by Lisa Loomis
“Morgan, that’s like foreplay to you,” Gayle said.
“It is not.” I protested. “You think?”
“He has your number, girl. I was so sure, so sure.” she said emphasizing sure. “He proved me wrong again.”
“Oh, Gayle, the crazy thing is, and we’ve talked about it. It really is me. I wean myself off him, and then he pulls me back in. It was so nice last night. I was in shock when I heard his voice at the airport. I kept saying ‘I can’t believe Gayle agreed to this’, while at the same time I was excited to see him. I was super confused on what to do. He asked me where, and I said ‘Gayle’s’. And he drove me to Jack’s. He told me that he told you not to wait up.”
“He did tell me that,” she said. “I figured if you would go with him at all, it wouldn’t matter after that. I was waiting for a perturbed phone call from you. Hoping really.”
I could hear Mathew downstairs in his bedroom humming and I knew he was out of the shower.
“We spent a really calm afternoon with Jack and Emily in the backyard talking, none of the craziness that can surround him. Then we went to his room. He played most of my favorite songs. We talked about things we usually don’t. It was really nice. Playing nice.”
“And the sex?”
“Do you even have to ask, Gayle?”
She groaned.
“Holy shit, what have I done? Here we go again,” she said.
Where I deemed our previous summer, the one of wars; I deemed this one, the one of peace. I spent more time with Mathew than Gayle. Something had changed with Gayle since we’d talked about me visiting. Where I tried to make plans with her, she was happy to let Mathew take me. I knew she was seeing someone, so I let it go. I hadn’t met the guy yet, but she talked about how well it was going.
“Come get me. Let’s go to lunch,” I suggested over the phone.
“What’s Mathew doing?” she asked.
“He’s busy today, Gayle, and I haven’t seen but minutes of you. Remember… Mathew was not supposed to be a part of this equation.”
“I know, but he is.”
She took me to Los Gatos to a quaint Mexican place where we sat in a courtyard with a fountain that splashed while Mexican music played softly in the background. The tables were cement with colorful tiles embedded in them, the walls painted to look like old adobe, and decorative wrought iron over the windows. When the waiter came, we both ordered a margarita. He asked for our IDs, which we both had. Gayle and I’d gotten fake IDs when we were sixteen. Keri had a friend that put them together for a small fee. We thought it was worth it. They had come in handy in getting us into clubs and bars. Gayle seemed a bit fidgety or nervous. I thought maybe it was anger seething beneath the surface at me.
“How’s Mathew?” she asked. “No fighting or biting?”
The waiter came back with our drinks.
“No fighting or biting. A lot of the other stuff, though,” I smiled. “All good. You know if I’m stupid enough to keep coming back to him, us, then it’s my own fault if he hurts me.”
“Ha, famous last words,” she said cynically.
“Enough about Mathew. I want to know what is going on with this new guy you are being so secretive about?”
Gayle took a sip of her drink.
“It’s almost like you're pushing me on Mathew, so I won’t meet him,” I said.
She fiddled with the salt on the rim of her glass and I thought about the salty sweet I’d tasted on Mathew.
“Gayle. Spill it. You have never been afraid to tell me anything. What is the deal?” I asked, getting worried.
The waiter came back to take our order, and I asked for another round of drinks. I took the last few sips of my margarita as I waited for her answer.
“What is it, Gayle? Is he married? Whatever it is, I can handle it.”
“I’m not sure you can,” she said, looking down at the napkin she was twisting in her hands.
“That makes no sense,” I said, confused. “You can put up with my Mathew bullshit and I’m going to judge you?”
She hesitated. The second round of margaritas arrived with lunch. I sensed a fear that I couldn’t grasp. I stared at her, encouraging with my eyes for her to talk to me.
“What? Tell me, it will be okay,” I coaxed.
She dropped her head.
“It’s a married woman,” she finally said very softly.
It took me a minute to realize what she had said.
“A married woman? You mean the guy is a girl? That’s who you're dating?” I asked, astounded.
She confirmed with a nod and looked up for my reaction. I sank back in my chair.
“Morgan, you don’t know how hard it is for me to tell you. I’ve thought about it for months and didn’t know how you would react. I have been so afraid that I would lose you as a friend,” she said as tears welled in her eyes.
“Gayle, we have been friends so long… Do you think something like this would change that?”
I got out of my chair and hugged her; happy to know this was all that it was. Then her tears did come, fast and furious.
“It’s okay,” I said patting her back. “Now you have to tell me all about it.”
Gayle had met Bridgett at the gym, just prior to the school year ending. She’d been her instructor in Jazzercise. They'd had coffee and discussed fitness and healthy eating. Coffee-morning meetings developed into lunches and dinners. A relationship she hadn’t expected started to develop. Gayle felt Bridgett understood her, and she enjoyed being with her. Gayle had repressed her feelings, thinking them odd, seeing that Bridgett was female and married. Bridgett wanted to spend time with her though, even had Gayle to her house for dinner with her husband.
When Bridgett had first taken Gayle’s hand, she hadn’t thought anything about it, but she’d held it like one would a date. When Bridgett had looked in her eyes and then kissed her Gayle knew she had the same feelings. Bridgett had since left her husband for Gayle, and they had been together for months.
“Quite the story, Gayle,” I laughed. “It sounds like something that could be written into a soap opera.”
“Will you meet her?” she asked.
“Of course,” I answered, feeling overwhelmed.
Gayle being gay had never entered my mind. She’d been with Mathew the one time and claimed she’d had a good time. There had been other dates and boys that she had slept with that I knew of.
“She’s house sitting here in Los Gatos. She said if you didn’t run screaming from the room, we could come hang out by the pool with her tomorrow.”
I could tell by her expression that she wanted me to be okay with it, accepting of her relationship with Bridgett.
“Was this planned to be the shock-the-shit-out-of-Morgan week?” I asked, throwing my hands up. “Between Mathew picking me up and now Bridgett, just wondering.”
“I didn’t necessarily plan it that way,” she smiled.
We spent the remainder of the day and early evening in Gayle’s backyard talking. Her relief at my not running screaming from the room was evident. Mathew was due to pick me up at any moment. We were going to his parents for dinner. I was excited to see the O’Conner’s; it had been too long. I didn't know what Ann and Brad knew or didn’t know about us. When Ann had asked Mathew to come, he’d told her I was in town, and she asked him to bring me. I wasn’t sure how he was going to treat me around them. I resolved to be perfectly fine with whatever he decided.
“Hey, girls,” Mathew said, coming out the slider.
He looked good in his white OP shorts and a purple button down shirt. He strolled out onto the patio and gave me his lazy sexy grin.
“Hi,” I said, as my heart did a little flip flop.
I looked nervously over at Gayle, not sure of what she would say or do.
“Mathew,” she said, standing to hug him, her arms out. “The man who can always prove me wrong.”
Mathew smiled at her and stepped forward to embrace her. Gayle gave him a quick
hug, and when she stepped back, she looked at him and chuckled.
“You continue to defy the odds.”
“Okay, you two. No sparring at my expense,” I said lightly.
“I won,” he teased Gayle.
“Only because I let you,” she retorted. “Against my better judgment. I just bet on Morgan being a little smarter than she is, and then you do play a mean guitar.”
“Stop, you two,” I said laughing.
I was glad the mood was more bantering than finger pointing. Gayle’s comment took me back to the day she’d met him when I lived across the street. The day I’d convinced her he wasn’t just in my imagination.”
“Fun day?” he asked when we got in the car.
“Different,” I said.
He glanced at me sideways and smiled.
“I brought a swim suit for you in case we decide to get in. The bright blue one, I like.”
“Thanks, I didn’t even think about that.”
It felt strange pulling into the O’Conner’s driveway. So many times I had been here, so many Mathew moments. I felt nervous. I could feel it in my nose as my eyes filled with tears.
“What, Morgan?” he asked as he went to kiss me and noticed the brightness in my eyes.
Concerned, he cupped the side of my face with his hand, his thumb brushing my cheek.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, memories, a lot of memories,” I said, shaking my head and pulling myself together.
Ann had a spread of appetizers out by the pool. In the early evening the view over the Alamaden Valley was breathtaking. The sun was low in the sky hitting the big gnarled oak trees on the golden hills below.
“Morgan, how have you been?” Ann asked as she came forward to hug me. “My gosh, you have grown into such a lovely young woman.”
“Thank you,” I said, embarrassed, as I hugged her timidly.
When she let me go, she hugged Mathew. I gave Brad an embrace, kissing him on the cheek. We sat out back and chatted while Ann flitted back and forth in preparation for dinner. The sun felt warm on my skin. I glanced at Mathew several times as we talked. He seemed comfortable and relaxed. She served a lovely pork chop dish, a caesar salad, and scalloped potatoes. Ann had served this same meal, on a ski trip to Mammoth, one night I recalled. I could see the condo so clearly in my mind and remembered my unreturned feelings for him.
Chapter 39
“Are you seeing anyone?” Ann asked in general conversation.
My stomach cinched and I was afraid to look at Mathew.
“Not really,” I answered.
“You’ve got time, don’t rush it,” she said, waving her hand at me. “Have fun while you can.”
“You sound like my mom,” I chuckled nervously.
Mathew shifted sideways and a little forward in his chair.
“She’s seeing me,” he said, putting his arm around me.
Brad and Ann looked at us surprised. Ann’s mouth fell open and Brad grinned. I was as shocked as them; I thought I might faint. My throat constricted and felt dry.
“Oh,” Ann sighed.
“While I’m here anyway,” I said, trying to downplay it.
Mathew and I had always been friends; very few knew us as anything else. I’m sure his disclosure was not something they had expected.
“Well that’s nice,” Brad said smiling, his lips twitching slightly.
After dinner, Mathew suggested we take a swim and hot tub and excused us to go change. I walked with him down the hallway towards his old room. The carpet felt the same, smelled the same, so much had happened here. He’d thrown our suits on his old bed. Even his room still smelled like him. He had taken most of his things, although his sports trophies and some other memorabilia remained on the shelves. The guitars and amps had all gone over to Jack’s. He handed me my suit.
“Brings back a flood of memories, doesn’t it?” he asked.
I looked around slowly, my head feeling like it was jerking. The drywall dent was still in the wall, from the weight I’d thrown at him so long ago.
“Tons,” I murmured.
He threw his arm casually across my shoulders.
“Oh my god, Mathew, I didn’t think you would say something to your parents. Between you and Gayle, I feel like I’m living in the Twilight Zone.” I laughed. “Remember that old crazy TV show?”
“It was a good one, especially stoned. Put your suit on,” he said.
“Here?” I asked, pulling away from him.
“You think, after what I said, they would think of checking on us?”
“No, but I’m still using the bathroom,” I said frowning. “I wouldn’t want your mom to feel awkward.”
As I changed in his bathroom, it came flooding back. It was like the dam broke: the first time he kissed me, him asking to see my tits, him playing his guitar, Kim, Thanksgiving with Gayle, the first summer, when he told me to lose Ben. I wrapped the towel around me. Overwhelmed, I followed him through the house. Ann was cleaning up, and Brad and Sara were watching TV in the family room. Sam had left with some friends shortly before dinner. When we walked out back it was almost dark, the sun sinking just below the horizon, reds and browns radiated into the sky.
“It’s warm,” he said, stepping down gingerly from the patio into the hot tub.
I followed him, bending my knees, lowering one leg and then the other, down to the bench and then sinking into the water up to my neck. He moved closer and put his arms around me.
“Lovely young woman,” he said pulling me to him, mimicking his mother.
“Shut up,” I laughed.
“I’m in agreement is all I’m saying,” he reassured.
He kissed me. With the pool being dark, I was confident the O’Conner’s couldn’t see us. It was a little nerve-wracking, them knowing he was seeing me. It didn’t seem to faze Mathew, but I felt a bit timid knowing they were home. He ran his hands down my back under my suit, feeling my ass.
“That’s not very nice,” I said.
“Why’s that?” he teased, leaning into kiss me.
“Because. Because you know what you do to me, and I can’t do anything about it here.”
He smiled and then kissed me passionately and I could feel the warmth spread between my legs. I pulled away and inhaled deeply.
“Um,” I sighed.
“I wish you were here longer,” he said.
I put my hand on his leg and squeezed. I could feel the muscles and ran my hand down to his knee.
“I know. This living so far away sucks. I might as well be living there,” I said, pointing up at the moon, which was not full, only about half, but still beautiful and romantic.
“Remember that time you asked me if there was other life out there?” I asked.
“That was in the old house, right? You remember that?” he asked.
I could see Sam and Pat and the tetherball going round and round, smack, smack.
“Why did you ask it?”
“I don’t know, I guess I wanted to know if you ever thought about things like that. I didn’t think many people did.”
“I thought you were being stupid, and then I realized you really cared about my answer. It’s about the last time I thought you did.”
He leaned forward and splashed me. The water hit me in the face and went over my head.
“Hey,” I protested, as he broke the moment.
The water dripped from my hair, and down my face. I leaned back and pulled my hair back.
“I care about what you say.”
“Really?” I asked sarcastically.
I stood up and learned over the edge and pulled a towel to me to dry my face.
“Okay, now seriously, I want to talk to you about Gayle, and it’s very private, so it can’t go any further,” I said, settling back in beside him.
“Okay,” he said, “talk.”
I tried to get my thoughts together, tried to think what would be the best way to approach this with him.
; “She told me today at lunch that she’s seeing a woman,” I said slowly. “She hadn’t told me before because she’s been so worried about my reaction.”
Mathew threw back his head and let out a huge laugh.
“I said seriously,” as I splashed him again and again.
He kept laughing as he reached to grab my arms. When he had his hands tightly around my wrists he shook his wet hair and small water droplets flew from it hitting me in the face.
“Okay, seriously,” he laughed again.
I pulled my hands from him and wiped my face.
“I haven’t stopped wondering since you picked me up at the airport, why? I couldn’t figure out why she was so willing to let me be with you, why she wasn’t protesting. You get it in your head life is working one way and then, it's not.”
I shook my head.
“Do you think I was so bad that one time, I drove her to the other side?” he asked, at an attempt to be serious. “Like I made her want the other side immediately.”
I cocked my head and frowned at him.
“Hardly. For one, you weren’t that bad.”
“Oh, but you two were wanting me so bad,” he teased.
I ignored him. I didn’t have the energy to argue about a night that was long past. A night I’d never imagined, ever.
“Gayle’s taking me tomorrow to meet her girlfriend. We’re going to hang out poolside for a few hours. Drink margaritas,” I said.
He leaned back and gave me a sly grin.
“Just don’t let them convince you to switch sides,” he said.
He pulled me towards him, then off the bench around in front of him, in-between his legs where he applied pressure to hold me as he lifted my face to his. I stared into his eyes; his hair was wet and pushed back. I lifted one hand and traced his hairline with my fingers.
“Hmm,” he groaned cupping my chin.
My lips hungered to touch his. He let his knees relax and I pushed into him and could feel his erect cock, which made me tremble.
“With you around, I don’t think that would be possible, might be easier, though,” I said licking my lips playfully.
