by Melissa Haag
I rubbed the ache in my chest and lay down on the other bed so I faced her again.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“Why?”
“For bringing up something that upset you.”
She took a long deep breath.
“It’s upsetting for so many reasons. My best memory is also the worst.”
“Tell me about it.”
“There’s not much to tell. It’s the moment I saw you.”
She closed her eyes, signaling she didn’t want to talk anymore. Yet, with those words, I couldn’t keep quiet.
“It’s the same for me.”
To see something I wanted so much and know I couldn’t have? It created a perfect balance of heaven and hell.
It didn’t take long for Olivia’s breathing to even out again. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. It took a long time before my mind let me.
OLIVIA…
The rumble of Jim’s snores woke me. The volume rather surprised me as did the fact I’d apparently slept through quite a bit of it.
I eased from the covers and sat up, taking my time and gauging how my back felt. A night’s rest had helped. Oh, it still hurt, but it didn’t quite burn with pain like it had the day before. Standing, I made my way to the bathroom and closed myself in.
The Others swirled around me, outlining the toilet, sink, and shower. I used the toilet then washed my hands and brushed my teeth. Although I tried to move quietly, I still disturbed Jim’s sleep. While I rinsed my mouth, I saw him sit up and run a hand over his face.
Opening the door, I stepped out with an apology ready.
“You are so beautiful,” he breathed.
I felt my cheeks begin to heat and crossed my arms over my chest.
He stood and walked toward me before gently coaxing my arms away. He made a pained sound, and I knew he was looking where he shouldn’t. And, heaven help me, I wanted him to keep doing it. My pulse dipped then jumped dangerously.
“Don’t hide from me. Don’t feel embarrassed about what I feel for you.” He smoothed his fingers over my cheek. “When I think you feel shame, it starts to hurt. I can’t stop what I feel. Please don’t make me hurt more because of it.”
I exhaled heavily. Hurting him was the last thing I wanted. Yet, I knew before this ended, he would be very hurt. The knowledge of what we both still needed to endure had me stepping forward. The need to wrap my arms around his waist and hug him warred with logic. My back wouldn’t take that kind of stretching. Instead, I set my hands on his sides and leaned against him.
Jim tensed then placed his hands on my shoulders and rested his chin on top of my head. Closing my eyes, I let myself enjoy the simple physical contact. The shadowy memory of the last hug I’d received paled in comparison to this moment.
A shudder went through Jim. Then another. I didn’t move or try to pull away. Breathing deeply, I tried to memorize his scent.
“If I weren’t a Judgement or hurt, what would happen next?” I asked, craving a glimpse of what my life could be like if things were different.
His pulse spiked under my ear, and he grunted. Still, he didn’t release me.
“I’d try to get you to say yes.” His rough, pained words brought more despair than comfort.
“Yes to what?”
“To me.”
I pulled back, and he let me go.
“If I weren’t a Judgement or connected to Blake, I would say yes,” I said sadly.
He stopped breathing and pressed his hand to his chest. The Others started to swirl around him in a frenzy, and he slowly sank to a knee.
Panic gripped me. I’d said too much. I’d opened up too much.
“Jim, don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you.”
Just as I reached for him, the door burst open. Whoever strode in, moved too fast for me to identify them by their walk or shape.
One came toward me. The other went toward Jim. In seconds, I was up in someone’s arms and being taken from the room. The pressure on my back brought tears to my eyes.
“He needs to be okay,” I said desperately. “Make sure he’s okay.”
“We will,” Winifred said. “He just needs a little space to calm down.”
“Please let me walk,” I begged, unable to hold back a moan of pain.
I immediately found myself on my feet.
“I’m so sorry, Olivia. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No, it’s okay. Jim first. I understand.”
“I can see why he was having trouble,” she said. “Your shirt is slightly see through.”
I blushed.
“I didn’t know when I packed it.”
“I imagine not.”
“Do you have one I could borrow? Is it morning yet? I had a watch that told me the time, but Frank took it.”
“It’s after six. Close enough to morning. Let’s get you a shirt.”
I followed her the rest of the way to her room, and saw two other people laying snuggled in bed before she opened the door.
“I’ll wait out here,” I said.
“Nonsense. Come in. Michelle’s up already, anyway.”
As soon as I stepped into the room, I noticed one of the pair held an object. The shape had me thinking it might be some kind of tablet.
“Morning, Olivia. It’s Michelle,” Michelle said.
Surprise shot through me. No one ever announced themselves, leaving me to guess based on their voices and movement. Her consideration warmed me.
“Good morning, Michelle. Couldn’t sleep?” I asked as Winifred went to look through the bags in her room.
“Not really. I kept thinking about the desert I saw in the white room. I think I might have found it.”
“Don’t tell me,” I said quickly. “Not yet. The less I know about where we are going, the safer we are while we wait for the answers.”
“Uh…okay.”
“This one should work,” Winifred said, straightening.
I accepted the shirt and went into the bathroom to change. It took some effort, and I ached by the time I finished. Wanting to lay down again, I left the bathroom and turned toward Winifred.
“Is Jim all right enough for me to return?”
“What happened to Jim?” Michelle asked, concern lacing her voice.
“He saw Olivia in the shirt she was just wearing,” Winifred answered.
“Oh.”
Emmitt suddenly got out of bed and strode toward the door.
“Where are you going?” Winifred asked.
“Don’t worry; I’m going to help. I have some advice to give Jim about cookies.”
He left, closing the door behind him and leaving me confused.
“Emmitt is Jim’s brother,” Michelle said. “Jim gave Emmitt a hard time when I first moved in with them.”
“So he’s going to give Jim a hard time? Now?”
“Probably.”
“But, Jim’s hurting,” I said.
Michelle sighed. “I know. So does Emmitt. He’s been more than a little worried since Jim saw you and recognized you as a potential Mate. We all have. No one wants Jim to suffer or die because of what he feels for you.”
I swallowed hard and said nothing. Fate was too cruel.
Fifteen
GABBY…
Something tickled my nose. I brushed at it and heard a rumbling laugh. Opening my eyes, I lifted my head to look up at Clay.
“How do you feel?” I asked, tiredly. I’d set my phone alarm to wake me every hour so I could check the Urbat movement. Once I verified they hadn’t moved, I’d gone back to sleep. Now, though, it felt like I hadn’t slept at all.
“Good. You look tired.”
“I am. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“I’m sorry I woke you. I need to use the bathroom.” He hadn’t been able to get out of bed because I liked to use him as a human pillow. He loved it, too.
I smiled slightly and rolled away from him. He moved to the side and sat up while he was still partially bent
over.
“You don’t look good,” I commented, eyeing the broad, muscled expanse of his back as he stood. “I mean, you do look good. Really good from here, but your stomach…”
He turned toward me, tilting his head and giving me his full attention. I saw his whiskers twitch near his mouth and knew he was smiling at me.
“I’m just being extra careful, in the hopes you haven’t changed your mind.”
“I haven’t changed my mind,” I said, ignoring the blush creeping onto my face. “I won’t. I’m done waiting.”
He groaned and took a step toward me.
I grinned and quickly pointed in the direction he’d originally intended.
“Focus,” I said.
“I’m very focused.” He leaned over and brushed his lips against mine.
I shivered at the contact. Overtired, wanting Clay, and not thinking clearly, I lifted my hand to clutch at him. Instead of gripping him, I hit him in the stitches.
Clay grunted and pulled back.
“Saying stop would have worked.”
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to do that. I meant to pull you closer.”
His lips twitched again.
“I’ll do closer in just a minute.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You were stitched together just hours ago.”
“If I were human, that might be a problem. It’s not. Are you changing your mind?”
“I’m not. I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
He straightened away from me then met my gaze.
“I feel like I’ve waited forever for a yes. I’ll wait longer if you’re not ready. But if you’re ready, I don’t want to wait another minute.”
He kissed my cheek then strode to the bathroom. Watching him, my heart beat rapidly. Were we really doing this? I brought my hands to my flushing cheeks in a slight panic. I hadn’t lied. I was ready. However, I was also nervous as hell.
I heard running water in the bathroom, and I scrambled out of bed. I still wore yesterday’s clothes. Should I change? Should I just strip? My hands shook as I reached for my shirt and chickened out. I’d look stupid standing out here in my bra and underwear.
The water shut off. I all-out panicked and froze like a deer in headlights when the door opened. He took a single step out, froze, and inhaled deeply.
“Gabby...”
Busted.
“You’re not ready.”
“I am,” I insisted. He took another step toward me, and my pulse spiked. “I’m just freaking out big time because I don’t know what to do.”
He came toward me, wrapping me in his arms as soon as he reached me.
“I love you so much it hurts. You don’t need to do anything but let me love you.”
I nodded jerkily, looking up at him.
He lowered his head slowly. My heart felt like it was making every attempt to hammer its way out of my chest. My insides got hot then cold then hot again. Everything felt wrong and right at the same time. Yep, I was panicked and turned on and didn’t know which to let take over.
Just before his lips touched mine, I turned my head away.
“I need to brush my teeth.”
Before he could say anything, I darted from his arms and closed myself into the bathroom.
Come on, Gabby, I scolded myself in the mirror. You’d kissed the hell out of him after Isabelle got you high, and you’d enjoyed every minute of it.
I put some paste on my toothbrush and started scrubbing.
You just need to pretend this is another make out session where he’s going to say no. You can do this.
I ended my pep talk with a rinse then faced the door.
When I opened it, I found Clay right where I’d left him. He had both hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked completely relaxed. I took a step toward him and another. Before I knew it, we stood toe to toe. I shook. Why was I being such a baby?
He watched me for a minute, then turned away and went to the bed. Taking his time, he eased himself down to the mattress. I could tell he hurt.
Lifting his hand, he silently tapped his lips. The gesture made my heart squeeze with bittersweet memories.
Clay was my world, and I’d almost lost him.
“I’m tired of hesitating,” I whispered, moving toward him.
When I reached the bed, I eyed his position and the room on both sides of him. Perfect. It reminded me of our time in that farm house. Taking care, I climbed up and over him, straddling his waist. He didn’t make a sound or move as I settled my weight on his hips.
“Don’t let me hurt you again,” I said.
“You won’t.”
His rough voice made my stomach go wild, and I leaned over to give him a light, teasing kiss. My intention to go slow flew out the window the moment he opened his mouth and his tongue touched mine. This was Clay. My heart. My soul. My Mate.
Careful to keep my weight on his hips and not his chest, I threaded my fingers through his hair and lost myself to the feel of him. Memories of the farm invaded. The way I’d pressed him for more. His desperation to take what I’d offered. I wanted that again.
Slowly, I rotated my hips against his. The friction sent a jolt of need through me. I did it again, making a little sound into our kiss.
He growled, and suddenly I found our positions changed. Hooking my hands around his shoulders, I arched up, giving into the fire that burned me from the inside.
Clay’s mouth left mine, and he nibbled his way down the side of my neck. I shivered at the sensation. When his hand slid under my shirt, my breath caught. He hesitated.
“Don’t stop,” I whispered, giving the side of his head a kiss.
The slow drag of my shirt up over my ribs made me tremble. My skin burned where a finger teased the edge of my bra. The touch of his mouth on my stomach set me on fire, and I burned for more. When he hooked his fingers in the cups and pulled them down, a desperate sound escaped me. The bed shook, but I barely noticed. I wanted more.
Cool air brushed my exposed skin for too long, and I opened my eyes, which I hadn’t realized I’d closed. I met his hungry gaze. Without looking away from me, he slowly lowered his mouth to the valley between my breasts. I could barely breathe at the soft touch of his lips.
His tongue darted out, licking where he’d kissed. He moved just a bit to the right, pressing his lips to the curve of my breast. An ache grew. I knew what he intended as he slowly worked his way to the side toward a part of me that demanded to feel the heat of his mouth. I nearly screamed when he gave me what I craved. His lips grazed the sensitive skin a moment before they closed over the peak. I gripped his hair, needing him to stay there. He obliged. My hips involuntarily bucked with need.
He groaned, and his hands went to my waist while his tongue continue to lick and tease my breast. I quivered when his fingers trailed to the tops of my jeans and stopped at my button. Waves of needs swept through me. I wanted this…him…so much. I lifted my hips again, rubbing against him, encouraging him to keep going.
His fingers fumbled at the fastening for too long, and I reached down to help him, impatient for more. My hand slid wetly against the bared skin of my stomach. Wet?
Jerking my hand back in surprise, I stared at my red fingers.
The button finally released, and Clay began to tug my jeans from my hips. My gaze flew to his head as he slowly started to kiss his way to my other breast. I ached for him to continue, but fear for him had me opening my mouth.
“Clay, wait.”
He growled low and continued to lick his way to my other breast. I gasped as his mouth closed over me and grabbed the sheets for an anchor. The bed shook violently and fur lined Clay’s arms.
I swallowed hard at the signs of his slipping control. We needed to stop, and I knew what to say to make him listen.
“Do I still have a choice?” I asked, hating myself for saying the words.
He stopped and jerked as if I’d slapped him. Lifting his head, he met my gaze. His pupils
had fully dilated with his need for me.
“Always.” The rough word and the concern in his gaze almost broke me.
“Clay, I want you. Now and forever. But not like this.”
I lifted my hand to show him the blood. He closed his eyes against the sight and maybe against what he knew I would say next.
“I love you, Clay. And I don’t want you hurt by it.”
I leaned up and kissed him gently to take the sting from my words.
“Reach out to Winifred so she can fix you again. It’s not sexy to bleed all over your partner.”
He fell to the side with a groan.
WINIFRED…
Clay’s mind touched mine as I watched Olivia slowly sit on the bed across from Michelle.
Winifred, I’m bleeding again. I may have torn a few of the stitches.
What happened?
Gabby was finally ready.
Ah. I didn’t say anything further. Instead, I picked up my supply bag.
“I need to check on Clay. Perhaps the two of you would like to see if the hotel offers a breakfast?”
“Sure,” Michelle said, getting out of bed. “I’ll just use the bathroom real quick.”
While Michelle walked to the bathroom, I slipped out the door and hurried down the hall. Gabby opened the door on the first knock. Blood painted the hem of her shirt. She stepped aside and let me in without a word of explanation.
Clay lay on the bed, slightly at an angle. The scent of arousal clogged the air.
“Gabby, honey, Michelle and Olivia are going to check our breakfast options. Perhaps you’d like to go with them?” I said.
“Yeah. Sure. I’m just going to wash up and change real quick.” She hurried to shut herself in the bathroom.
“How many stitches do you think you tore?” I asked Clay, approaching the bed.
“I can’t really feel it.”
I tilted my head in concern until he clarified.
“Other parts hurt worse.”
I patted his shoulder and peeled back the first bandage. Several of the stitches had torn into the skin, but not completely out. The bathroom door opened, and Gabby left with a soft farewell.
