corridor, bumping straight into the Principal, Mr. Raymond.
“Ooops, sorry sir.”
“Watch your step Simon, and the rest of you, get going to class before I put the whole lot of you on detention.”
With that stern warning, any more talk of Daniel and I was pushed aside and the focus turned instead to a discussion on how to cope with assignments.
SIX
I was still swept through with the delighted rush that Daniel evoked in me when I walked down the drive after school to catch my bus. So much so, that when I saw the red car at the gate, the sight didn’t fill me with dread. My conversation with Daniel had prepared me for this. I was ready to see that woman again. I wouldn’t call her my mother. Not yet. But I wouldn’t run from her either. I steeled myself with the memory of Daniel’s hand in mine and kept walking. Until I stood beside the still humming car. A cluster of boys were admiring the sleek lines, but they had even more to drop their jaws at when the driver alighted from the air-conditioned comfort. A naked, slender leg exited first, her long white skirt cut to the thigh. Cut to show the patterned markings of a malu, the traditional Samoan tattoo given to women. I rolled my eyes. I’d give her this much, this woman knew how to make an entrance.
She unfurled from the car, a blinding vision in white that hugged her every sinuous curve. Gold stiletto heels should have made her unsteady on the rocky drive but she walked with confident ease towards me. Chunks of gold banded her bare arms, and again at her neck. Sunglasses obscured the cold eyes. The thick brown hair was pulled up into a generous coil. She didn’t walk as much as she seemed to glide, emanating sensuality. The more daring of the boys threw her a whistle. She didn’t even flinch. But out of a perfectly blue sky, a jagged flash of lightning whipped, distracting all eyes heavenward. Startled, the crowd of leerers jumped. I stood and watched her with impassive eyes.
“Ah Leila, how lovely to see you again.” Her smile seemed genuine as she stopped in front of me, raising sunglasses to her forehead. “Seems I came just in time to catch you. Can I give you a ride somewhere?”
Aware of the still-goggling crowd whispering behind me, I shrugged. “Sure, why not. Beats waiting for the bus. Let’s go.”
Neither of us spoke as we walked to the car that still purred with cool ease. In the front seat, I threw my bag in the back before securing my seatbelt. The latch had barely clicked before we were accelerating away from the school. The car was blissfully cold after the heat of the day.
With eyes on the after-school traffic, the woman spoke casually, “I want to apologize for our abrupt meeting yesterday. I don’t think we got off to a very good start. Perhaps we could start again?”
I too kept my eyes on the road ahead and shrugged non-comittally. “Maybe.”
Encouraged, she continued. “If you’re free this afternoon then, I’d like you to come visit me at my home, have some tea, give us a chance to talk. Clear things up. You must have some questions for me.”
Again she dangled the lure of information in front of me. She knew that was the one promise I couldn’t resist. Questions I had a-plenty. And yes, the chance to clear the mass of confusion that plagued me overcame all my apprehension about this woman.
“That would be okay. I mean, I’m free now. I’m ready to do this today.” Silently, I thanked Daniel. If it hadn’t been for our conversation at break, for his advice, there’s no way I would have been in any state to sit and talk to this strangely frightening woman this way.
There was no more conversation for the remainder of the drive. She drove with practiced ease, while I studied our surroundings with interest. I’d been in the country now for over two months and stil
l hadn’t left Apia. School, church and the shops were the full extent of my sightseeing. Oh, and my night pool escape. And the mountainside river with Daniel. His mysterious secret place. The memory brought a little smile to my face. And another welcome boost of courage. To still the panic.
Where were we going? We whipped through town, turned at the Mormon temple and continued inland. Up winding roads. Which got greener as we went along. And the land sloped upward. The few houses were bigger, more stately, more further apart. Set back from the road, behind cement walls and lined with palms. Still we drove on. Now the road was emptier and the houses rare occurrences. We turned off the main tar seal onto another road and continued climbing upward and inward. There were no houses here, just thick, lush forest. Massive trees spread their arms above us, laced with ferns and hanging vines. Colorful birds regarded us solemnly as we drove past. I looked back and saw the coast splayed out behind us and the line of the horizon lancing the blueness. Finally, the car slowed beside an imposing set of gates. The woman pushed on a remote and the gates swung open quietly. We had arrived at my mother’s house. A long driveway curved ahead of us, embraced by trees. The woman gestured,
Telesa - The Covenant Keeper Page 17
