Hoping we would get to the club first, I was disappointed when I saw Alfie and Drew were sitting at a large table in the VIP area with Zoe.
Elle was standing by the bar talking to Louie, and Des was dancing with some scantily-clad woman on the dance floor.
I hesitated when I caught sight of Alfie but pushed myself toward the table. I must have tensed because Luca’s arm tightened around my waist, compensating for this.
Luca was amazingly smooth. He took charge of the situation, and I knew that he was anticipating how I must be feeling to have Alfie and him in the same space.
“Luca.” His soft, low Italian accent cut into the quiet between songs, as his hand extended toward Alfie.
Zoe stood up and thrust her hand at Luca. “Hi, I’m Zoe, Alfie’s girlfriend. You met Alfie the other day.” She said nodding in my direction and mentioning him like I wouldn’t have known who he was otherwise. The guy was world famous for crying out loud. Alfie stood there checking Luca out, a scowl on his face, his jaw ticked, but said nothing.
Luca gave Zoe a warm smile and turned his full attention toward her. “Very nice to meet you, Zoe.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.
I felt he had some common respect for her; she was in the same position as he was, whether she knew it or not.
Alfie and I loved each other deeply, and these were the two people who we were trying to make it with us as we tried to get on with our separate lives.
Not deterred by the fact that Alfie hadn’t spoken, Luca turned to him. “You have a very beautiful girlfriend, Alfie.” Cody interjected and asked Alfie when he thought that Andy would be arriving.
I took his distraction to move beside Luca and put my hand on his chest in support. He squeezed my waist, and I smiled up at him. Luca bent to kiss my forehead.
Alfie muttered, “Fuck.” Turned his upper torso away from us, and looked at the bar behind him. My eyes flicked in his direction, but Luca caught my chin with his forefinger and turned my face back and up to his. He held my eyes with his in a beautiful sensual gaze. “Venti qui e baciami.” (My beautiful girl.)
His lips stroked mine slowly back and forth. “Don’t worry, Lily, he’ll learn to deal with it,” he whispered, and I was impressed that he was being so mature about the whole situation.
Gordon City blared out ‘Ready for your love,’ and the sound filled the room. Luca’s sexy smile widened. “Dance with me.” With that, he guided me toward the dance floor.
I was dancing with my back against Luca’s chest, and my eyes closed. He was stroking my belly, his strong hands skimming back and forth against the satin material of my dress as we swayed to the music. At first I was being careful not to provoke Alfie.
When music changed to the next song I opened my eyes, and it was as if Alfie’s eyes were magnets for mine.
Sitting forward on a bar stool with his legs apart, he had one elbow balancing on one of his thighs, and his beer bottle was just sitting against his lips. Watching me.
Alfie was staring hard. Our eyes connected and once again, I was stuck. All the feelings I tried to suppress for him bubbled from deep inside me, rising up in my chest until they nearly choked me, as a lump formed in my throat.
I thought I was coping well, but when my eyes connected with his in that way, any hopes I had of being free and clear of him evaporated.
My eyes honed in on what he was doing with the neck of the bottle. As he stroked the tip of the bottle back and forth across his lips, his stare seemed to intensify.
I knew he was sending me a silent message. A very private one. He was reminding me of a time we went dancing in London. He had done something extremely erotic to me involving a beer bottle.
No way, could I stop staring at him… staring at me.
I was transfixed, mesmerized. I couldn’t drag my eyes away and didn’t even feel bad that I was leaning against another man. Luca.
Who was I kidding about my feelings for Alfie? The hold he had on my heart was so powerful, and at that moment I was afraid I would never be free of him.
Knowing I needed to do something to push him away from me, I turned to Luca and placed my arms around his neck.
Luca smiled seductively at me, his head bent towards me and he wet my lips with his tongue. He placed his mouth on mine, and I closed my eyes, wanting to scream. His tongue probed deep in my mouth, and my heart cracked, because I knew my action would hurt Alfie.
Kissing Luca back with everything I had, I knew I needed to fight this thing with Alfie. I couldn’t afford to be weak about it, not after everything.
Luca led me off the floor and back to the table. Zoe stood up as Elle came over to me. She smiled at Elle, but Elle’s eyes flicked from me to Zoe, and I could sense something was up.
“Hi, I’m Zoe. Alfie’s girlfriend. You’re Elle’s friend from London right?” I struggled for what to say back. What could I say, Alfie was mine first? Was he ever really mine?
I forced a smile. “Yeah, Elle’s friend from London,” I muttered back but wanted to say I was much more than that. She seemed like a nice person, and I was fed up about that, because I had wanted her to be a bitch. Then I could have hated her without trying.
Zoe chatted easily, and it became clear she had no idea that Alfie and I had a past and boy could the girl talk. “So, you’re in a band too. I saw Alfie talking to you at the party. That must be exciting for you. I didn’t see you play at your launch night. Alfie had me come direct to the after-party. I guess he was doing stuff with the management, and he didn’t want me to get bored.”
I wondered if that was the real reason he left her behind. Was it in the event he might run into me?
Elle briefly excused herself and came back with Drew. I could see that he was hesitant about Zoe and me being at the same table as well. Jack came running over to us.
“Elle, dance with me. I’ve missed you, honey.” Elle giggled, and Drew threw his eyes in the air. “Don’t move, Lily. I know how jealous you get, but be patient. I’ll be back to wriggle myself against your hot little body after this song.” Jack smirked.
“Promise?” I pouted, and he gave me a chaste kiss on my lips. I swore I heard Alfie growl.
“Trust me honey, you’re the one. These other women…I’m just sharpening my skills to give you the best of me.”
Jack winked and grabbed Elle by the arm, dragging her in the direction of the dance floor.
Zoe bunched her brows. “You’re with him? I’m confused. I thought you were with the hot Italian guy.” Alfie smirked and put his bottle down.
“Yeah, it’s all too easy to get confused about her, honey. She’s with everyone.” Luca scowled and stood up, and I threw my hand up to stop him.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Alfie shrugged. “I don’t know, you tell me. I can’t keep up, and I’ve known you a while. I can see how she’s confused.” Alfie’s jaw ticked, he was barely containing himself. Pushing himself to stand, walked away in the direction of the bar.
Zoe’s head spun in Alfie’s direction then back at me. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what’s got up his ass, let me go talk to him. He could at least apologize for his behavior.”
Drew put his hand on Zoe’s arm. “Leave him. Let him come out of his own funk. It’s not the first time he and Lily have clashed.”
Drew’s eyes were full of sympathy at me having to deal with Alfie and his girl, when I had been trying to be the bigger person in all of this. Zoe looked at me puzzled.
“I guess I didn’t realize you knew Alfie too, apart from the party, but I thought you were Elle’s friend. I guess Elle’s been around a while, so it makes sense you’d have met all the guys in the band at some point.”
For the first time I felt sorry for Zoe. She really had no idea why Alfie was behaving so irrationally toward me.
Chapter 13 – Telling the tru
th
I tried to smile at Zoe, mainly because I felt sorry for her. She seemed to be embarrassed about Alfie’s behavior. I might have even liked this girl under different circumstances.
“Seriously, don’t worry about it. I’ll go talk to him, and we’ll sort it out between us. I’m not going to ruin everyone’s night.”
Luca gave me a smile and a nod, so I went off to find Alfie and divert another crisis between us.
Lennon grabbed my arm. “Think about what you’re doing right now.”
Frowning, I shifted onto one leg. “What the hell does that mean?” Lennon pulled me toward him.
“You’re going after him, when the guy you’re trying to have a relationship with sits and watches? How long do you think Luca’s going to hang around when he realizes, no matter what he does, he’s going to come out a poor second?”
I knew Lennon was right with what he was saying, but I wasn’t going to admit that to him. “So, what? I just accept him talking to me like I’m some piece of community ass? Free for anyone who wants me? That’s how he just described me to his fucking girlfriend.”
Lennon’s solid look told me he was worried. “No Lily, he wanted to get a rise out of you, and guess what? It worked. Think about it. He walks away while you take off after him. Mission accomplished.”
I could appreciate that Lennon was trying to stop Alfie from drawing me into a situation where he could gain the upper hand with me again.
However, my temper didn’t want to leave things as they were. “Thanks for the analysis Lennon, but I’m not letting this one slide. If we don’t sort it out tonight, then Elle’s going to have to find another maid of honor, because I’m definitely not going to see her big day ruined.”
Alfie was sitting at a table on the far end of the bar surrounded by fans. He was taking tequila shots with them.
I tapped his shoulder, and he glanced over it. His widened when he realized it was me. “Sorry guys I need to spend time with my girl here.”
His arm went around my waist, and he pulled me close to him, as he led me away from the table.
“Don’t, Alfie, for goodness’ sake get a grip.” He glanced down at where his arm was and pulled me tighter.
Feeling his breath hiss in my ear, his low voice sent vibrations through me. “Is this tight enough now for you, Lily?”
I pushed him back, but his lips skimmed the length of my neck before I could free myself, sending a shiver through my whole body.
“So you’re going to treat me like a whore now?” Alfie dropped his hands immediately, and his palms were chest height stretched out in front of him.
“Jesus, Lily, you know me better than that.”
I scowled and exhaled heavily. “Do I? That’s exactly how you just treated me back there.” I pointed in the direction of the group. “You know Alfie, poor Elle and Drew want nothing more than a drama-free wedding. I was willing to put the issues with us to the side, but you couldn’t think about anyone but yourself.”
Alfie stared intensely at me, running his hand through his hair. “No Lily, it’s not because I’m thinking about myself. It’s when I’m thinking of you. Don’t you know you fucking destroy me? Do you realize what it feels like to see some guy with his tongue down your throat, but more than that, when you’re responding to it? I fucking remember how we both felt when we did that together.”
He swallowed hard and put his hand on my arm and stroked it. I turned preparing to leave and looked over my shoulder. “What the hell are you doing? Your girl is sitting thirty feet away Alfie.”
He exhaled and his eyes flicked over in the direction of her again. “You know what Lily? Zoe is a great girl, I really like her. I do.” I was about to say I felt the same about Luca, but he wasn’t finished what he wanted to say. “She’s not you though. It’s always going to be you. You fucking own me. I love you more than life itself. Forever, Lily,” he whispered.
I closed my eyes feeling my tears surfacing again. “Stop it, Alfie.”
He grabbed my wrist, and his eyes were dark with anger. “Stop what, Lily? The feelings I have for the only woman I’ll ever love? Stop loving the one person that could complete me? Tell me how the fuck I do that? Seeing you with that guy is killing me. When he lays his hands on you, I want to beat the shit out of him. You have no idea how fucking hurt it makes me feel. I’m dying a little inside each time he touches you.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I spoke softly to him. “Don’t Alfie. Stop telling me. I can’t change things about us.” The look in Alfie’s eyes was one of infinite sadness. My heart sank. I hated seeing him like this.
“Please meet me. Please talk to me. I need to see you without all this shit.” His hand pointed at the dancing and crowds of people. “And, especially without all of them over there.” He wagged his finger at our friends. My heart was breaking at just how much our situation was affecting him, affecting us; it just felt like an impossible situation.
I couldn’t break my resolve now. Not when I had come this far. If I saw him alone, I’d cave in again, and I’d end up living a life that in the long run would only create bitterness for the both of us. I’ve spent the past eighteen months telling myself I’ve made the right choice.
“Alfie…no. I’m with Luca. You’re with Zoe. My relationship with him is going great. He makes me happy.”
He smirked but sounded aggravated. “He makes you happy; does his touch do what mine does for you?”
“Don’t do this,” I pleaded, his desolate look, making me want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I would do anything he wanted.
“Answer me.” His eyes stared intensely into mine. I swallowed hard, knowing what I was about to do would hurt him. “Yes, Alfie. Yes it does,” I lied. “What we had was great, but it has to be over. Luca’s my future now.”
The pain I felt saying that was excruciating. The last thing I wanted to do was to kick Alfie when he was so low. The alternative, though, would be suffocating for me.
Alfie’s eyes closed, and he slumped onto an empty seat by the bar. “It’s really over, Lily? There’s no way around this?” His eyes were frantically searching my face for the smallest encouragement.
I shook my head, but I was screaming inside, because I was letting him go. I tried to stay strong. “Let me go, Alfie.” Alfie shrugged, looking defeated and began shaking his head. His eyes flew to mine and connected in the same intense way they always did.
“I’m sorry, Lily. For everything. I’ll never be done being sorry for how we started out, how it shaped us, and our whole relationship.”
Taking him by the hand, I fought myself to ignore the chain reaction of goose-bumps our skin connecting gave me. My body betrayed me with the enormity of what I was about to say, and a tear rolled down my face. I dropped his hand. “We need to start living. Without each other, Alfie. I mean…really start living.”
Alfie grabbed my hand again and squeezed it tightly. My insides fizzed from his touch making my body hum. His hand was trembling. I hid my reaction well; Alfie less well. He stared down at where we were connected, and his eyes shut tight.
I began moving toward our friends before he could talk me out of it anymore, and my hand slipped from his as he loosened his grip. Luca stood up and came walking toward me smiling, which became a grin, and he opened his arms. “Bellissimo.” I stepped into his arms, and he cradled me in them.
“You came back,” he whispered huskily, kissing the top of my head and drawing a circle with his fingers on my back.
“You didn’t think I would?” Luca looked intently at me, his face showing just a hint of strain.
“I would never presume anything with you, Lily. That would be a big mistake I think.” Luca had taken the time to figure me out, and his assessment was just right in relation to my feelings with Alfie.
Alfie and I stayed apart the rest of the evening, stealing glanc
es at each other, and it was hard to try to have fun with all the hurt hanging in the air between us.
He barely touched Zoe all evening. The poor girl tried so hard to keep him interested, but he waved her off several times. Des stepped in to pick up the pieces by dancing with her and ensuring she had drinks.
Jack even asked her to dance. I think he thought, in some small way, it would make me feel better about how Alfie was treating her. And it did. Jack always read me just right.
Holly and I headed to the restroom. I didn’t want to go alone, because Alfie might follow me. Everyone seemed determined to keep him from getting near me for the rest of the night.
Rosie followed us in. “Can I talk to you for a minute, Lily.” I glanced at Holly, and she shrugged. “I’ll be outside the door, don’t be long.” She drawled eyeing Rosie up and down.
Rosie wrung her hands. “I know you’re not interested in Jack now, Lily. I can’t say I understand you guys, but I realize that there isn’t anything sexual between you and Jack.”
I smiled warmly. “I thought we’d dealt with this last time you were here, Rosie?”
She rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around her waist. She shook her head. “You might have, but I definitely didn’t. But seeing you tonight? The way you look at Alfie, you’re so deeply in love with him. The way you look at Jack is different, it’s love, but a different look altogether. Plus, I heard Alfie telling Drew you’re full of bullshit, and he can feel how much you still love him.” She smirked.
My jaw hung at what Rosie was saying. Was I really that transparent? I thought I’d been doing well in masking my feelings for Alfie. My plan to put us all in the same room had failed miserably. What in the hell was I thinking?
I opened the door, and Holly’s hair swished in front of me as she turned to stare at me. “Alright?” she drawled. I gave her a worried look, and she reached out and touched my arm.
“I need to get out of here. Tell Luca to come and meet me, and I’ll get a cab. Make sure Jack, Rosie, and the guys get in the mini bus okay?” Holly didn’t stop to question me, which I was really grateful for.
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 11
