by J. Daniels
But why . . .
“Yeah, I might’ve gotten on him a little after finding out about you two `cause he’s a friend of mine, the same way Ben got on Luke about dating Tessa, but that shit is allowed. And it just means I got a higher expectation of him `cause I know the guy personally. CJ would’ve understood that.”
I hear the doorbell ring downstairs and the faint sound of my mother greeting someone, but their voices are muffled. Everything is muffled under the noise of my pounding heart and heavy breathing and the words screaming inside my head.
Reed knows. He knows about me and CJ. He knows I lied.
“You should’ve told me,” Reed continues on. His voice is lower. Stern. “What if you and Beth were friends before I met her and we kept that shit from you? How would you feel?”
I swallow thickly, sitting up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed so I’m facing the window. “Shitty, I guess,” I murmur. I tuck pieces of hair back into my hood and blink at the carpet.
“Yeah. I felt pretty shitty an hour ago,” Reed reveals.
“I’m really sorry.” I pinch my eyes shut for a breath. “I just . . . I liked him so much and I was scared you would hate him just because he was with me. And I didn’t want to lose you, Reed. I was just trying to give it time. I think I was hoping you would suggest we got together or something and I could be like, ‘We are! How awesome is that?’” My shoulders slouch. “I was stupid,” I whisper.
“Knowing what I know now, I probably would've suggested it.”
I blink. “Huh?”
“Is he there yet?” Reed asks, instead of elaborating. “I gave that asshole plenty of time. Of course, he was injured. That probably slowed him down a little.” Reed chuckles quietly to himself.
I’m frowning at the window. He was injured? Who was . . .
A light tapping sound behind me precedes my mother’s gentle, “Hey, sweetheart.”
I turn my head. She’s smiling in the doorway. Beaming, actually.
“I’m running out to the store to get some stuff for dinner. I’ll give you two some time.”
You two—me and Reed? Privacy, maybe. But time? We’re talking on the phone.
“Okay, Mom,” I tell her.
“Tell Mom her favorite child says hi.”
I ignore Reed and wave instead, watching my mother carry that beaming smile down the hallway.
“You are not her favorite. I am,” I argue. “Dad’s favorite, may . . .” the word dies on my tongue. CJ fills the doorway and leans his shoulder against the frame. I stare, mouth agape at his face.
His handsome, slightly mangled face.
“Oh, my God, you hit him?” I snap into the phone. I push to my feet and quickly round the bed.
“Ah, he’s there. Good.” Reed’s smile touches his voice. “And he said I could do it. Relax. But even if he didn’t, I was in my right. You both lied to me.”
I stop in front of CJ and touch his cheek, running my fingers below the swelling around his eye. “Are you okay?” I whisper.
CJ’s split lip twitches.
“My hand is a little sore . . .”
“Not you, you idiot,” I hiss into the line, gripping the phone harder. “God, I cannot believe you hit him, Reed. I’m hanging up now.”
“Hey, wait a second.”
I drop my hand from CJ’s face and glare at the carpet. “What?” I snap.
“He knows—if he hurts you, I’m coming after him,” Reed warns.
My lungs fill with air. I blink. Is this Reed’s approval?
“You . . . it’s okay that we’re, or that we were . . . um, I just, I need to know,” my lip quivers. “Can I love him? Is that okay?” I whisper.
I feel CJ’s hand push my hood down. He lifts my chin and holds my cheek as we look at each other.
“You fucking better love him,” Reed says, laughing a little. “The man got his ass kicked for you.”
My lips press together. “Am I not seeing a few bruises? It looks like you hit him, but I don’t know about getting his ass kicked . . .”
CJ’s mouth hardens. “Tell that motherfucker—”
I quickly disconnect the call before this escalates and Reed changes his mind. “Oops,” I say, showing CJ my screen. “Sorry. I accidentally hung up.”
He cocks his head, fighting a smile. His eyes slowly wander my face in that adoring way he does when we first wake up in the morning, as if it’s been days, or weeks, since he last saw me. Not hours.
“Does it hurt?” I ask, looking at the puffy skin over his cheekbone.
“Yeah.” He grabs my hand and forces it flat against his chest. “Right here. It’s fucking killing me.”
My lips part with a breath. “You told Reed.”
“Yeah, I did. I should’ve gone to him a long time ago. That’s on me, darlin’.”
“No.” I shake my head, stepping closer. “I should’ve told him. I shouldn’t have asked you to lie, CJ. That was wrong of me.”
CJ releases my hand and grabs my face. “I’m your man, Riley,” he says. “You were worried and I should’ve taken care of it. I didn’t. That won’t happen again. The same goes for me keeping stuff from you. It doesn’t matter what reason I had, that was fucked up. I should’ve told you about my leg.”
“It’s okay.”
“It isn’t.” His thumb moves over my cheek as he stares deep into my eyes. “I love you. Do you know that?”
My breaths come quicker. I hold onto his waist while I nod, needing the support. I swear, I feel like my legs are going to give out.
“God, I had no fucking idea it could feel this good,” he murmurs, smiling. His chest moves with a laugh. “Reed, you motherfucker. Keeping my entire fucking world from me.”
I giggle and roll up onto my toes, kissing him and then jerking back almost immediately. “Oh, sorry. Your lip . . .”
His hand snakes around my waist and yanks me against him. “My lip is fine. Kiss me.”
I go back to kissing him, smiling so big through it, I'm not even sure he's getting any lips. “I’m right here,” I say. “You know? You have me. Nobody is keeping me from you.”
“Yeah,” he breathes. He slides his mouth over mine. “Do you feel how good we got it?”
“I feel it.”
“It’ll never be less than this, darlin’. Never.” CJ leans back to look into my eyes. His are brighter now. A soft smile tugs at his mouth. “I’m gonna make you so fucking happy,” he says. He promises, holding so much meaning in his voice it sinks into my heart. His words never leaving. Never having to.
I’m his world. This beautiful, sweet man. I’m his.
And now we don’t have to hide. Now I can tell everyone, strangers on the street and people who matter.
I cannot wait.
I wet my lips, my breaths leaving me in a rush. I’ve never been this excited. This happy. I want CJ to know how he makes me feel. “My mom left,” I tell him instead, sliding my fingers underneath his shirt and touching his warm skin. “There’s nobody here. It’s just us.”
I can tell him later . . .
His eyebrow lifts. “Mm.” He bends to take my mouth, backing me into the room. The door slams behind him with the force of his foot. “Right here? Now?”
“Yes. Here. Now.” I’m nodding frantically. I feel desperate. “Please, CJ.”
“Call me Cannon,” he rasps, pushing me back onto the bed and crawling over me. “I fucking love when you call me that.”
I bite my lip as he sits back on his heels and drags my shorts and panties off. I moan when he palms my breast over my clothes. My back arches off the bed.
“Always wearing this,” he murmurs appreciatively, talking about the hoodie of his I stole. “Always walking around wearing my name. Do you have any idea how good you look being mine? How good you’ve always looked?”
I whimper and reach for his shorts. God, he’s killing me. Why isn’t he naked yet? “Cannon,” I beg. My legs shift around him. I’m squirming. I’ve never felt a
need like this before.
Love—I’ve never felt it like this.
CJ’s eyes grow hungry. Darker. He shoves his shorts down to his thighs and frees his cock, leaning over me.
He’s still fully clothed and I’m still partially clothed and it’s perfect.
I moan when he pushes inside me.
“I love you.”
I say it, or maybe he does. I’m not sure. Those three words bounce between us as if they’re the only ones we know. We moan them. We beg them. Inside savage kisses that taste like forever and against heated skin. CJ takes me soft and tender on my back, but on my knees from behind, he yanks my hair and tells me I’m his. I pant over my shoulder and watch his eyes. That wicked look he wears when we fuck. He’s staring at his name on my back. He looks possessed. I tell him I want it—to wear his name. For it to be mine too. His nostrils flare as our eyes lock. My knees shift beneath me. The look on his face makes me tremble.
I’ve never seen a man so turned on before.
CJ pulls out, falls onto his hip and rolls, taking me with him. Our mouths devour again as I straddle his waist. He arches off the mattress when I sink down.
“God, ride me,” he groans.
I bounce in CJ’s lap and reach behind me to fondle his balls. I squeeze them when he rubs my clit.
“You moving back in with me?” he asks, his breathing ragged. Sweat beading up on his brow.
I nod, mouth open. I can’t speak.
CJ sits up and crashes our mouths together. His hand in my hair. His other on my hip moving me on top of him, grinding me down, down, down. Faster.
“I’ll never stop feeling this,” he rasps. “What I’ve always felt for you. Never, Riley. This is us.”
I close my eyes.
Us.
Lovers who fell in love being friends. Friends who always wanted more.
“I love you,” I breathe against his mouth. I want to scream it. “I love you. I love you.”
He growls and thrusts into me. The force of CJ’s orgasm taking him like thunder moving underneath his skin. Face buried in my neck, he swears as my eyes water. My own pleasure swallows me up.
“Cannon,” I moan, limbs shaking. “God. Oh, God . . .”
I’m already being held up by CJ but it feels like he catches me when I come down. His strong arms wrapping around me tighter. Protecting me like a shield. Always sheltering me. We lift our heads to look at each other.
He smiles.
I smile.
“No more secrets,” I tell him, pushing his sweaty mess of hair off his forehead.
CJ's eyes warm. He tips his chin up, sliding my hands to his cheeks, and kisses me. Soft and slow.
“I got plans to marry you,” he murmurs.
I gasp and lean back. “What?” I whisper. My eyes jump between his as I hold his face.
“You said no more secrets.” CJ smiles cleverly. “I’m just saying, babe. But when I do ask, you’re not knowing that in advance. You're going to have to deal with—”
He never finishes what he needs to say. I throw my arms around his neck with enough force it knocks CJ off balance. We tumble over together, laughing and kissing and I'm so happy—being us.
CJ and Riley. More than friends. Never less than this.
The us we were always meant to be.
The End
Hi! Thank you so much for reading What I Need! I hope you enjoyed CJ and Riley’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please consider leaving a review! I’d love to hear what you thought.
#BamaBoysForever
xo, J
* * Turn the page for a Sneak Peek at Say I’m Yours * *
SAY I’M YOURS
I'm sure you saw this coming. You know how miserable I've been. If you were stationed closer, things would be different. I can't keep doing this. We never see each other. Dale is here. He’s here and you aren’t. It just happened. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Jake. I love you. I only wish you the best.
Katie
The torn out notebook paper crumples inside my fist. I feel myself shaking. Jaw tight, I turn toward the wall, cock my free hand back and strike my knuckles against it, pounding until I see blood smear.
That bitch. That stupid fucking bitch.
“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” I roar. I toss her bullshit onto the floor and tear through my room. I flip over the small table I keep shit on—shit of hers she gave me. Framed pictures and souvenirs from road trips and stupid fucking shit that means nothing. Two years of lies. Two years that were supposed to lead to more, but it just happened. Dale is there. I’m not. She’s fucking him. She’s giving him framed pictures and days that’ll turn into two years. Fuck her. Fuck. Her. I send everything crashing to the floor. I crush it beneath my boot. The desk I share with my roommate—that piece of shit who said Katie didn’t seem the type to handle deployments and distance well—is next. Fuck him for knowing. Cheap plywood splits apart when it hits the floor, and the laptop I’d use to Skype on crashes against the wall after I hurl it.
She told me she loved me on that. She got off watching me get off. She’d smile at me on the screen and tell me she couldn’t wait to be done with school so she could move here.
She lied. She’s done with me and wishing me the best and fucking her neighbor and “FUCK YOU!”
I pick up the end of my bed and toss it as far as I can. I rip the phone cord out of the wall and throw the receiver. I only got that shit because of her. Why the fuck would I need it now? The Walmart purchase crashes against the door. I punch the wall again. I keep moving. I keep pacing and kicking shit and breaking anything I can until I force myself to stop before I crush bone.
Chest heaving, I look around the room at my destruction.
My hands tremble. My skin burns and itches and I feel like I’m on fire. I grip my hair and squeeze my eyes shut as relief waters my mouth and rushes in my blood. The high I could chase to take all of this away is right there in my pocket. I just need to reach for it. It’s simple. It’s easy.
“Do it,” the best feeling in the world whispers in my ear. I just need to dial the number I know by heart. The one I can never forget. I need to go numb for a day or an hour or a minute. I need to stop feeling this.
I need to forget her.
I need to forget what she’s done.
I need I need I need I need.
My phone is in my hand and the number I hate to love is on my screen and I can barely see it through the tears in my eyes. I want this. I hate this. My hand in my hair pulls. I can already feel better. My fingers shake.
I’m going to do it. I’m scared. I’m going to do it. I’ll feel nothing in an hour. I’ll hate myself tomorrow, but I’ll feel good first.
The high is better than the fall down. It’s worth it. It always is.
Dale—I can see that fucker in my head. He’s touching her. Kissing her. Fucking the girl I bought a ring for. He’s shaking my hand and telling me he’ll keep an eye on what’s mine. He’s smiling. They’re smiling. He’s taking everything I have.
“Just one more time,” my favorite memory beckons me. She loves me. Cocaine fueled and blackout drunk. She always will. There’s no one else for her but me.
Katie doesn’t feel that way. She won’t love me ever again. She never did.
Never.
My back hits the wall and I slide to the floor. I almost hurl my phone across the room. Thank fuck I don’t.
“What’s up, man?” the rough voice in my ear sounds happy to hear from me. He’s smiling.
I want to kill myself.
“I need your help,” I croak. My throat feels like it’s ripping apart.
“I’m leaving now.” His tone changes to something that scares me. Something I’ve heard more times than I can count. “Give me two minutes and I’m out the door, Jake. Hold on. I’m coming.”
My brother is coming.
Tears fall to my cheeks. I hang my head and begin to sob.
Say I’m Yours
Jake & Yvette’
s story
Add it to your TBR
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Drunk On You by Luke Bryan
Put A Girl In It by Brooks & Dunn
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Take A Little Ride by Jason Aldean
To my amazing husband, thank you for your support. To my family, blood and through friendship, thank you. Kellie, Lisa, Tiffany, Yvette, Sarah, my KGs Squad. Beth Cranford, we had fun with this one, didn’t we? Thank you, boo.
Thank you to my readers, for loving this series as much as I do. My reader’s group, J’s Sweeties, you all are amazing. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.
To my agent, Kimberly Brower. Thank you! My sanity is in your hands.
To the amazing bloggers who I can never thank enough. Three years ago, I entered into this book world and you welcomed me with open arms. I am forever grateful.
And finally, to my Instagram girls. Your world is my favorite. Thank you for showing me so much love.
SWEET ADDICTION SERIES
Sweet Addiction
Sweet Possession
Sweet Obsession
ALABAMA SUMMER SERIES
Where I Belong
All I Want
When I Fall
Where We Belong
What I Need
Say I’m Yours (coming soon)
DIRTY DEEDS SERIES
Four Letter Word
Hit the Spot
J. Daniels is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of the Sweet Addiction series, the Alabama Summer series, and the Dirty Deeds series.
She would rather bake than cook, she listens to music entirely too loud, and loves writing stories her children will never read. Her husband and children are her greatest loves, with cupcakes coming in at a close second.
