I buried the sigh that threatened to escape my lips. What the hell did I know about normal? “Aunt Lou, we’ve gone over this before. I’m not a medical doctor.”
“Well, you’re no help,” she snapped.
I had counted on this being a good day. “I think you should take Uncle Bump to the ER and have someone look at him.”
“That’s exactly what I told him,” she said, “but he’s too embarrassed. His thingy is sticking straight out. He can’t even zip his pants.”
The last thing I wanted to think of was my uncle’s thingy. “Perhaps he could wear an overcoat,” I suggested.
“Hmm,” she said. “I didn’t think of that. I guess it goes without saying that Bump is not going to be able to help you move today unless the swelling goes down. And I wouldn’t count on Lucien and his band either. They have bad hangovers.”
“There seems to be a lot of that going around,” I said before she hung up.
I could hear Mona crying from beneath her desk, and the more Jeff tried to reason with her, the louder she got. I had to assume part of it was due to her fear of losing Liam.
The door to the reception room opened and my mother, aunt, and Arnie walked through. They looked as tired as I felt after what we’d gone through over the now-canceled nuptials.
All three paused when they heard Mona sobbing from her hiding place. “You should have stopped me from kissing you!” Mona shouted at Jeff.
“I tried,” he said, “but you were like an octopus!”
“Excuse me!” she said.
“Mona? Jeff?” I said. “You might want to settle this later.”
“I don’t want what happened last night to interfere with our friendship,” Jeff said.
“We don’t have a friendship!” she said.
“Jeff?” I called out louder. “We have company.”
They peered out from under the desk simultaneously. “Oh no!” Mona cried. “Now everybody knows I acted like a drunken whore last night.” She disappeared once more.
My mom looked at me. “This is what I’m talking about,” she said. “Every time I walk through this door there is something crazy going on. You should have joined us in the junk business when you had a chance.” She stepped closer to the desk. “Mona, get the H-E-L-L out from under that desk.”
Mona did as she was told. “I am so embarrassed,” she said.
“Don’t beat yourself up,” Aunt Trixie said. “Last night, I almost married an ex-con who jilted several women out of their retirement funds. Nobody is perfect.”
“She’s right,” Arnie said. “It could be worse. At least you’re not a man trapped in a woman’s body.”
Jeff checked his wristwatch. “I have to go,” he said. He looked at Mona. “You’re a lot of fun to be around,” he said. “I’d like to put this behind us if we could.” He smiled at me and hurried out.
My mother looked around. “Where are Bump and Lucien?”
“Uncle Bump can’t make it,” I said, swallowing a smile. “Something came up. And we can forget about Lucien as well.”
The door opened, and I was stunned when Jay walked through. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I’m here to help you move.”
“You are?”
He shrugged. “I figured it was the right thing to do.”
“We need to talk,” I said, pulling him inside my office. I closed the door. “Why didn’t you tell me the arsonist was targeting firefighters?”
He arched one brow. “You have to ask?”
I decided we could save that discussion for later. “I think I know who is setting the fires,” I said. “Ronnie Sumner.”
Jay frowned. “What? Why would you think that?”
“He lied about his divorce. His wife died in a house fire. Their house,” I added.
“The water heater blew up in her face.”
“You already know?” I asked, surprised.
“He asked me to keep it confidential. The reason he left Houston was because he got tired of dealing with the looks of pity. It has been hard enough for him to rebuild his life without the constant reminder.”
“Oh.”
Jay frowned. “Who told you?” he asked.
“Carter Atkins.”
“Dammit, Kate! I told you to stay away from him. Can’t you do one simple thing I ask?”
“But Jay—”
“I’m this close to having Carter arrested for trying to plant evidence in Sumner’s locker.”
“Carter claims he was looking for evidence.”
“Oh, so you and Carter are investigating the arsons now,” he said. “That will be good news to the team of experts assigned to the case.”
“Don’t you find it odd that the fires didn’t start until Ronnie moved back?”
“What I find odd is that you’re getting in the middle of something that doesn’t concern you.”
“How can you say it doesn’t concern me?” I said in disbelief. “Unless I’ve already been replaced by Mandy,” I added.
He suddenly looked frustrated. “You know what? I don’t have time for this.” He reached for the doorknob. “We’ve got to load your things on the truck and move you to lover boy’s office.”
“I’m not moving in with Thad,” I said.
It was Jay’s turn to look surprised. “That’s the first sane thing that has come out of your mouth. Where are you moving?”
“I don’t know. I’m going to ask my mom if I can put my things in their storage room until I find something. Once I update her on the situation,” I added, remembering I hadn’t yet mentioned the change of plans.
We left my office. “Where did everybody go?” I asked Mona, who had seemingly pulled herself together.
“They’re loading the truck. Oh, and Elizabeth Larkin just called to let you know she really liked the psychiatrist you set her up with. She said she was feeling a lot better and planned to ask you and Thad to dinner next week.”
“That’s nice.” I didn’t have time to think about next week, I reminded myself.
“I told her you were moving, only you had no idea where because Thad had turned out to be such a jerk. She felt awful for you. Thad’s name has been taken off her invitation list.”
“I’m glad you didn’t burden her with my problems,” I said.
Mona went on. “I also asked if she and I could get together sometime soon so I could pick her brain since she has helped so many underprivileged children with her fund-raisers.” Mona looked at Jay. “I’m trying to find my reason for existing.”
“I thought you were going to be a nurse.”
“I’m pretty sure nurses aren’t allowed to wear nail polish,” she said.
Jay nodded as though it made perfect sense. He stacked several boxes on top of each other and started for the door. I hurried to open it, but my mother beat me to it. She stepped back and held it open for him. Trixie and Arnie followed her inside.
“Mom, I have something to tell you,” I said. “I don’t really have a place to move to yet.” I explained the situation. “I was hoping I could store my stuff in the back of the workroom.”
“Why does everything have to be so complicated with you, Kate?” she said.
“Of course you can store your things at our place,” Trixie said. “We have plenty of space. Dixie and I can help you look for an office over the weekend.”
Jay returned with a dolly and slipped it beneath a file cabinet. He rolled it out. Arnie carried another load downstairs, and I grabbed a box. We took the freight elevator down. With everybody working, it took less than an hour to pack the truck. “I’ll follow you in my car,” I said.
Mona grabbed her purse. “I’ll ride with you.”
“I’ll be right behind you,” Jay said.
We followed my mother’s truck, caravan-style, to Little Five Points, made room at the back of the workroom, and unloaded.
“We have a bunch of fried chicken left over from last night,” my mom said, “not to mention Arn
ell’s special potato salad. How about we all go up for lunch?”
It sounded like a good plan since I was hungry. I’d only eaten half a slice of my pizza the night before, having lost my appetite after Mona’s display.
Inside the kitchen, my mother and aunt began pulling food from the refrigerator, including baked beans and deviled eggs. They placed everything on the kitchen counter to create a buffet.
Jay chuckled. “That’s quite a spread you’ve got there.”
“Well, I was just in one of my cooking moods,” my mother said. “I like to show off in front of Arnell,” she added with a smile. “Everybody dig in. Don’t be shy. A couple of you will have to eat in the living room since we don’t have enough chairs at the kitchen table.”
The women ended up sitting in the kitchen, and Jay and Arnie sat in the living room. I wondered what Jay made of Arnie’s Capri slacks and blouse, but if he thought it strange, he didn’t mention it. Jay was obviously accustomed to strange when it came to people he met through me.
“Thank you for the great lunch,” he said once he finished eating. He dumped his chicken bones in the trash and put his plate in the sink. “I need to go home and grab a quick nap.”
“You look tired,” my mother said as he hugged her and my aunt. “Please be careful.”
I walked him to the door. “Thank you for all your help.”
“I was glad to do it.” He hurried down the stairs without another word.
“Things are pretty tense between you and Jay,” my mom said. “I was hoping you’d have worked it all out by now.”
My aunt looked at her. “It’s none of our business, Dixie. Kate is perfectly capable of solving her own problems, and she doesn’t need us to butt in.”
My mother looked astonished but said nothing.
I tried to hide my smile. I was proud of my aunt for standing up to her. I began loading the dishwasher, but Trixie stopped me. “I can do that,” she said.
I nodded my thanks. “I have to run back to the office and clean up.”
“I plan to help you,” Mona said.
I knew she was trying to suck up after the previous night, so I didn’t argue. She got into my car. We said very little on the way. We were both shocked to find the streets blocked with crime scene tape two blocks from my office building. “What in the world is going on?” I said, noting that police cars and fire trucks were parked a short distance away. News cameras were perched on top of vans. It looked like a scene out of a movie.
“It must be bad,” Mona said.
It took forever to find a parking space. Mona and I hurried toward a crowd of onlookers. I recognized a young dental assistant who worked in an office down the hall from me. “What happened?” I asked her.
“Someone discovered a bomb right in front of our building!” she said. “The police have evacuated the surrounding area.”
“A bomb!” Mona and I said in unison.
“Was anyone hurt?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I heard this guy saw it when he got out of his car. He almost stepped on it. Can you imagine what would have happened if he had?”
“How long ago?” Mona asked.
“An hour, maybe longer,” the young woman said. “The guy who saw it thought it looked suspicious and called the police from his cell phone. The police called the bomb squad, and they sent in a robot. Can you believe it?” she added.
Mona’s cell phone rang. She pulled it from her purse and answered. I saw her eyes widen as she listened. She gulped. “Are you sure?”
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She shot me a look of pure horror.
“Mona?”
She suddenly looked angry. “Let me tell you something, you pathetic excuse for a PI,” she sputtered into the phone. “You’d better keep my name out of it or I’ll sue your pants off, you got that? I’ll hang you out to dry. By the time I’m finished with you, you’ll wish you never met me.” She hung up and fixed me with determined look. “I have to leave the country!” she said. “Would you drive me to the airport?”
“Why don’t you tell me what’s going on first?”
She pulled me away from the crowd. “It’s the worst thing that could possibly happen,” she said. “The PI tracked Liam to our building, then lost him. The live GPS fell off Liam’s car. The PI said it was hard finding a place to attach the GPS since Liam has that little economy car.”
“Mona, you’re not making sense!”
“Liam thought the GPS was a bomb and called the police, who called the bomb squad. You need to take me to the bank so I can withdraw some money before we go to the airport. I’ll have to get a new identity. What do you think of the name Juanita?”
“Hold it!” I said. “How could police mistake a GPS for a bomb?”
“The PI said it was in a small camouflaged case with a cell phone inside.”
“How did he find out it had been reported as a bomb?”
“He has a police scanner in his car. He heard the location and already knew where Liam and the GPS were. He’s got more stuff than the FBI, Kate. Anyway, he is on his way to the police station to clear it up. He promised not to mention my name, but I know what goes on in interrogations. I watch The Closer with Kyra Sedgwick. He’ll sing like a canary.”
She suddenly burst into tears.
“What now?” I said.
“I feel terrible about this. Not only did it probably scare the hell out of Liam, but think how terrified all these poor people must’ve been when they had to evacuate.” She looked at the crowd. “This is all my fault. I am a bad person!”
I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Stop it!” I said. “You’re not thinking straight. This is not your fault, and you are not a bad person. This is your PI’s fault for doing a crappy job.”
“But I hired him to do it.”
“People do it all the time, Mona. How do you think spouses catch their mates cheating on them? Besides, your PI is legally bound by client confidentiality laws. He can’t mention your name.” At least I was fairly certain that was the case.
Suddenly, a loudspeaker squawked. “Let’s move closer,” I said, tugging Mona toward the crowd so we could hear.
“May I have your attention please,” a male voice said. “The bomb squad has determined that the suspicious case found in the parking lot is not a threat. It has been removed from the premises, and the buildings are safe to enter. Again, the object found in the parking lot has been removed. You are free to return to your offices.”
The people looked about as the message was repeated several times. Two policemen began taking down the crime scene tape.
“See? Everything is going to be okay,” I said.
We started walking toward the building as Mona brushed tears from her face. “I’m going to have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life.”
“Then you’re an idiot!” I said. I took her arm and pulled her to a stop. “Now listen closely, Mona. We are not going to tell anyone about this, do you understand?”
“Not even my priest?” she said.
“You’re not Catholic, for Pete’s sake!”
“But what if I decide to become a Catholic one day and I have to go to confession?”
I closed my eyes. I told myself that Mona was in shock, and that’s why she wasn’t thinking straight. “Mona?” I said, mustering the last of my patience.
“Okay, I’ll become a Presbyterian instead.”
“Mona!”
We both turned at the sound of Liam’s voice. He waved and headed our way. “Keep your mouth shut,” I warned Mona.
“Okay, but you have to promise not to tell him I tried to make out with a gay guy,” she said out of the side of her mouth.
Liam was carrying roses. “Sweetheart, I’ve been looking all over for you,” he said. “These are for you.”
“They are?” she said, taking them.
“To thank you for putting up with me these past few weeks while we were short-staffed at th
e hospital.”
She laughed brightly. “Don’t be silly, Liam. You’re a medical student and an intern. I expect you to be busy.”
Liam looked at me. “Hi, Kate. Am I a lucky man or what? Most women wouldn’t understand my crazy schedule, but Mona—” He paused. “She’s a real trouper.”
“She certainly is,” I said, giving her a jovial slap on the back.
He kissed her. “You two are not going to believe what happened to me.” He filled us in quickly, then checked his wristwatch. “I have to go,” he said after we’d heard the story for the second time. He kissed Mona again. “How about I take you to dinner tonight? Say around seven?”
She nodded dumbly and he hurried away.
“You so owe me,” I told her. I started toward the building once more with Mona on my heels. I spotted my landlord, Mr. Green. “Oh great,” I muttered. “Just the man I wanted to see. Tell me I’m having a nightmare.”
Green saw Mona and me as we approached the double glass doors. He was completely bald except for the hair growing out of his ears.
“Well, Dr. Holly,” he said. “I was on my way to see if you’d cleaned your ex-office before I put locks on the door.”
“I got sidetracked,” I said. “But feel free to lock it. I’m not in the mood to clean it, anyway.”
“I guess you heard about the bomb scare,” he said. “I figured one of your crazies had something to do with it.”
I crossed my arms. “I resent that remark,” I said.
He pointed at me. “And you’re even crazier and more dangerous than the lunatics you treat.”
Several of the tenants on the way back into the building stopped and stared. I knew most of them because they attended the open house each month.
A man I recognized from attending the monthly event stepped forward and got in Green’s face. “I’m an attorney, and not only have you slandered Dr. Holly in front of all these people, you just made a discriminatory remark regarding the mentally ill. Bad mistake, pal, since my wife has been in therapy the past three years for clinical depression,” he added.
“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Green said.
The attorney whipped out a small notepad and pen and looked at the crowd. “Would those of you who heard the comments made by this person please write down your names and addresses.”
Nutcase Page 15
