The limo brought us back to our buses, and I declined Rick’s invite to go back to his band bus for drinks. I was living with enough smelly boys to want to go drinking with more of them.
When I got inside, no one was home. Barry, one of the drivers, was the only one there. He told me the guys had gone to a club and offered to drop me off. Happy to have some quiet time, I declined. I showered and crawled into my bunk feeling better about Alfie after what Rick had said to me.
Sleeping, but vaguely aware of some very inebriated bandmates arriving home, I heard them cussing a storm as they tried to squeeze themselves into their bunks.
There were more than a few thumps as they tried to undress in semi darkness, and several stage-loud “shushes,” something drunken people do when they were trying to be quiet. It brought a smile to my lips as I turned over, they had obviously sorted out their differences in my absence.
Lennon was pinching my toe when I woke. “Lily, get your ass downstairs there’s something you might want to see.” I cricked my neck from one side to the other and tried to sit up.
When I went into the kitchen area, Lennon and Digs were sitting at the table. Shawn and Cody were apparently the culprits of the drunken interlude last night and were still sleeping off the ale.
““Well? What is it?” Lennon gestured at the internet sites. Pictures of Rick and me looking very cozy. The guy did a really good job. From the angle we were at, Rick looked completely smitten, and I was looking up at him with doe-eyes.
“No publicity is bad publicity right?” I echoed Rick’s comment from last night looking confident, but inside I was worried about what Alfie would think when he saw it. This put my mind into conflict, because he obviously hadn’t given a shit about what I felt when he let Alice sit all over his lap, whether she was “batting for the other team,” or not.
The tagline was what made me cringe though. ‘Alfie Black and Lily Parnell move on.’ The piece went on to ask some questions. “What exactly does Rick Fars have that Alfie Black doesn’t? Alice Bridge is a pretty girl, but is she in Lily’s league?’
The article went on, {The couple had chosen the discreet venue, but the eagle-eyed photographer captured the intimate image of the pair gazing longingly at each other. Rick and Lily were seen leaving the restaurant shortly after in the same luxury transport, and entering the band compound both Cobham Street and XrAid are currently sharing. We have to ask ourselves, what exactly was going through Alfie’s mind, when he saw the intimate pictures of the couple dining in an exclusive, romantic, discreet French restaurant. Alfie, allegedly, snatched the photographs out of the reporter’s hand and stared hard at them. He then slammed it back to the reporter’s chest with the comment, “Lily’s a big girl. She’s strong willed and independent, I’m not her keeper.”}
Fuck. That comment was almost as good a comment as, ‘she’ll fuck anything that isn’t moving.’ How dare he? After ignoring me for almost a week and flaunting a woman in his lap at me, even if she was gay.
Suddenly my cell blew up. Text after text message, one from Elle, Jack, Will, Holly, and Mandy. Everybody wanted to know what the hell I was doing with Rick.
Me? What I was doing? There had been pictures all over the internet of Alfie and his “support act,” and yet everyone was questioning how I was behaving? Anyone would think I wasn’t able to be faithful to him. Well given my track record in the beginning, that might have been true, but technically we weren’t together then.
“You know what, Lennon? Everyone can go to hell. I don’t care what the papers say, Rick and I know what happened, and if I tell you that was nothing, would you believe me anyway?”
“Yes, without a doubt I do. I just wanted to see how you reacted and how we should play it off, is all,” he said quietly.
Just when I need someone to take this whole shitty mess out on, Lennon became the voice of reason. “I’m going to shower. Rick is probably over there rehearsing now. He said he would take care of it today. So, I’m not going to give it any more of my time. You know the press. They’re like sharks in the water, always circling.”
I left the guys and collected my outfit and wash bag from the cubby above me and headed to the shower.
When I was dressed, I grabbed my cell, and we all headed over to the stadium. Shit, this place was colossal, holding seventy thousand people, and we were completely unknown here.
I swallowed but there wasn’t even enough spit in my mouth to warrant it. I glanced at the time on my phone before I put it in my pocket, and there it was. The long awaited text from Alfie, right on cue.
SEXPERT: we need to talk.
Now, I could have called him, and ranted on about the many texts and voicemails I had sent him that he’d ignored, but I didn’t. Quietly, I stood and punched out a short text and stuffed my cell back in my pocket.
Pink Lady: We do? Since when? No, don’t answer that. I would only have to look at my cell again, and I’m too busy today. So…save it.
Maybe I was being childish, but he’d left me for days without speaking to me. I couldn’t even get reassurance about the woman sitting on his lap. Well, fuck you Alfie, you can stew for a while.
We rehearsed and rested then got ourselves ready for the show of our lives. Looking out at the vast crowd, I thought I was going to hyperventilate at the side of the stage as we waited to go on. This was the first gig we’d played at that was completely uncovered outside; including the stage, since we were at the On the Verge of Fame festival before we got signed.
It was a nighttime gig, and although there was some flood lighting in the stadium, by the time we were due to go on it was pitch black.
Apart from the screams and catcalls, it felt quite eerie. I took my place on the stage after my usual pep talk from Cody. He’d kissed me on the lips tonight, right before he dragged me out here, but I put it down to the adrenaline and him not really thinking about it too much.
We stood there anticipating the emcee’s announcement and when it came, there was a massive uproar from the crowd. Shawn counted us in like usual, and the next thing was Lennon‘s incredible guitar introduction bringing the stage to life. Cody began his usual showmanship banter, and myself and Digs joined in playing our instruments.
I was playing rhythm guitar for this first number, and Cody sang this alone. We’d changed the set order to include a couple of covers for this gig, because of the number of people, and us being relatively unknown.
We were only finishing the first number when the skies opened and a heavy rainstorm beat down on us. An automatic cover was mechanically making its way over us, and we were instructed to keep playing.
We managed another two numbers, but the canopy didn’t cover the stage completely. The stage was soaked in parts, and it was still raining hard. Cody signalled that we’d do one more number, and if it wasn’t getting any better, we’d stop.
I had been singing with my electric acoustic guitar and was exchanging this for my Gibson. I slipped it over my shoulder, and Shawn counted us in for the next song. As soon as I strummed with my plectrum on the string, I vaguely heard a loud bang.
There was a sharp, intense pain that shot up my arm, and it seemed to squeeze my chest, but it felt like a punch there as well. My mouth tingled and everything went black.
The first thing I remembered after that was hearing voices echoing the distance, and I was wondering who it was. People were talking in low murmurs. I strained to listen, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I felt exhausted. My eyes were so heavy, and I was in pain. I just couldn’t pinpoint where. My head hurt as well, that was where the sharp pain was. It was the body pain I was struggling with locating.
I tried to open my eyes but I was so tired, and the tiredness was pulling me further back, until I couldn’t hear anything, and it went black again. I kept slipping in and out of consciousness.
The next time I was conscious I heard
, “It’s your own fucking fault dude. You think you can mess with someone like her?” I heard the voices again. I knew the voice but couldn’t place it. I couldn’t understand why I was so tired? The voices faded again.
Again, I became aware of someone. “I couldn’t deal with her being with you guys, and not me, it fucking hurt.” I remembered thinking, whose voice was that? Oh, God, it was Alfie?
“Of course I love her. She’s my fucking world, Rick.” I kept thinking, Alfie’s here? What was he doing here? Who did he love? I still couldn’t understand why I couldn’t open my eyes or where I was.
Alfie took my left hand. I knew it was him. I would know his hands anywhere, and there was a slight ‘hum’ of electricity between our palms. “I love you, honey. I’m sorry, shit we’ve wasted so much time, please wake up.” He was talking to me. I felt him drop my hand back to soft material. I realized I was in a bed. What happened?
He began brushing my hair back, placing his hand against my cheek. He took my hand again, and I felt his warm touch. My heart began to beat too fast. Then there was a fast, high-pitched noise.
I heard something bleeping. It was getting faster, and there was this two-tone noise. An alarm? I just wanted someone to turn it off. I tried to open my eyes. I tried to squeeze Alfie’s hand, but there was nothing. I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed.
I remember feeling anxious. My heart was beating too quickly, and I had pain in the center my chest. I just wanted someone to turn off the noise. People came into the room, their voices urgent. “You need to wait outside,” I heard a woman say.
“I’m not leaving her,” Alfie stated.
“Come on, dude, you need to let them help her.” I recognized Rick’s voice. Rick and Alfie were in the room. What was Rick doing here? Why couldn’t I open my eyes? I needed to breathe, my heart was flip-flopping. And my chest got tighter. I started to drift toward the blackness again, at least the noise had stopped, I thought.
Chapter 33 – Eavesdropping
{You stole my heart, right at the start that one glance, had my heart in a trance. You spun me a line, and it’s suspended in time in our song.
If I’ve missed my chance with you, I don’t know what to do, there’s no reason to live When I only exist to be near you. Come home to me.
From that moment on, it’s been a terrible crime, I wanted to claim you, for you to be mine. To make you my own, for me to be yours cuz you own me.
If I’ve missed my chance with you I don’t know what to do, there’s no reason to live when I only exist to be near you. So come on home to me.}
The next time I was semi-conscious I heard Alfie singing and strumming his guitar. It was a new song. I’d never heard it before. It had the sweetest music, but the saddest melody I’ve ever heard. It was an ingenious attempt at a love song. Not really the kind of lyrics he was used to writing.
“I’m a patient man, Lily. Take your time, honey. I’m gonna be right here when you wake up, and I’m gonna love you even more than I do right now,” Alfie told me when he’d finished singing. He sounded tired, squeezing my hand, and exhaling deeply. I tried to squeeze his back, but nothing happened.
Alfie started talking to me again. “There are so many things I’ve still got to share with you. I need you to know what you mean to me, Lily, and I’m sorry if I haven’t been able to do that in the right way so far. I guess I should have just given in to my feelings in the beginning and dated you like any normal guy would have.
“Seeing you lying here, so fucking beautiful, but kind of lifeless, is killing me. I need to see those big, beautiful, eyes of yours again. I need to hear that fucking cute giggle you have, and most of all, I need to feel your warm body snuggled up close next to mine.
“It doesn’t matter where you’ve gone…in that little locked down world you’re in, feeling your warm hand in mine and hearing your strong heartbeat on that monitor over there, lets me know you’re very much alive. It gives me hope.” He sighed heavily. “I’ll wait here my whole fucking life if I have to as long as there’s hope.”
His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat. “I won’t go on without you by my side, I fucking refuse to. Lily, when you finally come back with me, I’m gonna be everything you need, anything you want. Just come back to me, honey. Whenever you’re ready. I love you so much.” He snickered. “Fuck I’ll even buy you flowers. I might as well, cuz you already own my heart. Maybe I am the heart and flowers kind after all, I must have just been waiting on you to realize that.”
I heard Alfie tap something into his cell. “Get me Calla Lilies. I don’t know how many, loads; I want this room full of flowers when Lily wakes up. Yeah, today, as soon as they can get them here.” Something bounced softly on the bed, and I thought at the time it was Alfie’s cell. He picked my hand up and placed it in his again.
“Damn, Lily, I’ve just admitted I’m a pussy, you better make it worth my while and wake the fuck up, girl.” I thought I smiled. Alfie didn’t react. So it must have been in my head. I became really drowsy again, and I had no fight; everything went black again. Alfie had put the radio on and ‘Best Thing,’ by Anthem Lights was playing softly.
“God, she looks so fucking frail lying there.” Jack! Jack was in the room, and there was an overpowering smell of lilies. “If anything happens to her, I don’t know what I’d do. I was in Japan covering a story when I got your call. Fuck Alfie, has it been a week, already?”
Jack sounded choked, and Alfie’s voice sounded tired, although he always spoke to me so positively all the time. I knew I had to try harder to wake up. I needed to stop their worry and let them know I was okay. I could hear Jack crying. No Jack don’t cry, I’m okay I’m just really, really tired. I thought I was shouting at him, but it was still in my head.
The noise I’ve come to recognize as a heart monitor started its bleeping faster. Sounded like a crazy-assed metronome, keeping time with my heart. I remembered thinking, was that how fast my heart was beating?
“Fuck Jack, stop crying, something’s happening, I don’t think she likes what you’re doing,” Alfie was telling Jack.
I felt Alfie squeeze my hand, and he began speaking softly, soothingly to me, his thumb grazing the back of it as he spoke. “Okay, honey, don’t worry. Jack’s just a bit overwhelmed at seeing you for the first time.”
I squeezed his hand back. “Did you see that? Did you fucking see that? She squeezed my hand. Lily do it again, squeeze my hand sweetheart, let me know you can hear me,” he prompted.
I put everything I had into my hand and squeezed. “Sweet Jesus, thank you. Quick! Get someone, Jack. I think she’s waking up.” I heard the door bang, and Jack’s voice shouting in the distance.
Alfie spoke calmly again. “Take your time, honey. Come back to me when you’re ready. I’ll be right here, whenever you want, I’m right here.” He kissed my hand, and I heard Jack come back in the room with a woman.
“Well that’s a very good sign. She’s starting to wake up. You must have the magic touch, keep talking to her. She likes the sound of your voice. Keep it light and positive.” I heard the door close again.
“Don’t overanalyze it Alfie, I’ve been in her life for most of it,” Jack said.
Alfie squeezed my hand when he spoke back. “Yeah, kinda says a lot though, when I’ve been sitting here for a week doing all kinds of shit, trying to reach her and you’re here five minutes and her heart goes bat-shit crazy.”
Alfie was so wrong. I just couldn’t cope with Jack crying. I enjoyed hearing what Alfie was thinking. I had never known for sure exactly what he was thinking from time to time, and this had been my chance to hear all the things that were in his heart.
I squeezed Alfie’s hand again, and I tried my hardest to open my eyes. A crack of blurry light appeared then I managed to focus. Alfie was sitting on the chair to my left, and Jack was standing by the window. I had never seen so many flowers in one r
oom in all my life.
I wanted to see them. I wanted to see Alfie and Jack but I couldn’t keep my eyes open, it was too tiring. “Did you see that? She looked straight at me,” Alfie exclaimed. “Lily? Can you hear me? Open your eyes for me, sweetheart.” I forced my eyes open, and Alfie’s smile melted my heart. I fell in love all over again when his eyes met mine.
“Hey,” he cooed. “Hi sleepy head, don’t be afraid, you’re okay. God, honey, I’ve missed you, welcome back. Don’t panic Lily, I got you. You’re in the hospital, honey, but you’re going to be just fine.”
Jack came bounding across the room and almost grabbed me out of the bed. “Thank you, God!” He kissed my face tenderly. “Don’t you ever do this to me again,” he scowled. His face was full of concern.
Alfie’s voice cut in. “You’ve been asleep for a week, Lily. One night after a concert, you told me could sleep for a week because you were so tired, I never expected you to demonstrate it to me.” He chuckled.
Alfie had pressed the buzzer and a redheaded woman in a nurse’s uniform came through the door. As soon as she started to speak, I realized that she’d been around a lot. I’d heard her talking to Alfie in the past, and today, to Jack, just before I woke up.
I looked around the room. It was like a funeral parlor. There were so many lilies that every surface apart from the floor had displays of flowers. There were some in vases, some in baskets, and a few in that cellophane wrap.
The flowers were beautiful, but the smell was overpowering. I wasn’t going to complain, because Alfie had put them there. “So… I thought you weren’t the hearts-and-flowers kind of guy? What’s happened to you Alfie?” I croaked.
He ran his hand through his hair, and even though he was tired, the smile shined in his eyes. “You’re not allowed to mention this after you leave this room. I won’t have my hard-hearted reputation tainted just because I love you. Better get your cell out and snap a few pictures because the only other time I’d ever buy flowers would be for a wedding.”
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 27
