A second later another text comes through.
Thea: I hope he screams like a little girl.
I snort.
Me: I’m glad your husband’s pain brings you joy.
Thea: Oh it does. It so does.
Thea: Gotta keep things interesting.
Thea: If I don’t keep him on his toes he’ll get bored. Can’t have that.
I shake my head.
Me: You’re a nut.
Thea: I know it. ;)
I lay my phone on the bed and sit up. The shower has cut off in the bathroom, and I can hear him rummaging around in the bathroom.
My palms begin to sweat.
I’m itching to talk to him about the kiss, to understand his motives, and if it was a one-time thing or if he wants it to happen again as much as I do.
I know I won’t talk to him about it, though.
I can’t, because if his head isn’t in the same place as mine then I’ll be devastated.
Besides, I don’t know what I think or want.
Lie.
Yeah, such a fucking lie.
I’ve known for months that my feelings for Jace were growing, and I’ve tried to pretend that they didn’t exist. But in pretending I’ve only allowed it to get out of control.
And now … Now it’s all a mess.
The small hotel room suddenly becomes too much to bear, and I jump from the bed and scurry for the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony. It’s barely big enough to stand on, but it’s something, and that’s all that matters.
I lean against the metal railing, inhaling a lungful of air.
The cool morning air tickles my skin and helps to calm me. On the street below, a car passes by and the palm trees sway in the wind.
Everything is peaceful and calm, not at all like the roiling chaos inside me.
The door slides open behind me, and I jump like I’ve been shot.
“What are you doing out here?” Jace asks. His brows are drawn in confusion and his hair is damp from the shower, looking more brown than blond for the moment. He’s changed into a ratty pair of jeans, white t-shirt, and boots.
“I needed some air,” I reply, and I hate how breathy my voice sounds.
He looks me over and steps out fully, closing the door behind him.
“I could smoke,” he mumbles.
I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe. The balcony is already small as it is, and with Jace’s tall and looming presence it’s downright suffocating.
Although, it’s probably less to do with the small space and everything to do with him.
He leans his hip against the railing beside me, watching me with narrowed eyes as he taps out a cigarette. He puts it between his lips and cups his hands around it as he lights it.
He inhales a lungful of smoke, holds it in for a second, and then turns to blow it out away from my face. His gaze drifts back to mine and his lips quirk up a bit at the corners.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” The words leave me before I even know what I’m saying. Once I realize what I’ve said, I want to kick myself.
“Like what?” he prompts. “I’m not looking at you in any particular way, am I?” He looks me up and down, his eyes leaving a trail of fire.
“Stop it,” I hiss. “You know exactly what you’re doing.”
A smile flashes across his lips so fast that I can’t be sure it was real.
“I’m not doing anything,” he drawls.
I shake my head and look down at the street below.
He sighs and smoke drifts through the air. Another minute passes and then he mumbles, “I suppose we should be adults and talk about last night.”
I stand up straight, suddenly alert. His eyes are dark, shadowed with an emotion I can’t decipher. I feel the need to protectively cross my arms over my chest, but I resist the urge. The last thing I want to do is look defensive. I need to appear relaxed and unaffected.
He continues to stare at me, neither of us saying a word.
“Jace,” I start and look away. I don’t know what to say.
I loved the kiss.
I want it to happen again.
I want you.
When I look back his jaw is clenched, and I don’t know whether he’s angry or trying to restrain himself.
I get my answer a moment later.
One step closes the distance between us. He grasps my waist in one hand, his fingers splaying over my butt, and his other traps the nape of my neck. He pulls me to him and his lips descend on mine. I’m shocked for a moment, but the shock quickly filters away and is replaced by pure lust. I yearn to get closer to him and he obliges, feeling the similar need and lifts me up so I can wrap my legs around his waist.
I’m aware of him walking and the door sliding open and the next thing I know my back is on the bed and Jace is between my legs.
He kisses me deeply and my back arches. My hands grasp the smooth skin of his face since he just shaved and I hope he doesn’t notice the slight tremble in my fingers.
He presses me down into the bed, our bodies and mouths moving in a rhythm all their own.
I feel like I’m losing every ounce of control I have, and I don’t even care.
His tongue tangles with mine, and I moan softly.
Holy fuck this is a million times better than last night.
My hands move to his hair, tugging on the strands, and he grabs them, pinning them above my head with one single growled word. “No.”
No has never sounded so hot before.
But I’m pretty sure he could say potato right now and I’d think that was hot too, so my opinion is a little cloudy.
Since my hands are restrained, I move my hips against his, needing to touch him in some way. I feel hot and achy all over and my clothes suddenly feel so tight I want to rip them off.
In between kisses, my breaths come out as heavy pants, and I hope like hell they sound sexy and not like a fat dog trying to go up the steps.
That’d be embarrassing.
“Confession,” he begins, and I pull in a lungful of air while I wait. “I fucking love these shirts.”
Then he lets go of my hand and jerks my shirt off, tossing it behind him, before lowering his mouth to mine again.
I have a collection of shirts with funny and sarcastic sayings. I figured he never even noticed them, he doesn’t make comments about what I’m wearing, but with that one simple statement he’s confessed so much more than I fucking love these shirts, he’s telling me he notices, that he pays attention to me more than I ever thought, and that fills me with so much joy it’s a bit ridiculous.
His lips move to the shell of my ear, and I shiver as he then traces a trail with his tongue down my neck and over the curves of my breasts.
“Jace,” I plead.
I don’t even know what I’m begging for—him to touch me, kiss me, or fuck me—it doesn’t matter, I just need him.
“I’ll take care of you,” he whispers, looking up at me with hooded eyes.
Oh, God.
I never in a million years thought Jace would ever look at me like that, and now that he has I think I might be addicted.
He glides his fingers lightly down my stomach, and I shiver.
My chest heaves with each breath, and I still feel starved for air. It’s like with our intensity we’ve sucked every molecule out of the room and we’re slowly suffocating.
Honestly, it wouldn’t be a bad way to go—looking at a lusty Jace.
His fingers stop at the button of my jeans, and I hold my breath.
His teeth dig slightly into his bottom lip, and he looks up at me, asking for permission.
I nod slowly, just once; I don’t have the energy for more.
He flicks open the button on my jeans, and I shudder.
He looks up again. “Nova?” He sounds unsure.
I swallow thickly. “Keep going,” I nearly beg. If he stops, I think I might die.
He hesitates for a second longer, but when he sees th
at I’m not going to stop him, he continues.
The sound of my zipper sliding down is so loud I swear everyone in the hotel must hear it.
I lift my hips so he can slide my jeans off. His eyes are on mine the whole time, and he removes them slowly, almost tenderly, and nothing like the madness when he took my shirt off.
He drops my jeans to the floor and then climbs up my body. He holds his weight above me in a push-up position and then lowers, kissing me again.
“You make me crazy,” he whispers softly, his nose grazing the side of my face as he slides down my body.
The feeling is mutual. But I can’t find the words to tell him that. My throat is dry, and I can’t speak. My heart is beating out of control, and a part of my brain is sensible enough to be worried, because I don’t think your heart should beat this fast.
He loops his fingers into the sides of my gray underwear and slides them down.
His eyes rake over me and he bites his lip again.
I’m dreaming. I must be dreaming. I have the sudden thought.
But no, this is one-hundred percent real.
I don’t know how we went from talking about our kiss to this, but that’s us. Zero to sixty in two seconds and no looking back.
I suddenly hate that he’s still dressed and I’m basically naked, but before I can give it another moment of thought, he spreads my legs and lowers his head.
My heart nearly falls out of my chest with the first swipe of his tongue.
Sweat dots my skin and my fingers dig into the bed covers.
My back arches, and I moan. I’m think I say his name, too but I can’t be sure.
It might be shocking to some, but sexual history is rather bland.
I had a steady boyfriend back home and we had sex, but it was the basics. He never gave me oral and I didn’t ask. We broke up two years ago. Last year, I was still recovering from everything that went down between us so I wasn’t interested in going out with anyone. Not even for a one-night stand. All I wanted was to keep my head down and focus on school. The rest didn’t matter like it does to other people.
One of his hands skims up my stomach and his fingers dig into my breast. It’s not gentle, but it’s not rough, either, and I love it. It’s like he wants me to know that this is real, that he’s here too, that he knows how crazy I feel. He pushes the cup of my bra aside so he can grasp me fully, and I wiggle my way out of the straps and sit up enough that I can remove it.
I’m completely naked now and he’s still dressed, but I suddenly don’t care like I did before. I’m going to blame it on the pure high I’m riding.
His fingers join his tongue and that’s it.
“Jace,” I pant. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.”
My body shakes with my orgasm. I’ve never in all my life experienced an orgasm that powerful and he hasn’t even fucked me yet.
His body leaves mine so suddenly that I feel like I’ve been showered with ice water.
My high quickly disappears. “Jace?” I question.
He tugs on his hair, his jaw tight.
“Jace?” I say again, damming back the tears.
Something’s wrong.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” His words are no more than a broken whisper but they hit me like shrapnel. Each individual word cuts into my skin, lacerating the tender and frayed edges of my already worn heart.
Before I can protest, he turns sharply on his heel and storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I lie there, completely naked and vulnerable, wondering what I did and if this is my fault.
Nova
“You seriously don’t know where Jace is?” Thea asks incredulously as we’re guided to a booth in the back.
“No,” I say. “He left this morning and he didn’t say where he was going.”
“Huh,” Cade mutters, and I can tell he’s thinking. “That’s weird. If he was going to leave I would’ve thought he would’ve gone last night.” He waggles his brows up and down so we know for sure what he’s implying.
He and Rae sit on one side of the booth, and I sit with Thea on the other.
Xander’s mom chose to stay behind at the hotel since her husband and daughter are on their way in.
I pick up my menu and scan the items. Nothing stands out to me. I’m not hungry at all after what transpired this morning.
It was great, magical even, all up until he ruined it.
I’ve never felt so humiliated in all my life, and that’s saying something.
I feel like crying but I’ve refused to let a single tear fall because of his stupidity. This is what I spent the whole last year of my life avoiding, and this shows me that I was right to avoid it.
The waitress comes by, and I order a coffee and water.
I look at the menu some more and pick out something random so I don’t hold everyone else up. Besides, it doesn’t matter what I order—I won’t be able to eat.
The waitress comes back with our drinks and we place our food order.
I’m quiet, subdued, but no one calls me on my melancholy attitude because I’m like this most of the time.
I’m the loner.
The shadow.
The person that simply exists.
After about ten minutes of sipping my coffee and gazing out the window, I decide it’s time I injected something into the conversation.
“Did you decide how you’re going to surprise Xander?”
Thea nods. “Scare tactic for sure. I hope he pees his pants.”
Cade shakes his head. “You’re nuts. Poor guy.”
“Hey,” Thea defends, “we’re married. We have to keep things interesting. Can’t have him getting bored.”
Cade snorts. “You’ve only been married like three months. What could possibly be boring? Shouldn’t it all be new and exciting?”
Thea shrugs. “I like to keep him on his toes and always guessing.”
Cade shakes his head, completely mystified by his sister. Thea is a creature all her own. She’s a total girly girl with the sweetest heart and the sassiest tongue.
“Here you go, guys,” the waitress says with a smile, appearing with a tray of food. She passes out our food, and I eye my eggs and toast with disdain. My stomach feels like a block of lead is lodged there and I haven’t even taken a bite. “Is there anything else I can get you?” she asks when all the dishes are on the table. We shake our heads. “All right, I’ll be back in a bit.”
I push my eggs around the plate with my fork and take a bite of toast. It tastes like cardboard in my mouth, and I try not to gag.
Everyone else eats and chats, oblivious to the fact that I’m barely hanging on to my sanity.
Two years. No one has touched me in two years and no one has ever touched me like that and he just fucking leaves. That’s not okay. I’m a strong girl, I’ve had to be, but that hurt.
I know the connection between us isn’t one sided but when he acts like that it makes me feel like it is.
I would’ve never left him.
Ugh.
Boys suck.
I sigh and force myself to eat three bites of egg so my plate looks a little empty.
Everyone finishes and we head over to the hotel Xander and his team are staying at since they should be heading out for practice soon, if they haven’t already.
I keep checking my phone, expecting a text from Jace, but none comes.
I itch to ask Cade if he’s heard from him, but Cade’s not stupid. He’ll pick up on something and start asking questions if I sound too worried or nosy.
We file into the hotel lobby and Rae, Cade, and I take a seat while Thea hides behind a potted plant near the elevators. I keep expecting her to pull out a pair of binoculars.
“She’s insane,” I say to Rae. She sits beside Cade with her legs draped over his. He rubs his hand over her thigh, and I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. It’s just second nature for him to touch her in some way.
Rae shrugs, brushing her
long brown hair over her shoulder. She flashes a smile. “There has to be at least one crazy in every group. She’s ours.”
“I guess that’s true,” I agree.
“So … Joel?” she muses with a raised brow.
“What about him?” I ask at the same time Cade asks, “Who’s that?”
“Just some guy in our classes,” Rae supplies. “He has a thing for Nova.”
Cade glances over at me, shaking his shaggy hair from his eyes. “Do you like him?”
“No,” I scoff. “He’s annoying.”
“I thought Cade was annoying at first, and look at us now,” Rae reasons, smiling at her boyfriend.
“That’s different.”
“How?” she probes.
Because I like Jace, but he left me naked and alone, shaking from the best orgasm of my life.
“It just is,” I say instead.
She blows out a puff of air, clearly frustrated with me.
“Why don’t you go out on one date with him?” she pesters. “One date won’t hurt anything.”
My face scrunches up in complete disgust. “I don’t want to go on a date with him. I don’t like him. Let it go.”
Rae’s eyes flash with hurt but she nods. “I’m sorry.” I’m surprised she apologized but I nod in thanks. “I just love you, and I want you to be happy.”
“What makes you think I’m not?”
She raises a brow like that’s a stupid question. “You seem completely unhappy most of the time. You’re quiet, and sullen, and withdrawn. I worry about you. I’ve been in a bad place before, a really bad place, and sometimes I still go there, but I want you to know I’m here for you and it does get better.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
I’m saved from her getting any deeper by some of the NFL guys coming into the lobby. It’s obvious who they are by their sheer size and the way they carry themselves. They’re dressed in suits and ties and look incredibly nice. Probably going for some sort of interview or something. I’ll be honest, football isn’t my thing. No sport is. So, my knowledge is limited.
I scan the guys, looking for Xander. Normally, it’s easy to pick him out of a crowd—the guy is a giant—but these guys are all tall too. It’s just a sea of giant men.
Dark Hearts Page 6
