“Is it me again?” he’d asked gently from over by the door.
She’d answered without turning round: “No, it isn’t you.”
“Who is it, then?”
“No one,” she’d said. “I just don’t know why I’m alive.”
As she spoke she’d turned round, fixing him with a wild stare. This was worse than he’d imagined, he was face to face with problems that went completely beyond his understanding. Hege went on: “I get nothing out of it! Go back to your own room now, Mattis.”
As usual it was as if he were cut off by an impenetrable barrier. Hege was miserable. Something suddenly occurred to him: it was she who fed him; every single day he ate food that she bought with the money she got from her knitting.
He shook her by the shoulder: “Hege, you’ve got your knitting, you know!” he said.
She flinched.
“Knitting? Oh! leave me alone, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
And so he’d had to bring up this other matter. He’d hoped to avoid it at first, he felt so ashamed about it.
“You feed me, Hege, don’t forget. You always have,” he’d said.
She didn’t say a word.
“It’s you who keep me alive, you know,” he’d said. “Isn’t that something? Surely that’s important.”
He hadn’t exactly meant it like that, he just uttered the first words that came into his head.
She tried to nod her agreement, and her forehead banged against the wall with a little thud.
“I think it’s important, anyway,” he’d said helplessly. “It is for me.”
“Of course. For me too, Mattis.”
But she wasn’t satisfied. She lay there turned toward the wall, refusing to show her face.
“Don’t worry about this anymore, Mattis. It’s my own business. It’ll pass, I’m sure.”
“Won’t you turn round?” he’d asked.
“No,” she’d replied crossly. She wasn’t going to let him see her face this time.
He stood there, his arms sagging. What could he tell her? She didn’t know why she was alive. And she who was so clever. He’d shuffled back into his own room, seeing he couldn’t cheer her up. It’s these last few months she’s got like this. What’s going on?
She was back to normal again after breakfast next morning, but had asked if he couldn’t take the boat out and do some fishing. He’d agreed without protest and got ready.
What’s she doing back home now?
No one must see her?
He sat in the boat, deep in thought.
20
GLUG. IT CAME from the bottom of the boat, quite loud this time. Mattis woke up with a start. He was halfway up to his knees in water! He must have damaged the rotten boat in another place today with all his trampling about – seeing the water was suddenly running in much more quickly than before.
He’d been thinking too long, that was the trouble. Hadn’t noticed the water rising over his feet. The water was so warm in the summer that you didn’t notice it when you were busy thinking about other things.
But this water was just as deadly dangerous as any other if you couldn’t swim. He was beginning to sink, there were no two ways about it.
“No! I don’t want to!” he shouted, his eyes wide open and staring. He started bailing with all his might, stood knee-deep in water, pushing it over the side with a broken scoop.
I’m not even forty, he thought, it’s far too soon.
But his bailing wasn’t doing any good, he realized, breaking out into a cold sweat. The water seemed to be rising rather thank sinking. He called out in a faltering voice: “Help! I’m sinking!”
“Someone come!”
“Come on, quickly someone!”
To no avail, far out on a wide, empty lake – and his shouts didn’t carry very far either. No sound reached the farms far away in the haze. Despite his bailing, the boat was getting fuller.
Things were moving quickly: a pair of eyes appeared down in the water, staring straight up at him.
“No!” he shouted.
His own eyes were staring transfixed, and the eyes in the water stared back. Nothing but a pair of eyes.
But he didn’t want to.
“No, I don’t want to!” he shouted, his face turning pale.
In his panic he finally caught sight of the bare, rocky island. It wasn’t far away. If only he could reach it he’d be safe.
His mind was really working quickly and smoothly. He threw down the scoop, flung himself on to the seat and started struggling with the oars.
Although the boat was lying low in the water, it began to move. Mattis pulled at the oars with every ounce of strength he could muster, and more besides. He didn’t stop to consider whether he had the strength or not, he had to get away from those eyes on the surface of the water.
“Hege!” he shouted wildly.
There was no chance at all of her hearing him, but still he had to shout her name. It had always been Hege he’d turned to for help.
Meanwhile the boat moved slowly toward the island. The water was rising, it was coming in through cracks higher up now. The fishing rod was bobbing up and down more forlornly than ever.
Then he stopped shouting. I’m going to make it, he thought, I’ll soon be there. He pulled at the oars, full of blissful certainty. And get there he did – before he knew it, the rocky island was right behind him.
The board grated against the bottom and came to rest, with the bow up on land. Mattis climbed ashore, so out of breath that he had to fling himself straight to the ground. He brought up his hand and began to wipe the sweat from his forehead.
That was close.
But he was safe.
He was filled with a deep sense of gratitude.
The island was nothing more than a large rock, with a few small patches of grass in the hollows. That’d be somewhere to sit, anyway. Mattis remembered to try and rescue the boat. Tried to bail it out first of all, but had to give up. He couldn’t drag the waterlogged hulk far enough up on land to do any good. The boat got even fuller it was so rotten, and seemed to dig itself in. The water was shallow so it didn’t sink, but it remained stuck fast. Mattis sat on the shore with the end of the rope in his hand.
There was nothing to do now but wait. He was stuck here until another boat turned up. Mattis gripped the rope firmly. There was nothing to tie the boat to. Actually, it was safe enough in the calm weather, but Mattis dared not to let go, a wind might spring up and set the wreck adrift – and that mustn’t be allowed to happen, the boat was going to be usable again, Mattis promised himself happily.
It was blissful to relax and gradually begin thinking again. Not that he was in any hurry about that just yet. The sun beat down upon him – no bad thing when your clothes were soaking wet; he got so hot he hadn’t the energy to take them off. As yet he hadn’t given a thought to getting back home; he’d saved his life, the rest would follow of its own accord.
“And a pretty mess things would have been in if I hadn’t!” he said in a loud clear voice. Out here you could talk to yourself to your heart’s content.
He felt weak and tired, basking blissfully in the sun, after all the strain and excitement. Getting back on land again wouldn’t be much of a problem. Sooner or later someone was bound to come out on the lake and see him. He wasn’t hungry either, just sleepy. He could take a nap until someone turned up.
But he was afraid he might let go of the rope if he fell asleep. It was the one link between him and everything he held dear. So when he felt sleep approaching with overpowering force, he tied the boat to the only thing there was: himself. He wound the rope round one of his ankles and made a firm knot. Admittedly the boat was resting securely on the rocks at the moment, but no one could tell how long it would stay there.
“If I look after you, then you’ll look after me,” he said to the boat. Soon afterward everything went blank.
21
MATTIS DIDN’T HAVE any dreams this t
ime. And when he woke up he had no idea how long he’d been asleep, he didn’t even think about it, for he was awakened by rousing cries of heave-ho!
Girls’ voices: “Heave-ho!”
At the same time the rope was tightening round his ankle. And he was being pulled toward the edge of the water with violent jerks.
What on earth?
“No!” he shouted, frightened and confused, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. And sleep vanished completely.
“Come on! Again!” came a call.
“Right! Heave-ho!”
Another jerk nearer the edge of the water. He started struggling.
“Stop it!”
Then he realized it was only a joke.
Happy laughter rolled around him. It reminded him of lovely yellow peas. A girl’s voice said: “You better get up buddy, or you’ll end up in the water.”
Another girl said: “Wouldn’t it be a good idea to bail out your boat? It’s stuck to the bottom.”
Mattis shook his head to free himself of the suspicion that he was seeing this. Then he banged his left hand hard against the rock – it was so painful that he let out a groan. His heart was pounding with excitement. He wasn’t dreaming, yet here he was, in the company of friendly, smiling girls.
“Should we untie you from the boat?” they asked, full of laughter. “You look so silly.”
“I’m sure I do,” he answered without thinking, still trying to clear his head.
“And there’s nothing new or unusual about that either,” he said waking up even more, his eyes opening even wider.
They didn’t listen to what he was talking about. One of them bent over him and undid the rope round his foot. Mattis looked at her shyly, felt her hands touch his naked foot – the whole thing was unbelievable, almost too good to be true. At last he managed to take in the whole scene. The boat the girls had arrived in lay splendid and newly varnished, pulled up next to his own sunken wreck – and here stood two happy young girls, obviously on holiday by the look of their suntanned bodies. There were a couple of faded anoraks or whatever they were lying in the boat, the girls were wearing nothing but their bathing suits, ready to plunge head first into the water.
Mattis looked at them quickly. He mustn’t do anything stupid now. If he spoiled this, it would take him a long, long time to get over it.
“It’s almost as if my dreams and wishes were coming true,” he said to begin with, looking across at the distant shores. He mustn’t stare at them.
“I have dreamt quite a few things as a matter of act,” he finished off unexpectedly.
The girls looked at him, surprised.
“Really?”
“Yes, but don’t ask me any more about it,” he said. “I haven’t told anybody.”
“No, alright,” said one of the girls, “we have dreams ourselves, so we know what they are like.”
And they gave him a friendly glance.
They’re clever, too, he thought.
“But I’ve seen plenty like you!” he said, once again unexpectedly. Had to be though. “There are crowds of them on the road here in the summer!” he said, “in the store and everywhere. You mustn’t think—”
He stopped. Just stared at them defiantly. It was all right to look at them, he felt, as long as it was an angry, defiant look.
They were smiling, as friendly as ever.
“Oh, we know that alright,” they said. “Didn’t think for a moment that you were just anybody.”
Mattis looked at them quickly, deeply grateful that they knew nothing about him. Surprised, too, at the way he’d spoken out. Without hesitation he’d let them have it, and looked them straight in the eye.
But now he turned away again, and asked quietly, in a different tone: “Where on earth have you come from?”
They pointed unconcernedly down over the hazy blue shores where Mattis was a stranger.
“We’ve been staying down there for a fortnight. As the weather was so nice today we thought we’d take a longish trip in the rowing boat,” said one of them.
“And then we made for this little island to bathe,” said the other winking at him, “but as we drew closer we saw something funny.”
You mustn’t, said a voice inside him every time he wanted to turn round and look at them. He was still staring fixedly down toward the unknown shores. Meanwhile they went on with their story.
“At first we thought there’d been an accident, but when we got closer, we saw there was nothing to worry about.”
“Yes, it would have been an odd sort of accident,” said Mattis, breaking into her story. He felt so happy it hurt.
“Well, there must have been an accident of some kind,” one of the girls said. “It looks as if you only just managed to reach the island in safety.”
Mattis snorted.
“Nothing to worry about. Not now that you’re here,” he added with real feeling.
“How very nicely put,” they said.
Those were words he would treasure. They thought it was well put. Clever perhaps.
“Have you seen me before?” he asked, trembling inwardly, but it had to be faced. “I mean on the road or in the store or anywhere else?”
They shook their heads. A blissful sight.
“We live a long way off, so we don’t really know anyone round here.”
“Not heard of me either?”
“How can we tell, if we don’t know who you are?”
Razor-sharp, he thought. That’s the sort of answer some people can give.
Although he was looking across at the distant shore, he still managed to get a glimpse of the girls from the side. Saw them shaking their heads. They didn’t know a thing. Wonderful.
“I’m glad to hear that,” he said—but was quite incapable of saying how desperately glad he was.
The girls turned it into a joke: “Do you have such a bad reputation then?”
Pooh! What did it matter to him if they joked about it. What he’d been asking about on the other hand seemed like a matter of life and death at that moment.
“What are you looking at out there on the lake all the time?” they asked him.
“Nobody. Nothing at all,” he answered quickly
“There must be something.”
“It’s not that,” he said seriously, “but I’m sorely tempted.”
All the smiles seemed to have vanished, all the winks too, and the girls grew quite quiet. It was the way Mattis looked. One of them said gently: “Are you afraid to look at us?”
“I’m very tempted to,” he answered in a low voice, without moving.
She didn’t go on. Mattis’s heart lay exposed and defenseless. The two friends looked at each other bewildered. His voice, his face, his eyes, all drove anything resembling a giggle out of their minds. They were confused, and they were disturbed.
“We can go away again if you like,” said one of them, embarrassed, “row over to the shore and get some people to come and give you a hand with your boat.”
“No, no!” he shouted, holding them back.
The other girl found a solution: “Come on, Anna, let’s go and bathe like we said. It’s just right here now.”
“Yes, let’s,” answered the girl called Anna. She seemed to be relieved. “That’d be marvelous.”
“See you!” they called over their shoulders to Mattis.
Then they dived into the warm summer water. Propelled themselves forward with the free and easy movement of two fishes, moved away. Mattis watched them to his heart’s content.
And they’ll have to come back, he thought, trembling with joy. They’ll have to fetch their boat. They’ll have to come back onto the island.
“I hardly dare think,” he said in a low voice as he watched them swimming away from him. They were chattering busily out there. Before long they stopped and waved to him.
“Hello!”
Mattis didn’t move. But he lifted up his hand with a stiff jerky movement, and lowered it again, shyly.
They were coming back toward him now in a whirl of water, high-spirited and confident once more.
“You must let us bring you back to land and save your life!” they shouted to him – treading water and splashing about, and thrusting their toes into the air.
“It’s a long way!” he shouted back at once, frightened. At the same time their words sent a feeling of excitement and joy running through him again.
“We’ve got the whole day ahead of us,” they answered, bubbles and splutters coming from their red lips. “If you’ll tell us your name we’ll row you back to land, and we’ll put you ashore as gently as if you were made of glass.”
He shook his head. But they weren’t going to give up. They were having fun, swimming around the island calling out to him and bantering about themselves.
“My name’s Anna, and that’s Inger. It’s as simple as that. And now it’s your turn.”
He shook his head.
“No! I’ve said no.”
“All right then, you can just stay there until you change your mind, you stubborn mule,” they said and went on splashing about.
“You don’t know anything!” he shouted to them. “You should just stop! There’s no need to say things like that.”
They didn’t understand him, turned away, splashing, diving, and playing around.
They mustn’t leave me, he thought. They mustn’t! It’s only just this once. But then he bent his head and took it all back: it’d probably be better if they went with things as they are now. They don’t know anything about me yet.
They came out of the water gasping for breath, tossed their hair back, got some towels out of the boat and dried themselves, and lay down to sunbathe right next to where Mattis was sitting – the islet was so small they had no choice.
“You’ll have to excuse us,” said Inger, “but there isn’t exactly room to hide on this little island, and there are sharp rocks everywhere except here. You’ll have to put up with us.”
Then both the girls dozed off. The sun shone down on them. Mattis breathed in the sweet smell that rose up.
Inside Mattis storms were raging. He couldn’t move. Couldn’t jump into his boat, because it lay on the bottom full of water. He searched desperately for another boat he could wave to. There was none.
The Birds Page 9
