by Thomas, C. M
“I don’t understand that, either. But let us help you through this, you need to process all your feelings about this. And I don’t want you to ever feel alone again. No matter what, we are all your family. And for the record, my boy loves you. I can see it in his eyes. When he found out you were back, he ran out of the house all the way to yours.” She put her arm around my shoulder and hugged me.
“I still can’t help but think that he must have hated me when I just vanished. How can he move past that? And all this with the press and the fact that he is very famous is also something I don’t know how to deal with.”
“Talk to Anna about the press. She will help you through that. She has been there herself, coming from being no one in the public eye to being Zane’s girlfriend… Still can’t believe he has a girlfriend.”
“I know, I didn’t believe Liam when he told me.” I smiled. “I will talk to her. If you think she will talk to me about it? Liam told me what happened to her.”
“I know she will. She told me yesterday that if you needed to talk about it, she’s here.”
“But still, there are so many other things to deal with. I don’t have a job, I haven’t finished college yet, and I have Alana to think about. She has just been thrown into this world. I want to keep her safe. I know Liam will keep her safe, but still, I’m so afraid to do something wrong when it comes to her. I feel like I’m doing everything from instinct. I haven’t had help with anything, or guidance.” It felt good to put words on all my fears, but at the same time they just became even more real.
“First of all, you’ve done a wonderful job with her. Second, I’m always just a call away. So is Brent. And we have raised five children, you know.” I nodded. “And don’t think that you need to do everything yourself. You have Liam. But also, you have everyone else here in the Camden house. She has uncles and aunts who would love to take her for a night, so you can get a break.” She took my hand in hers and smiled at me. “And remember it’s okay to ask for a break. That doesn’t make you a bad parent. That makes you human. I know you and Liam have to work some things out too, so when you’re ready, let us have Alana for a day or two and then go away just you and him. You are parents, but you also need to take some time to be adults also.”
“Thank you, I will keep that in mind. I just don’t know if I can go away without her. I’ve never been away from her before. Yesterday Liam had her for a couple of hours alone, and I was feeling so sick to my stomach about not being there for her. What if she needed me?” Just thinking about not being good enough was breaking my heart.
“She had her father. And when she is with us, she has us. I know how it is to leave for just a night. The first night I was away from Zane was horrible… I don’t think I was very good company. But Brent insisted that we had a night to ourselves every month. And I think that is one of the reasons our marriage is working. We always make time for just the two of us. I know that you and Liam aren’t in a relationship, but you want to be, right?”
“More than anything. I want us to work. To be a family. Like we were supposed to be. But I don’t know if he wants it. He says he does, but how will it work when he goes back on tour? When they are away to record a new album? I just don’t know.”
“About the tour, you could go with him.” I looked at her like she was crazy. I couldn’t take a toddler on tour, could I? “I know it might be crazy, but think about it. They have the concert days, but other than that, they also have a lot of free time. At least talk to him about it at some point.”
“Okay, I will think about it. I just don’t see how it will work. I just feel like I’m taking his freedom away.”
“Absolutely not. I don’t think he has had a date or anything since you left. He has been waiting for you. That he now has Alana too just makes him even more willing to work on this. I’m sure of that. I feel like I’ve gotten my boy back. He had been so lost since you left.”
“I know, I was too.”
We talked for a couple of hours, and I felt like I was getting some of my feelings out and talked about. Like the weight on my shoulders was slowly getting smaller. Coleen was so supportive and helpful. I was glad that I asked Liam if it was okay to talk to her about this, and that she was willing to talk to me about it.
“I guess I better get back to Liam and Alana. He might need some rescuing.”
“Maybe. But he has to learn.” She winked.
“Thank you for this, for listening to all my rambling. I needed someone to talk to. Someone who is a mom.”
“Anytime, honey. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will. See you later.” I walked out of the house and back to Liam’s house.
Chapter 14:
Liam
“Finally.” I let out a deep breath and walked back into my bedroom.
“Is she sleeping?” Evie asked. She was sitting on the bed reading some magazine.
“Yes. Hopefully she will let us sleep tonight.” I walked over to the bed and sat beside her. Today had been hard and emotional. Alana has been so tired from not sleeping much last night, but at the same time every time we tried to put her in her bed, she screamed. Not cried—screamed. I didn’t know what to do to help her. I was so lost, but at the same time I wanted to be here. I could have bailed and let Evie take care of it, but that wasn’t me. I wanted to be a part of this, good and bad.
“I hope so. I’m so tired.” She put the magazine away and crawled under the covers. I took off my jeans and shirt and joined her, pulling her close to me and kissing her on the top of her head.
“Me too. Never thought I would enjoy silence as much as I do right now.”
“I know. Told you she could be a diva.”
“Hopefully that is not something we will see often. Even Bear didn’t want to be inside the house. When Dad was here earlier, Bear left with him and I haven’t seen him since.”
“Poor dog, he just wanted some silence and peace too.” She giggled.
“I think we all did. Not even Dad could get her to calm down more than five minutes at a time. And he has raised five children.”
“I can take her back to my house so you can have some time off. I know this must be hard on you, and you need to relax before you have to go back on tour.”
“Don’t leave. I want this. Even if today has been tough and heartbreaking, I wouldn’t change it for anything, okay?” I moved so I lay on my side, looking her in the eyes. “I love her so much. And I love you.” I knew it was soon and that I probably should have waited, but I loved her, never stopped loving her. I just hoped she felt the same.
“You do?” She looked shocked. I cupped her cheeks in my hands and kissed her.
“I do, never stopped,” I said when I broke the kiss. Resting my forehead against hers, I said, “I know we have a lot to work through, but I want you to know that I want this with you. All of this.”
“I want that too. I want to sell my parents’ house. I can’t live there. Every time I walk into that house, it reminds me of what they did. What they took from me and from you. Even from Alana, they took you from her.” I brushed my thumb over her cheek, removing the tears running down her face. “And I love you too. Just didn’t think I would ever get the chance to tell you. To see you again.”
“Me neither.” I kissed her one more time before pulling her close to me. She rested her head under my chin. “And if you want to sell their house, then I think you should do that.”
“I talked to your mom about it. She told me that if I wanted, I could move into one of the cottages.” Wait, what? No way in hell is she staying anywhere but here with me.
“Move in with me.” She looked up at me like I was crazy. “Just hear me out, okay?” She nodded. “Move in with me. If you want, you can have the room next to Alana’s, so you have your own space, if you want that. I want you both here. I talked to my dad about it earlier. I told him I wanted to
ask you, but he said that it was too soon. But this feels so right. And not too soon. Actually, it is three years too late.”
“I don’t know what to say. What if we don’t get along anymore? What will happen then? I want to be with you, but we have to think about Alana too. I can’t keep moving her around. Today was a clear sign that she is stressed. Confused. Maybe even scared of everything that has happened. I want to be sure that the next time she moves, that it is the last time in a long time.”
“I get that. I want that too. And who says we don’t get along? Yes, we might argue from time to time. Tell me one couple who doesn’t. We will always work it out, Sunshine. But if you think this is too soon, that’s okay too. I just wanted to ask. No matter what, I want to be with you.” I kissed her.
“Okay,” she said.
“Okay?” I asked, looking at her.
“I will move in with you. But I have some conditions.” She smiled. “We decorate Alana’s room as soon as possible, so she has her own room for the first time. We always talk, never just assume something. And we need to figure out how to make this work when you go back on tour.”
“I can live with that. I will ask Zane if he will help tomorrow. I ordered some stuff online today, it should be here tomorrow. Also, I think you need to take some time for yourself every now and then. You need to be Evie too, not just Mommy.” I kissed her and held her close.
“Fine. But the same goes for you. You’re Liam too. I want us to have one night a month just the two of us. I talked to your mother about it earlier. She told me that was one of the things that makes their marriage work. We need that. We have people around who all would love to babysit.”
“I think so too. So how about our first night out alone is on your birthday?” Her birthday was in ten days. That gave us time to get Alana settled here. Time for her to get to know my family better before she had to stay the night at her grandparents’ for the first time.
“I would like that. I haven’t celebrated my birthday since I left. It didn’t really matter.” She closed her eyes and rested her head against my bare chest. I could feel her tears on my chest.
“Then let me do this for you. Alana will be fine with Mom and Dad.” I kissed her head.
“I also promised Amy a girl’s night out soon.”
“Fine, you have that, I will take care of our baby. I know Amy missed you a lot. Almost as much as me.”
“I know, and that’s why I want to do this. I will ask when she wants to do it, is that okay?”
“Sure, Sunshine.”
“I will try to get some sleep. I can’t keep my eyes open.” She kissed me one more time before snuggling against me. Five minutes later, she was sleeping.
I took my phone and texted Zane.
Me: Have plans tomorrow?
Zane: Not really, told Anna I would show her around town, but that can wait. Why?
Me: Evie is moving in, so I need help.
My phone rang seconds later. I saw it was Zane, so I answered it.
“She’s moving in? At your house?” Zane asked the moment I answered the phone.
“Hello to you too, Brother. Yes, she is moving in.”
“Wow, you guys move fast. Well, what do you need help with?”
“This is three years too late, Zane. And I love her.”
“I know. It’s just a shock. I didn’t think she would move in so fast. I told Anna that by the time we were back on tour, Evie would be living with you.” Cocky bastard.
“Well, then this is not that big a surprise. I need help decorating Alana’s room. I have ordered some furniture which should be here tomorrow. And then I will send Evie and Amy out to shop for toys and other things.”
“I’m there. You want me to bring Anna? She can keep an eye on Alana in the meantime.”
“That would be great if she has time for that.”
“Of course. She can work from anywhere if she needs to. But I will try and make her leave her laptop at home.”
“Good luck with that.” I tried my best not to laugh at him. “And thanks for helping.”
“Anytime. She’s my niece, and I talked to Dad today. He said she hadn’t slept last night and that she even scared Bear out of your house.”
“She did. I’ve never heard one person scream so loud and for so many hours. But now she is finally sleeping. And hopefully all night.”
“Welcome to parenthood, little brother.”
“Thanks. I will try and get some sleep. See you tomorrow.”
“See you.”
Before I went to sleep, I texted Amy.
Me: Hi, want to go shopping tomorrow? My treat.
I smiled, thinking that would get her on board right away.
Amy: Li, you know I can’t say no to that.
Me: I need you to take Evie out shopping for Alana’s room.
Amy: Love to, are you decorating her room at Evie’s house?
Me: No, they are moving in with me
Amy: WHAT? Since when?
Me: Since about thirty minutes ago.
Amy: Told Mom that it wouldn’t take long.
Me: You know me well.
Amy: Her too. I will come by tomorrow, what time?
Me: Around nine? Zane is coming to help me while you’re shopping.
Amy: Okay, see you tomorrow. Night, Li.
“What do you say?” I looked at Evie. We were standing in Alana’s new room. Zane and I had been working on this all day, with some help from Cole and Caleb for a couple of hours.
“I think she will love it. It is so girly and pink.” She smiled at me and rested her head against my shoulder. She was right, it really was pink in here. But apparently that was what a three-year-old’s room should look like. At least, that’s what Alana’s room looked like. She now had a pink princess bed, different pink and white furniture, and toys. A lot of toys. Amy didn’t go easy on the shopping trip, not that I minded. I told her to let loose and buy everything she thought Alana would like. And she did. And last but not least there was a big dog bed for Bear beside her bed.
“Want to go get her so we can show it to her?” After having tried to work on her room with her here for half an hour, Anna took Alana back to Zane’s house. It wasn’t easy to assemble the furniture and put up different big wall stickers with Alana running around between us.
“Yeah, we should go get her. Or you could go get her and I can make us some dinner?” Evie asked.
“Sounds like a deal to me.” I kissed her before I walked out of the house to go get Alana.
“We have something to show you,” Evie told Alana when we finished eating dinner. “Daddy and Uncle Zane have decorated your room, you want to see?”
“Yeah!” Alana almost yelled in excitement. I stood up and lifted her up and walked down the hall with her in my arms. Evie was right in front of us.
“Ready?” I asked her.
Alana nodded and Evie opened the door to our daughter’s new room.
“Daddy, put me down.” Alana tried to jump out of my arms, so I set her down on the floor. She walked into the room and stood completely still in the middle of the room. It was like she was nailed to the floor, she didn’t move at all.
“Do you like it?” Evie asked her, and squatted down beside her.
“Me love my room.” Alana looked up at me with the biggest smile on her face, and her eyes were sparkling with joy. It melted my heart that she was this happy about it. Evie came over and stood beside me and put an arm around my waist, resting her head on my chest.
“Thank you for this,” she whispered. I put my finger under her chin and made her look up at me.
“No need to thank me, Sunshine, I wanted to do this.” I smiled at her before kissing her. “Love you,” I whispered.
“Love you too.” She smiled. We both looked back at Alana. She was no l
onger standing still in the middle of the room. She was looking at all her new toys. I was happy—in this moment I was just happy. With the love of my life in my arms and our daughter running around playing. This was just perfect. I hoped more than anything that we could work through everything and we could come out stronger in the end. We just both needed to talk to each other. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for Evie to adapt to being in the public eye, which was why I wanted her and Alana out of the tabloids for as long as possible.
I knew Dax would do everything to keep them safe, and at the same time I also knew that we couldn’t avoid the press forever. But for the next few weeks I just wanted to spend time with my two girls and my family. Then when we got to Evie’s birthday, I wanted to take her out of town, just the two of us. I hoped she would want to come, that after a couple of weeks with my family she would be comfortable with letting my parents babysit for one night. It was not like she didn’t already know them, she just had to feel safe here, and loved.
In about two weeks we would have our night together, just the two of us. Be Evie and Liam for one night, not Mommy and Daddy. Even though I loved being a dad, despite the fact that I hadn’t known I was a father for more than a few days, I still wanted us to be a couple too, so my mission for the next ten days was to convince Evie that we could get away for one night without being bad parents.
Chapter 15:
Evie
“You ready for tonight?”
I looked over at Amy. We were at the salon, getting our nails done. Today was my birthday and tonight Liam and I were going out alone. He wouldn’t tell where we were going, just that I needed to pack an overnight bag. Alana was staying with her grandparents tonight.
The last ten days had been great. We moved in with Liam. Alana was happy and smiling again. We hadn’t had any other days with her screaming. That day was just heartbreaking. But we worked through it together. We spent the days together, the three of us, both alone and with the rest of the Camdens.
Alana loved them all so much, and they spoiled her—a lot. Shockingly, it was Caleb who spoiled her the worst. He had been so good with her. Not his usual moody self. It had been great seeing him and the others bond with their niece. Alana had also been out riding with Coleen and Gia, and she loved it. She told Liam that she wanted a pony. I told him no, no way. But knowing him, she would get her pony. Hopefully she would be older before she got it, but I didn’t think so.
