“I don’t need some damn piece of paper to tell me that you’re my wife…”
I slipped out the back door while Jasper was in mid-sentence. The heat of the day blasted me in the face, hot and humid, so different than the weather in Montana. Florida was going to be even worse. I’d need to junk half my wardrobe, exchanging it for climate appropriate clothes. I’d have time before my new job started and luckily the office I would be working in was casual. Hell, when the owner interviewed me he was in cargo shorts and a polo. I’d only need what would be considered office attire when I went on-site to meet with clients.
I watched the men patiently tossing the football with the younger boys, stopping to give them instruction every now and then. Levi was showing Nick how to achieve the perfect spiral when throwing the ball, and Clark was explaining the proper way to catch then tuck the ball so as not to fumble.
I was going to miss this, miss them all. Most of all I was going to miss Clark and Nick. My heart ached at all the things I wouldn’t be here for - Lily’s baby being born, Jasper’s wedding, Emily’s pregnancy, Clark learning how to be a parent and uncle. I’d fallen in love with both Clark and Nick. He warned me not to; told me in no uncertain terms he did not want a relationship and what we had together was nothing more than fun. But it felt like more. He kissed me before he left the house every day. We slept cuddled together like a pile of puppies, touching as much as humanly possible. He showered with me and washed my hair. He’d told me about his family and the brother he once loved and adored until Nick had betrayed him in the worst way. He’d even told me how he met Stephanie and what their life had been like when it was good. He took the blame for his marriage going bad – deployments, workups, training – he’d explained all the time he’d been away took its toll on her. She needed and wanted attention he couldn’t give her. I wasn’t sure how that gave her a free pass to cheat on him, but he took responsibility for not being the man she needed. It was not his fault she was a selfish attention whore, but there was no changing his mind.
“What are you thinking about?” Clark pulled a chair closer to mine and sat, chugging down a bottle of water. My thighs clenched at the sight of his biceps flexing as he held the bottle to his lips.
“I have an announcement,” Jasper’s voice boomed, cutting off my answer.
Thank God! Knowing me I would’ve told him the truth, causing Clark to run a mile. Which would’ve been for the best, but I wasn’t ready to lose him yet. The time was coming fast enough.
“Jason, come here bud.”
Jason ran to Jasper and he leaned down to whisper something to him. Jason’s eyes were huge and his smile was even bigger. “Really?” he asked. Jasper nodded and turned to the rest of us.
“Emily’s having my baby.”
His proclamation brought about hooting and high-fives. There were hugs and back pounding going around, and I prayed I could mask my heartache. This was what I’d wished for my sister when she found out she was pregnant.
Clark’s fingers threaded through mine, and he squeezed as though he could read my thoughts. I was grateful for his support, but it only made me feel worse. I was a horrible person. This wasn’t about me or Liz or what’d happened in the past. This was a celebration of life – of love. I plastered on a smile and hoped it would hide the turmoil that was swirling in my stomach.
Blake had finished her work in time to join us to eat. Once she got there, she’d made her way to Levi’s side and never moved. She smiled at him like he’d hung the moon and I suppose in her universe he had. The love they shared was almost unbearable to watch. I could lie to myself all I wanted, but the truth was, I wanted that. Lily came down from her nap feeling better, yet Lenox still insisted she sit down and waited on her hand and foot. I wondered if that was how Jasper was going to be with Emily? I hoped so. She deserved that and knowing Jasper the way I did, I was sure he’d give it to her.
Clean up was done and we were once again in the backyard sitting around watching Nick and Jason pass the ball to each other using the new skills they’d learned today. Little Carter was running back and forth between them trying to get the ball. However, at almost two, he was too small to actually catch the ball, not that he seemed to care. He’d squeal in delight anytime the ball was dropped, and he could pick it up and run with it.
Yeah, I was going to miss this.
I’d had a lot of friends in Montana but never a close-knit circle like this. We didn’t barbeque at each other’s houses and share a bond like this group did. Moving was going to suck. I didn’t think I’d ever find this again; friendships that were based on loyalty and history.
“Blake and I have something to tell you,” Levi started. “We only found out, but after Jasper’s announcement, we’ve decided to tell you all now. Blake’s…um…” Levi took a moment to gather his composure. “She’s pregnant too.”
If I’d thought the celebration Jasper and Emily had received was loud, Levi’s was ten-fold. The group was animated and energetic at the announcement of another baby. Two in one day.
“Never would’ve guessed,” Lenox said. “A few years ago, I thought we were all happy doing what we loved. The thought had never crossed my mind that there was more. And I really didn’t think that there’d be kids involved. Happy for you both.”
The other guys agreed, all smiling at each other when Lily spoke up.
“When I met you all, you were like a wild pack of dogs.” She laughed.
“Two more little ones to welcome to the family,” Emily smiled.
“We better make that three,” Lily said, and everyone looked at her not understanding. “My water just broke.”
Everyone jumped into action except Lenox. He remained seated by his wife, smiling at her.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Yeah. Piece of cake. Push another watermelon out of my vagina.”
“Damn, you make me want to rush out and get knocked up so I can experience that,” I quipped and immediately regretted my joke. Clark’s stare was heavy, and he looked pissed. I was going to explain what I’d meant and reassure him I was not, nor was I trying to become preggo, but stopped myself. I tended to get myself in more trouble with my explanations.
“Let’s go have our boy.” Lenox kissed Lily’s forehead and helped her stand.
“A boy?” I asked.
Lily laughed and shook her head. “I’m surprised you didn’t let it spill before now.”
“Congrats, brother,” Clark said, shaking Lenox’s hand.
We all helped them to Lenox’s truck and waved as they headed to the hospital to welcome son number two into the world. As planned, Emily and Jasper were keeping Carter for a few days so Lily and Lenox could have some time alone with the new baby.
“Let me know if you need any help with him,” I told Emily as we were leaving.
Clark and Nick were already in the Jeep waiting for me, no doubt bitching about how long I take to say goodbye.
“I’m good. Thanks for everything.” Emily hugged me and went inside, leaving me with Jasper on the front stoop.
“I know, Rea.”
“You know what?” I asked.
Oh hell, was he going to tell Clark I’d fallen in love with him? He’d better not. I’d castrate him if he ruined my last few days.
“I know this is hard for you. The baby.” Please God, don’t let him go on. I didn’t want to have this talk. “I wish they were here. I wish I’d done everything differently. I wish I wasn’t such a fucking coward. I will take those regrets to my grave. I need you to know that I loved Liz and I wish that I could’ve given her everything she deserved. Alesha is my first child. I haven’t forgotten her. Jason may not be my blood, but he is my son. My second child. When this baby comes, I will love it no more than I do my first two. I need you to know that.”
“I know. I’m happy for you. Please don’t go back down that road again letting guilt consume you. There is a new life coming into the world, and it should be celebrated. Don’t make room
for the darkness and sadness of the past. Emily, Jason, and this new baby are your family.”
“They are. But you’re my family too. Liz and Alesha are still my family.”
I needed to hear that more than I knew I did. My sister and niece hadn’t been pushed aside and forgotten.
“Thank you. I appreciate it. I’m so happy for you both.”
“I wish you lived closer. Jason is going to miss his Aunt Rea. And the new baby, too. He’ll need you to spoil him.”
“Him.” I laughed.
“Have you seen my wife? God would not punish me with little girls with black hair and blue eyes. There is not enough ammo to keep little fuckers away.” Jasper’s smile faded when he’d realized what he’d said.
“You’re dumb.” I playfully slapped his chest, interjecting humor, not wanting him to feel bad. “Has it ever occurred to you that Emily would feel the same about little boys? I remember you in high school. All the girls swooned over you. I personally didn’t see it, you were just Jasper to me, but I heard the girls talking about how hot you were.” I made a gagging sound and Jasper smirked. “Do you think Emily wants to chase the girls away for her boy if he looks like you? She’ll need a bat and a shotgun because any Walker boy is gonna be smokin’ hot like his daddy.”
There was a distinct growl behind me, and Jasper threw his head back and laughed.
“Christ, that is perfect,” Jasper said.
I didn’t see the humor in my current situation. Clark had once accused me of being in love with Jasper, and hearing me say that Jasper was smoking hot, even in a roundabout way out of context, he wasn’t going to be happy.
“Ass,” I whispered.
Jasper sobered and looked over his shoulder. “Life’s funny. Just when you think you have it all figured out, you realize you don’t. There you are chugging along and next thing you know your life is turned upside down and derailed. Situations, people, obstacles are thrown into your path. Do you sidestep them, plow through them, or embrace them? You taught me to embrace them, hold on, not let anything get in my way of happiness. I hope you can take your own advice.”
I was thoroughly confused by Jasper’s statement. I didn’t know if his words were meant for me or Clark. He hadn’t moved his gaze from over my shoulder, but I didn’t know what he was looking at. Maybe he was staring off into space lost in his thought. I didn’t think so, but it was possible. He wasn’t stupid, and he’d known me for a long time. I was sure he knew I was head over heels in love with Clark. Only there was nothing I could do about it; Clark didn’t want me, and I wasn’t going to make him feel bad for sticking to our arrangement. None of this was his fault. I didn’t have the option to embrace and hold on like Jasper had suggested. The only thing I could do was sidestep my feelings and plow through the heartache. I did this. I’d fucked up and fallen in love with a man that was unavailable. I had to let go.
Life sucked.
Chapter Eighteen
She left.
Reagan was gone. I was miserable, and a little pissed even though I didn’t have a right to be. We’d agreed - hell it was my idea, orgasms. Nothing but orgasms. Then why did I feel like my heart had been ripped from my chest and now resided in Florida?
The night before she left we all went to Lenox and Lily’s for dinner. With Ethan being just home from the hospital, Lenox refused to take him in public for a goodbye party for Reagan. Everyone laughed and had a good time. As the hours had ticked by, my temper rose. She’d been smiling and happy, not a care in the world she’d be leaving the next morning. Even before that she’d started to pull away from me. I’d wake up in the morning, and instead of our bodies being tangled together, she was on the other side of the bed facing away from me. It shouldn’t have pissed me off, but it did. I should’ve been happy that she was leaving with her heart intact and not hurt by our time together, but I wasn’t.
That night when we got home, after Nick had gone to bed, I took her back to my room and unsuccessfully tried to show her what she meant to me, using my body to tell her all the things I couldn’t verbalize. We each took our time exploring. I’d taken the time to memorize the feel of her body and the sounds she made. I’d allowed myself to embrace every emotion as it was happening. I made love to her slowly, sweetly. And the next morning she smiled, gave me a hug thanking me for letting her stay at my house, and cried when she said goodbye to Nicholas.
She gave me the brush off and a half-hearted promise to call. It had been a week and she hadn’t. I knew she’d made it to her new apartment safely because she’d texted. I also got a short message when she started her job, telling me she loved it down in Florida and her co-workers were great. I couldn’t help but be jealous. Did she work with men? Was she going on dates? She was fucking gorgeous; it wouldn’t take long for those vultures to circle around her.
Jasper, Emily, even Lily had all talked to her on the phone and happily reported that she was doing great and having fun. Jasper was a pain in my ass passing me his phone when Reagan had texted him a picture of her on the beach. It was obviously a selfie with the caption, why didn’t I do this sooner? The fucker smirked when I stomped out of the hangar for some fresh air. Sooner? What the hell did that mean? She wished she’d never stopped over in Georgia and spent time here?
The morning in my bedroom when I had Reagan pushed up against my door, I never thought I’d be the one to have fallen in love and she’d happily prance out of my life unscathed. When I carefully explained to her that I could only offer her a few nights, never did I imagine I’d want a lifetime. I guess I was too convincing and she’d taken me at my word.
Good for her, I didn’t want her sad. Bad for me, I was in hell.
There was so much going on with Nick. I thought getting things straight would take all my time, but I still found time at night, when I fell into the bed I’d shared with Reagan, to contemplate how much I missed her. Nick did too. He talked about her all the time; it was salt in my wound. He’d go on and on and laugh about all the crazy shit she did. The girl had no shame. She’d gone out of her way to make Nick feel at home, dancing and singing around the house even though she couldn’t carry a tune in a basket and her rhythm was a little off. She still did it, knowing that Nick thought it was funny and he’d laugh at her. So damn sweet.
“Do we have the drone footage yet?” Blake asked, reminding me I had work to do.
“Yes. I’ll have it up on the big screen in a second,” Levi answered his wife.
The rest of us gathered around when the screen flickered to life and the oil platform, Horizon III, came into view. The size of the rig was impressive. Blake had said it was a floating city and she hadn’t been exaggerating. The image feed the drone had recorded was outstanding. Gone were the days of grainy pictures that needed to be enhanced; I could see the rust on one of the railings with great clarity.
“Damn. This is so much better than satellite,” Jasper vocalized what I was thinking.
“What’s that?” I asked. “Go back three frames.” Levi did as I asked. “There.” He quickly paused the video.
“We’re looking at the top deck,” Levi said. “Looks like supplies?”
“Is that a biohazard sticker on that box?” I asked.
Levi zoomed in and, sure enough, it was a red warning label.
“Why would there be biological material on an abandoned oil rig?”
“Fuck if I know. The box next to it…” Lenox pointed at the screen. “Has a logo on it can you get closer?”
Levi played the video in slow motion, waiting until we had a better view of the company name. Once the name became clear, Lenox had out his tablet looking the company up.
“Hospital medical equipment.”
“If the rig was operational it wouldn’t surprise me. The platform would have some emergency medical supplies. It is not exactly the safest environment to work in. Serious injury requires a medivac and we all know that can take too long,” Blake explained.
“Equipment, not supplies. Anesthe
sia machines, cold chain equipment, Respolife.” Lenox read a few more machines they sold on their website. “Anesthesia?” he asked when he was done.
“That doesn’t make sense. I’ll look into it, but I’d think the only thing a rig medic would be worried about was stabilizing a patient, not putting them under.” Blake scribbled something in her notebook and went back to watching the video.
By the time we were done, we had more questions than answers. Technically the team shouldn’t have been looking into the rig; even though it was in international waters, it was in The Gulf. There also hadn’t been any more chatter about eco-terrorists and explosives. The intel Blake had gathered should’ve been passed to Homeland or the FBI, either of them could’ve investigated, but Blake refused and asked us to back her with the Commander. She had a gut feeling that something was going on and the FBI wouldn’t take it seriously. I’d learned to trust Blake. With the support of the team, the Commander agreed to allow us to continue to gather intel, but he wouldn’t approve a mission until we had hard proof that national security was in jeopardy.
That worked for me just fine. I wasn’t all that crazy to head on an op with Nick still getting used to living with me. He’d settled into his new school, he was making friends and seemed to like it. He was behind in his studies and I’d arranged a tutor for him. I thought he’d complain when I told him, but he was excited about not being the stupid one in class – his words, not mine. I had to step outside and curse in private after he’d made the admission. No kid should ever feel dumb, especially my nephew. The Commander had put me in contact with a wife of a Captain he knew. She was older and had been a teacher before she stopped working, preparing for her husband’s retirement from the Army. She explained in a year from now I’d have to find someone else to help me with Nick because she and her husband were going to travel in their Winnebago.
Freedom Page 13
