One quick look at the uncertain man who stepped across the threshold, softened Belle's exacting gaze, causing Kate and Suzie to draw a simultaneous sight of relief. The shadow of a frown chase itself across Belle's face. "Hello, Jim."
After stilted greetings had been said, and a few stiff pleasantries exchanged, Suzie insisted Jim sit down. "You look tired."
"Don't fuss, Suzie." But Jim seemed glad for the excuse to rest. "Where is the telephone? I need to call my office."
After a short, almost indecent pause, Kate said, "We have no telephone. I'm afraid the nearest one is at the ranch next door."
Suzie was quick to offer, "I'll get your cellular phone from the car, but only to call your office and report. You promised, no work over the weekend."
"I'll walk with you." Kate gave her mother one last warning glance, as she made a cautious retreat. "I have to make my ride." She felt like a rat deserting a sinking ship, leaving Suzie alone to cope with Jim and Mamma.
Kate found Cody in the barn. "I saddled Ringo for you."
"Thanks, Cody."
"No problem." Cody hung a coil of rope over the post beside him. "I knew you'd be here soon. I figured Jim showing up would make you run for cover."
Kate leaned against the stall and rested her elbows on the top rail. "It was so strange, Cody, seeing Jim again. He's changed. But so have I."
"We all do, Kate girl. We go on changing while we stay the same."
"I loved him once, Cody, then I hated him, and now all I feel is regret."
"Make your ride, Kate." Cody laid a comforting arm around Kate's shoulder. "And don't fret. Things have a way of working themselves out."
Kate made her ride, but the knot of apprehension that had tied itself in her stomach refused to go away. She returned two hours later, to find an expensive RV parked at the end of the house.
Silas Gardner was a small, reserved man who gave a solemn nod when David introduced him to Kate. "It was kind of you to let us come to your little ranch for the wedding, Mrs. McClure."
"We are happy you could come." Kate lied politely, hating Silas Gardner's condescending attitude. Enduring the coldness of this tacit, aloof man stretched her patience to the limit. She took heart in remembering that in a little more than twenty-four hours he would be gone.
For once Belle stayed her demon tongue. She was pleasant and amiable, even to Jim. The evening meal went well. Conversation remained light and impersonal.
By the time Belle suggested having coffee and dessert in the living room, Kate had relaxed a little. But it was not until David and Suzie decided to go for a walk, and Jim and Silas retired to the RV, that she felt her tension abate. "Mamma, bless you for helping me get through this evening."
"It was all I could do." Belle wrinkled her nose. "Isn't that Silas something else? And Jim being so nice. Lord have mercy, butter wouldn't melt in his mouth."
"He's changed, Mamma."
"He's convinced Silas and David that he was the victim in your divorce." Belle jabbed her crochet hook into the yarn she held in her hand. "Sometimes I think Suzie and Michael believe that too."
"Everybody's a victim in a divorce, Mamma. There are no winners, just losers."
Kate's words brought a smile to Belle's face. "When did you become a philosopher?"
"When I stopped feeling sorry for myself." Standing, Kate stretched. "I'm going to sit on the porch and wait for Suzie, Mamma. Do you want to come along?"
"No thanks, Kate. I'm going to bed." Belle motioned to Cody. "And I'm not going alone."
Cody folded his paper, and gave Kate a broad wink. "Good night, Kate."
Kate sat on the edge of the porch and rested her chin in her hand. As she gazed at the star studded sky, she thought that maybe she had misjudged Suzie's motives for bringing Jim here. Perhaps all Suzie wanted was to know her parents could be friends. "Mom?" Two shadowy figures stood near the corner of the house. "May we join you for a while?"
Kate couldn't imagine why two lovers would want to share the night before their wedding with someone else. "If you'd like."
Nearness brought recognition, and a little intake of breath. The man with Suzie was not David, but Jim.
"Dad couldn't sleep. I suggested we sit with you for a while." Suzie sat down beside her mother.
Still standing, Jim demurred. "We don't want to intrude."
"Don't be silly, Dad. Mom's all by herself. How could we intrude?"
"You're not intruding." Kate patted the space beside her. "Sit down." Seeing Jim so uncertain sharpened Kate's insecurity. Her heart was host to a horde of conflicting emotions. How many times had she longed for Jim to come to her? He was here, and with his presence came the bittersweet realization, he had come too late. "I was watching the stars."
Jim sat beside Suzie, and looked toward Kate. "The view is nice."
"Remember, Dad," Suzie laid her hand on her father's knee, "when I was a little girl, and you taught me how to find the North Star and the Big Dipper?"
"I remember. You wanted to go there. Explaining why you couldn't wasn't easy."
"I wanted to be an astronaut. Remember, Mom?"
Dear God, Kate thought, the last thing she needed now, was a trip down memory lane with Suzie and Jim. "I remember."
Suzie sighed. "Michael and I built a cardboard box rocket in the back yard."
In the warm dark, Jim's voice was affectionate. "It seems like only yesterday that you were a little girl, and now you are all grown up, and ready to be married."
"And so grateful to my parents for giving me such a happy, secure childhood." Suzie said, with deep emotion, then in a much lighter vein, "And now, I have to get my beauty rest. Tomorrow I become a bride. I doubt if I sleep a wink."
As the screen door slammed, Kate moved about restlessly, thinking that Suzie must have planned this obvious attempt to bring her parents together. She could have run, made for the house, but she didn't. This man was still the father of her children. If she intended to be a part of their lives, maybe it would be wise to make some kind of peace with him. "Suzie tells me you have been ill."
"I had a heart attack. I'm better now."
"That's good." Kate answered in a remote voice.
Jim stared up at the stars."Kate?"
The ache in his voice was a knife twisting inside her. Staring down at her hands, Kate noticed her fingers were bare, and remembered how she had felt the first time she had taken off the wedding ring she had worn for twenty-five years. "Suzie's David seems very nice."
Jim brought his head down, and turned to stare at her. "Suzie told me that the two of you had settled your differences. I'm so glad."
All the unspoken heartbreak of Kate's long estrangement with her daughter rose to torment her. "Not all of them, I'm afraid, but we're working on it."
"Kate, I did so much harm. How can I ever make amends?" Here was a man who was obviously suffering deep anguish of the spirit.
Nothing would be gained now by recriminations or accusations. "We all made mistakes. But that's in the past, and best forgotten. I hope Suzie can be happy."
"I think she will be. David is a fine man."
Kate thought, that was exactly what Belle had said about Jim when she told her mother that she and Jim were going to be married. "He seems to care for Suzie."
The trauma that hung between them, the memories, the heartbreak, had turned them into polite strangers. Sadly, Kate thought, that was all they could ever be to each other now, polite strangers, skimming the surface of a regret too wide to gauge and too deep to measure.
"You know of his former marriage?" Jim asked.
"David you mean?" How formal she sounded, how distant. "Yes, he mentioned it."
"Michael said to tell you that he and Sharon are sorry they couldn't make it to the wedding." Jim rested his head against a porch post. "He didn't say why, he just that they wouldn't be here."
Kate suspected that Michael refused to come to the wedding because he disapproved of his sister marrying David Gardner.
"I know. Michael wrote and explained."
After a stretch of silence, Jim closed his eyes. "They grew up so fast. I missed so much of their childhood. I was doing other things. I thought then they were important things. I know now they weren't."
"You were a good father." For some unknown reason, Kate wanted to comfort this man who was so obviously living in his own private hell. "You are still a good father. Suzie and Michael both love you very much."
"Do you ever wish you could go back, Kate?" Jim had opened his eyes and was staring at her. "Go back and start over, do it all over again?"
It was one of those 'out of the blue' questions that caught her so off guard that she answered with bald honesty. "Not really, do you?"
"If I could rewrite the story, I would change the ending. But, yes, I often wish myself back."
"You have to let go of that past, Jim, if you ever hope to find a future." How pompous that sounded, how superficial. Laughing in an attempt to lighten the moment, Kate added, "Mamma accuses me of having become a philosopher."
"Have you let go of the past, Kate?"
Her past was something Kate had no wish to discuss, not with Jim McClure. "It's getting late. I'm tired. I think I'll go to bed." She stood. "Can you find your way to the RV?"
"I can manage." Jim caught the porch post and pulled himself to a standing position.
"Good night." Once inside the house, Kate leaned against the door jamb, and drew a ragged breath, then began to feel her way through the dark room, and down the hall.
She slipped into her bedroom, hoping as she undressed in the darkness, that Suzie was asleep.
The voice from the bed told her she had hoped in vain. "Mom?"
Smiling, Kate asked, "You were expecting someone else?"
"No." In the dim light Kate saw Suzie sit up in the bed and pull the sheet around her waist. "Is Dad all right."
"Why wouldn't he be?" Kate thought, I'm jealous of my daughter and her father. Shame took the edge from her voice. "We were both a little tired. Jim went back to the RV."
Suzie sighed. "I worry about him, Mom. He's still not well, and he's so lonely now."
Kate sat on the side of the bed. "It takes time to get over a divorce. It's a shame he couldn't work things out with Lila."
Suzie jumped to her feet and reached for the light in one swift movement. "My God, Mom, I hope you didn't say that to Dad."
Kate closed her eyes against the sudden brightness. "Suzanne, what I said to your father is none of your business, but no, I didn't."
Quickly Suzie came to put her arms around Kate's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to yell at you."
"It's all right." This was not the time for an argument. Kate patted Suzie's arm. "Go to bed, Suzie. We can talk some other time."
"Please, may I explain?"
"There is nothing to explain, Suzie. It's late. We're both tired. Go to bed."
"Mom, I can't let this go." Tears gathered in the corners of Suzie's eyes. "I can't let anything come between us, ever again." Laying her head on her mother's shoulder, Suzie whispered, "I love you, Mom. I never want to lose you again."
Kate brushed her fingers through Suzie's hair. "It's all right, Suzie. You won't lose me, you can't. You will always be my little girl."
"Your foolish little girl. I've done so many dumb things, made so many stupid mistakes." The words came tumbling out. "I was so afraid you wouldn't approve of David because he divorced his wife to marry me, just like Dad divorced you to marry Lila."
Kate sighed. "My poor baby."
"I didn't break up David's marriage, Mom. I promise you I didn't."
"I never thought you did, Suzie." As painful as this conversation was, Kate realized for the first time since their violent quarrel two years ago, she and Suzie were communicating, not just saying polite words to each other.
"I thought you might think about what happened to your marriage because of Lila and me, and hate me."
Kate held her daughter from her, and looked directly into her tear-filled eyes. "Suzie, neither you nor Lila were responsible for what happened between Jim and me."
"Mom, I believed her lies, just like Dad did. She destroyed my family and almost killed my father, and I didn't lift a finger to stop her."
"Suzie, you have to forgive yourself, and stop feeling guilty about what happened between your father and me. You can't change what was. Your Grandma says you learn from what happens, then let go."
Suzie wiped her hand across her face. "I didn't mean to yell at you about Dad. It wasn't because I thought you would deliberately try to hurt him, it was because he is so vulnerable where you're concerned. You could do terrible things to him, and not even know."
"Go to sleep, Suzie." Kate reached for the light. "Tomorrow is your wedding day. We can't have a puffy eyed bride, now can we?"
"No, Mom." Suzie snuggled down into the bed.
Kate let her head fall onto her pillow, feeling easier about her relationship with her daughter than she had in a long time. Had she harbored some fear that Suzie didn't love her? That seemed foolish and juvenile. "Suzie?"
"Yes, Mom."
"I love you, too. You know that, don't you."
"I know, Mom, but thanks for telling me."
"Mom?" Suzie whispered.
Kate rested her head on her pillow. "Yes, Suzie."
"Dad doesn't want Lila back."
"You don't know that, Suzie, and you shouldn't interfere." A knot of tension tightened in Kate's stomach. "You and I are no part of your dad's life with Lila,"
"Are you purposely being blind, Mom, or don't you care about Dad anymore?"
How was she supposed to give voice to a question like that? "I will always care about Jim." A truth told with bad intent was better than a lie. "Will you please go to sleep? It's very late."
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Suzie." Kate turned on her side, and closed her eyes.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Belle pulled the veil of her hat down over her face. "How do I look, Kate?"
Kate studied her mother's small figure. "Like the matron of honor at your granddaughter's wedding, Mamma."
"And you look like the nervous mother of the bride. Will you relax, Kate, and stop worrying?" Belle lifted the window curtain and looked out into the back yard. "Hank and Aunt Cat just arrived."
"Mamma, honestly! My only daughter is getting married in a matter of minutes, I have had to be civil to that impossible Silas all morning, The minister was late, I have my ex-husband breathing down my neck, on top of all that, you invite two strangers to the wedding. And you tell me to relax?"
Belle smiled, causing her dimples to deepen. "Silas is not so bad. Poor Reverend Thomas got lost. Jim deserves to suffer a little. Suffering strengthens character. And how can you call a man you sleep with a stranger?"
"Sh, Mamma! Silas and Jim are dressing in the other bedroom! Do you want them to hear you?" Kate hurried to close the bedroom door.
"You don't want them to know about you and Hank?" Belle glanced in the mirror, and grimaced. "Silas would probably be shocked out of his socks."
"Mamma, don't start, not now."
"The way you look at Hank, you think they won't know?" Belle reached for her corsage. "Righteous Reverend Thomas will know if he sees you looking at Hank." Belle held out a pin to Kate. "Here, pin this on me."
Kate obliged, impaling her mother on a stabbing stare as she fastened the flowers to the shoulder of her dress. "Mamma, for once in your life, will you behave? I have enough to think about without worrying about you."
"Did Jim ask you to come back to him?"
"Mamma, for heaven's sake. He did not!"
"Well, that's a relief." Belle moved toward the back door as the strains of a taped wedding march floated through the air.
Feeling as if she might explode at any minute, Kate followed.
In the shifting patterns of sunlight through the trees, Kate watched David and Suzie exchange vows. 'Til death do us part'. From
lowered lashes, she stole a glance in Hank's direction, and her heart beat a little faster. Hank entertained no illusions about forever. "No promises," he had told her in the very beginning.
She pulled her eyes back to the couple who stood before the flower banked altar. Maybe Hank was only being realistic. What had the bard of long ago said? 'This above all to thine own self be true'. Maybe that would be easier if she knew what the truth was. Once more, she looked in Hank's direction. His eyes caught and held hers. He smiled, a smile so seductive, so provocatively promising that she blushed, as a surge of passion wept through her. By the time Kate had collected her wits, and calmed her racing pulses, the ceremony was over, and the bride and groom were surrounded by the tiny group of well wishers.
It was with a sense of deja vu that Kate watched the newlyweds drive away in David's Cadillac. Kate had planned a small reception. But immediately after slicing the cake and drinking one toast, David had insisted that he and Suzie must leave now if they wanted to arrive in Galveston before dark.
As the dust cleared away, Kate thought if she could get Jim and Silas out of her house, and out of her hair, and see Reverend Thomas and his wife out the gate, then she would concentrate on getting rid of Hank and Aunt Cat.
At Belle's behest, the guests remained, wandering back to the oak trees where they sipped punch and ate from the buffet Belle had prepared. They chatted amiably, looking at ease and comfortable, to the last person.
How could they? When Kate had a coiled spring inside her stomach that might, at any moment, unwind, and cause her to fly into a million pieces. She had little choice but to play the gracious hostess. She wondered why Mamma had instigated this little social event. She could think of no good reason.
A deep voice intruded into her thoughts. "Punch?"
Kate turned to see Hank standing beside her, holding a glass in each hand.
She took one of the glasses. "Thanks." She had a sudden urge to lay her head on his chest, and ask him to take her to the line shack.
His wicked grin told her he had read her thoughts. "Let's go for a ride."
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