by Sienna Blake
“Everything okay?”
I jolted at the rich, warm sound of Noah’s voice. Turning on my heel to face him, I nodded, my mouth feeling very dry as he studied me from the doorway. And something in me cracked. I shook my head. “No,” I whispered, suddenly needing to lean on someone. Or fight with someone. I wasn’t sure. Mixed up and angry, I struggled inside. “Why are you here?”
“Well,” he said slowly, “this is my bar.”
His usual dry humor didn’t help my bad mood. “No, here.” I swept my hand across the space between us, clearly asking him why he’d snuck up on me and startled me. The fundraiser was happening in the main part of the bar, so why was he back here with me?
“I was looking for you.” His brows narrowed with obvious concern. “Rey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Everything.”
The other eyebrow joined the first.
I let out an annoyed growl and dropped my phone into my purse. “Sean and I had a fight. I don’t want to talk about it.”
The pained look on Noah’s face dissolved some of my anger. I had no right to take it out on him. It wasn’t Noah’s fault Sean was being a dick. I took a deep breath and tried to calm the fuck down. I wouldn’t let Sean ruin my night. I wouldn’t let him screw up this good thing I’d done with this fundraiser. After all, this night was for Noah, his brothers and most importantly, their ma.
I forced a smile to my face but it felt more like a grimace. “I’m sorry. Sean told me he’d be here and—”
I stopped talking as Noah lifted a hand and spoke in a gentle tone. “You don’t owe me an explanation. You don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. We won’t talk about it. In fact, we don’t have to talk at all.” His blue eyes sparkled with mischief as a familiar song vibrated through the walls: “Lime in the Coconut”.
One of those songs he and I belted out in the car.
“Oh, no,” I said, backing up as he stalked towards me, his hands out, his hips already twitching to the jungle beat.
“Oh, yesssss.”
I laughed as he caught me and dragged me out of the staff room. I followed, protesting only half-heartedly as he led me onto the dance floor. He turned to face me and yelled out, “I said Doctor!” into a fake microphone.
He held the “microphone” to my mouth. I shook my head and pinned my lips shut.
“Aw, come on, Rey. I said Doctor!”
That pouty face. Those puppy dog eyes. How could I resist? I yelled out the next lyrics on a laugh.
With a grin he began to wiggle his hips to the beat, acting as silly as we did when we were alone. I couldn’t hold back a giggle at how utterly ridiculous he was. As the music sped up, he continued to move, showing how surprisingly agile he was for such a big, built guy. All those hours in the gym hadn’t turned him into a lumbering brute, no. He was muscular, but he could move. His heavy grace was impressive. The boy could dance. It didn’t surprise me; Noah was one of those guys who somehow managed to be good at everything he tried. Or almost everything. I knew he couldn’t skate at all and felt like anything on the ice was of the devil; something he’d mutter under his breath before flashing me a grin that was so hot it could melt any rink he visited.
Noah and I had never sung or danced together in public. Irish men did not dance, or so I was told repeatedly by more than one O’Sullivan brother. But here Noah was, in front of all these people, sober as anything, ready to put his pride on the line to cheer me up.
And it was working.
My anger and thoughts of Sean slipped away as we shook our bodies around each other, bumping our hips, laughing, yelling out for the doctor. Everything faded away. All my worries. All my stress.
This was why Noah O’Sullivan was my favorite human in the entire world. He was always there for me. My heart squeezed with gratitude for him.
God, if only he wasn’t such a player, he’d be a great boyfriend. The best.
I quickly shut down that line of thinking as the song ended.
On the dance floor Noah arched an eyebrow at me as if silently asking me what was going to come next. I lifted my shoulders a tiny bit. I had no idea what the cover band would play. We didn’t have to wait long before the music started up again. This time it was a slow song—“1000 Times” by Sara Bareilles. I knew because I’d listened to it over and over. It was a song about loving a friend that didn’t love you back.
There was a look in Noah’s eyes I didn’t understand, some glimmer like he recognized the song. No, that wasn’t quite right. It was something deeper than recognition. Like he felt it.
He blinked and it was gone. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d imagined it.
All around us, couples embraced and began to sway slowly to the sad music. Would we…? I looked back at Noah. He was staring right back at me like he was unsure as to what to do next. Slow dancing with my best friend? Holding each other close? Some small part of me tugged forward, but I pulled back. A part of me realized that if we did this, something might change forever. Everything was already set to change. I wasn’t ready for it.
But I couldn’t just stand here. It was getting awkward. With every second that passed, it became stranger.
A nervous chuckle burst out from me. “I need some air.”
He nodded, looking both relieved and disappointed somehow. I didn’t have a chance to think about it too much. He took my hand, once more leading me through the mess of people simply enjoying themselves for the best cause. I couldn’t help but smile when it became clear where we were going. We slipped out onto the fire escape, alone.
Noah
The soft moonlight bathed Aubrey’s elegant profile as she stared out over the Dublin rooftops, seemingly lost in thought. There was a vulnerability to her that made me want to pull her close and just hold her. I wanted to touch her as freely as the light was doing. I wanted to open up her mind and collect all her thoughts for myself. To guard her precious heart from any pain.
I took this moment to stare freely at her as the muted sounds of the fundraiser carried on behind us. The fundraiser that she’d organized in secret for my family, my ma, for me.
I didn’t think I could love her more than I already did. But once again, she’d proven me wrong.
She glanced at me then back to the sky before doing a double take. “What?” she asked, a smile tugging the corners of her lips as if she’d noticed I’d been staring at her. Not that I tried to hide it.
I shrugged. “Nothing.”
Aubrey smirked at me. “Liar,” she said softly, but didn’t push.
How would she react if I just spilled my secrets out to her? If I lay my heart out for her to do with what she may? Admission gathered on my tongue. “You look beautiful tonight,” I blurted out.
She let out a nervous chuckle. “Liar,” she repeated.
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
She blushed and punched my shoulder lightly, probably to try and lighten the mood. “Thanks.” Her hair was swept up and pinned back in some elegant thing.
My hands itched to pull out the pins holding her locks back and watch her hair tumble freely around her face.
She let out a sigh and some of the pensiveness from before crept back over her face. “What should I do about Sean?” she asked.
Even as my hope perked up, I told myself to be careful. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“He promised he’d be here tonight but…”
He wasn’t.
My hands curled into fists. Asshole. How could Sean ever let her out of his sight?
“I mean, I know career is important, but I always thought that I’d end up with a man who’d ultimately put me first. You know?”
I nodded. I agreed with her. Work was just there to fund the life you were creating with the ones you love.
“And with this upcoming visa deadline…” She trailed off. She didn’t need to finish her sentence. I knew what she was trying to weigh up. She’d be g
iving up more than a marriage if she gave up Sean.
She turned to me with her whole body. “What do you think I should do?”
Here was my chance. A chance to water the seeds of doubt already sown in her mind over Sean.
I opened my mouth to…
I couldn’t do it. Not even to have her for myself. I’d never forgive myself if I had a hand in breaking up a relationship, even one as wrong as hers was with Sean. “I can’t answer that for you,” I said, the words feeling thick on my tongue as I swallowed down the words I really wanted to say.
Don’t marry him.
Marry me.
She shrugged and put on a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m sure it’s nothing. He’s just been stressed lately with work. He’s a good guy, really.”
Fuck. I choose my next words carefully. “I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.”
“Ugh,” she said with a sigh. “Sucks to be an adult sometimes.” She nudged me. “Thanks for making adulting less sucky.”
I nudged her back. “Right back atcha, Rey. Thank you for doing all this.” We could still hear the music playing and the laughter, the dull roar of voices on the fire escape. “You’re kinda the best friend a guy could have.”
I saw something flicker in her eyes, a tiny flash that looked almost like hurt but it was gone before I could decipher it.
She placed a hand over mine. “I hope this works. I hope it’s enough to cover Ma’s surgery. I know how stressed out you’ve been without a plan to raise the money.”
But I had a plan. A plan that involved selling my body for money. A plan I didn’t tell her about. Guilt threaded through me, her hand suddenly feeling like it was burning my skin.
Aubrey smiled, unaware of the turmoil growing in me. “It’s the least I could do after everything you and your family have done for me.”
I couldn’t go through with the lottery. I couldn’t sleep with a stranger.
The reason why was staring me in the face.
She leaned into me, her attention returning to the moon and stars as we stood on the fire escape, listening to the music playing inside. It felt right being her with her like this. I could feel her warmth and smell the sweet, clean scent of her vanilla perfume mingled with her coconut shampoo. Hope surged in me.
This fundraiser would work. I could cancel the lottery and tell Aubrey the truth—that I was in love with her. That I’ve loved her since that first night when she drank too much and made me laugh like no one ever had before her. Actually, screw waiting. I opened my mouth, ready to tell her the truth now. “Aubrey—”
The fire escape door burst open. Candace stuck her head out. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
I bit down my annoyance and aimed for nonchalant. “We’re just getting some air. What’s up?”
“Time to announce how much money was raised!”
Aubrey looked at me and we both grinned. My heart soared, certain that all our troubles would be over and I could tell Aubrey the truth about how I felt about her.
“Anda logo, amigos!” Candace waved us in hurriedly.
Together, we headed inside, my nerves jangling. Candace took her place on the stage in front of the microphone as Aubrey and I stood to one side.
Eoin, Michael and Darren were clustered on the other side of the stage. They spotted us coming in from the back. Michael raised an eyebrow at me. Eoin waggled his suggestively.
I wanted to slap them both. Thankfully, Aubrey’s focus was all on Candace.
“Attention, everyone,” Candace’s voice echoed through the loudspeaker. “It’s time to announce the total amount pledged.”
The band had stopped playing and the crowd had fallen silent in anticipation, their attention turned to the stage. Candace’s eyes shone with excitement as she got ready to read the number that had been given to her.
Aubrey’s hand slipped into mine and her warm fingers linked with mine. It felt right to be standing there like this, holding her hand. I could almost believe she was mine. My girlfriend, not just my best friend.
“And the total amount pledged,” Candace said, taking a deep breath and waiting a second for full effect. I tensed up. Just say the number already. “Is 16,730 euros!”
Cheers erupted from the crowd.
Aubrey turned to me, her eyes wide and excited, anticipating my reaction.
I put on a thrilled face and grabbed her in for a hug, even as I tried to hide my sinking feeling that fish-hooked my heart and dragged it straight to my toes. It was a good amount of money, but not nearly enough to pay for Ma’s treatment.
I couldn’t cancel the lottery.
I couldn’t tell Aubrey how I felt yet.
Because I was going to sleep with a stranger for money.
I had to wait and tell Aubrey after the fact. And I would tell her. As soon as everything was said and done, I’d come clean and tell her the truth. All of it, all the ugly bits. And I knew she’d forgive me. I hoped she’d forgive me. She’d understand that I would do anything, anything to save my ma. She’d understand. She had to. Right?
Noah
The day of the lottery photo shoot was upon us.
I was nervous as all hell. And sore. I’d gone to Gallagher’s Gym earlier that day and smashed myself in order to pump up my muscles for the shoot that night.
Once we did the shoot it was all systems go. It all felt too real. Jaysus, were we really doing this? Could I have sex with a stranger? I mean, shite, I’d had my fair share of one-night stands, but I’d never shared a woman. Never had sex for money.
It wasn’t for money, I reminded myself, it was for Ma’s heart operation.
“Are you okay?” A soft feminine voice came from beside me.
I spun to find Aubrey staring at me with a funny look on her face. “What?” I asked.
She raised an eyebrow. “I said ‘are you okay’?”
“Yeah. Yes. Grand.”
The fundraiser was days ago. Since then I’d barely spent time alone with Aubrey. Sean had taken her out on her day off to apologize and I was spared the need to pretend I was too busy to see her. Honestly, I could barely stand to look at Aubrey with everything I was keeping from her. I could swear that my secrets were showing through my face. The other half of me was worried I’d blurt out something stupid, like…I love you.
I’d managed to avoid being alone with her. Until now.
“What do you need, Rey?” I tried to keep the bite out of my voice.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You were taking forever, so I came in to see whether you needed any help.”
Right. I came into the storeroom for a slab of Orchard Thieves Cider bottles. Instead I’d been staring at nothing for God knows how long. My head was all over the place. “I’m grand,” I repeated.
Aubrey let out a snort and patted me on the shoulder. “Alrighty then. I’ll leave you to it.” She turned and walked out of the storeroom.
She knew I was lying.
I let out a long breath that shifted my hair off my forehead. I hated keeping secrets from her. Every time she was around me, I wanted to blurt out what my brothers and I were doing. But I couldn’t. I didn’t want her to know because…I knew my reputation as a player. Once upon a time it would have been accurate. Mostly. People tended to exaggerate. I didn’t think I’d ever kept anything this big from her…
Since I realized I was in love with her.
Aubrey
Noah was not grand. He hadn’t been grand for days, jumping every time his phone pinged, hiding his screen when he read his messages. I knew better than to push. He would tell me what was up when he was ready. Ugh, he was just taking longer than usual to be ready.
Maybe he was seeing someone. My heart squeezed. That would explain his secrecy lately. And the fact that he and I hadn’t hung out since the fundraiser. But…he didn’t have that smug excitability you get when you start seeing someone new.
It was probably to do with his mother. My heart gave another squeez
e. Noah and I hadn’t won last week’s EuroMillions draw, so her heart surgery was still a distant hope. When pushed, Noah admitted quietly to me that the money raised hadn’t been enough. I’d failed him.
I was still frowning when I approached the bar where Candace was wiping down the counter.
She looked up past my shoulder and froze. “Nossa, Aubrey Jennifer Campbell, have I died? Tell me I have died and gone to His Father in heaven. Hyyyyyyyayaya.” Candace pretended to wobble on her legs while fanning herself.
“Candace,” I said in alarm, “are you okay?”
She ignored me and continued to drool at something across the room.
I turned my head to find the three O’Sullivan brothers, Michael, Darren and Eoin walking into The Jar.
They must be here to pick up Noah. He mentioned he was leaving early.
I waved the three boys over and heard Candace choking from my side. “Stay cool, Candace,” I said out of the corner of my mouth.
The three boys sauntered over and I walked around the bar to greet them all with a quick hug.
Candace squeaked as they greeted her too, before she spluttered some excuse about needing to wipe down tables.
I giggled to myself. She’d already wiped down the tables.
I got why she was intimidated. The O’Sullivan boys were all around six foot, just like Noah. All gorgeous, plump-lipped and had thick hair. All well-built, their bodies shown off by their jeans and fitted jumpers. All four of them trained regularly at Gallagher’s Gym.
“You guys must be up to something naughty.” I eyed them all with a grin. “You all scrub up well. You don’t even have any oil marks on you, Darren!”
Darren matched my grin. “Why thank you, my lady.”
“He actually took a shower,” joked Eoin.
Darren punched his arm.
Michael let out a snort. “Children.”
“Where are you boys going?” I interrupted before the punching turned into a brawl.
“Boys’ night,” Eoin said as he flashed me his cheeky trademark grin, his dimple showing.
