"Yesterday, in St. Agnes. I thought I'd wear my white pumps, and that little white hat with the veil. What do you think?"
"I think it's perfect, Mamma." Kate walked around her mother, inspecting with a critical eye, as she went. "You can wear my pearls. That can be your something borrowed. The dress is new. Do you have something old?"
"Unzip me." Belle turned her back to Kate. "I thought I'd wear Grandma's broach. I can pin it right here." Belle patted the high neck of the dress with her open hand.
Carefully undoing the long zipper, Kate questioned, "Do you have something blue."
Belle let the dress fall in graceful folds around her feet, then reached to scoop it up into her arms. "I wouldn't forget something blue." She lifted her long petticoat to reveal a wide blue satin garter festooned with lace, and fastened to her upper leg. "This is my something blue."
"Mamma, honestly! Don't tell me you bought that in St. Agnes."
Belle gathered her dress in her arms. "I made it. Come on, I'll show you what else I made."
Kate followed Belle down the hall, and into the bedroom, thinking as she went, that she had never before seen her mother this excited. "Mamma, what are you up to?"
"See." Belle pointed to the curtains that hung across the windows, then to the spread that covered the neatly made bed. "Cody's been living in a camper for years. Now he can enjoy the comforts of a real home."
Kate sat on the edge of the new spread, and ran her hands across the smooth surface. "It's beautiful, Mamma."
Belle hung her dress in the closet. "So, what did Hank want?"
"Mamma, you are about as subtle as a steam roller. What makes you think he wanted anything?"
"He came over here this morning with a cow on a rope and a line of bull about how we could do him a favor by taking care of Edna." Belle yanked her petticoat over her head and tossed it on the bed, then pulled a pair of jeans up over her thin hips. "Hank doesn't strike me as a man who gives without expecting something in return." She zipped her jeans, then struggled to fasten the top button. "I sat in the kitchen this morning and watched him taking bites out of you with his eyes. Are you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what, Mamma? There is nothing to tell."
"I have to make supper." Belle pulled a skimpy tee shirt over her head. "Hank Sinclair is not the marrying kind. I hope you know that."
Kate followed her mother down the hall and into the kitchen. "Neither am I Mamma, not anymore."
Belle gave an undignified snort. "All women are the marrying kind, Kate. Men want sex, women want love -- and marriage."
"Mamma, I'm not looking for a man." Kate sat down at the table and watched as Belle began to bustle about the kitchen.
"Maybe you prefer York Taylor. He's rich, and not bad looking." Belle began to peel potatoes, and put them in a pan. "Make a salad, Kate. Use those tomatoes on the door in the refrigerator."
Kate rummaged around in a drawer, looking for a knife. "But you don't like York, do you Mamma? You did, in the beginning. What happened?"
"What difference does it make? I'm not the one who's choosing."
"Will you stop it, Mamma?
"Stop what?" Belle ran water over the potatoes, and set them on the stove, then adjusted the burner. "Don't let me forget. I turned this burner on high."
"Stop matchmaking. Stop trying to marry me off." Kate sliced through a head of lettuce. "I don't intend to make that mistake again. And turn that burner down, you'll forget it's on high, and so will I."
With slow deliberation. Belle turned the knob on the back of the stove. "My Lord, Kate you're forty-six years old. Don't you ever intend to leave home?"
"Mamma," Kate drew a long ragged breath, then bit her lip, refusing to rise to Belle's bait.
"I wouldn't fancy waking up every morning of my life and seeing York Taylor's head on the pillow next to me." Belle pointed toward the cabinet."Hand me that lid Kate."
Too sweetly, Kate asked, "This one, Mamma," She handed Belle the lid, then began to dice tomatoes, and slam them into the bowl in front of her.
Belle put the lid on the pan. "Now Hank is a different story. Can you imagine what that man can do in bed?" She giggled, then asked, "Or do you know, already, Katie baby?"
"Stop it, Mamma." Kate turned to stare at her mother. "What makes you think anything has happened between Hank and me?"
"Did I say I thought that? Stop giving your mother dirty looks." Belle scooted past Kate, and began to take plates from the cabinet. "You have a transparent face, Kate."
"You're not going to goad me into telling you about what..." Kate threw the tomatoes she had sliced into the salad bowl. "Stop it, Mamma."
Belle watched Kate as a smile deepened her dimples. "My, that's going to be a tossed salad, sure enough. What were you saying about this afternoon?"
"Nothing, Mamma. I said absolutely nothing. I am a mature woman and Hank is too old to behave like some half-baked young stud." That, Kate hoped, would put an end to this ridiculous conversation.
"Well, I always say, the older the buck, the stiffer the horn."
"Damn it Mamma, stop it! I don't intend to tell you what happened this afternoon. And don't tell me not to swear. I'll swear if I damn well want to."
Belle held up one hand. "Listen, I hear a car. Are you expecting a caller, Kate?"
Kate threw the last of the tomatoes in the bowl, and wiped her wet hands down the sides of her jeans. "No, Mamma, I'm not." She was hurrying to the front door, with Belle treading on her heels.
The car, a low slung late model Corvette, roared into the yard and skidded to a stop.
"That's what I call class." Belle caught the screen door and followed Kate onto the porch.
The young woman who stepped from the car was tall and elegantly beautiful. Her flame red hair was close-cropped and smoothly combed. Even before she turned to face the two women on the porch, Kate grasp Belle's arm in a vice-grip. "Mamma," Her breath stopped in her throat, "It's Suzie."
Belle's brows met in a tense frown. Her hand snaked out to grab Kate's arm. "I see her. Let her come to you."
Kate drew a deep breath and waited and watched as the too thin, tastefully dressed young woman came around the car, and stopped. "Mom? Grandma?" Uncertainty etched itself into every line of her graceful body, as she paused, waiting for some response from the two women on the porch.
Belle hung on to her daughter, with a strength that belied her age and size. "Steady, Kate."
Suzie took a tentative step forward. "I came a day early. I hope that's all right."
Belle's brow unknitted. "It's all right. Come inside, Suzie. You must be tired."
As she stepped onto the porch, Suzie sent an uneasy glance in Kate's direction. "Hi Mom."
Kate locked the fingers of one hand around her other wrist, and fought a monumental desire to grab Suzie and hold her close in her arms. "Hello, Suzie. Welcome to Paradise."
Belle ushered Suzie inside. "Did you drive all the way from Dallas alone?"
Suzie's anxious gaze moved from Belle to Kate. "I'm not a little girl anymore, Grandma."
"That's good news." Belle's voice held just enough sarcasm to make Kate cringe.
Hastily she intervened, "Cody will be in soon. We're anxious for you to meet him."
Suzie's eyes swept the small neat room. Measuring it, no doubt, against the luxurious home she had shared with Kate and Jim. "Where is he?"
"He sleeps in his camper down near the barn."
Suzie stood in the middle of the room, looking anxious and distraught. "If there's not room for me here, I can go to the nearest town, and get a motel room."
"Stop being a snob." Belle paused at the kitchen door, and glanced over her shoulder. "If we have to, we'll hang you on a nail. I have supper..." Belle raised one eyebrow, "Excuse me, dinner on the stove." With that last pithy remark, she disappeared into the kitchen.
Suzie perched on the arm of a chair. "Grandma always did have a way of putting me in my place."
From the kit
chen, Lady bounded in, and wagging her tail, began to lick Kate's hand.
Kate rubbed the dog's neck, and patted her back. "Cody's here. Come meet him." The hollow sound of her words rang in her ears. "He's a very nice person," she added stiffly, as she moved toward the door, glad for an excuse to escape being alone with Suzie.
"So you're Belle's granddaughter," Cody studied Suzie's classically beautiful face, her tall graceful figure. "I don't see a lot of physical resemblance."
"Most people think I look..." Suzie hesitated, and glanced in Kate's direction before adding, "like my mother."
Cody's whiskers moved as he shook his head from side to side. "That I do see, except for the eyes. Yours are a beautiful brown. Kate's eyes are as blue as a summer sky on a clear day."
"And you are an old charmer," Kate interjected.
Cody grinned. "It comes naturally when you're surrounded by three beautiful women." He pulled a chair from the kitchen table. "Any granddaughter of Belle's will be a granddaughter of mine after tomorrow. Sit down granddaughter, let's enjoy this fine supper your grandmother has made."
"Cody's nice." Suzie told Kate later, as they were clearing away the dishes.
Belle had decided, just after Cody closed the back door, with his bucket in his hand, to follow him to the barn. "To help with the milking," she told Kate, as she hurried outside.
Kate's threatening glare had been a waste of time, as had her ominous, "Mamma!"
With a wave of her hand, Belle was gone.
Kate began to stack plates. "Yes, he's very nice." She carried the plates to the sink. "If you'd like, you can sit in the living room. I don't need help doing dishes." Her words were stilted and formal, almost cold. She hadn't meant them to be.
"I'd rather stay in here, with you, if you don't mind," Suzie replied, with a degree of uncertainty. The Suzie Kate remembered would have given her mother some flip reply, and left the room.
Kate busied herself with washing dishes. "There's more coffee in the pot, if you'd like some."
"No, thank you."
A miserable silence blanketed the room. Kate continued to wash and stack dishes, wondering, as she worked, if she and Suzie would ever be able to bridge this terrible gap between them.
Suzie's quiet voice impinged on her tangled thoughts. "I talked to Michael on the telephone just before I left Dallas. He and Sharon will be here tomorrow afternoon."
"I know. I had a letter from Michael last week." Kate ran water in the kettle, and sat it on the stove.
"You don't have hot water?" Suzie's surprise was evident.
"Things are a little primitive here. I trust you can manage for a day or two." She thought, as she spoke, that she sounded exactly like her mother.
"Michael is going to be even more upset."
Kate leaned against the cabinet, and passed a weary hand through her hair. "I think Michael can survive not having hot water for a couple of days."
"I didn't mean it that way, Mom."
The anguish in Suzie's voice was a razor across Kate's heart, but she continued to wash dishes. She might never have anything else from her children, but from this day forward she intended to demand and get, respect.
Electric silence sparked in the room.
"Mom?" Suzie's plaintive whisper fell out into the static quiet.
"Yes?" Kate turned to see tears streaming down Suzie's face, and felt her resolve to remain distant slipping away. Was there any pain more acute than that of a mother watching her own child suffer? Belle's words rang in her ear. "Let Suzie make the first move."
Suzie used the back of her hand to wipe away her tears. "I came a long way to say how sorry I am, and now I can't find the right words..." Her voice broke, and faded on the end of a wrenching sob. She swallowed painfully, and begged like a child, "Please, Mom, let me back into your life again."
Any thought Kate had of remaining aloof, faded in the heartbreaking aftermath of that anguished plea. She covered the distance between them in three long steps. Gathering Suzie in her arms, she held her close, as her own tears mingled with those that gushed from Suzie's eyes. "Don't cry, Baby. You are a very important part of my life. You always will be."
Over the sobs that tore through her slim body, Suzie repeated over and over again, "I'm so sorry, Mom, so very, very sorry."
"It's all right, Suzie," Kate soothed. Her own heart was breaking inside her. She didn't know that reconciliation would be so painful. "It's all right."
After a lengthy bout with tears, Suzie wiped her eyes, and sat up in her chair. "No, Mom, It's not all right. I said and did terrible things to you."
"We said and did terrible things to each other, Suzie." After all these years, she could apologize for driving her daughter from her life. " I hope you can forgive me, too." The look on Suzie's face told Kate that what had intervened in the two years since she had last seen Suzie had taken their toll on her daughter. "Maybe we can start over, and forget the terrible things we said to each other."
"It's not that simple Mom, not for me anyway." Suzie's lovely face contorted with anguish. "I took things I can't give back and destroyed things I can't replace."
With tragic insight, Kate realized, Suzie was shouldering responsibility for her parents' divorce. Kate had to rid her of that burden. "Suzie, you are not responsible for what happened between your father and me."
"Don't try to make this easy for me, Mom. I let Lila come between you and Dad. No, I helped Lila come between you and Dad."
"Nonsense." Kate stopped to consider Suzie's accusation. Was she trying to protect Suzie, again? No. Not this time. Kate was, after all this time, realizing, and speaking the truth. "You didn't let Lila do anything. The divorce had nothing to do with you, and very little to do with Lila." Watching Suzie's tormented expression, Kate thought, guilt had to be the most debilitating of all emotions.
"It did, Mom. I tore a marriage apart, and destroyed a family. I brought Lila into our home, then helped her break up my parents' marriage." A shudder ran the length of Suzie's slim body.
Kate was forced to sit and watch her daughter be torn asunder by guilt and remorse. Instinctively, she caught Suzie's hand in one of hers. With the other, she tilted Suzie's chin up until she was looking deep into those stormy brown eyes. "If Lila had never come along, your father and I would have divorced, eventually. The rift might not have been so soon, nor so traumatic, but it would have come." Conviction gave Kate's words certainty.
"But Mom, you don't understand. The bitch..."
With the lifting of her hand, Kate halted Suzie's tirade. "Suzie, Lila is your father's wife. How do you think he would feel if he knew you were calling her names?"
"Do you care how Dad feels, Mom?" There was accusation, and hope in that question.
If she wanted to drive a wedge between Jim and Suzie, intuition told Kate she would never have a better opportunity. With a burst of insight, and a sigh of relief, she discovered she did not. "I don't want you to hurt him. He's the father of my children."
A wan smile shaped Suzie's face. "I'm glad you care about Dad. I was so afraid you hated him."
"I don't hate your father, Suzie." The weight of the world seemed to lift from Kate's shoulders as she realized those words were true.
"He thinks you do, Mom."
Kate gave her daughter's nose a little tweak. "Well, the next time you see him, you can assure him that I don't." Anxious to change the subject, Kate suggested, "Tell me what made you decide to move back home." Kate had assumed Suzie had moved back in with her father because Lila was there. But it was apparent now, that Lila and Suzie were at odds.
"It's a long story, Mom. In a way, it's all Michael's fault."
"Michael?" Kate didn't like the sound of that. "What happened between you and
Michael?" The look on Suzie's face made Kate sorry she had asked. "If it's something you don't want to discuss with me, I can understand."
Tears glistened in Suzie's eyes. "There will never be anything in my life I can't discuss with yo
u, Mom."
"Let's have some coffee," Kate hurried to find cups. "We have real cream, would you like some?" She wasn't sure she wanted to hear an account of a quarrel between Suzie and Michael.
"You don't know a thing about what's happened, do you Mom? I thought Michael had told you."
Kate poured cream into cups. "I haven't talked to Michael since Grandma and I moved to Paradise." She reminded herself that Michael and Suzie were adults now, and could resolve any differences they had without their mother acting as a referee,
"Whatever it is, I'm sure you and Michael can work it out."
"You think Michael and I quarreled?" Suzie looked up from her coffee cup.
Stirring a spoon around in her cup of cream-laced coffee gave Kate an excuse to avoid Suzie's troubled eyes. "Didn't you?"
"It was more like a disagreement."
"You and Michael are adults. Surely you can resolve a disagreement."
"You don't want to know what happened, do you Mom?" An edge of bitterness fringed Suzie voice.
"I'm not sure it concerns me, Suzie." Kate laid her spoon on the table, and looked directly into her daughter's troubled face. "It's time I let the two of you grow up."
A crystal tear rolled down Suzie's cheek. "You're shutting me out, again, Mom. How can I be a part of your life if you won't be a part of mine?" Reaching across the table, she clutched at Kate's hand. "I know I don't have the right to ask, but I need you, Mom. I need to talk to you about what happened." She added an impassioned, "Please."
Again, Kate's resolve to remain detached dissolved in the warm surge of love she felt for her daughter. "I'm not shutting you out, Suzie. I want to listen, but I can't take sides in a quarrel between you and your brother."
A little impatiently, Suzie exclaimed, "Oh, Mom, Michael and I didn't quarrel. Michael quarreled with Lila, and it was terrible."
Even as the words sank into Kate's dazed mind, she wondered why, given what she knew about Michael's temperament and Lila's selfish nature, she hadn't seen the inevitability of such a confrontation long ago. She had never looked past her own feelings of loss and self pity to see that Lila had the potential to destroy the relationship between Jim and his children. "I can only listen, I can't advise, or offer suggestions." With a sense of dread that bordered on foreboding, Kate folded her hands, and waited.
Barri Bryan - Return to Paradise.html Page 15
