by Thomas, C. M
“Will you please keep your voice down? I don’t want you to wake Alana,” she snapped at me.
“Fine. But start talking.” I set the water bottle on the table. I couldn’t have anything in my hands right now. I was afraid I would throw it at her. I was so angry. How could she keep this from me? I had a daughter. Dammit.
I stood up and walked over to the windows. I needed to calm down. My whole body was shaking. I knew she wouldn’t talk to me if I kept yelling at her. But dammit, she deserved to be yelled at.
I took a deep breath before I said anything. “Come on, talk.” I turned around and looked at her. She was crying. I held myself back, because all I wanted was to go over and comfort her. Right now, she didn’t deserve comfort. I just stood and waited for her to talk.
That’s when I heard a cry. Alana. Evie quickly got out of the couch and ran down to our daughter. Our daughter. That sounded weird. I have a child.
Fifteen minutes later, Alana was still crying, and I hadn’t seen Evie. I walked out of the house. We needed to talk alone, but not tonight.
I got in my car and drove home. When I parked in front of my house, I saw Zane sitting on the porch with Bear and Buddy. I got out of the car and walked up to the house.
“So?” Zane asked.
“Come in, I don’t want to talk out here.” We walked in, and both dogs followed us into the living room. We sat down, and Bear and Buddy walked over and lay in front of the fireplace.
“Talk, bro. I thought you would be over there longer,” Zane said.
“Me too. But Alana wouldn’t stop crying, so I left.”
“Alana?” Zane looked a little confused. “Ah, her daughter?” I’d already told him and my family that Evie had a child.
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. “But she is also my daughter.” I closed my eyes. I could feel the tears coming. How could she keep this from me? I still didn’t understand. We were so close, or at least I thought we were. I took a deep breath and tried to keep the tears from coming.
“You’re shitting me, right? She kept that from you?” Zane sounded even angrier than I did over at Evie’s.
“She did. I can’t believe it. I have a daughter. She must be around three years old. I don’t understand this.” I was still trying my best to keep the tears back.
“She didn’t tell you why she left?” he snapped.
“No. Alana started crying, maybe because I yelled, just like you did before.” I looked at him and shrugged.
“No shit. This is huge, bro. How do you feel about this?”
“I don’t know. I can’t understand why she didn’t tell me. She knows I would have been there for both of them. I loved her.” I closed my eyes for a second to get my feelings in check. And who was I kidding? I still loved Evie. That hadn’t changed. And Zane knew it too.
“You love her. Not loved,” Zane corrected me, and then shook his head when he continued talking. “I can’t believe it, either. She loved you too. We all knew that. You two were meant to be together.”
“Yes, or at least I thought we were. How can I ever trust her, when she kept this a secret?” Just then I got a text.
Evie: Where did you go?
“Is that her?” Zane asked. I nodded and texted her back.
Me: Home. Need to think. I will text tomorrow.
Evie: Okay. But know that I want to tell you why, okay?
Me: Okay. I hope you got her to sleep. Talk tomorrow.
Evie: I did.
“What did she want?” Zane asked.
“To know why I left.”
“You didn’t tell her? You just left?” He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.
“I did. I needed to get out of there.” I got up and walked over to the fridge to get a beer. “You want one?” I held one up for Zane.
“Sure. I will just text Anna that she doesn’t have to wait for me.” I closed the fridge and walked back to the chair, handing Zane his beer. We talked for almost three hours. Zane would normally not want to talk about feelings, but for some reason, after he met Anna, he had gotten a little soft.
The next morning, I woke up and thought about everything that happened last night. I knew my family wanted to know what Evie told me, but I got Zane to promise not to say anything before I talked to Evie today. I got up out of bed and took a shower. After that, I made an omelet; while eating it, I sent a text to Amy.
Me: Need your help, are you up?
Amy: I am. You want me to come to your house?
Me: Yes, please.
I walked out of the house, Bear following me close behind. I sat down on the porch and looked at Bear running around. I sent a text to Evie.
Me: You home?
Evie: Yes.
I didn’t answer her. No need for her to get cold feet. I needed to talk to her. And as soon as possible.
Amy came walking down the driveway. Bear ran over to greet her.
“Morning, big Bear.” She smiled at him and came over to me. “What can I do for you this morning, Li?”
“Need you to keep an eye on Alana while I talk to Evie.” I got up and walked over to the car.
“Wait, what?”
“Come on, get in, I will tell you on the way.” She got in the car and we drove over to Evie’s. I told her about last night.
“She is really yours?” She got tears in her eyes. “I’m an aunt?”
“I guess so. I need to know why she left, and we can’t talk with Alana in the next room. So that’s why I need you to watch her. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I parked the car and stepped out. Evie opened the door before I even got up on the porch.
“What are you doing here? We need to wait until she is sleeping,” she said.
“No, I need to talk now. I brought a nanny.” I pointed over at Amy.
“But she doesn’t know her that well.” I could see Evie was struggling with this.
“Whose fault is that?” I snapped before I even got a chance to think.
“Shut up, Liam. That is not the way to talk to her.” Amy slapped me on the shoulder before she walked inside the house.
“Sorry. But we need to talk. I will wait in the car.” Without waiting for Evie to answer, I walked back to the car and got in. I saw Evie close the door behind her and Amy. Then I waited.
Chapter 5:
Evie
“Are you sure about this?” I looked at Amy.
“We will be fine. Go talk to him. You both need this.” She walked over to Alana. “You want me to play with you while Mommy is taking a walk?”
“Yes, me love to play.” Alana smiled at Amy. She looked like her father when she did that. Amy sat down on the floor next to Alana.
“Fine. There are juice boxes in the fridge. And if she wants something to eat, there are different crackers and fruits in the kitchen.” I walked over to them. “Be good, okay, baby girl?” I gave Alana a kiss on the top of her head and walked over to get my shoes on. When I opened the door, I looked over my shoulder one more time.
“Keep her safe, okay? I really don’t want to leave her. This is the first time since I gave birth to her that I’m away from her for more than just a few minutes.”
“Of course. And I will call if I need help or if I need you to come back. Don’t worry. Just go talk to him.”
I walked out of the house. I saw Liam sitting in the car waiting for me, so I walked over to the car and got in.
“You want to go for a walk, so we can talk?” I looked over at him.
“No, put your seatbelt on. We are going to my house. I need some privacy for this.” With that, he started the car and drove over to his house.
When he stopped the car, I looked at the house in front of us. It was beautiful. The wood used on the house had so many different nuances of brown.
Liam got out of t
he car and walked over to the house. I saw Bear waiting for him on the porch. Some things hadn’t changed. I smiled and got out of the car. When Bear saw me, he ran down to meet me.
“Hey, big guy. Missed me?” I petted him and walked up to the house. Liam was already inside, waiting for me. I guessed there was no going back now. I walked in and closed the door behind me. I took a look around. It was like one big space. Kitchen and living room in one. I saw pictures on the wall over the fireplace. Pictures of the band. Liam was standing in the kitchen looking at me.
“You want anything to drink?” he asked.
“No, thank you. Let’s just talk. I want to get back to Alana.” I stood still, waiting for him to move. He walked over to two big chairs and sat on one of them. I walked over and sat on the other.
“Okay. Now talk. I will try not to yell today. But you got to understand what a shock that was last night.” He looked at me. Looking into his eyes, I saw so much pain, and I just wanted to make it go away. His eyes had always been the way to his soul; I could always tell how he was feeling just by looking into his eyes.
“I know. And I’m so sorry for all of this. But please let me get it all out, then you can ask questions. Is that okay?” I asked him. I hoped he agreed. Telling him this would break both our hearts. I just hoped that in the end, he didn’t hate me.
“Fine. I will try.” He shrugged. I guessed that was better than nothing.
“I found out I was pregnant the day after you guys left for LA. I had been feeling sick for a while, and my period was late. I took three tests, all positive.” I still remembered that day so clearly. It was the day my life changed forever. “I wanted to tell you, but you were in LA. I decided to wait until you came back. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. It was such a big surprise, and I really didn’t know what to do. But I wanted to tell you… You have to know that.” I looked over at him. He just looked stone-faced, no emotions. But I knew him better than that. His emotions were there; he just didn’t want me to see them.
“The next morning, my parents found out. I forgot the leaflet from the pregnancy test, and my dad found it. That was where hell broke loose in my house… My dad was so mad, he of course knew right away that it was your child. I think deep down they knew we were sneaking around. But I don’t know… Anyway, after he yelled at me and said that I had to stay in my room until they found out what to do to me, I was so scared. I wanted you, I needed you. But for some reason I had left my phone in the kitchen, and before I got a chance to call you or even Amy, my dad took my phone.”
I could feel the tears in my eyes. That day was the worst day of my life. They took away my freedom that day. I brushed away the tears and kept talking.
“Later that day, my parents packed all my things and told me to get in the car. I was so scared. I didn’t know where they would take me. Would they make me get an abortion? I knew that they didn’t believe in that, but in that moment, I didn’t know what to think. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my dad so angry. And disappointed. You know they wanted me to wait until marriage.”
Liam was about to say something, but I held a hand up to stop him. “I wanted sex. With you. Don’t think that you pressured me to do anything… I loved you so much. And I didn’t want to wait. That didn’t matter to me. Before all this happened, I was sure that we were going to stay together forever.” I closed my eyes and tried to hold the tears back. Liam took my hand.
“Come here.” He pulled me over to him, so I sat on his lap. I rested my head on his chest. Safe. Home. That was the feeling I got. “Keep talking. I’m listening, okay?” He gave me a kiss on my forehead. I held his hand and kept talking.
“We drove for about three hours, literally out in the middle of nowhere. I was sure at some point that my dad had forgotten to turn or something. But then I saw this big farmhouse. When we got there, my dad told me that it was my new home. It was a group home for teenagers who had embarrassed their families. All religious families, of course. I told him that he couldn’t keep me there… That I was eighteen, so he had no right. But he knew these people. They didn’t care that I was legal and could make my own decisions. They cared about all the money my dad paid them. He even told me that if I tried to escape they would find me, and it would be even worse for me.” I closed my eyes and let the tears come.
“Did they hurt you?” His voice was all shaken up. Even Bear noticed that something was up. He came over to us and rested his head on my lap.
“No, they didn’t do anything to me. As long as I did what I had to do, they left me alone. I was so sick the whole pregnancy. I think it was both because I was pregnant, but also from the stress. I was scared. I knew that when I gave birth, they would still keep me there. My parents didn’t want me to embarrass them. They just told everyone that they didn’t know where I had gone to. Or so they told me.”
“Yeah. To me and Amy too.” He held me tightly. “When did you give birth to Alana?”
“September twenty-third. She will be three soon.” I looked up at him. “I’m so sorry about this. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to be with you. I wanted us to figure out what to do. But they didn’t give me a choice. I tried to call you a few times, but every time they caught me… And my dad was angry. Told me that I had no right to call you. That you would never have a chance to get to know Alana. I wanted you to. And your family. Please believe that.” I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest. I missed this, the feeling of being safe in his arms.
“After your parents died, they let you go?” he asked.
“Yes, about a week after, their lawyer came and told me that they left everything to me. It was a big surprise to me, I though the church or Crossroads would get everything. But apparently my dad hadn’t changed his will in the last ten years. The lawyer told me that my dad had paid for my stay until three days ago, and if I wanted to keep living there, I should keep paying. Otherwise, I was free to leave… I didn’t want to stay there, but at the same time I really didn’t know what to do. I knew you might be home this summer. And I wasn’t sure that I could face you. But then Alana saw you on television and started calling for you… That made the decision easy. I wanted her to get to know her dad.”
“She knows about me?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“Of course she does. I was never ashamed of you being her dad. I wanted her to know about you. I had some pictures of us together, and I told her all the time about you. My parents didn’t know this, so every time they came to visit, I hid the pictures. But any other time, they were hanging on the side of her bed, so she could see you every time she wanted to. I’m so sorry for all this.”
I rested my head against his chest and held on tightly to his hand. I felt safe for the first time in years. I felt home. Right here in Liam’s arms. This was where I belonged, where I’d always belonged. I just hoped that we could figure this out. But mostly I just wanted him and Alana to have a relationship. It would kill me to see him and not be with him. But this was about our daughter, and no matter what, she would always come before anything else.
“I can’t believe she knows about me. And I really can’t believe your parents would do this to you and to her. Is that why you didn’t come to their funeral?” I looked up at him. How did he know that? “My mom told me that you weren’t there.”
“Oh. And yes, that’s why. I couldn’t go there and look all sad. Because for the last three years I hated them. At some point, I might regret not going, but not right now. I didn’t want to be there. I’m sure there will be a lot of talk when people find out that I’m back, but I don’t care. They don’t know want happened. And they don’t get the right to know. Only you, and if you want, your family.”
“I want them to get to know Alana, okay? But if you want, I will tell them. Maybe that will be the best, don’t you think?”
“I do. And I don’t think I can tell this story one more time, at least not today. I’m just
so sorry that this happened to you. That you didn’t get a chance to be there when she was born. Or at every other milestone. I just really need you to believe that I wanted you to be there. And I want you to have a relationship with her. She needs a dad. She needs you.” I looked up at him. His eyes were all shiny. Mine probably were too.
This was very emotional. And I wanted to hold on tight to this right now. Because I knew that we couldn’t just go back to being the couple we were. We were parents now, and that came with responsibility. Furthermore, he was famous. At some point, we needed to discuss how to tell the world about this. And what to tell. But I would let him decide that.
I could feel something vibrate against my butt. I giggled. “I think someone wants to get a hold of you. Or so I hope.” I got up from his lap, and he took his phone out of his pocket. He smiled when he looked at it.
“I think Amy made a new friend.” He showed me the picture Amy sent him. Alana and Amy were sitting on the couch, and Alana was snuggling all up against Amy while they were reading a book.
“I think you’re right.” I smiled back at him.
Chapter 6:
Liam
I looked at the picture Amy just sent me. I looked at my daughter. Smiling and happy. Alana. I wanted to meet her. I wanted her to smile at me like that. I wanted to read stories to her. Play with her. Sing to her. Play music with her. See her grow up. I just wanted to be a part of her life.
I looked at Evie. She was sitting on the floor with Bear. His head was resting on her lap. He always loved her. Almost as much as me.
“Can I meet her?” I asked, genuinely worried that she would say no. That it wasn’t the right time, or that she didn’t think I was ready. Which I actually didn’t think I was. But when would you ever be ready for something like this?
“Of course. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? Around five?” She tried to stand up, but Bear had no intention of moving. I couldn’t help but laugh, but I helped her up, and Bear looked up at me with a disappointed look before he walked over to his blanket in front of the fireplace.
