by Trina M. Lee
“I’m a nephilim,” I heard myself say. Considering what he’d just seen, I knew I had to be honest. A lie wouldn’t protect anyone. “Half-human, half-angel. It sounds crazy, I know.”
I waited for him to laugh or sneer, but he was quiet, watching me in thoughtful silence. We sat there drinking as the minutes passed. I didn’t want to say anything more until I saw how he processed that information.
When we were on our third drink, Rowen said, “Ok. I can accept that. But what about me? Why would the demon say that I was dangerous?”
Inwardly I groaned. Cinder was going to be so mad. “I don’t know. Not really. I wish I did.” I shrugged, feeling awkward. Rowen was going to think I was such a sketch case.
So I was surprised when he said, “Can I show you something?” At my nod, he continued. “I can do something too.”
Rowen held his hand out, palm up. A small light began to glow in the center. It started as a tiny orb that grew into a perfectly formed ball of white light. So Rowen was a light bearer? A lovely gift. I stared in awe, wondering how it was possible that he could do this if his talents were contained like Cinder had said. The light orb hovered over his palm as if awaiting instruction. I reached out then hesitated.
Our eyes met, and I searched him for a sign that he knew more than he was letting on. I saw only a flicker of confusion there.
Tentatively I touched the orb. It was warm and seemed to brighten at my touch. Then slowly it began to fade.
He took my hand and held tight. “That’s been happening for a while now,” Rowen said, looking perplexed. “I’ve never shown this to anyone before. Not even Arrow.”
Keeping a neutral expression was tough. It was almost painful to keep from blurting out a warning about Arrow.
Rowen’s gaze fell to our joined hands. He shoulders slumped as if he breathed a silent sigh of relief. “So what does this mean? That I’m a nephilim too? I never knew either of my biological parents. I was adopted.”
I groaned and ran my free hand through my hair. “It means that I’m going to tell you something that I’m probably going to get in shit for.”
He waited patiently for me to choose my words. The liquor in his glass disappeared while I stared at the table, wondering if I was making a mistake. It was too late for that. Rowen knew enough on his own. If keeping him safe was my goal, then he needed to know. Simple as that.
I needed a cigarette something fierce. After finishing my drink, I rose and gave his hand a gentle tug. “Let’s go out on the balcony. I’m supposed to be quitting, but I really need a smoke right now.”
The balcony gave me a great view of the city at night. All was quiet at this late hour. Far enough away from the high traffic areas, my neighborhood was calm. We leaned on the metal railing, staring out at nothing while we shared a cigarette.
“You are a nephilim, Rowen,” I began, hoping like hell my mouth wasn’t writing a check my ass couldn’t cash. “The gifts start to manifest after the age of eighteen. At some point, you will have to make a choice. Live as human and give up the gifts, or embrace them and choose a side to serve. It’s not an easy decision to make.”
He mulled this over, taking deep drags off the cigarette. Tension held him tight. His knuckles were white where he gripped the railing.
“Are you telling me that you haven’t made your choice yet?” Curiosity flickered through his amber eyes at this realization.
“I’ve made choices. I know I don’t want to give up my gifts, but, no I haven’t made the choice. Not yet.” There was a great sense of freedom in sharing this with someone who was like me. Jett understood what it was to be different, but she and I were worlds apart.
“Well, that kind of explains some of what Koda said and did.” Rowen passed me the cigarette, his gaze lingering as I placed it between my lips. “I knew there was something about you, something different that I connected with right away.”
I was puzzled. How could he have known about me when he seemingly had no clue about Arrow? They lived together. Surely at some point Arrow would have slipped up.
“Oh? Just me?”
“Just you.” He grinned, and it lit up his face in a way that made my knees weak. “Why do you think that is?”
Good question. Considering he lived with a nephilim and clearly had no idea, I couldn’t imagine what it was about me that triggered his awareness. Maybe it was because we were both undecided.
“I have no idea. Look, Rowen, I have to be honest. I was told that your gifts were being contained until the time was right to tell you who you are. I don’t know what that means. All I know is that you could be in danger if the wrong person finds out. You have to keep this secret.”
We faced each other, the view beyond the balcony forgotten. I dropped the cigarette butt into the ashtray on the small patio table. It had left a bad taste in my mouth. I really did need to quit.
“Who told you this?” He reached to brush a lock of hair out of my face, and his hand lingered.
My insides grew warm and fuzzy. Heat crept over my face. Damn, it had been a long time since someone so easily gave me the tingles. “An angel. Cinder. He’s a friend.”
Rowen lightly ran a finger down the side of my face. “It’s kind of a relief. To know I’m not a freak. It’s surreal though.”
“I know.”
His lips were on mine before I could anticipate the kiss. A pleasant surprise, it sent a rush of white noise roaring through my ears along with an exciting jolt of adrenaline. The touch of his tongue was delicate, almost hesitant. Slow and gentle, Rowen kissed me as if he’d been waiting all night to do so. I slid my arms around his neck and reveled in the way it felt to be pressed against him. I would be replaying the memory of this moment for the next week.
We stood there for several blissfully long, silent moments once the kiss ended. I lay my head on his shoulder and hoped so hard that this wouldn’t blow up in my face. I kept seeing that photo of me scantily clad in Arrow’s bed.
The chill in the air finally got to me. I pulled back and rubbed my arms briskly. “I don’t know about you, but I could go for another drink.”
Rowen consulted his phone for the time, and I noticed a missed call from Arrow. “I’d love one. But maybe I should get going. It’s late.”
“You can’t drive. You’ve already had too much. I guess you’ll have to stay.” It was terrible of me to want to keep him from going home to Arrow, from seeing that photo. But I wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t safely drive.
We went back inside, fetched the booze from the kitchen, and got comfy on the couch. I dragged my old acoustic guitar out of the corner and strummed a few chords. We didn’t bother with mix, drinking straight from the bottle instead. There wasn’t much left, so we might as well finish it off.
Rowen’s fingers flew over his phone as he texted Arrow. I couldn’t help but sneak a peek. Inwardly I cringed when I saw my name. This was going to end so horribly. I’d have to enjoy every second of this night before Arrow destroyed it all for me.
Taking a deep breath, I shoved all thoughts of the dark nephilim aside and began to sing. Being a frontwoman was definitely more Jett’s thing, but I enjoyed singing at home, particularly while working out a new song. The liquor encouraged me, giving me a fearlessness that I wouldn’t have had sober.
“That’s a good riff,” Rowen said, setting his phone on the coffee table. “You have a killer voice. You should sing more often.”
“Naw. I’m not really the type to handle the crowd. That’s more of Jett’s domain.” I blushed, cursing my cheeks for betraying me. “But thank you.”
Rowen studied me, his amber eyes searching me intently. “Let’s write something together. Right now. I’ll play. You sing.”
Before I could protest or laugh him off, he took the guitar from me. He tuned it down a step, twisting the pegs and strumming until the tone reached perfection for him.
“Won’t we be committing some kind of band adultery?” I joked. “I’m not sure our friends
would be too keen on that.”
Rowen grinned, a spine-tingling smile that gave me jitters. “They don’t have to know.”
Never had I laughed as much as I did while Rowen and I were writing our song. Each time I clammed up, he got me laughing again. At first the lyrics were cheesy, silly shit I’d never really write. Then we got serious along the way, and something started to come together.
Making music with Rowen felt natural, like we were meant to create together. When we had finished off the last of the booze in my apartment, the sun was just beginning to rise. I was exhausted both mentally and physically.
Taking the guitar from him, I rose from the couch and took his hand. “Come on. You can crash in my room.”
Entering my bedroom with Rowen in tow gave me pause. This was too special to fuck up. And if anyone was going to fuck it up for me, it was better to let it be Arrow. So when we climbed into the bed, we were fully clothed. I kept expecting to feel awkward with Rowen in my bed but never did.
I couldn’t deny that I wanted him, but too many times I’d given my body to a man only to discover that he didn’t want the heart that went with it. That was not a chance I was willing to take now. If we ever got that far, I wanted it to mean something.
The blinds were closed against the morning light, which still peeked through the slats in tiny shards of beams that didn’t quite reach us.
“Spike?” My name was a whisper on Rowen’s lips. “What’s your real name?”
We were each on our own half of the double bed. I stared at the closed closet door. The mirrored surface reflected our image back at me.
“Ember. I don’t go by it much. Only Cinder calls me that.”
“I like it. But I like Spike too. I think you’ll always be Spike to me.”
He moved closer to me, closing the space between us. The blue of his mohawk looked especially bright against my zebra-print pillow case. When he kissed me, I feared I might have to tell him I wasn’t down for a hook up. But he surprised me by cuddling close without making a further move.
Trivial worries flitted through my mind. What if I snored? Or drooled? Or something even more horrifying? My concerns were ridiculous and completely unfounded.
Rowen drifted off before I did. His breathing slowed as sleep claimed him. However, his embrace remained tight, and I did my best to file every sensation away in my memory. He smelled so damn good. His cologne mingled with his own masculine smell, which seemed to reach right into the most feminine part of me. I could practically feel my hormones bursting with glee. Closing my eyes, I savored the way his body felt beside me. It felt like he belonged there. I would have rolled my eyes at myself if I wasn’t having such a joyful moment.
I must have slept with a goofy smile plastered on my face because I felt it fade when I awoke several hours later to find an unhappy Cinder standing over us. With arms crossed, he frowned down at me. I opened and closed my mouth a few times in an attempt to find my voice.
Rowen stirred beside me. I felt him jump when he realized there was a man standing beside the bed.
“Get up.” Cinder’s command was gentler than the fierceness in his violet eyes. “I’ll make coffee. We all need to have a talk.”
* * * *
Fifteen minutes later Rowen and I sat across the table from Cinder. I felt like crap, certain I looked it as well. A very brief trip to the washroom had given me a chance to wipe last night’s eyeliner from my face. Otherwise, I remained pretty ragged.
I went through the motions of adding cream and sugar to my coffee. Rowen did the same, occasionally casting a glance my way. I waited for Cinder to break the tension.
“You told him.” It was not a question. Cinder eyed me over his tea before taking a sip.
Pushing a hand through my disheveled black mane, I leaned heavily on one elbow and sighed. “Yeah. I told him about me. But he knows, Cinder. He has gifts.”
Cinder studied Rowen who met his gaze evenly. “Tell me what you know. What you can do.”
I listened as Rowen told him about growing up adopted, getting into music, and developing strange abilities. Cinder nodded, slipping me a sideways look. Hearing Rowen talk, it was abundantly clear that he was in the dark about Arrow. That jackhole couldn’t be underestimated.
I raised a brow, asking Cinder a silent question. He averted his gaze, and I had my answer. We were not going to tell Rowen about Arrow.
That didn’t feel right, and yet I trusted Cinder. Maybe it wasn’t my place to tell him. If anything, it should be Arrow’s. And he clearly had his own reasons for keeping quiet.
“Do you know who my father is?” Rowen asked. There was a strained set to his shoulders, like he was fighting to keep the emotion from showing on his face.
“Yes,” said Cinder with a slight head bob. “I don’t know him personally though, and I’m not at liberty to tell you his name. However, you must know that being his son makes you a person of interest to many.”
Rowen gripped his coffee mug tightly but didn’t drink from it. “Is that why this was all hidden from me? Shouldn’t I have been told?”
“Under normal circumstances you would have been. Evidently your gifts are too strong to be contained, which means that your human identity may also be dissolving. Is there anyone in your life you can think of who may know that there is more to you than meets the eye?” Cinder was calm, exuding a friendliness that made Rowen relax. I on the other hand was tense.
Giving his head a slow shake, Rowen shrugged. “No. My friends wouldn’t even notice if I sprouted wings. They’re all a bunch of rowdy drunks.”
Yeah, except for the one that was a drug-dealing nephilim. Keeping this to myself was painful. Arrow was already betraying him. How could I do the same?
“Might I suggest that you keep an eye out for anything unusual? I don’t want you to be paranoid, but this is serious. Unfortunately, not everyone can be trusted, sometimes even those we trust the most.” A small storm passed through Cinder’s eyes, and I wondered who had betrayed him in the past.
My stomach hurt. I suspected it might be from hunger and too much late night alcohol but thought it was more likely linked to the secrets I was being forced to keep from Rowen.
Rowen asked, “Do you think someone close to me is lying about who they are?” He hit so close to the truth that I had to vacate the table. “Would I know if they were anything other than human? I kind of knew with Spike. I felt something.”
I went to the kitchen under the guise of grabbing a few bananas and a box of chocolate chip cookies. It gave me a minute to compose myself.
Cinder, elegant and smooth, answered the question with ease. “There are ways of hiding one’s identity. Underestimate nobody.”
Rowen’s brow was furrowed in deep thought when I returned. I set the bananas in the center of the table along with the cookie box after I’d taken a handful. Feeling guilty and responsible for the anguish on Rowen’s face, I touched the back of his hand, wishing I could do more.
He met my eyes and took my hand as well as the cookie I offered. The small smile he wore was crushing in its simple ability to strike me speechless.
“So what do I do now?” he asked Cinder before dipping the cookie into his coffee. “Keep going about my daily life as if nothing has changed?”
“That’s exactly what you do. Pay attention to everyone and everything. Trust your instincts. Your identity was hidden to keep the dark from coming for you. But they will know, and they will come.”
Helping himself to a banana, Cinder peeled it without once taking his gaze off Rowen. For someone who didn’t really need to eat and drink, he sure did enjoy it. Cinder ate his banana, looking thoughtfully from Rowen to me. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking.
Cinder added, “I must be honest, Rowen. There are things that Ember and I are not able to tell you. But you can trust us, and I hope you remember that.”
I offered a smile that I hoped appeared genuine. So far I really liked Rowen. I wasn’t sure what w
ould be required of me in the coming weeks, but I knew I didn’t want to let him down.
I listened attentively as Cinder answered a few more questions. He was kind to Rowen, giving him enough information to help him understand what we were without being overwhelming. It gave me some comfort to have Cinder here, freeing me of the burden of enlightening Rowen.
“Well, Rowen, I think it’s time for you to be going. Ember and I have a few things to discuss.” Extending a hand across the table, Cinder wore an expression of reassurance and compassion. “I do hope to see you again.”
“I’ll walk you out.” I got up too quickly, almost upsetting my coffee. The mild embarrassment was nothing compared to the mortification of having been caught with him in my bed.
Closing the apartment door behind us on the way out wasn’t enough. I went so far as to walk him to the elevator. “I’m sorry about all that. I love Cinder, but his timing could have been better.”
“No, it’s cool. I’m glad I got to meet him. He made me feel less crazy and a little more prepared to deal with this.” The boyish grin that Rowen flashed me then was just too adorable, and I gave him an impulsive hug.
He kissed me. Soft and warm, it was affectionate and possibly even needful. When I concentrated hard, I could feel it there in him, the part of him that was more than human. It was a comfort, but it also worried me.
“Can I see you again?” he asked. “Soon?”
The chances of this all ending badly were high. I knew that. Still, I had to see this through. “You can count on it.” I kissed him again, stifling a girlish sigh. Then he stepped into the elevator and was gone.
As I padded back down the hall in my bare feet, I let my happy sigh escape. I hated that this moment of giddy excitement was so heavily plagued by the harsh aspect of danger and the threat of Arrow.
When I opened the apartment door, Cinder was in the kitchen tidying up the counter around the coffee maker. He looked up at my return, and his brows knit together in a worried frown.
“This is not good, Ember. It’s dangerous for the two of you to be seen together. I hope last night with Koda has proven that. But you both have free will, and that is your choice to make. However, you must know that it could complicate much more than your band contest.” He meant well. I knew that my wellbeing meant much to Cinder. Still, I agreed that it was our choice to make. I wouldn’t be told who I could or could not fall for.
