by Amy Storm
She looked so frail lying in bed resting without a care in the world. According to the band dangling from Carla’s dainty wrist, she was born twenty-two years before her father. Even with the age difference, Olivia recalled how beautiful Carla was at the mature age of sixty. Her father was thirty-eight and must have recognized Carla’s beauty also. Twenty-two years, the exact same number of years it had been since Olivia last seen her parents.
She sat in the chair beside the bed and continued to stare at the now eighty-two year old woman. The woman she suspected her father had an affair with. She recognized the high cheekbones underneath the wrinkles and age spots. It was hard to believe someone this fragile and vulnerable could have been responsible for her years of suffering.
Carla woke up with a coughing spell reaching for a cup of water on the table near her bed. Her shaking hands made a feeble attempt at grabbing the cup. Olivia grasped it and brought the straw to Carla’s quivering lips.
Carla stared at her with questioning eyes as she took slow sips.
She nodded at Olivia and cleared her throat. “Thank you, dear.”
“Mrs. Swonder, do you remember me?”
“Should I?”
“I’m Olivia Porter. You worked for my father as his secretary.”
“Oh, yes, Little Olivia. I remember you. How is your father?”
Olivia’s quick research uncovered that Carla had Alzheimer disease and terminal colon cancer. She was living on borrowed time. The diagnoses made Olivia question whether it was worth the visit, but she had to try before it was too late. Either Carla would die from colon cancer soon, or her brain would forget everything from the past…or maybe she already had.
“Mrs. Swonder, my father died a long time ago.”
Carla squeezed Olivia’s hand as hard as her brittle fingers could. Her mouth moved and her eyes teared as she processed the information like she was hearing it for the first time.
Olivia looked away feeling sorry for Carla. She noticed there were no cards, flowers, or pictures. It didn’t look like anyone had come around to visit. There was nothing personal, only the usual nursing home supplied blankets, pillows, toiletries. No lines or monitors due to the Do Not Resuscitate note on the wall above her bed. Carla Swonder’s husband died during a construction accident five years into their marriage before they had children. She had never remarried. No one was left to mourn or grieve after she was gone.
Carla tugged on Olivia’s shoulder with remarkable strength. “I’m so sorry, Olive.”
A knot formed in Olivia’s throat. Olive was the nickname her father had given her.
“Did you visit my house the night my parents were murdered?”
Carla trembled and she continued to mouth words that never left her lips.
“The police found a folder there. Dad never brought his work home. That was one of the only rules my mother had. He could work as late as he needed and as many days as he had to at the office, but when he came home there was no talk about work.”
Carla stared off into the corner of the room. She let go of Olivia and drew the blanket up over her mouth and nose. She looked at Olivia and then turned away from her.
“Did you bring that folder to his house?”
Carla nodded still staring off into space. Olivia knew she had been there, and been the one to bring the folder. Thinking back, she knew they had an affair and that is why her father stayed in the office all those hours and worked a few Saturdays. What she didn’t know was why that night?
“Did you shoot my parents? Did you murder them?”
Carla nodded again. Olivia yanked the cover away from Carla’s face. Her blood boiled while her heart raced, pumping it through her veins. Carla confirmed what she had suspected, but she still had questions.
“Why did you do it? I know you loved him, so why did you kill him?”
As if seeing Olivia for the first time, Carla sat up in bed dropping one of her pillows on the floor in the process.
“Oh, Olive. I loved him. I have never loved anyone since.”
“So, you’re admitting you did it, that you killed them both?”
“Yes, I had to. Your mother first. He wouldn’t stop crying. I begged him to come with me but…”
“Why that night? Why did you show up with the folder and a gun?”
Carla shook her head and began rocking back and forth in the bed. She babbled something incomprehensible to Olivia. The episode lasted a few minutes, and then she rested back down onto the bed. She turned to Olivia squinting her eyes and studying her face.
“Hello, miss. Is it time for my bath?”
Carla’s moment of lucid thinking had faded away in an instant, and with it Olivia’s chance for getting the answers she needed, if Carla remembered the answers herself.
“No, Mrs. Swonder, Go back to sleep.”
Olivia wiped the tears from her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. She had figured out after twenty-two years who had taken her chance of a happy, normal adulthood away from her, but she would never know why.
She placed the baseball cap back on her head and covered her eyes with her sunglasses. She turned to leave and her foot kicked the pillow that had fallen onto the floor earlier. She bent down and picked it up, holding it tight in both hands.
***
Olivia pushed open the familiar heavy doors and waved at Mary as she passed by her office window. Olivia forced a smile, but didn’t stop. Mary was on the phone and didn’t chase after her. Olivia couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have met Melanie, who brought so much meaning and happiness to her life. Melanie broke down her walls and showed her what love was and taught her how to love someone back.
The church was empty. She entered the same as all the ones before her had and waited. The words failed her from not being spoken since she was a teenager. She kneeled and made the sign of the cross. With a deep breath and an unbearable amount of guilt, she found the courage to say what she needed to say.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession. I’ve broken the fifth commandment.”
