by Lisa Loomis
The three of us talked about the graduation ceremony, what parties we knew of, and what had gone on. The boys all seemed a bit silly, but I didn’t think much of it. Mathew was making me feel comfortable, as were the other boys. He could be so good to me one minute and so not in another minute. I never knew who I would get. I stole some glances at Kevin, and Mathew caught me once. He smiled, but his smile confused me. I didn’t think Kevin was acting any differently towards me than he normally did. I thought it was Mathew who was acting strange. If Mathew was trying to set us up it sure didn’t feel like that. Kevin and Randy were talking about a party they were headed to.
“You and Mathew should come with us,” Kevin said.
I glanced at Mathew, who was blatantly looking at my boobs. He saw me catch him.
“Screw you,” I mouthed without the other two noticing.
He laughed out loud, and both Randy and Kevin looked at him, wondering what the hell. There were kids and adults in the pool and it was fairly noisy, so they just looked around to see what they had missed. Just about that time Ann served dinner, and I was glad for the distraction. We ate out by the pool on our laps and shortly after we finished, Kevin and Randy decided to go.
“You guys coming?”
“Naw, I think I’ll stay here. Don’t want to bum my mom out, since she threw the party for me,” Mathew answered.
“Morgan?” Randy asked.
“No, I think I should stay,” I said, wishing I had the balls to leave him and go.
He knew I’d stay if he did.
“You guys are missing out,” Kevin said.
We followed them as they headed out the side gate. When they left, Mathew swung around and picked me up, walking to the edge of the pool.
“Swim time,” he said.
“No, Mathew!” I yelled.
“Throw her in!” someone yelled.
“No, Mathew, please,” I begged, throwing my arms around his neck tightly. “I have a bikini in the house.”
I hoped I was giving him a visual he might like.
“So,” he said, sort of dropping his arms.
I fell slightly and hung on more tightly.
“I won’t have anything to put on after. Don’t. Please,” I pleaded.
He backed away from the pool and set me down. The kids in the pool booed him.
“Go get your bikini on, kid,” he said.
I went into the house to change into my swimsuit relieved he’d listened. I wrapped my towel around my waist as I came out of the guest room. The minute I walked out back, I was toast. He grabbed me up again, and we went directly into the pool, towel and all. When we surfaced, he laughed.
“You,” I said and started after him.
A kind of come-and-get-me tag went on between us with him getting grabby some times. I was having a good time and didn’t really care. I sort of expected it from his earlier suggestive looks and being honest, I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel his body, wanted him naked plunging into me actually. This wasn’t going to happen of course, but I could fantasize about it. After we played in the pool awhile, we went into the hot tub. It was getting dark, and a lot of people had moved indoors. Several kids were still in the pool playing Marco Polo.
“Nice outfit today,” he said.
“You noticed.”
“Well, yeah,” he said, putting his hand on my back, playing with the tie on my bikini top, tugging slightly.
“You better not,” I said under my breath.
He laughed. I reached back, grabbed his hand, and dragged it up front.
“Why did you say that about Kevin at graduation?”
“I don’t know. He just said something to me that day about you.”
“Like?”
“Oh, something about you looking hot.”
“So he didn’t say tell her this?” I asked.
“Naw.”
“Were you guys high when I got here?”
“Yeah. We smoked a big fatty earlier. Was it obvious?” he asked.
“Not too much.”
“You tried it yet?”
“No. I’m sort of afraid,” I lied.
“Pot’s no big deal, Morgan,” he reassured me, “you should try it.”
I still hadn’t told him about trying it with Keri. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe all along I wanted to smoke it with him first. Him to be the one to teach me.
“Maybe you should get us some,” I said.
“Have some. You wanna get high?”
“I guess so,” I answered.
He put his hand on my leg, rubbing it.
“You have nice long legs.”
I could feel the longing return, the thoughts of having sex with him flooded into my head. Yes, I wanted him to teach me that too.
“I’m ready to get out. I feel all pruned up,” I said, moving away from him trying to reign in my thoughts.
Ann had stacked some towels outside and I grabbed one and wrapped it around me. He was still in the hot tub watching my every move.
“I’m going to change,” I said.
“Okay, meet me in my room.”
I threw my clothes back on, shivering. I’d gotten chilly; whether it was a chill from the weather, from Mathew, or both, I wasn't sure. I took my time and brushed out my wet hair, and checked my makeup. I touched up my mascara and put on some lip-gloss. I put the jean jacket on over my top, leaving it unbuttoned in front, and walked barefoot down the hall to his room. When I walked in, I found him going through his desk drawer, then pulling out a pencil box.
A shiver went through me again as I looked at Mathew in his light blue jeans and red-stripe T-shirt. I wanted so much more from him, and I had to remember I wasn't going to get it. Steeling my nerves, trying to ignore my emotions, I walked in and casually sat on his bed.
“You’re obviously prepared,” I said, noticing that the pencil box’s contents contained several joints already rolled along with a bag of pot and a packet of papers.
He smiled, putting a joint behind his ear and stuffing a book of matches in his pocket. He opened his window and got on the desk.
“Come on,” he said as he jumped to the ground outside.
“I don’t have shoes on,” I protested.
“Come on, I’ll help you.”
I sat on the desk and spun around, dropping my legs out the window. He reached up, putting his hands on my legs, placing them firmly on my bare thighs. I envisioned us naked and blinked hard to remove the image. I looked into his eyes as I scooted further out, and he slowly moved his hands to my hips. His touch and moves were somewhat sexual and I wondered if he meant it that way. I wondered if Kevin’s supposed interest had sparked something. He picked me up, and lowered me softly to the ground as I slid my hands down the hard muscles in his arms. Oh, god, I want you. I felt my skin tingle all over as I followed him around to the side of the house.
“Is this safe?” I whispered.
“Has been so far.”
He pulled the joint from behind his ear and lit it, taking a hit. I watched him hold it in and then let it out.
“Inhale it into your lungs, hold it in, and—”
“Yeah, I’ve heard,” I interrupted.
He smiled, took another hit, and passed it to me. It wasn’t big, and I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to get too stupid.
When we got back inside, Mathew handed me a TicTac. “Just in case.”
He picked up his guitar and sat on the edge of the bed. I decided to sit on top of his desk. I was feeling this pot way more than the stuff with Keri, and the distance felt safer.
“I was surprised that you didn’t go with Kevin and Randy,” I said.
He plucked at the strings as I swung my legs slightly. I was excited to be with him, this Mathew. High with this Mathew, just the two of us. The pot had seemed to fuel my desire, making it difficult for me to push down.
“'Stairway to Heaven',” I requested.
He started the intro when there was a knock at the door and Ann peek
ed in.
“Wondered where you two went. I saw Kevin and Randy go and then didn’t see you.”
I often wondered if our parents ever worried about what we did together in his room. They didn’t appear to. Now looking at Ann it seemed funny she had no clue I was sitting here stoned wanting to ravage her son.
“Mom, we were in the pool, in the hot tub, and just came in here.”
“That’s fine,” she said, pulling the door shut.
I stifled a giggle and Mathew grinned at me.
“Glad she didn’t come in as we were climbing through the window,” he said.
I couldn’t help the laughter burst out of me.
“I would have loved to see you explain your way out of that one,” I laughed harder. Yep, I was definitely stoned.
We laughed and laughed and I think most of it was because of the pot. When we finally stopped I had to wipe the tears from my eyes. He picked up his guitar and played “Stairway to Heaven” for me.
“Mathew, where’s Brenda?” I asked about his current girlfriend.
“Brenda and I are sort of taking a break,” he said. “Another reason I didn’t want to go with those guys. I’m pretty sure she was going to that party.”
“Oh. Sorry, didn’t mean to be a buzz kill.”
It made more sense to me as to why he’d stayed home. It wasn’t because of his mom. Figured. He wouldn’t stay because his mom wanted him to.
“I really like that top,” he complimented.
“I’m sure you do,” I said, laughing as I pulled my jacket open and stuck my chest out.
He reached over quickly and grabbed my wrist.
“Mathew, let go,” I said, still laughing, trying to yank my hand away.
He held me tighter. I was focusing on getting my hand back, trying to pry his fingers off my wrist.
“Not until you kiss me,” he said.
“No,” I laughed, still pulling away.
He tightened his grip on my wrist, pulling me toward him right off the desk.
“Mathew,” I said, still laughing as my feet reached the floor.
He caught my chin with his free hand and forced me away from focusing on my release, and I stared at him. I knew he was going to get his way.
“God damn you, Mathew,” I said quietly.
He kissed me softly at first and then with more passion. I didn’t even think no. I wanted it, had all afternoon. I knew these moments were always on Mathew’s terms or not at all. I could feel my heart racing, my body responding. I thought about Ann or someone else opening the door again and then forgot about it. When he kissed me, all I could do was focus on him. I slid my hand into his still-wet hair and pulled him to me. Without taking my jacket off, he untied my halter-top and ran his hands up over my breasts. My breath caught in my throat.
“Umm,” he murmured in my mouth.
I ran my hands from his hair down his back, feeling his muscles through his T-shirt. Ever since the one night at the party I’d longed to feel him like this, have him feel me, kiss me like he meant it. When I got to his jeans, I shoved both hands down his pants, surprised he had no underwear on, I grabbed his ass. This was another first for me, waves of desire washed through me. So intense, it was almost frightening. I pushed my pelvis into him, pulling him into me at the same time feeling his hardness. His kissing became more abandoned, his hands covering my breasts kneading them gently. I reached around to unbutton his jeans just as we heard Sam talking in the hall. I stopped, turning my back to the door as I quickly re-tied my halter-top. Then breathed a sigh of relief as the voices moved away. When I turned around, he smiled, the one that could make me melt.
“That was nice,” he said.
I couldn’t pull my eyes away from him.
“You want some of this?” he asked, hooking his fingers in his belt loops, his hands resting right in front of his crotch.
I looked down. If I wanted it or not, it wouldn’t make a difference, not today, not here. There was too much going on around us for us to just fuck in his room, although I wanted to. My mouth was dry. I looked back into his eyes.
“You obviously wanted some of this,” I said, cupping both my breasts.
I felt powerful, powerful I could get him going like that, make him hard with just kissing. He’d denied the attraction, but he was full of shit. I couldn’t blame our physical attraction on being high. He smiled and the butterflies in my stomach lurched forward.
“You still have a girlfriend,” is all I could think to say.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Mathew skipped the party to stay with me. He never wanted to be questioned about his motives, so I didn’t. I tried to wrap my mind around my current feelings for Mathew and our relationship. I understood what it looked like, but it wasn’t exactly that. No matter how much or how often I thought about it, I couldn’t understand his hold on me. I wondered why I let things like this happen. As foolish as I thought this was, I decided if this was how our relationship was to work. I would take it.
If I couldn’t have the emotional piece of his love, I’d take the physical piece. I would take all I could get from him. In a very strange way I had more than his girlfriends did, he confided in me more than even Bobby now.
Chapter 18
June went fast and beach vacation was coming. I couldn’t wait to see everyone and just spend time at the ocean where I felt free and happy. We’d been at various parties where we had seen some of the group, but we hadn't all been together since the ski trip. I was looking forward to hanging with the girls and enjoying the independence the beach offered us. Of course Mathew would be there too. Mathew and Bobby would be off on their own although, as of late, they were more willing to let me hang, especially Mathew. Instead of avoiding me or running off, they had started to include me.
We arrived mid-day and unpacked. Cocktail hour, as well as dinner, would be at our beach house the first night—my parents had reserved the same house, so Melanie and I hung out together on the beach in the sun, the other kids joining us as they arrived.
“It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year,” I said lazily.
“I know,” Melanie sighed.
“Everyone’s growing up.”
“High school for you next year, holy cow,” she said.
“Don’t want to think of next year, just want to relax and enjoy this week, get tan,” I said.
I had turned over onto my stomach and was resting my chin in my hands, relishing the feel of the sun on my body, when I noticed Bobby and Mathew body surfing further down the beach. Both of them had grown and filled out; Mathew was looking exceptionally good from all the training he was doing for football.
I thought back over the last few months and wondered why he hadn’t tried anything since that get-together at his house. We had been together several times in between, and I was sorry he hadn’t. I wasn’t sure where he was currently in his relationship—he and Brenda were on and off so many times. I closed my eyes. I thought about his kiss, his touch. “You want some of this?” he’d asked; Yes I do I imagined myself saying, as I unbuttoned his pants.
“Ohhhh,” I shouted, arching my back as cold ocean water was splashed across me.
My eyes flew open and I flipped over to find Mathew holding an empty yellow plastic bucket, the kind kids get with the shovel at the drug store. The other kids were laughing. I’d been daydreaming, about him nonetheless, and hadn’t heard him approaching. I looked from his hands to his face.
“Mathew!” I shouted half-laughing.
“You looked like you needed some cooling off,” he chuckled.
If he only knew… I'd totally needed cooling off.
“He got you good,” Pat laughed.
“Have you been out scaring little children in order to steal their bucket?” I teased.
“He borrowed it from there,” Bobby laughed pointing to a half-built sand castle down by the water.
I looked and saw no one there. I actual liked his playful side, but only to a point. Som
etimes he didn’t know how to shut off the little boy in him.
“Make sure to take it back. You’re so bad.”
“Aw, bad boy, huh?” Mathew said as he spread his legs slightly digging his feet into the hot sand and dropping the bucket. “I think you like the bad boys.”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said as I sat up and crossed my legs Indian-style.
Bobby laughed again as I wiped myself down with my hands.
“You guys looked like you were having fun out there,” I said, looking toward the water.
“We were. The surf is good right now,” he said.
He lowered himself onto my towel while Bobby sat down in the sand. Typical, he didn’t ask, he just did.
“Tonight let’s get a bonfire together in front of your house. We all need to look for wood before it gets dark,” Mathew said.
“S’mores,” Sara called out.
“I think my mom brought the stuff,” Melanie said.
We talked awhile longer and then we broke up to look for wood. I went with Mathew and Bobby, and we found driftwood that we dragged up in front of the beach house. Pat and the other kids were bringing wood back to the pile as well. By the time we were through there was a lot of wood. Bobby dug a shallow pit with a shovel he’d grabbed off our deck. As the other kids headed out to shower the three of us loaded a portion of the wood into the pit.
“There, done,” Bobby, said wiping his hands together to get the sand off.
“Should be more than enough for tonight,” I said.
I looked at Mathew and he grinned at me. They had included me and I felt my heart flutter.
“We’re off to shower. Two sexy dudes will be coming back shortly,” Mathew said, reaching out and running his fingers softly along my chin in an affectionate way.
“Oh, puh-lease,” I laughed, pulling away.
The two boys looked at each other and shrugged like there was some secret thing they knew about his action that I didn’t.
“See you in awhile,” I said, heading toward the house.
I showered and blow-dried my hair, making it hang straighter and then put on a pair of cut-off jean shorts with a red-and-white kerchief blouse that tied up just under my breasts like Daisy Mae, leaving most of the buttons undone. I smiled, knowing Mathew would notice.
