“That was in the paper,” said Emil. “He killed himself.” Emil’s hands clung to the rocking chair arms. I looked down at my own hands growing dark in the night.
“Would your papa have gone?”
“I don’t know,” said Emil. His rocking chair creaked. “One of his friends, Tito Romy we called him, died in there.”
When Emil said that, I remembered that I’d never liked Tito Romy and I felt embarrassed. Not embarrassed, but bad somehow for never having liked a man who was now dead.
Freddy shook his head. “It’s terrible,” he said. “Did you know what was going on? Or did they just leave you waiting outside the gate?”
“A few times a day someone told us what was happening.”
I looked at Freddy with his head down and hair hanging over his eyes. I opened my mouth and tasted air. “But we heard the shots,” I finally said. “When the soldiers went in we heard the shots and we thought…”
“He was dead,” said Freddy.
And I began to cry. I held my head in my hands and my hands in my lap and pitched forward in the rocking chair. The tears stuck to my face, ran between my fingers. I could hear myself crying.
“I’m sorry,” said Freddy. He was kneeling next to me.
The screen door opened behind us. “It’s OK,” I heard Emil say and I knew he was talking to Mila and Naty, not to me. “We’ll take care of it,” he said. Then he knelt beside me with his arm on my back.
“I’m sorry,” said Freddy again. “I shouldn’t have pressed, I shouldn’t have asked at all. I don’t know what I was thinking.” He laid a hand on my knee. “Please forgive me.”
I took my hands from my face. “It’s not that.” My voice was still shaky and crying. “It’s not only that; it’s that Mama can’t make it for the wedding.”
We sat on the porch that way until my tears dried. I could still feel them on my face and hands. But finally I pushed my hair back and smiled a sad smile at Freddy. “It’s OK,” I said. Our faces were so close I could see his eyes clearly in the dark. Emil pulled me out of the chair and hugged me.
I wanted to hug Freddy too, standing next to us and watching. “I don’t hate you,” I said instead.
“That’s good,” he replied and put an arm around me.
We laughed a little, tiredly, before going inside.
* * *
The day of the wedding, I stand in the back of the church with Freddy. We had been in the church office earlier with the rest of the bridal party. We were sitting in some folding chairs and talking because we hadn’t talked in a month. In the middle of our conversation he asked, “Do you still not hate me?” and smiled. I smiled too and didn’t answer.
“I want to watch the guests come in,” I said.
“I’ll go with you.”
We didn’t know Soly’s family very well and the bridal party was mostly from her side of the family. She wasn’t there yet and Emil was entertaining her father. Emil looked at us as we left. I think he wanted us to stay and help him out. But he’s going to have to deal with these things on his own. He’s the one getting married.
So Freddy and I stand by the candles burning for Saint Catherine. As the guests enter, I hug and kiss the people I know and say, “This is Freddy Quintero. He’s the best man.” I’ll have to check my makeup before the wedding starts. I think I’ve smeared it hugging and kissing relatives.
“These candles are hot,” I say. Freddy’s looking down and examining the buttons on his barong. He doesn’t say anything.
“How’s my hair?” I ask him.
He’s standing next to me and has to lean back to look. “OK,” he says. “Is that your real hair?”
“Of course it’s my real hair.”
“It looks fake.” He pulls down one of the curls and I feel it spring back up.
“It feels fake,” I tell him. I wave at Kuya Gabby and Ate Pia who are walking in.
“You look lovely,” she says.
“This is Freddy Quintero. He’s the best man.”
“Come on,” says Emil, who comes up from behind. He grabs Freddy by the elbow and they go up to the altar.
I realize when I see Soly that I forgot to check my makeup. Her aunt, who is in charge of this part, positions all the members of the bridal party. Soly really does look lovely. At the altar, Emil is rocking back and forth on his heels and toes. He reminds me of a toy soldier. I think about Mama and tears come. I know as I’m walking down the aisle the people are thinking how sweet it is that Emil’s sister is crying.
At the reception, Emil and Soly have big smiles of happiness. They’re no longer the nervous smiles of too little sleep and too many people and questions. They joke with the guests and with each other and Soly bursts into laughter and shrieking with one of her cousins who came all the way from Mexico for the wedding. There’s still the reception to get through smoothly, but that’s more her mother’s and Tita Connie’s worry. She and Emil only cared about the wedding.
I sit next to Babeth at the table because I’m the youngest of the bridesmaids. The other two are cousins of Soly.
“I’m hot,” says Babeth.
“Me too.” The hotel ballroom is air-conditioned, but it’s filled with two hundred people. I wish Freddy wasn’t on the other side of the head table with the other groomsmen. I don’t know these two bridesmaids next to me.
“Can we take off our gloves now?” Babeth asks.
“I don’t think so.”
“How are we supposed to eat with them?”
“Slowly,” I say and she seems to find this funny.
We sit through the blessing and the releasing of the doves and the cutting of the cake which will be served later. Then the waiters and waitresses emerge from the kitchen with carts full of food. I don’t eat much because it really is difficult with the gloves and I’m too hot to be hungry. Tito Gil gives the toast for our family and there are more toasts and Babeth begins to fall asleep on my shoulder. I hold her up while Emil and Soly move through the first dance. Their mother sneaks up behind us during the song and leads the sleepy Babeth away.
The lights stay dim for dancing and the room begins to cool down. I remove my gloves. The waiters and waitresses have taken all the plates away, so I rest my elbows on the table and watch the couples. Mr. and Mrs. Tañada, Soly’s parents, are dancing on the floor in front of me.
“Hello,” I hear and it’s Freddy.
I’m startled and I feel a lightness in my stomach. He sits in Babeth’s seat.
“You look bored.”
“I am,” I say. “I guess I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”
He leans back in the chair and straightens his legs.
“And it’s hot in here,” I add.
“All these people.” He gestures toward the rest of the room as he says this. I notice his hair is no longer lingering just above his eyes. He must have had it cut for the wedding.
“It was a nice wedding,” he says. His eyes shine happily and he’s smiling and I suddenly feel that this is glorious.
“Yes.” I smile and sit up straighter. “Yes, it really was, wasn’t it?”
We watch the couples hesitate as another song comes on. Some leave and others walk onto the floor. Soly and Emil are making the rounds of the tables, talking to all of their guests.
“Would you…,” Freddy says. He begins again. “Would you like to dance?”
I like his hesitance. “Yes.” He takes my hand. His palm is warm and damp.
“Sorry,” he says immediately, and brushes his hands on his barong.
“That’s OK,” I say. “It’s hot in here.”
We walk onto the dance floor and he holds me close.
Study Questions:
In the opening scenes, Clara seems melancholic and apprehensive about something. Why do you think this is?
Why couldn’t Clara and her childhood friend Danny let other people see them together?
Clara says “passion is sadness, it is preserved by distance,” w
hen thinking about Danny. What does this mean?
Why do you think the author uses different points of view when telling the stories of the characters in the novel?
Why did Clara call her son Emil “Danny” when they were looking at old photo albums during a family gathering?
Why did Emil’s family move to Olongapo? What did this move to a different town mean to each member of the family?
Clara’s husband Nick felt his brother Vince resented the fact that he wasn’t taken care of enough by his older brother. Why did Nick feel pleased and guilty at the same time when Vince was recruited by the Navy?
Why do you think Clara and Nick’s oldest child, Emil, was drawn to his female high school classmate named Angeling?
Discuss how you feel about the youngest child, Gemma’s relationship with her cousin Ric. How did Ric’s accident change Gemma?
Why do you think the author named the second to the last chapter of the novel “Two Prayers for the Living”? How are they considered “prayers”?
Why did Emil and Emma decide to stay in Manila instead of going with their parents and sister Marisa to the United States?
There are clues as to the period in modern Philippine history when the novel happened. How do you think the national events during that time affected the lives of the novel’s characters?
Mango Seasons Page 16
