by Shyla Colt
“I did. Ray, this is my Ruthie. Ruthie, this is Ray.”
Ray steps forward and offers his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, young lady.”
“Likewise,” I say. I reach into my purse, and pull out the plastic bag I’d smuggled in. “We brought you some essentials.”
“Willing to bend a few rules for your man, huh? Oh, yeah, she’s a keeper.” His dark brown eyes light up.
I now understand why Skull brings them.
“I know,” Skull says.
“I stick to the nutritional plan they’ve set. But sometimes, an old man needs to indulge a little.” He winks at me. “Let’s sit. Fill me in on what I’ve missed.”
We sit to his left and his right.
“We moved into Grandma and Grandpa’s house.”
“Well now, they’d love that. How are you getting along there?” he asks.
“Good, it’s brought back a lot of great memories,” Skull answers.
“I love the vintage feel. It was like moving to a dream home,” I add. I also like the effect it has had on Skull.
“What’s going on with your grandchildren?” Skull asks.
“They’re submitting resumes now, and preparing to move. I told them they can live in my home if they can pay for the utilities. I think they’re both looking for a fresh start. I know what that feels like. I want to help them. Wanted to ask you and your lady friend a favor.”
“Shoot,” Skull urges.
“Help them adapt and adjust. Be a friend?”
“Of course, Ray. Any family of yours is my family too,” Skull says.
“Appreciate it.” Ray nods. “Boy is a mechanic. He can fix anything from bikes to cars. I figured it’d be a good fit for your crew. I know you said y’all are opening up the circle to others.”
“You want me to take him on as a prospect?”
“I think it could be good for him. You’ll have to feel him out of course,” Ray says.
“I’ll see what I can do, Ray. When will they be headed this way?” Skull asks.
“Over the next three months.”
It’s exciting listening to them talk. He’d be KOC’s first African American member. It’s a title that’s past due.
We spend the rest of the afternoon keeping Ray company. A few rounds of Bingo and lunch later, we leave. As we drive home, I plot in my mind planning a way to deliver the news burning on my lips.
My phone rings and I see my sister’s name flash on the screen. It’s good having her back in my life. We’ve agreed to leave Mom out of our relationship. We’ve always had different experiences with her, and the boundaries I’ve set are necessary. If she can’t put aside her bigotry and play nice, she’ll stay away from us. It was a tough decision to come to. I feel for her. The things she went through are unimaginable. If she wanted to get help, I’d be with her every step of the way. Instead, she’d let it bitter her, and ruin what should’ve been an unbreakable bond with me, her daughter.
“Hey sis, what’s up?”
“Dad’s dead.”
“What?” I sit up in my seat.
“He went on some fucked up binge, and hung himself in his hotel room in some seedy motel.”
I cover my mouth. “Oh, my God.”
“I don’t—I don’t even know how to feel right now. There were things I wanted to ask him. Answers to questions that died with him.”
I bite my tongue to keep my thoughts to myself. There was no such thing as a straight story with him. He always had a slant, an angle, or a lie. After all the drugs, I doubt his recall was anything to write home about. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. I glance over at Skull. Did he know about this? My father was many things, but a coward wasn’t one of them. More like too stupid to know when to quit. I saw him going out in a blaze of glory. This was too much like a whimper. “How’s Mom?”
“I don’t know. She went cationic when I told her. I’m still over at her house.”
“You need anything from me?”
“Not yet. Once I know what his wishes were, then the funeral planning begins. We’ll go from there. This is going to hit the news. I wanted to give you a heads up.
“Jesus, it never stops,” I say.
“I know. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I say hanging up. “My father is dead. He hung himself in his hotel room.” I study Skull’s response.
“I’m sorry, Mama.” He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Are you going to be okay?”
“You’re not surprised by this, are you?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“No.”
“Did you do this?”
“No. Told you his past was going to get him. That’s exactly what happened, and it stays between us.”
His voice has a hard edge I’ve never heard him use with me. “Of course.”
“Good. I know he was your pops, so I’m not going to speak ill of him.”
“No he was more a sperm donor than anything else. Media is going to have a field day.”
“We’ve got your back with that. I’m glad we made the move to my house when we did. Now, we won’t be moving abruptly.”
His nonchalance is chilling. Dealing with death and betrayal is something he’s had to do who knows how many times? I place my hands on my belly to steady myself as a war begins in my head. What kind of a person am I that I can stay with the man who had a hand in killing my father? The man was a fleeting presence in my life. He caused nothing but pain and heartache, but he was still my father.
“You’re quiet.”
“I don’t know how I should feel.”
“There’s no right or wrong. Are you happy he’s dead?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Then I’d say anything else you have going on is appropriate. He wasn’t some father of the year. He did some fucked up shit. Left you and your family high and dry, and played a huge role in what happened to your mom. That’s heavy.”
“I should be sad. At least a little bit. But I can’t even can shed a tear. I’m more worried about how it’ll affect us. Is the media going to stalk me down? Will they seek me, Rochelle and Mom out? My God, what would that do to her?”
“You have all these worries and concerns, but are they anything you can control?”
“No.”
“So all you can do is wait, see what happens and deal with it.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“No, I never said that it would be easy.”
His calm acts like nails on a chalkboard. “Maybe I don’t want to wait. I’m sick of feeling like my life is a series of chaotic events.”
“I think that’s the definition of life, babe,” he states calmly.
I lean back against the headrest and grit my teeth. I don’t want to lash out at the wrong person. None of this is his fault. I’m furious because I know I’ll never find closure. Why couldn’t you just leave, you stubborn bastard? You knew the risks better than most. Maybe that was it? Were you just tired of running? I don’t believe for one second he didn’t know HD was going to come for him. My throat tightens and I swallow. Even dead, the man is upsetting the balance my life holds.
Chapter Twelve
Skull
“Is there anything I can do?” I ask poking my head in the house.
“Just make sure the cooler is stocked and we’ll handle the rest,” Ruthie says.
“Alright, we can do that.” I close the door behind me and take a long draw off the joint Echo is smoking.
“Everything good in there?” Echo asks.
“Looks like they have it under control. I pretty much stay out of her way when we have shit over here. She has a way she likes to do things.” I shrug.
“Yeah, Blue is like that too. Is she doing o
kay since her pop’s funeral?” Shadow asks.
“For the most part. I know she was conflicted as hell for a minute. I think her lack of melancholy made her feel bad.”
“I’m glad they did the private ceremony and the public one the family didn’t attend,” Echo says.
“Me too. Man made a lot of enemies. No reason to take that burden on,” I reply.
“True. She’s shown she’s down for KOC. You got a great Old Lady,” Stone says.
“Thanks, Pres.”
“You picked her.” Stone shrugs.
The backyard has been decked in blue and pink. Neither of us know the sex of the munchkin. The baker took the envelope and made a special cake I know her sister helped too, since she knows. I’m wondering how the grand reveal will go. My brothers are arriving and like usual, we’re shooting the shit while the women handle it in the kitchen. I think they banish us to the backyard so they can get a break from all the testosterone.
“I thought she handled herself well. Not everyone could be loyal when the choice is between the club or family. Especially bitches,” Warp says.
I narrow my eyes. He’s nice to Ruthie. I don’t know if it’s because she’s pregnant and showing in a major way, or her personality. It gets under my skin. But I know he’s a good friend to have.
“How far along is she now?” Shadow asks.
“Two weeks and we’ll hit the six month marker.”
“Getting close. You guys going to put the baby in daycare once it’s born?” Stone asks.
“No, we’re going to double up with the nanny Wiz and Nevada have,” I explain.
“That’s good. Club kids need to stick together,” Stone says.
“That was our thought too,” I reply.
“What are you hoping for?” Warp asks.
“As long as it’s healthy, I don’t really care. I mean, don’t get me wrong, a girl would scare the shit out of me. I know what I’m doing with a little boy. A girl would be like trying to read braille. But I’ll get the hang of it.”
“Hell yeah, or Ruthie would have your hide,” Dusty chimes in.
“You guys think my Old Lady is scary?” I ask.
“Normally, no.” Stone shakes his head. “Pregnant though…”
“Fuck yes,” they chorus.
I laugh. “She does change moods faster than a stoplight.”
“Dude. You’re a brave man,” Echo states.
“Like Dixie Rose isn’t a handful,” I scoff.
“True. But she doesn’t have hormones surging through her.” He shudders.
“Just wait. One day, it’ll be you and I’ll be the one giving you shit.” I nod.
“Years down the road,” Echo says with a toothy grin.
“When’s the potential prospect getting into town?” Stone asks.
“Tyson? Give or take a week,” I answer. “You know how it is when you’re moving. The time frame is fragile, depending on a lot of factors.”
“Once you feel him out, bring him around to some of the parties. I was serious about taking on some fresh blood,” Stone says.
“I will. Be nice to have some piss ants to take care of things again,” I say with a chuckle. It was a rite of passage, being the club’s bitch before you got your full patch. It made dealing with new prospects that much more enjoyable having experienced it yourself.
The sliding door opens.
“Hey babe, can you fire up the grill? We’re about to head out with the appetizers,” Ruthie says.
“On it, Mama,” I reply as I stand from my seat, and move to the propane powered silver dream. It was a house warming present from Rochelle and Tim. Once she got her head out of her mother’s ass, she’s tolerable. Tim is good people. He mellows out her high strung tendencies. Her mother is always going to be a bitch, but after Gunnar died, she loosened up. She still wants to tell us how to live our lives, but she stopped bringing the M.C. into it. I can tolerate in her small doses for special occasions. She declined Ruthie’s invitation and countered with an invite of her own to Sunday dinner. I think I’ll let Ruthie go to that one solo.
Burgers, booze, hot dogs, and sides flow as everyone grabs a plate and settles down around picnic tables or in chairs to eat. It’s good to have so many of us together for something good. I live for these moments between the chaos and drama. It drives home why I joined the club in the first place.
Ruthie runs her hand up and down my arm.
“You okay?” I ask.
She nods. “Yeah, I was thinking we should bring out the cake and get that started. I know some of the littles will be fading soon.”
“Good point, let’s go get it.” I hold my hand out and help her stand.
Cheers go up around the yard. I can’t help but catch onto the excitement. Finally, I’ll know if I’m having a little dude or a little lady. We carefully move the two tier cake done in a layer of blue and a layer of pink with the words “Leather or Lace” and two motorcycles on each tier out to the small table we’d set up.
Blue comes over and hands us a cake cutter with pink and blue ribbons tied to it. The woman went all out, and Ruthie is eating up.
I love seeing my woman this happy. Doc R would say I’m allowing myself to be a part of it. The block when it came to this kid has been lifted. I’m still sorting through some shit, but I’m better than I’ve been in a long time. “You ready for this?” I ask.
“Yeah.”
We slice into the cake and my heart skips a beat. We do the other side and scoop the cake. Pink. Shit! I’m so fucked in about sixteen years. “It’s a girl!” I yell out. I lean down and kiss my woman. “Thank you, Mama.”
“I have one more surprise,” she says in a small voice.
I watch as Ruthie and Tim drag over a tall cardboard box.
“Remember how you missed the last appointment?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, there was something I’ve been keeping to myself.” She opens the lid of the box, and a balloon with a pea pod floats out. “Surprise, we’re having twins.”
My knees weaken and I swallow as the world spins on its axis. “Say what?”
She laughs. “There’s two babies in my belly right now, Mr. Skull. You are quite the stud.”
The roar of the crowd is deafening.
“We-we’re going to need a bigger crib,” I croak.
“Already took care of it. We have another one waiting in the garage. Tim brought it over.”
“Holy shit, Mama!”
She nods her head. “Yeah.”
I pull her to me, thankful for the miracle she’s worked in my life. By making me face my worst fears, she freed me to live the life most would kill for. I have my club, my Old lady, and two healthy babies on the way. Resurrecting the ghosts of my past was the best thing that ever happened to me. It led me to a life full of peace in the midst of chaos.
Epilogue
Ruthie
“They’re absolutely beautiful,” Blue whispers.
I smile and look over at Skull. The proud daddy is cradling both bundles in the white blanket with a blue and pink stripe. Tiny pink beanies with the Kings of Chaos symbols adorn their heads.
“Would you like to do the honors and let her pull out the name blankets?” I ask.
“Yes,” Blue gushes. She moves to the massive black baby bag, and pulls out the white blankets covered in tiny pink flowers and their names. “Oh, my God! Did you really do this?” she asks holding up the blankets that read, Waverly Jade, and Skye Blue.”
“Meet Wave and Skye,” Skull whispers.
“They’re beautiful, sis,” Rochelle says from her perch on the side of my bed.
“Thank you.”
“Which is which?” Shadow asks.
“Wave has light hair, and Skye has dark,” I explain.
“Can I h
old them?” Blue asks.
“Sure, mama to be. You need to get in all the practice you can get. How are you feeling?”
“You just had two babies. You don’t get to ask me that,” Blue retorts.
“Of course I do.”
“Bloated and crabby, but good otherwise,” Blue replies.
I’m glad her nausea disappeared as she’s moved into her third month.
Skull relinquishes control of Skye and I soak in the love flowing in the room. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of seeing Skull with our babies.
“Come on daddy to be, you get to hold baby sister, Wave. You need get practice in too,” Skull urges.
Shadow walks over and lifts my baby girl with ease. “I’m the pro here.”
“Cocky much?” I quip sinking back into my cushions. The two are only docile because they have fed like piglets. They came into the world screaming and ready to raise hell. I can already sense their father in them. Skull and I braved the delivery room alone, and took a moment to bond before we invited others in, a few at a time.
In this room, I have a handful of the people who mean the most to me. It’s the perfect ending to the tumultuous road Skull and I have traveled. We will never be perfect, but perfection in itself is a lie. Real things are flawed, weathered, and worn. They have beauty because they survive the harsh conditions the world doles out.
We are stronger than the tragedies of our past, people who tried to part us, and our own damnable pride. I’m over the moon for this man and our babies, and I know I’ll never come back down to the atmosphere.
Tritt looks to me as if he feels my eyes on him. He gives me a goofy smile.
My love. So strong, and yet willing to bend to give me what I need. A lifetime with him won’t be enough, so I guess we’ll have to try for forever.
THE END
