"Nope." Cody unfolded his newspaper. "I think I'll tackle something easy like figuring out the Dow Jones averages, or deciding how to balance the federal budget." For her own reasons, Suzie had decided to aid and abet her grandmother; and Belle, by herself was enough to drive Kate out of her mind. "What do you want to know, Mamma?"
With a wave of her hand, Belle asked, "About what?"
"I don't know what, Mamma, because I don't know what the hell you are talking about." Riveting her eyes on Suzie, Kate added, "Why don't you explain to your dense mother the meaning of your grandmother's astute statement, excuse me, astute question?"Before the words were out of her mouth, Kate was sorry. She was taking her frustrations with her mother out on the daughter she had so recently made peace with, but Suzie had no right to agree with Belle.
From behind his paper, Cody chuckled. "Why don't you tell these two nosy females what York said to you, Kate? I don't think either of us is going to get any rest until you do."
"Is that what they want to know?" Kate asked in dulcet tones.
"I think Lady's a little curious, too." Cody peeked around his newspaper, and winked at Kate.
Lady lifted her head and wagged her tail at the mention of her name.
With a nonchalance that argued with the heavy beat of her pulses, Kate announced, "He asked me to go to the Cattleman's Convention next Friday."
Looking as if she might burst with curiosity, Suzie questioned, "And?"
"And nothing, that's all he asked."
"She said yes, Suzie," Belle assured her granddaughter, with a superior smile.
"Mom, you didn't." Suzie laid her hand over her heart. "Did you?"
"Yes. I said yes. I've been out with York before, and I had a great time." Kate watched the light in her daughter's eyes die by degrees. A realization came with that dying light. Suzie had come here with some hope of bringing about a reconciliation between her parents. Kate had to disabuse her of that idea, and the sooner, the better. "I'm an unattached female. Why shouldn't I go out with men?"
Turning to Cody, Suzie asked, "Could I see some of the paper, Cody?"
"Sure." Cody disassembled the paper, and handed Suzie a section.
Kate sat, with her arm around Lady's neck, and watched her daughter hide behind the newspaper, and fight tears. Better the ache of present reality than the euphoria of future and false hope. How long before Suzie could accept what it had taken Kate, herself three years to admit? Her marriage to Jim was over.
The evening passed without further mention of York's visit.
Kate had decided to share Belle's room and give Suzie her bed. Now she was glad she had. She didn't feel up to facing Suzie alone, and hopefully, Belle would be so excited about her coming marriage, she wouldn't plague Kate with a million questions about York the minute they were alone.
Belle folded her new bedspread and laid it on a chair. "Tomorrow night, Cody and I will be in the bridal suite of some swank River Walk hotel. Michael and Sharon will be sleeping here, and you, Katie baby, will have to face your daughter alone."
Kate sat on the side of the bed. "As if you're any help. You agree with everything she says. You know what she wants, don't you, Mamma?"
Belle ran a brush through the sides of her hair. "I'm more interested in what you want." She studied Kate's reflection in the mirror. "What do you want, Kate?"
"I'm afraid what I want, I can't have. I want Suzie to stop feeling guilty about her parent's divorce, and I want Michael to forgive his father."
Belle picked up her brush and studied it carefully. "Do you know what your problem is Kate? You spent so many years trying to be Kate the model wife, and Kate the perfect mother that you forgot how to be Kate, the woman. Katie baby, let go. You can't sacrifice your life to please Jim and your children, and that seems to be what you're considering doing."
The truth of that assessment cut to the quick. "Are you saying I shouldn't try to make things right for my children?"
"Do you have some idea of trying to patch things up with Jim so Suzie can shed her guilt, like a snake sheds it's skin, and Michael can go on denying his father has feet of clay?"
"Is that what you are afraid I'll do?" Kate came around the bed and sat down beside her mother.
"I'm scared out of my mind that's what you will do."
"Relax, Mamma." Kate put her arms around Belle's narrow shoulders. "I have no intentions of going back to Jim McClure."
A small tremor ran through Belle's body, before she stiffened and sat up straight. "I've been worried sick, Kate, scared to death you'd make up with Jim because that's what your children want."
"I could never trust Jim again."
"So you are coming to grips with the truth. Shattered trust is like Humpty Dumpty. Nobody can ever put it back together again, not all the king's horses and all the king's men. Katie, Don't you think it's time you let go of the past?"
With that blunt question, Belle got into bed and switched off the light. "Go to sleep, Kate. Tomorrow will be here before you know it."
"Good night, Mamma." Kate laid down in bed, stared into the darkness and thought about what Belle had said. Was that her problem, the inability to let go? All her life Kate had tried to hold on. She had clung to Jim long after she should have cut all ties. She had refused to rid herself of the notion that she must protect her children, whatever the cost to her personally.
How may times had she tried to cast out those demons from her past, and move on? They kept coming back, like a recurring nightmare. Maybe the first step in exorcising them, was letting go of the past; not the memories, or the lessons learned, or the joys shared, but the bitterness, the recriminations, and the placing of blame. Kate nudged Belle with her elbow. "Mamma, are you asleep?"
"Not now," grumbled Belle, as she turned on her side. "Not after you jabbed me in the ribs with your elbow."
"Mamma, you're right."
"My Lord, Kate," Belle gave her pillow a vicious punch, "Did it take you forty-six years to figure that out?"
"No, I mean about letting go, and going on."
"I guess I'm smarter than I thought I was." Belle shoved at her pillow with both fists. "Go to sleep, Kate, you can tell me about how great your mamma is tomorrow."
"Good night, Mamma." Kate put her hands under her head, and laced her fingers together. "Mamma, starting over begins with letting go. Well, I'll be damned."
"Don't swear, Kate." That conditioned response, Belle could manage, even in her sleep.
Kate stared up at the dark ceiling. Belle was right about tomorrow, too. It would be here before she knew it. Tomorrow was always here too soon, turning into today, stepping on the heels of yesterday, and pushing you right into the next tomorrow.
Morning dawned, bright and clear. The grey of a night sky faded as a flush of
brilliant blue climbed above the running ribbons of light unrolling over a rising sun. A cobweb of mist spun itself between the trees, and hung above the hollows and gullies, like a lingering ghost, disputing daylight by distorting reality.
Kate woke to see her mother standing by the window, looking out across the wide expanse of rolling countryside. She sat up on the side of the bed. "Mamma? Are you all right?"
"Just thinking, Katie, baby."
"About what, Mamma?"
With a jerk, Belle turned. "About how the world looks brand new. About how the birds get up too early, about how scared I am."
"Are you having second thoughts? Mamma?" Kate reached for her robe." It was not like Belle to be so pensive. "It's not too late to change your mind." She gave the belt of her robe an anxious pull.
A smile softened Belle's troubled face as she turned toward her daughter. "I'm not scared I'm doing the wrong thing. I'm scared because everything seems so perfect."
"Mamma, any happiness you have, you've earned, and it's long overdue." Relief caused Kate to draw an even breath. "And today is going to be perfect, I promise."
Three hours later, as Kate watched Michael's car come through the ga
te and travel toward the house, she wondered if she could make good on that rash promise. Suzie had said Michael was upset. And Kate knew how stubborn and uncompromising her son could be.
If only, Kate thought, as she watched the car come to a stop, she was on better terms with Sharon. She had tried, when she first knew Sharon, to form a close relationship with her daughter-in-law, but Sharon's aloof coolness had frozen Kate. After several rebuffs, Kate had given up, and retreated behind a wall of silence. Now she found herself wishing she had tried a little harder to win Sharon over.
And the look on Michael's face, as he stepped from his car, and surveyed the rundown old ranch house, added to Kate's apprehension. She waited until he had opened Sharon's door, and helped her from the car, before she put on her bravest face, and stepped through the screen door. "Sharon, Michael, welcome to Paradise."
Michael grabbed Kate in a hug that threatened to squeeze the breath from her body. "Mom, I'm so glad to see you!" He pushed Kate from him, and stared at her. "You've lost weight. Are you working too hard?"
Kate patted Michael's arm. "I'm fine, Michael, and so glad you and Sharon are here." Extending her arm in Sharon's direction, Kate clasped her hand. "You're looking well, Sharon."
Sharon shook Kate's hand. "Michael and I have been concerned about you since -- for some time."
Over Kate's renewed assurance that there was no need for concern, Belle's, "Hello," sounded from the porch, as she came down the steps, followed by Suzie.
Kate couldn't miss the tightening of the muscles along Michael's jaw line as he greeted Suzie. But his joy at seeing his Grandmother was spontaneous and unrestrained. Lifting Belle off the ground, he swung her around in a circle. "Grandma! How's my best girl?"
Maybe Belle would have her perfect day, after all.
"I'm fine," Belle held onto Michael as he set her on the ground. "A little out of breath, but I'm supposed to be breathless, I'm a bride."
Michael put his arm around Belle's waist and began to walk toward the house. "Happy is the bride the sun shines on today. Where is the lucky bridegroom?"
"He's in his camper, down at the barn. You know I can't see him today before the ceremony. That would be bad luck." Belle's intended scowl melted into a look of total affection.
"And we surely don't need any more of that." Irony tightened Michael's voice.
Quickly Kate intervened, "You and Sharon and I can walk down to Cody's camper. You can meet Cody and Lady." She had to talk to Michael, and the sooner, the better.
"Does Cody work here as a hired hand?" Sharon's tone was mildly disapproving. "And who is Lady?"
Kate told herself she must not read contempt into Sharon's remarks. "Everybody around here is hired help. We all work for Hank Sinclair. Lady is Cody's dog."
Suzie was holding the screen door open. "Does it bother you to hobnob with the poor working class, Sharon?" Without waiting for a reply, she added, with a touch of malice, "Or don't you like dogs."
Suzie's attack was inexcusable, but Kate understood. Suzie had treated Kate shamefully, now guilt, and a need to compensate made her overly protective where Kate was concerned. But this was Belle's wedding day, and Kate was not going to let her children's petty differences spoil it.
Michael bristled, "Who are you, Little Sister, to question anybody's taste in friends?"
Suzie's face contorted in anguished hurt. Before she could reply, Kate astonished herself by saying, "Suzie, go into the house and help your grandmother pack." To her total amazement, Suzie followed Belle inside without a word of argument.
Kate turned to face her irate son and bewildered daughter-in-law. "You two come with me. You can meet Cody, and then we are going to have a long talk." Without waiting for a reply, Kate began to walk toward the barn.
The subdued young couple followed along behind her.
They found Cody sitting on a bench beside the barn. He greeted the trio with a warmth that won Michael over immediately, and even melted some of Sharon's reserve.
"We can't stay long," Kate explained, after they had chatted for a while. "I still have a million things to do."
"I'll be up to the house about two-fifteen. Hank is going to meet me here at two, and escort me up to the house." With the slightest twitch of his whiskers, Cody told Michael and Sharon, "Hank is the big boss around here. He's going to be my best man."
"Cody, honestly." Neither Cody nor Mamma had bothered telling Kate that Hank would be Cody's best man. "Don't you think you should have talked with me first?"
"You couldn't be my best man, Kate, for several reasons. The main one being you're not a man."
Michael couldn't suppress a little snicker. "I think maybe Grandma has met her match."
Silently, Kate agreed, thinking, as she did so, that it was not by chance that Cody had neglected to tell her Hank would be his best man. But Belle had known, and she hadn't said a word. That was no accident, either. "We'll see you then, Cody."
They had said their goodbyes, and turned toward the house, when Michael caught Kate's arm. "I like Cody, Mom. He and Grandma should make quite a pair."
"Don't I know?" Kate quipped, "And I am the hapless soul who will be living with that pair."
Michael stopped and pointed to a log resting under a huge oak tree. "Not necessarily, Mom. Let's sit over here." He guided Kate toward a fallen log. "We can have that long talk."
Sharon turned toward the house. "I think I'll go visit with Grandma."
"No!" Kate's outcry, sharpened by fear of what Michael had in mind, sliced the air. "This concerns you too. Get over here and sit down."
Sharon's eyes widened as she sat down on the far end of the old log. "I don't think my presence is necessary." There it was again, that remote voice that put a world of distance between Kate and her daughter-in-law.
Always before Kate had retreated when she heard that cool rebuttal. This time, she refused to be intimidated. "I happen to think it is. Sit down. If you have nothing to say, you can extend to Michael, and to me, the courtesy of listening."
Sharon opened her mouth to speak, then apparently thinking better of it, clamped her lips together, sat down, and stretched her legs out in front of her, as she stared in disbelief at her mother-in-law.
Michael sat down beside his wife. "Did Suzie tell you what happened?"
"What happened when?" Dear God, she sounded exactly like her mother.
"Mom, don't start with the evasions." And Michael could have been Kate, reacting with impatient frustration. "Maybe I should restate my question, and be very explicit. Did Suzie tell you Dad and I quarreled?"
"She told me." On a burst of sudden emotion, Kate cried. "You shouldn't have, Michael."
Michael jumped to his feet, jammed his hands in his pockets, and began to pace up and down. "How do you think I felt when I woke up and realized what a bastard my own father had been? Mom, he threw you out of your own home, kept every dime the two of you had earned together over the years, then divorced you," A raging fury shook through his voice, as he spun to look down at her. "Why the hell didn't you tell me what was going on?"
A ruffle of vexation brought Kate to her feet. She caught Michael's arm, and pulled him around to face her. "Because it was not, still isn't, any of your business." Her eyes locked into his, blue on blue, defiant, yet pleading. My divorce from your father, whatever the circumstances, or the outcome, is between the two of us, and you should not interfere."
"You were trying to protect us, Suzie and me. And I might never have known if I hadn't been suspicious when you told me you were moving here because you were out of money." Michael raked one hand through his tousled hair. "Forgive me, Mom, I thought you were lying, playing on my sympathy, trying to make Dad look bad."
With a weariness born of regret, Kate eased her body back down onto the log. "I should have told you. I realize that now. At the time, I thought it best that you didn't know." In her zeal to protect her son, she had left him prey to the worst kind of disillusionment, the loss of faith in someone he lo
ved and respected.
Coming down beside her, Michael lifted his head to stare toward the whispering leaves of the old oak. "The situation has been corrected."
"Stay out of this, Michael. It's over now, and best forgotten."
From her perch on the end of the log, Sharon spoke for the first time. "I told you, Michael, you should have talked to Kate first."
Sharon had never called Kate anything but Mrs. McClure. Kate, sounded if not encouraging, at least accepting.
Michael kicked at the soft ground with the heel of his shoe. "And I told you, restitution was due."
Kate's heart fell to the pit of her stomach. "Michael, what have you done?"
"You can go home, Mom, and live in your own house again."
"I am at home. This is my house." Kate nodded in the direction of the old ranch house.
"This is a hovel compared to what you had in Dallas. I won't hear to you staying in this god forsaken place. Dad has agreed to deed you the house, your house. He's moving to an apartment next week."
"Oh, Michael." Her son's love for her, his concern for her well being caused Kate's heart to swell to overflowing. "Even if I wanted to live in that house, I couldn't. I can't afford it. The utilities and up keep for a month would be more than any salary I could hope to earn in Dallas. And the grounds have to be kept, and the swimming pool cleaned and cared for. The taxes are exorbitant. Tell your father thank you, but I don't want the house."
"Those things have been taken care of, Mom. Dad has agreed to set up a sizeable trust fund for you. It's no more than he should have done in the beginning, when he first left you to marry Lila."
A feeling of utter dismay swept over Kate. "Michael, are you out of your mind? I want nothing from Jim. Not his house, not his money, and certainly not the chance to aid him in his pandering attempt to buy himself back into your good graces."
Michael shackled Kate's tightly clasp hands with his fingers. "I thought you would be pleased that Dad and I had settled our differences."
"I think what you and Jim have is an armed truce. Who came up with this preposterous idea?" Kate couldn't stop the tears that slid down her cheeks.
Barri Bryan - Return to Paradise.html Page 17
