by Keli Gwyn
She corked the bottle, returned the perfume to its place and closed her eyes.
I’ve fallen in love with Henry, Lord, but he doesn’t love me. If only he did, I wouldn’t have to keep up this fight. We could raise the children together. Since he doesn’t return my feelings, I have no choice but to consider Stuart’s proposal. Being married to him would help me win my case and enable me to raise the children myself. I know Henry thinks he can do it on his own, but they’d be better off with me. I could give them many of the things Father planned to.
Father!
Her eyes flew open. She picked up the letter she’d started that morning, her third attempt to write one to him since learning of his plans to send Alex away. The right words wouldn’t come. Thankfully, she had a few more days to figure out how best to explain her decision.
Even though she had no intention of taking the children back, knowing what awaited them if she did, she dreaded her father’s reaction to the news. The reply he was sure to send her would be scathing. At least she wouldn’t have to hear the words as she had his criticisms about her sister. She could read the rebuke and retribution and burn the paper they were printed on afterward.
“Aunt Livy!” Marcie called up the stairs. “Are you coming soon?”
“I’m on my way!” She shoved the letter into her dressing table drawer and joined them in the entryway.
Henry, Lavinia and the children donned their coats, hats, scarves and gloves and set out.
“Where will we be singing, Uncle Henry?” Alex asked.
“I thought we’d start on Main, and then we could visit a few homes on Spanish Street.”
“Good. Frankie lives there. Can we go to his house?”
“I’d planned on it.”
They reached Main Street, stood in the glow of a gaslight and launched into the first of the many carols they’d rehearsed. A crowd formed around them, primarily single miners who cast appreciative glances Lavinia’s way, to her dismay.
She stepped closer to Henry, grateful for his reassuring presence. When she was with him, she felt stronger and more capable than she ever had back home. His belief in her meant more than he would ever know. Leaving Sutter Creek would be difficult because, although she’d be taking the children with her once she won her case, she’d be leaving a part of her heart behind. Just for tonight, she could imagine the five of them were a family with Henry as the head.
The time passed quickly. Before Lavinia knew it, they were at the last house, where Frankie lived. They sang two carols. Afterward they were offered shortbread that was still warm from the oven. Alex and the girls were talking with Frankie and his sister, enabling the adults to enjoy a few minutes of conversation.
Lavinia was ready to gather the children and head up the hill when Frankie’s father, Cyrus, stopped her cold with a question. “How are things working out with that case of yours?”
Her knees went as soft as whipping cream. She gripped the porch railing to keep from swaying. He couldn’t mean her case, could he?
She feigned confusion. “I beg your pardon?”
“I was working in the livery the other day when Mr. Price’s clerk came in. He was asking if anyone had asked to have a notice posted about Jack’s creditors after yer—” he cleared his throat “—losses. Said his boss needed the information to make a case. I was curious how that was coming along?”
Henry answered before she could, his words clipped. “There must have been a misunderstanding. I haven’t hired Mr. Price to check into anything.”
Cyrus looked from Henry to Lavinia and produced a weak smile. “I, um, think I’ve said more than enough. It was right kind of you all to come sing for us. We’re looking forward to seeing you at the church service tomorrow and enjoying some more of those fine baked goods of yours at the party afterward.”
Lavinia couldn’t say their farewells quickly enough. She hustled the children away, putting them between herself and Henry. Their excited chatter would provide a welcome diversion. If all went well, she’d be able to slip inside before Henry had an opportunity to ask questions she’d rather not answer.
When they reached the house, Henry stood on the porch and hugged each of the children good-night in turn.
Marcie lingered. “Can you believe it will be Christmas Eve tomorrow, Uncle Henry? Are you excited?”
“Not as excited as you are, Muffin, but—” he cast a glance at Lavinia before returning his attention to Marcie “—it could prove to be an interesting day.”
Lavinia didn’t miss his meaning. He’d made his thoughts about her proposal from Stuart clear. Not that Henry’s opinion changed anything. Her options were limited. She’d secretly hoped he would present her with another one, but thanks to Cyrus’s ill-timed revelation, that possibility had evaporated as quickly as the wispy vapor from their breath in the cold night air.
“And it won’t get here if you don’t get to bed, sweetie.” She managed to get the children inside and a couple of lamps lit without further comment from Marcie. Alex took one of the lamps and headed up the stairs with his sisters behind him.
“Good night, Henry.” She held the front door open for him.
He closed it. “I’m not leaving yet, Lavinia. We need to talk.”
“I have to see to the children.”
“You will. Later. But first, tell me about this case Cyrus mentioned. I assume it’s yours and that it’s against me.”
Facing him wasn’t easy, but she must. She looked into a pair of steely blue eyes. “That’s correct. I hired Mr. Price to help me find a way to gain guardianship since you refused to relinquish it.”
Henry shook his head. “You don’t understand, do you, even after all this time? Jack and Pauline wanted me to care for their children. That’s why they named me in the will. Not you.”
“Your brother named you, yes, but my sister told me in a letter years ago that if anything were to happen to her and Jack, she wanted me to raise them. I have every intention of making that happen.”
He scoffed. “Even if that means taking me to court? Do you honestly think that’s what Pauline would have wanted? If so, you’re mistaken. When she wrote that letter, she was hoping you’d come out here and get to know your nieces and nephew. But you didn’t, so she changed her mind.”
His air of certainty didn’t bode well. “How do you know?”
“She said so when they asked my permission to name me in the will. She was afraid you might take the children back to Philadelphia, and she wanted them to stay here—with me.”
Lavinia lifted her chin and responded in a heated tone. “Why haven’t you told me that me before?”
“I thought the fact that she and Jack named me as the children’s guardian made that clear.”
“It didn’t, not to me, but—” she heaved a resigned sigh “—I suppose it no longer matters since I’m not going to take them back. I’ll be staying here instead.”
“Here? I see.” He shook his head. “So you’re going to accept Worthington’s offer after all?”
She hadn’t made up her mind, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. “I love the children and will do whatever’s necessary to be granted guardianship.”
“Including having my rights revoked?”
“If you’d relinquish them that wouldn’t be necessary.”
He stared at her long and hard, his lips pressed into a firm line. Several tense seconds later, he gave a curt nod. “I admire your determination, but I’d advise you to reconsider. You won’t win your case. You’ll just make things hard on yourself and those you love.”
She loved him, but that didn’t seem to matter since he didn’t love her. “I’m doing what’s best for the children, and as far as winning my case, you might as well know that I have a strong one.”
A flicker of doubt crossed his face, fol
lowed by a frown. “I’m sorry you think so poorly of me. I thought by now you would have seen what kind of man I am. Good night, Lavinia.” Henry marched down the steps, strode down the pathway and left without a backward glance.
The clanging of the wrought iron gate closing behind him shattered what little control she had left. She gripped the doorjamb, drooped her head and drew in a ragged breath. Her struggle to keep the tears at bay failed. A pair of them coursed over her cheeks.
“Aunt Livy!” Dot called. “We’re ready for you to tuck us in.”
“I’ll be right up.” She swiped at her cheeks, pasted on a smile and mounted the stairs. The children were expecting a wonderful Christmas, and she would make sure they had it.
* * *
“Are my wings on straight?” Marcie looked over one shoulder and then the other.
Lavinia smiled. “Yes, sweetie. You look beautiful.”
Her niece shifted her weight from foot to foot so quickly that the flowing white skirt of her angel costume swayed. She rubbed a hand over her stomach. “My belly doesn’t feel right. What if I forget the words I’m supposed to say?”
“You won’t. You’ve rehearsed your line many times.”
Marcie scanned the curtained-off corner of the schoolhouse-turned-church serving as a staging area for the young thespians. She wasn’t the only one with a case of the collywobbles. The nervous energy in the small area was palpable. “Where’s Alex?”
“I’m right behind you.”
“Oh.” Marcie whirled around, her wings fluttering wildly. “Are you ready?”
He nodded. “Are you?”
Marcie shook her head, stopped abruptly and reached up to make sure her halo was still in place. She peeked between a small gap in the curtains. “There’s so many people out there.”
Alex shrugged. “They’re the same people who were at church yesterday. You know all of them. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
The reversal of roles came as a surprise. Perhaps Marcie’s uneasiness stemmed from the fact that she had more invested in her performance than her brother. He’d only agreed to be a wise man because his friend Frankie was one, too. Notoriety was the furthest thing from Alex’s mind.
“You’ll both do well. I need to take my seat now, but I’ll say a prayer for you.”
As she headed to the benches facing the front of the large room where painted backdrops had been hung, Lavinia petitioned the Lord on behalf of all the young performers. She reached the row where Dot sat beside Henry and took the aisle seat on her other side.
“How’s Alex holding up?” Henry asked.
“He’s doing well, but Marcie is as nervous as a snowman in July.” Lavinia could relate. Her stomach was as unsettled as Marcie’s. Thankfully, Henry had sent word that he wouldn’t be able to join them until now, so she’d had the day to herself. Not that it had been a peaceful one. The children had been so excited that they’d been unusually quarrelsome. If that wasn’t enough, the conversation with Henry kept going ’round and ’round in her mind.
“Good evening.” The hand on her shoulder that accompanied the greeting caused her to jump. Stuart drew back. “I’m sorry, Lavinia. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s all right.” Her reply had come out breathy, which could give him the wrong impression. He was a good man, but he didn’t cause her heart to pound or bring on a bout of light-headedness the way Henry had when he’d kissed her two days ago in that very room. “Dot, would you mind sitting in my lap so Mr. W. can join us? You’ll be able to see better.”
“I’ll hold her.” Henry’s firm tone broached no argument. He softened it as he addressed Dot. “Up you go, Dimples.”
“Thank you.” Lavinia smiled, but Henry didn’t look her way. She slid next to him, placed a hand on the now-vacant space and looked up at Stuart. “Please, have a seat.”
He lowered himself, flipping the tails of his formal tailcoat over the back of the bench. His elegant attire made him stand out. Most of the men wore frock coats that had seen years of service. Some of the miners sported ankle-length dusters that had taken on the reddish color of the soil they worked. Although they differed in appearance from the cultured gentlemen her father entertained, the robust men of Sutter Creek worked hard. They were carving a future out of a rugged land and transforming California into a vibrant place teeming with possibilities.
Stuart leaned close and whispered. “I’m looking forward to the play, the service and our talk afterward. I trust you’ll have an answer for me.”
“I will.” She didn’t know yet what it would be. She’d been too preoccupied to come up with it, thinking instead about Henry and wondering what had kept him from spending the day at the house as he usually did.
The minister stepped to the front and the room quieted. “Good evening. It’s wonderful to see so many of you here eager to celebrate Christmas Eve. I appreciate the schoolboard granting us the use of this facility again this year, but I look forward to the day we have a home of our own. The good Lord willing, there will be a church at the corner of Church Street before too many more years have passed. He’s provided the land, and I trust him to provide the funds needed to erect the building.”
Lavinia couldn’t help but think of the beautiful church where she worshipped back in Philadelphia. Although the rosewood pews were filled with elegantly dressed men and women sitting in their assigned seats, it lacked the warmth of this makeshift church and the goodhearted people in it.
“Since we have a group of youngsters eager to present the play for us—” the minister inclined his heard toward the curtained corner from which whispers and nervous giggles came “—I’ll keep the opening prayer brief and turn things over to their director.”
After a short prayer, a young girl walked through the opening in the curtains followed by an older student who served as narrator. A male angel joined them wearing large wings Marcie had admired earlier. The play began with Gabriel informing Mary that she was to bear a child and call him Jesus.
Lavinia watched for Alex and Marcie to appear with eagerness unlike anything she’d experienced before. She mouthed their words along with them and heaved sighs of relief when they didn’t miss one. Not even the concerts and plays she’d attended back home had brought her such joy or filled her with such pride.
The children had come to mean more to her than she would have thought possible. If they were sad, she ached along with them. If they laughed, she joined in. If they experienced success, she rejoiced. They’d done a fine job tonight. She couldn’t wait to congratulate them, but she’d have to wait until after the service since the performers had reserved seats on benches up front.
When the applause at the end of the play finally subsided, the minister stepped to the front once again. “I’m sure you’re eager to enjoy those treats Mr. Hawthorn and Miss Crowne have prepared, which smell so good, and I know the children can’t wait to see what’s inside those pretty packages on the tree, but I have a short message first that I hope you’ll find inspiring.”
He launched into the sermon with his usual enthusiasm. His engaging delivery took the story just enacted by the children in a different direction. He talked about examining the birth of Christ from a new perspective, making use of a simple question.
“As we just saw, God spoke to Joseph in a dream, reassuring him that what Mary had said was true, but what if Joseph had been more concerned about the townspeople’s approval than he was about following God’s plan for his life and had set Mary aside?”
The minister continued talking, but the words sounded like they were coming from the depths of a mine shaft like the one Henry had pointed out to her the day they’d traveled to Jackson. Lavinia stared at the clock above the chalkboard, unaware that her mouth was parted until it grew dry. She closed it and tried to silence the questions bombarding her.
What if she’d been guilty of overriding the Lord’s plans for her life? What if taking Henry to court wasn’t the right thing to do? She hadn’t even prayed about it. Instead, she’d been bent on doing whatever it took to be granted guardianship of the children, even considering marrying a man she didn’t love. What if she was about to make a terrible mistake?
Stuart leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Are you all right?”
Unable to speak, she nodded instead.
Despite their differences, Henry sent her an encouraging smile. He’d been supportive of her from the start even though she’d resisted his attempts to help. She would miss him greatly. If only things were different...
What if they could be? What if she surrendered her problems and her plans to her Heavenly Father instead of trying so hard to handle things on her own? What if she trusted Him to do what was best for the children—and for her?
Lord, I should have come to You a long time ago. I’m sorry I didn’t. I’ve made a mess of things, pushing hard to get what I want. In the process, I’ve even managed to push Henry away. How could he love me when I’ve been out to discredit him? I’m here now seeking Your guidance. Please help me figure out what to do.
She waited throughout the rest of the message for a sign of some kind. She’d heard of people experiencing a profound sense of peace after they’d given their troubles to the Lord, but nothing happened. She drew in a calming breath, but the sugary sweet scents filling the air made the pitching of her stomach worse.
The minister said the closing prayer, delivered the benediction and turned things over to Lavinia. She rose on legs that felt about as firm as the creamy filling in the éclairs, made her way to the front and faced the congregation.
“As you heard, there’s a small gift for each child on the tree. To make things go smoothly, I’ll be removing them. I’ve asked my nieces and nephew to pass them out, so if they will join me—” she nodded at each of them in turn “—we can get started.”
