I glance up at my tutor, dreading saying the words she doesn't want to hear. 'What do you see?' She repeats, and I huff, giving the page one last study before I admit defeat.
As my eyes scan the page quickly, just before I glance back at Miss Morelli, for just a moment I think I see something. A flash of grey in the centre of the page. I double take, but as I look back down, it's gone.
'What?' Miss Morelli is impatient, tapping her foot.
'I thought I saw...' I trail off, staring hard at the page. Miss Morelli keeps quiet, allowing me to concentrate.
Instead of staring consistently at the paper, I decide to glance at it quickly and then look away, just like I did before. And just like before, I see a flash of grey in the centre of the page.
'Wait,' I tell Miss Morelli.
A few more times I repeat the process of scanning the page quickly before looking away, and soon the grey mass begins to take shape. It's like staring at a light bulb and then closing my eyes, the white lines and dots squiggling in the darkness for a few seconds before fading.
Fifteen times I repeat this process and finally, on the sixteenth, I cry out, my voice a babble of high pitched laughter.
'It's a face!' I squeal. 'A smiley face!'
'Well done, Eve! Excellent!' Miss Morelli beams, touching my hand briefly in a rare moment of approval. 'You're getting there.' She smiles, and I breathe a long sigh of relief.
The more I stare at the page, the clearer the smiley face becomes; a thin line, three circles and a half circle. It's so obvious now and we move onto the next piece of paper, upon which I see nothing, but with a stronger sense of purpose, I spend the next half an hour staring at it.
I leave One-To-One in high spirits – for the first time in what feels like an age – and decide that I want to see Tia. My life has been nothing but tense lately and I've tried to avoid Tia in order to keep her safe from my problems, but now I want to share my rare happiness with my friend.
I don't have to look far to find her, Tia's sofa is occupied in the common room and she and Meredith are talking animately, giggling and gossiping about other students.
I hesitate, considering that they might not want me there casting a grey cloud of gloom over their happiness, but as they spot me, they wave frantically, beckoning me to them.
'Eve, you'll never guess!' Tia grins, patting the vacant cushion next to her impatiently. I take the offered seat and shake my head, bemused.
'Richard proposed to me!' She holds out her left hand to reveal a beautiful diamond adorning her third finger. My mouth drops open and Tia laughs. 'Isn't it amazing?' She gushes.
Naturally, instead of jumping for joy at Tia's shocking news, the only question in my mind is: how can Immortals marry?
I've heard of it, of course, amongst Auctoritas, and who can forget that Alexandrov and Katarzyna are bound in matrimony, but it won't be a legal ceremony, obviously.
Perhaps we have our own version?
Tia is staring at me, her face beginning to fall, so I quickly force my mouth into a grin and hug her tightly.
'Oh my God, Tia! Congratulations!' I gush as she giggles happily. Despite my private thoughts about the legalities of such a marriage, I am happy for Tia, and glad she's found Richard to share her eternal life with.
'Thank you!' Her face looks as though it might split from smiling and she holds mine and Meredith's hands in hers. 'You both have to come out tonight to celebrate. No excuses,' She glares at me and I hold my hands up in surrender.
'We're going to the Black Room. You remember, Eve, that room I showed you on your first day, the one with the bars and the stage..?'
'I remember.' I nod, attempting to sound excited. It's not that I don't want to celebrate Tia and Richard's good news, and it's not that I won't enjoy a night out with my friends, I just have so much on my plate it's hard for me to focus on more than one thing at a time. And once I get thinking about my predicament with Lorna, everything else pales in comparison.
'Good, we can all get ready together,' Tia nods happily. 'Everybody's going. And I mean everybody.' She assures me, as though my primary concern is the number of guests attending.
For one night, I decide to cast all thoughts of Lorna, Sir Alec, Katy Branch and Malachy aside as, at seven o clock, I stand beside Tia and Meredith, looking significantly under-dressed in comparison.
Tia is almost manic with excitement as she runs to the elevator, her six inch heels making dents in the carpet. Her electric blue dress sways just below her knees, her cleavage elevated in the plunging neck line. Meredith's choice of dress is a little more subtle; a beige, knee length number with a tight skirt and thick pleat around her waist. They both look beautiful and I feel perfectly drab next to them in a black suit-dress, complete with pencil skirt, short sleeves and turned out waist.
Tia insisted on applying my make-up and it's typically over the top with thick Kohl stencilling and metallic green eye shadow. I stand between them in the lift, listening to them squeal about wedding dresses and marquees, flowers and guest lists until I feel like my ears will bleed.
I'm relieved when we arrive at the Black Room to find it overflowing with students and I lose myself amongst the crowd, desperate to avoid more wedding talk.
I head for the bar and order a drink, perching on the stool to survey the guests. The Bermudez sisters have cornered Tia and I thank the Heavens I'm not present to witness that conversation. Richard appears through the entrance doors and I casually make my way over to him, grinning as he envelopes me in an after-shave scented hug.
'Congratulations, Richard. I'm so happy for you.' I say truthfully as he kisses my cheek.
'Thanks, Eve, I appreciate it.' He takes my hand and pulls me over to the bar, ordering a drink and pulling up a stool. I'm surprised and touched that he wants to spend time with me on his big night, and as I watch him crack a joke to the bar tender, I realise that Richard has become almost as dear to me as Tia is.
'You think it's stupid right?' He asks, turning to face me with a smirk on his face. My heart drops with my smile. 'It's fine,' he laughs, clutching my hand. 'It is kind of stupid. I mean, it's two years at least until we can get married, but I just wanted to... I don't know... make sure she's mine, you know?' He smiles and I feel my heart swell at the sight of his earnest face.
'So... where will you get married?' I ask.
'Well, it's not as though we have a lot of choice,' He laughs. 'Still, I suppose there are worse places than the Institute's grounds, they are pretty picturesque.'
'The Institute?' I frown, feeling more and more confused.
'Oh, of course. Sorry, Eve, I forget how new you are to all this. Feels like you've been here as long as we have!' He smiles warmly. 'We have to marry at the Institute, and it has to be Sir Alec who marries us.'
'Sir Alec?! But he's not a vicar!' I am appalled and Richard bursts into laughter, doubling over.
'No, that he isn't!' He splutters between breaths. 'A vicar? Really, Eve? We're going to marry in the eyes of God?' He cocks an eyebrow and I bristle, feeling humiliated. 'Ahh, don't get like that,' Richard grins, sensing my irritation.
'We have our own laws here, remember? Marriage laws included. The Auctoritas decide who can marry and if they approve, the head of your particular Institute marries you upon completion of your mandatory five years.'
'I see.' I nod, wrinkling my nose at the idea of Sir Alec being such a vital part of someone's big day.
'Yeah, it's not ideal, but I don't care. As long as I get to marry that girl,' He nods to Tia with affection as she talks animatedly with Ursula. 'Excuse me, Eve.' He touches my arm briefly before making a beeline for his fiancée.
I stand alone at the bar, watching the happiness bloom around me. The music pumps through the tall speakers; a melodic, upbeat track. Couples dance together on the floor as the more laid back students lounge on the sofas, and the really laid back students hide away on the upper floor, separated from the masses by the balcony.
It's a jo
y to see my friends and acquaintances enjoying themselves and one another's company, and although I'm happy and grateful to be here, I can't help but feel secluded, isolated from the fun in a sad little bubble.
The way things are looking, I won't be here to see Tia and Richard's big day. No matter where I go, who I see or what I do, the weight of my task is heavy on my mind, and I can't shake the sense of imminent doom.
I spot Malachy standing on the balcony, resting his arms casually on the iron bars, surveying the crowd below him. He stands alone, but the familiar flash of Lucrezia's blonde hair is visible behind him. He seems to shift restlessly on his feet, his expression uncomfortable and wary – a little like mine.
He catches my eye and I wait for him to quickly look away, but to my surprise, he smiles in recognition. I feel my breath inexplicably catch in my throat. A sudden heavy feeling in my stomach, like a weight attached to my abdomen, makes me go light-headed and I take my eyes off Malachy, setting my drink down and gripping the bar tightly.
When I look back toward the balcony, Malachy is gone.
The weight in my stomach disappears, and with it the wooziness, but I suddenly feel even more down than I did before. I want to leave, to get out of the Black Room and head back to my bed where I can crawl under the covers and be alone. But a glance at Tia tells me that would be unforgivable, so I steel myself, keeping my backside planted on the stool.
I sip my drink slowly, keeping my head down, eyes on the bar. I have to be here as Tia's friend, but that doesn't mean I have to make idle conversation with everyone else.
'Why are you over here by yourself?' Tia's familiar voice sounds over my shoulder and I force my mouth into what I hope is a smile.
'I was just waiting for you to do your rounds,' I smirk, ordering her a drink. 'So, Sir Alec marrying you, that should be fun.' I raise an eyebrow sarcastically.
'The most fun I've ever had,' She laughs, throwing her arm around my shoulders. 'How are you, Eve?' She looks deeply into my eyes, concern flashing across hers.
'Oh, I'm fine. Come on, I'm not talking about me tonight, this is about you.' I wave my hand dismissively and she studies me for an uncomfortably long time, her thin eyebrows furrowed. After a few moments, she smiles.
'Well, I suppose just for tonight...' She begins, trailing off her sentence as her eyes slip past me, focussing on something just over my shoulder.
'Tia,' A familiar voice sounds very close by. 'Eve.'
I turn, slowly, to face Malachy, my gaze settling on his ice blue eyes. His mouth is unsmiling, but he seems to sparkle beneath the bright stage lights, his skin so flawless I almost want to touch it, just to check that it's real.
I'm not sure if I've ever noticed quite how stunning he is. His eyes are shadowed in darkness, lending him a mysterious look, his cheekbones are razor sharp and set high above his strong jawline. He wears a crisp white shirt and black trousers, very formal aside from the electric blue tie around his neck. And his hair is, as usual, perfectly styled, a soft curtain of platinum blond strands falling neatly across his right eye.
'Malachy.' My voice is hoarse and I clear my throat self-consciously.
'Congratulations, Tia.' He smiles over the top of my head, and I feel a weird sense of deflation as his eyes leave mine.
'Thank you, Mal.' Tia's wind chime voice calls over the music and she leans across me to brush her lips against Malachy's cheek.
'He's a lucky man.' Malachy smirks, the small dimple in his cheek appearing, a rare but beautiful sight.
'I'll make sure he remembers it.' Tia winks, grinning happily.
'Eve,' Malachy repeats my name and I can't help but notice how much I like the sound of it on his lips. 'May I speak with you?'
'I was just going to head over to Arlinda, anyway,' Tia cuts in. 'Dress talk.' She explains, but I notice the sideways glance she gives me as she slips past.
'Is this a good idea?' I ask, my gaze sliding past Malachy to rest on Lucrezia, who seems – for the moment – oblivious to her brother's whereabouts. He glances up at her too, and shrugs.
'Probably not,' He admits. 'I just wanted to ask you how your... meeting went?'
'Oh, fantastic,' I reply sarcastically. 'I didn't manage to even graze the principal subject and ended up carrying her out of a stream, cutting the night a little short.'
Malachy frowns, not sure whether to laugh or be concerned. I put him at ease by laughing myself – if I don't, I'll cry.
'I'm guessing you may have to step it up a little?' He asks.
'Just a little.'
'May I show you something?' Malachy asks. His question feels loaded, heavy, and I stare into his bizarrely hypnotic eyes, trying to calm my breathing.
'Yes.'
'Come with me,' He urges, brushing my hand with his. I glance up once more at Lucrezia. 'Preferably before she sees.' He mutters. I nod, sliding quickly off my stool and following him out of the Black Room.
I keep pace behind him as he heads for the elevator, beckoning me inside before pushing the fourth floor. We ride the lift in silence until the doors ping open and he hurries out, striding along the corridor towards the oval shaped window at the end of the hall, the very same window where I first spoke to Lorna.
'This is Lorna Gray's favourite place in the Institute.' He informs me, keeping his voice low, his body alarmingly close to mine. I breathe in his cloves scent, letting it fill my senses.
'How do you know?' I ask, staring up at him in the pale moonlight.
'My room is there,' He states the obvious, pointing to his door only a few feet away. 'Lorna Gray is always here, staring out of this window. And I know why,' He says, pointing through the glass at the jagged rock, closest to the water's edge.
'She longs to stand there.' He says, gazing out of the window.
'There?' I frown at the seemingly ordinary rock. Malachy nods.
'It's the closest to freedom she could ever get without leaving the Institute,' He replies. I stare at the rock, slotting the puzzle piece into place.
'I've seen her staring at it for hours on end. Of course, she could never get there by herself. And Sir Alec would never allow her even if she was accompanied by her guard.'
'So you're saying...' I frown, attempting to make sense of it all.
'Take her there,' He urges me. 'I can't promise that it will change her mind, but it will certainly put you in her favour.'
'She might listen to me,' I breathe, daring to speak the impossible. Malachy nods, glancing around the empty corridor.
'Why are you helping me?' The question is out before I've properly considered it. Malachy blanches, shooting me a piercing gaze. He wavers, his confidence faltering as he shifts his feet uncomfortably.
'You promised you wouldn't ask me that.' He mumbles, taking a step away from me. I almost reach out to stop him; my body cries out at his distance, willing him to come back.
'You're right,' I breathe, attempting to control myself and my body's strange new urges. 'I'm sorry.'
'It's all right,' He nods, but maintains his cool distance as a frosty tone seeps into his voice. He's drifting away from me, his rare, friendly persona disappearing before my eyes, replaced by his robotic, autopilot self. 'Anyway, you should try to get her there as soon as poss – '
'Is it because I look like her?' My mouth seems to speak without my permission and I clamp a hand over it, my stomach lurching violently. Malachy jerks back as if he's been slapped, shock registering on his face. His eyes search mine, bewildered, not sure how to react.
I realise, too late, the extent of the damage I've done with that one simple question. I have betrayed Tia. I've not only spoken of something that's forbidden, I've spoken of something I ought not to even know of.
'What?' It's more a breath than a word but it's all Malachy can manage. My thoughts race, looking for an excuse, an alibi, anything to pretend I'm not talking about Aleks, but there's no point.
He knows who I meant.
'I-I'm sorry!' Is all I can stammer as Mala
chy backs away from me along the corridor, turning to hurry in the opposite direction.
'Malachy!' I call after him but he doesn't stop, he doesn't turn. His blond hair sweeps behind him as he takes the stairs, disappearing out of sight before I can utter another word.
I lean against the wall, my knees feeling weak, and use the window ledge to hold myself up. I have ruined everything. Malachy will no longer help me. He may even tell Sir Alec that I know about Aleks. That I can handle, I will bear the consequences of my actions and stupidity.
But so will Tia.
It will be apparently obvious who told me about Malachy's lost love.
Neither of them will ever speak to me again.
My head spins and I rake my fingers through my hair, dropping to my knees. I can not begin to contemplate the trouble I've gotten myself – and Tia – into.
I know instinctively that the tale of Aleks Anzhela is one that Sir Alec wishes to forget. One he'll do almost anything to bury.
'Shit!' I whimper, clutching the floor in an attempt to keep a hold on reality. 'Shit!' Malachy's face flashes through my mind, his eyes wide at my words: Is it because I look like her?
The Gray Institute (The Gray Institute Trilogy Book 1) Page 26
