Before Conner, Pippen had assumed his default mode was violence, that no matter what small hobby he found to take up his time, he would always return to violence. Conner had proven to him though, that he could be more. That he was more.
That didn't mean he wasn't terrified.
He had only just discovered his kinder self. He had faith in it, in Conner, but what if something terrible happened, to Conner? To the baby?
Pippen reached for the knife he kept in his back pocket only to find it empty. That was a first, and it only made him more scared. He never forgot his knife.
Find me, love. He heard Conner's words in his head as if the shifter had developed an ability for telepathy. He hadn't, of course, but Pippen obeyed the command anyway. He found Conner in the crowd. Those beautiful, happy eyes soothed him, enveloping him in a cocoon of calm.
This, like everything else, would be okay.
Pippen smiled and walked toward Conner, all thoughts of his knife, forgotten. When he was close enough, he reached out for his mate, the two of them stood, hands clasped in front of each other. Pippen pressed his forehead against Conner's.
"I think I'm pregnant," he said.
At the same time, Conner said, "I think you're pregnant."
They stood there, united on a physical and mental level.
"I can't wait to see what he or she looks like," Conner said.
"You aren't terrified? Your first child, Conner, this doesn't terrify you? What if we aren't meant to be parents?" Pippen asked, squeezing onto Conner's hands tightly.
"Not possible. I just know," Conner said, seemingly unable to stop smiling so wide. "I do have something else to talk to you about though, something important. Felix is going to ask me to help him lead this pack."
"What do you mean, like a co-alpha?" Pippen had never heard of a pack with more than one leader.
"The term hasn't been decided, but yeah, something like that."
"I think it's a great idea, Conner. Felix could use the help and you were born to lead." Pippen let go of Conner's hands so he could wrap his arms around him. He pulled back as Sorell sidled up to them pushing a double stroller.
"Are you two ready?" Sorell asked, judging by the twinkle in his eye, he already knew about Felix's suggestion. "You two need to sit in front," he said, confirming Pippen's suspicions.
"I can't, but you need to, Conner," Pippen said. "I need to be able to get up and check on the kitchen in case I smell something burning. I don't want to sit in the front and have to walk in front of everyone to get there."
Conner stood in the middle of the aisle of chairs, not wanting to leave Pippen in the back.
"Really, I am fine. Go up there, you'll need to be close to the podium." Pippen pushed him at the small of the back. He was sturdy, but stepped forward eventually, however unwillingly. Pippen found a chair on the outside aisle where he could see the front but still get to the kitchen if needed.
He spotted Stella, her normally wild red hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail, beside her was Oscar, dressed up for him, in slacks and a white button-up shirt.
It was nice how excited they seemed for a new start. This pack had not been quite as bad as Pippen's pack, definitely not as bad as it had been when Pippen's father had been alive, but they saw themselves slipping down that slope and didn't like it. Now, it seemed they were doing whatever they could to stop it.
Stella began the ceremony, discussing their pack's history, their motto and what they wanted their future to look like.
Oscar replaced her at the podium and cleared his throat. "I've grown up with most of you. I remember us as pups, running around not knowing our tail from our nose, generally acting like a pack of fools." That got a light laughter from the audience. "We had dreams then as we do now, dreams of what we would become. Stan, rest his soul, was an amazing alpha and pack master and he encouraged all of us to have dreams. Then came Lucian," he paused as the crowd grumbled. "And after Lucian, came Isaac." He inhaled deeply, the only sound in the quiet room. "I watched my pack mates do things under those two shifter's leaderships that we thought we would never do." He looked back at Stella, anger radiated from his body. "And I witnessed atrocities happen to my pack mates, my brothers and my sisters. Our pack began to die. Look around, how many pups do you see? We let this happen. Each of us is to blame, equally. But the great thing about that is now, we are all to thank. I believe with all my heart that we saved our pack when we got rid of Isaac. And I think we saved it again by voting Felix as our leader. I'm not saying it will be an easy transition, but if we give him the faith we gave our bad leaders, imagine how many dreams we could make true." He stopped to riotous applause. Every pack member was on his feet cheering.
Except Pippen. Just as the cheers had begun, he noticed, from his position in the back, the door of the bar swinging open. Pippen expected Luke or someone else from the pack house to come through, what he didn't expect was a small boy of maybe four or five, holding the hand of an older girl. Both dirty, looking like they'd missed a few meals.
Everyone else was still cheering, Felix made his way up to the front of the podium so Pippen went to the door.
"Can I help you two? You aren't technically allowed in here," he said to the girl, who stared at him defiantly. If he'd expected some shy, wilting flower, he wasn't going to get it from her. He liked the girl immediately.
"We're looking for Conner. Is this the right place? Is Conner the alpha here?" she asked, her voice betraying the emotion her body did not.
"Conner? No, well, I guess, sort of. Why?"
"But you know him?" the little boy's voice was a small squeak.
A nervous energy swept over Pippen. Something was wrong, off. "Yes, I know Conner. I'm sorry, who are you? How do you two know Conner?"
"He's my dad!" the little boy said then, proudly.
Pippen thought he might fall over. He looked at the boy with new eyes. Dirty blond hair, a round, sweet face. Definitely closer to four than five. His eyes flitted over to the girl with him. "And you? Are you his daughter?"
"No," she said. "I'm not related, except by pack. Well, I guess that isn't true anymore. Look, buddy, do you know Conner or not? Is he—" She was cut off then, as Felix announced his plan to have a second, honest shifter help him lead. There was much cheering as Conner took his place beside Felix.
Pippen spun around, stepping back so that the children were in front of him. Conner smiled like a fool. Standing next to Felix like he was, shaking hands and acknowledging the crowd, it reminded Pippen of two politicians, beaming at a crowd before they started kissing babies.
Conner was clearly searching the crowd for Pippen. Not finding him, his gaze traveled further up. He looked at the door, his face relaxing. Then he glanced down at the children and Conner's smile disappeared.
Busted, asshole, Pippen thought. "Let's go to the kitchen," he said to the kids, "Conner will meet us there." He guided them through the doors. The kitchen was mostly empty now as the pack members were done cooking and were setting up the buffet area. Just as he suspected, the door opened so hard, it slammed against the wall as Conner came barreling in.
"Daddy!" the little boy exclaimed and then ran toward Conner, jumping in his arms. Conner caught him and held the child tightly. Pippen felt like his throat was closing up.
"Is it...but how could you...your mother...how..." he began, seemingly unable to finish a sentence.
"So it is true," Pippen said, his voice deathly quiet. "This is your son?"
"I—yes."
Pippen bit his tongue so hard he tasted blood. He had a million more questions for Conner, but didn't want to ask them in front of the children. They looked weak as it was. Pippen turned from the reunion and rummaged through the fridge, pulling out some leftovers he heated them up and then set the plates down on the kitchen prep table.
"Come, sit and eat," he said to the girl who had ran forward to get her own hug.
She spotted the steaming plates of food and practically leapt on the st
ool, shoveling the food down quickly. Pippen remembered when he would eat like that as a kid, generally weeks after his parents had forgotten they were supposed to be caring for their child.
"You, too," he said to the little boy who looked unwilling to let go of Conner.
His wide eyes went from the plate of food to Conner. "You won't leave?" he asked with such worry it hurt Pippen's heart.
Conner cleared his throat, looking at the ground.
"No, Adam, I won't leave."
Adam didn't look convinced, but more like his stomach won the argument in his head.
"Bettina, slow down," Conner said, her plate was nearly empty.
Pippen got her a glass of milk.
"What's happened? Did something happen to Andrea? How did you two get here?"
"Let them eat, Conner," Pippen said quietly. His anger boiled below his skin and Conner must have heard it in his tone because he reached for Pippen's hand.
"Pippen, I don't know what you're thinking—"
Pippen yanked his hand away. "I'm thinking you didn't tell me about a mate you had and a child you abandoned."
Anger filled his eyes as Conner clenched his jaw. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"That's right," Pippen whispered through gritted teeth. "I don't know what you're talking about because you never told me. Apparently you didn't tell me a lot. What did you do? Say what you thought I wanted to hear so I would fall in love with you? It's amazing how you skipped over the bits of your life that might have put you in a bad light."
Conner clenched his hands into fists and then released them. "I'll tell you everything, just—"
"Do you have more?" Adam asked, his plate licked clean.
"There is fresh food at the buffet," Pippen said. "I'm going to make you both a heaping plate of your own, okay? Conner, stay with your son."
Pippen walked out of the kitchen. Instead of going out to the main bar area, he took the hallway down to the storage and imprisonment room. Once the door shut behind him and he was sure no one followed him, he let the emotions he had been holding in flow freely.
He didn't cry, despite the tears that welled up behind his eyes. His breath came fast, so fast that his head felt light. He sat down on a bag of flour so that he wouldn't pass out. Conner had a son. That meant Conner's brief marriage had meant more. Sure, shifters that were not mates could still procreate, but it wasn't as common. He couldn't stop imagining them together, something that had come easy before that moment. Would he have said the same sweet things to her as he whispered in Pippen's ear every night? Did he make her feel just as safe and secure? Pippen began to doubt Conner's story about how he left the pack, how Andrea had supposedly been the first in line to give him the cut that sent him on his way. How could a mother do that to the father of her child? Pippen hated saying her name even in his head. Then he hated that hate. Pippen wasn't a jealous lover, Conner had made him that way.
Mates were usually for life. It was the one thing most shifters could count on, mating as a lifelong thing. Unless you're an alpha with a wild hair up your butt, Pippen thought. Or me and not good enough for a normal mate.
He took a steady breath and then another. When he was sure he could walk normally, he went back out to the bar. Grabbing two plates, he piled them high with the best pieces of everything and then walked back to the kitchen.
Conner had his arm around his son and was asking him questions in hushed tones. He didn't need to whisper, Pippen didn't plan on staying around to listen.
"If you're still hungry, ask for Sorell, he'll get you all the food you want. This is his pack now. I guess it's your d-dad's pack, too." Pippen loathed that he'd stuttered because it gave away emotion.
"Where are you going?" Conner asked demandingly.
"Nowhere," Pippen said, smiling sweetly. Conner's eyes narrowed in on his mouth. You aren't the only one in this mating who can lie.
Chapter Eleven
Conner leapt over the backyard fence at the pack house. He shifted from wolf form midair and landed on two human feet. The moment he'd noticed Pippen missing, he'd panicked, asked Sorell to watch Adam and Bettina, and then shifted to his wolf form so he could track Pippen faster. Quickly after finding the scent, he realized Pippen had gone back to the pack house. Conner was equal parts relieved and angry. Relieved that nothing horrible had happened, but angry that Pippen had lied to him.
He ran naked through the kitchen, ignoring Frannie's raised eyebrows and went straight to his room where he nearly collided with Pippen on is way out of the room with a handful of his clothing. Pippen skipped nimbly to the side, avoiding Conner's reach. He was angry, that was understandable. But Conner was sure, once he explained it to Pippen, he'd see reason. He'd see that their love was stronger than this.
"I can't believe you left your fucking son again," Pippen snarled on his way past.
Conner stopped short. "I went to find you and you were gone! What did you expect me to do?" He hated leaving his son with Sorell, but there was too much to worry about, especially now that Pippen could be pregnant. Anything could have been happening to him.
"I expected you to stay with the son who just trekked halfway across the country to find you." His voice was flippant, as if he didn't actually care about what he was saying.
It was an act and Conner hated it.
Pippen brushed by him again, careful not to get close enough to touch and grabbed another handful of shirts.
"What are you even doing? You left to do laundry?"
"Yes," Pippen replied, sarcasm on every syllable. "I left because I had an overwhelming urge to do laundry like a good little pregnant shifter mate. Next I'm going to bake a cake and then make you a fucking martini."
Conner wasn't sure that martini wouldn't be poisoned.
"What are you talking about? Pippen, let me explain about Adam. I never told you because—"
Pippen lifted his hand, silencing him. "Nope. Don't care. I don't need to know."
Conner fought down the urge to dominate, to show Pippen how much he did care. He exhaled harshly, looking around the room, noticing the space was less cluttered than it had been that morning. "What are you doing?" he asked again.
"I'm moving back to my old bed. Miraculously, no one has needed it."
Conner froze. "Neither do you." He stood in the doorway, even though Pippen clearly wanted to pass. He hoped it would elicit some sort of angry response but Pippen's face was relaxed, and he blinked at him. If he had screamed at him that would have been better. Even getting punched by his mate would have been preferable to this cool, infuriating facade. As if Pippen hadn't even cared enough about Conner to get upset.
"Look, people break up all the time, Conner. This time things just happened to go a little further than normal." He attempted to step around him and Conner sidestepped in front of him. "Will you please move?"
"No, because you aren't moving and because you are going to sit and listen to me." He herded Pippen with his body. Pippen had a choice of either colliding with Conner's chest or stepping back. He chose the latter, until his legs bumped the bed.
"It isn't like this is a new thing for you, Conner. Apparently you've broken up with a mate before. Andrea? That's her name, right? I didn't even realize you were bi. You made it all sound like a mistake. But you had true feelings for her. There's no way you couldn't. What else don't I know about you, Conner?"
"I'm an Aries. And I like chai lattes. What else do you need to know?"
"How many other kids do you have?" Pippen asked, even though it seemed like he didn't want to.
"Just one."
"Is that a plus? That you've only abandoned one child in your life?"
"You don't know what you're talking about, Pippen," Conner growled and then took a deep breath to keep his cool. "And what is worse is that you won't let me educate you. I've already told you about Andrea, we were betrothed from birth. Our families had been bonded for generations. I don't even think our wolves imagined a different possibilit
y other than us mating. It was all I ever heard in Manchester, all she was ever told in Chicago. So when it happened, it felt as natural as breathing."
Pippen gasped, a pain-filled noise that made Conner wince. He understood the noise. The way he thought he felt about Andrea, the way he had been told to feel about her, was how he actually felt about Pippen. Hearing about Pippen having a similar connection with someone else would rip his heart out.
"It wasn't real though, love."
"It was real enough for her to get pregnant."
"That happened very early on in our relationship. Adam wasn't even born before I started to question the way our pack operated. When I told the pack we were going to change things, they revolted. There was widespread violence, the pack's morale had declined. It became clear to them that I was not the shifter to lead that pack."
"I already know this. They cut you, you left that pack bloodied."
"That's right. They all did. Including my mate." He hated using that word when referring to someone other than Pippen but at the time he'd thought it true. "She told me to leave. I demanded she let me take Adam, but she said the pack had refused it. They had told her that Adam was better off dead than growing up with a disgrace of a father. They threatened his safety, if I tried to contact him. Even though it broke my heart, I had to leave him behind. Andrea was a lot of things, but she was not a bad mother. At least, she wasn't when I left two years ago."
Encouraged that Pippen was still there listening, Conner slipped on boxers, jeans, and a shirt before taking a seat beside him. "I need to get back to Howling and find out exactly what happened. Try to call her. Bettina's mother and Andrea were good friends, if something happened to one..."
"You should go, Conner. Be with your son."
Conner nodded and stood. He held his hand out for Pippen to grab. "Let's go."
Pippen didn't stand. He shook his head slowly, looking at the carpet. "No, Conner. You need to go, be with your son. I'm not going with you."
Wolf's Mate Mpreg Romance Box Set Page 60
