Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?...

by K. L. Shandwick

  Alfie stared at me, the strain suddenly leaving his face. “You’re really serious about being with me this time aren’t you?” He laced his fingers in mine and brought our hands to his lips.

  “You have no idea how happy you are making me feel right now. I’ve agonized about the last time I left you, because I should never have gone. I wanted to put you first… always, Lily. I am desperately in love with you, and I’m desperate to show you how much. But if you need me to wait a little longer, I’ll try.” He looked so handsome standing beside me, and his words meant more to me now than ever.

  I placed my hands on the sides of his head and pulled his face to me. He stood silently, while I kissed his eyes and peppered little kisses over his face, until his tongue ran along my lips, and our mouths melded into one another again.

  His kisses were so sensual and erotic. The sensation was making me feel so desperate for him to be inside of me, part of me.

  My panties were soaking, and I was in danger of going back on my decision and have him make love to me right now.

  “Are you going to suck faces all night or is the big shot rock star going to put his hand in his pocket and buy us all a drink?”

  Jack had decided I needed help with my self-control, and to be honest, I was glad he was capable of making decisions, because my judgement was becoming less rational by the minute with Alfie around.

  This night was a complete contrast to last night with our friends. Although we had a VIP section in our group, there were five guys not currently dating. They all danced on the main dance floor, and at one point we commandeered a table near the bar in one of the main rooms.

  This was mainly due to it being easier for the guys to keep drinking and dancing with some of the hot girls. Some were especially eager, mainly when they recognized Des and Andy. Cody and Lennon were beginning to get recognized too, but Cody had brought the girl from last night, Angela.

  Surprise of the evening was when a very pretty dark-haired girl with a gorgeous smile was introduced to us by Digs. “This is Freya.” Digs looked completely smitten, and she seemed shy, and a little star-struck, at meeting everyone.

  Elle and I made her feel welcome, then she went to sit at Elle and Holly’s table with Digs, Brett, and Drew. Elle later told me that Digs had told her that he’d been seeing her for two months, but didn’t want to say too much, because it was still fairly new, and XrAid was going on tour.

  I guessed he didn’t think it was new anymore, when he just took things to another level, by bringing her to meet us.

  My chest felt so light, the constant ache to be with Alfie gone. Letting my love for him out took care of that.

  Judging from Alfie’s playful banter, he was having the time of his life. He never left my side but seemed really relaxed and carefree. After a while, I realized no one had even asked me to dance. Maybe they all knew. We just needed time without any interruptions. Even Jack didn’t dance with me but gave me several knowing smiles.

  Also partly wondering, if no one had asked me to dance after witnessing Alfie and I dancing together. The sexual tension between us was ridiculously hot.

  I caught up with Elle in the restrooms. She was completely beside herself with joy because I was giving Alfie another chance.

  She told me when she first moved in with Drew, she had hated Alfie. However, she got to know him on the tour bus. The more time she spent with him, the more she realized how in love he was with me, and how much this affected him. She commented she had never known anyone that loved a girl as much as he seemed to love me.

  She told me that I was all he ever talked about, but that he didn’t use my name. Zoe was well aware that I was “the love of his life”, and he told her he had no heart, he’d given it up before he met her. My heart ached that I had put him through all of that, but it was reassuring that Elle could confirm a lot of what Alfie had said when he came to see me.

  She explained that she would have told me all of this before, but she’d kept her word not to talk about Alfie to me, or me to Alfie. I really hadn’t been fair to ask that of her. I had put Elle in the same position as Mandy. They had become friends with Alfie but couldn’t support him when it came to talking about the one issue he felt he had needed it with…me.

  Elle hugged me when I told her that we would be touring with Crakt Soundzz, squealing loudly. She began jumping up and down, and I could see she was already picturing us getting up to all sorts while the guys had rehearsals and sound checks to do.

  We made our way back to our guys at the table. Alfie was surrounded by lots of hot looking girls. I stood back and watched him, interested to see how he behaved when he thought I wasn’t around.

  He was polite and charming, the ‘stage version of Alfie,’ but wasn’t giving off vibes of being interested in anything, except talking about the band and his music.

  I noticed women wanted to touch him a lot. One ran her hand through his hair. Alfie flicked his head away from her, and his hand came up grabbing her wrist, before pushing her arm gently back in her direction.

  Henry, one of Alfie’s security guys, seemed to gauge it just right and moved in as the advances on Alfie were taking on a more personal level.

  The girl was pushed back by Henry, but with his body intercepting between her and Alfie. He engaged her in pleasant conversation. He backed her off gently, making her step backwards, creating distance between them.

  One girl tried to sit on his lap, and he moved slightly, so that she just missed achieving this. His head tilted as he looked in the direction I had disappeared in, and I knew he was waiting for me.

  I stepped in front of him, and he pulled me onto him. “Sorry ladies, I only have eyes for my girl, and if you don’t mind, we’d like a little privacy now,” he cooed.

  They mainly dispersed after that, but if others came up and began to annoy him by ignoring me and hitting on him, he would kiss me and pretend like they didn’t exist.

  “Are we going to be subjected to this all the time on tour?” Lennon’s voice was sharp. I wasn’t sure whether Lennon meant the women hanging on Alfie or us kissing. Alfie took it as him commenting on us as a couple.

  Lennon was scowling, and Alfie grinned at him. “You don’t have to watch, Lenny. Get a girl of your own, and I’ll teach you what to do.” Alfie grinned at Lennon’s confused face, as he digested what he said, then chuckled.

  “Don’t worry man. You’re not even going to be on the same bus as us. I don’t want my girl’s ass being gawped at when she gets out of the shower. Drew and I are sharing a bus with Elle and Lily, and all you sweaty guys can fuck as many groupies as you can get your hands on.”

  Cody slung his arm around Lennon’s neck and pulled him close, hitting on the opportunity to tease Lennon further. “Don’t worry Lennon you can be Shawn’s wingman. I’ll scout the girls for you both. You’ll only have to drop your pants.”

  Shawn looked at me and smirked. “Hmm, guess my mass-produced junk is going to see some action in the near future.” I chuckled as Shawn waited for my reply.

  I wrinkled my nose in mock disgust. “I’d definitely use glitter sprinkles on it Shawn. Just to up your chances, an’ all.” I winked. The XrAid guys and Jack cracked up laughing. Alfie looked puzzled, and Shawn shook his head at Alfie’s expression.

  “Dude, you just had to be there, I guess,” Shawn commented walking away belly laughing wickedly.

  Alfie squeezed my arm. “What was that about?”

  I smirked. “Later, it’s a long standing joke from my first ever gig and it would take too long to explain tonight.”

  At the end of the night, Alfie tried to persuade me to go back with him. I wouldn’t even let him come back with us, because I knew I would end up in bed with him.

  We left after we made final arrangements to meet for our Christmas Eve bash, and I had already promised him a couple of hours of my time during the day. The
highlight of our night, apart from his kisses, was when I invited him to spend Christmas Day with my parents and everyone else.

  His surprised reaction was incredible. “You mean it? I get to spend Christmas with you, all day and night?”

  “What about your sister and your aunt though, what are they doing?”

  “Yeah, I’m supposed to see them on Christmas morning.” He looked dejected.

  I hadn’t even met his family before. “Would they come to us? Spend the day with all of us?”

  Alfie’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”

  I nodded. “Sure. The more the merrier.”

  He smiled. “Henry can bring them and take them home.”

  I nodded and squealed when he swept me off my feet and planted a wet kiss on my cheek. “Damn, Father Christmas just gave me my present early,” he cooed.

  Chapter 18 – Making plans

  Alfie’s text was waiting for me when I got out of the shower this morning.

  SEXPERT : On my way <3

  It was Christmas Eve, and I had agreed to spend some time with Alfie today, but we were discussing the details of how we would manage to spend enough quality time together with us both having busy schedules.

  Apart from that, we’d be traveling to different places, often spending long hours cooped up with Drew and Elle on a tour bus, and had to work out how to have a proper relationship, while living in close proximity to all of our respective bandmates.

  We’d have pressures from the tour itself, and the added pressure of accepting time apart, while XrAid went off to support Rick’s band.

  We needed to set some boundaries first. We needed to try to work out days off in sync, so that we could allow ourselves to grow a lasting bond with each other, which would rise above the fucked-up-ness of being in the music business.

  Although, there was only a little interest in XrAid as a band from the media, Crakt Soundzz was a completely different story.

  Alfie was regularly hounded by the media for any morsel of information. I knew this would be a constant headache for me, because it was one of the things that had sealed the deal of me trying to be with him in the past. I hadn’t thought I could handle it.

  I was younger then, and less self- assured, but I thought I would be a little less likely to accept everything I saw in the papers, online or anywhere else, as the gospel truth without giving the person involved the opportunity to explain it to me.

  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about the fans targeting me about being his girl but also about being in a band myself. People just couldn’t approach me on stage.

  When we signed, we were also given some security detail for when we were on the road. If I was with Alfie, then I had his. Alfie wanted to discuss getting someone to be with me permanently, now that we were back together, so I guessed that would all have to be finalized when we talked.

  My apartment intercom buzzed and the doorman told me that Alfie was waiting downstairs. He’d arrived in an old Jeep I hadn’t seen before. His Mustang was his usual ride.

  He looked totally awesome in his old faded cargo shorts, which hung low on his waist, and a black tank top. I really loved when he was dressed way down like this.

  I knew that sounded silly, when his band attire revolved around jeans and t-shirts, or if he was at a function, he was really smart. But like this, it was just Alfie, my Alfie, the private man. No bells or whistles necessary.

  For a rock star, he looked far too healthy, with his shiny hair and flawless skin, bright sparkly eyes and great physique, but Alfie did take care of himself. He didn’t do drugs, smoke, or eat excessively.

  His muscular arms and torso were displayed perfectly by his attire. His hair was still wet, and he smelled like heaven when he bent in to kiss me.

  As soon as he touched the skin on my shoulder, my skin reacted. The magnetic pull we had to each other was ridiculous. I found myself having to squirm out of his arms before he squirmed his way into my panties.

  He chuckled and rubbed his hand on my lower back. “Hey,” he cooed.

  I smiled and checked out his attire. “So, we’re not going anywhere fancy to talk?”

  Alfie checked me out in my little bronze-colored sundress. “You going naked on the beach or do you still have a bikini in the trunk of your car?”

  He’d remembered that in my early days of being in Florida, I seemed to constantly struggle with what to wear for the weather.

  I wasn’t used to having an ocean with a beach on tap all of the time. When it was cloudy, I would overdress in my air conditioned apartment and melt as soon as my feet hit the pavement, because I was dressed in too many clothes.

  I took to keeping extra light clothing and beachwear in my car, just in case the opportunity arose to use them.

  Today, my forward thinking was paying off. Either that, or Alfie’s was with the thought of seeing me in my bikini.

  Alfie drove us down toward The Keys, pulling alongside a little beachside café. He told me that this was one of his favorite places. He had fond memories of playing on the small beach as a child.

  He was usually a closed book about his family, yet this morning he told me about how his sister Layla and he spent hours building the best sandcastles, while his mom and dad sat at one of the restaurant’s tiki tables and chatted happily about their lives.

  “They were always planning something.” Alfie was staring out at the ocean, obviously reflecting upon the happy times he spent here.

  His face looked tinged with sadness, but when he turned and faced me, his eyes fixed on my face, and his face brightened into the most beautiful smile.

  “I just figured that this was a great place to bring you, so that we could do our planning here too. They were an amazing couple, Lily. They were so smart, loving, funny, supportive; until my mom got sick.”

  I nodded that I understood he missed them, especially on anniversaries such as Christmas, and leaned over to hug him. He kissed my cheek and signaled for the waiter to come over.

  We didn’t agree on everything that we wanted as we ironed out our differences on how this was going to work, and I knew most people didn’t ever plan how to start dating, but we weren’t under normal circumstances.

  We would probably get about ten weeks a year altogether, without commitments, where we could actually be in the same place at the same time without the bands. Even during this, we would have to schedule some rehearsal time with our bands.

  I was also conscious that the other band members might have commitments of their own, which would further complicate our situation.

  Alfie begged me not to overthink us. This was usually the point when I told him we couldn’t do this.

  Seeing clearly for the first time, how much I had hurt him by struggling with my conflicting feelings. “Lily, when you truly love someone, you take what you can get. Nothing else matters,” he cooed.

  Sometimes, I wished I could see it in the simplest of terms like Alfie did, but my brain didn’t function that way. It made me consider I could be making him feel insecure by my constant striving to find reasons why we couldn’t be together instead of ways we possibly could.

  I wondered if Alfie was questioning just how much I loved him, when I was meeting to decide how much time I could spend with him, and if it was really worth it.

  It had been me, I was the one constantly placing conditions on us now. In the beginning he wouldn’t commit, but since he had, the only thing that he’d done that was difficult for me was to go to work.

  How many other women live with their husbands’ traveling? There were many occupations where one partner often had to leave the other.

  I felt ashamed, when I thought about military families, where the added pressure for them was affording to live and bring up families, and each time they parted could be the last time they saw their loved one.

  I ne
eded to stop being so selfish. I held Alfie’s hand, and I could see how concerned he was to get this right for me. “You know what Alfie?”

  His eyes searched mine, and I could see a fleeting glimmer of insecurity before he answered. “Yeah?”

  Smiling slowly, I said, “It doesn’t matter, none of the planning, the traveling, the bands, the fans. We just have to do this. You told me you were desperately in love with me. I want to show you that I’m just as desperately in love with you. Apart from you being faithful and loving to me, I have no conditions on us.”

  Alfie rose slowly from his seat and walked around the little tiki table. He came up behind me and bent over, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. As I went to close my eyes, he scooped me up and ran full pelt into the ocean with me.

  I was screaming for him to let me go, and he was shouting, “She loves me.” Attracting the attention of everyone on the beach, and those inside the restaurants were now straining at the windows to see what all the commotion was about.

  He didn’t stop until we were fully submerged. I struggled for air as I broke up through the waves. He was already standing waiting. Grinning, he pulled me tightly too him.

  I went with the moment and wrapped my legs around his waist as he bent to kiss me. We could hear cheering from a few of the sunbathers on the beach.

  When we walked back to the shoreline, I heard an older woman tell her husband, “You need to get that Alfie’s number. He really knows how to show his girl he loves her, maybe you can get some tips from him.” I briefly wondered how she knew him, before I remembered everyone knew who Alfie Black was.

  Alfie and I made our way back to my apartment. He was begging the whole time to come upstairs. I still wanted us to take things a little at a time, but reminded him that he would be staying with me tomorrow night. And I was secretly hoping that I could hold off that long as well.

  He dropped me off and reluctantly went home. Jack, true to form, was eating a massive bag of tortilla chips he’d gotten from Walmart.