by Paul Merton
Adam Marek: ‘The 40-Litre Monkey’ from Instruction Manual for Swallowing, Comma Press, 2007. Reproduced by permission of the author.
Bobbie Ann Mason: ‘La Bamba Hot Line’ from The New Yorker, 7 September 1987. Reproduced by permission of ICM Partners.
Bruce McCall: ‘Hitler’s Secret Dairy’, from The New Yorker, 25 April 1983. Reproduced by permission of James Goodman Gallery.
George Mikes: ‘How to Take Your Pleasure Sadly’ and ‘How to Die’ from How to be a Brit, Penguin Books, 1986, copyright © George Mikes, 1984. Reproduced by permission of Penguin Books Ltd.
Spike Milligan: ‘Foiled by President Fred’ from The Goon Show Scripts, 1955. Reproduced by permission of Spike Milligan Productions Ltd.
Sławomir Mrożek: ‘The Elephant’ translated by Konrad Syrop, from The Elephant, 2010, copyright © Macdonald & Co. (Publishers) Ltd. Reproduced by permission of Penguin Books Ltd.
B.J. Novak: ‘The Man Who Invented the Calendar’ from One More Thing, Stories and Other Stories, Abacus, 2015, copyright © B.J. Novak, 2014. Reproduced by permission of Little, Brown Books.
Joyce Carol Oates: ‘Welcome to Friendly Skies’ from Dis Mem Ber, Head of Zeus, copyright © The Ontario Review, Inc., 2017. Originally published in the United States of America by The Mysterious Press, an imprint of Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
Flann O’Brien: ‘Two in One’ from The Short Fiction of Flann O’Brien and ‘Scenes in a Novel’, copyright © The Estate of Evelyn O’Nolan. Reproduced by permission of A.M. Heath & Co Ltd.
Dorothy Parker: ‘Just a Little One’ and ‘You Were Perfectly Fine’ from The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker, edited by Marion Meade. Copyright © 1928, 1929, renewed by Dorothy Parker, 1956, 1957. Used by permission of Viking Books, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved.
S.J. Perelman: ‘Swindle Sheet with Blueblood Engrailed, Arrant Fibs Rampant’, ‘Whose Lady Nicotine?’ and ‘Why Boys Leave Home’ from The World of S.J. Perelman by S.J. Perelman, 2006, copyright © the S.J. Perelman Estate, 1955. Reprinted by permission of Harold Ober Associates and Welbeck Publishing.
Satyajit Ray: ‘The Two Comedians’ translated by Gopa Majumdar from The Collected Short Stories, 2015. Reproduced by permission of Penguin Random House India.
Simon Rich: ‘Is It Just Me?’ from The Last Girlfriend on Earth, Serpent’s Tail. Reproduced by permission of Levine Greeberg Rostan Literary Agency.
Getsl Selikovich: ‘The Institute for Facial Reform’ translated by Jessica Kirzane, first published on yiddishbookcenter.org. Reproduced by permission of the translator.
Maria Semple: ‘Dear Mountain Room Parents’ from The New Yorker, 17 October 2011, copyright © Condé Nast.
Paul Simms: ‘Talking Chimp Gives His First Press Conference’, from The New Yorker, 6 June 2005. Reproduced by permission of the author.
Ali Smith: ‘The Child’ from The First Person and Other Stories, Penguin, 2008, copyright © Ali Smith, 2008. Reproduced by permission of Penguin Books Ltd.
W. Somerset Maugham: ‘The Verger’ from Collected Short Stories, Vol 2, Vintage. Reproduced with permission of United Agents LLP on behalf of The Royal Literary Fund.
Muriel Spark: ‘The Executor’ from The Complete Short Stories, Canongate. Reproduced by permission of David Higham Associates.
Ricardo Sumalavia: ‘First Impressions’ translated by Daniel Alarcón. First published in The Paris Review Daily, 23 January 2012. Reprinted by permission of the author and translator.
James Thurber: ‘The Secret Life of Walter Mitty’ from The New Yorker, 18 March 1939, copyright © Condé Nast.
Sue Townsend: Diary entry from The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole aged 13¾, Methuen, copyright © Sue Townsend, 1982. Reproduced with permission of Curtis Brown Group Ltd, London on behalf of the Estate of Sue Townsend.
Kurt Vonnegut: ‘Tom Edison’s Shaggy Dog’ from Welcome to the Monkey House, Jonathan Cape, copyright © 1969. Reprinted by permission of The Random House Group Ltd and The Wylie Agency (UK) Ltd.
Jincy Willett: ‘The Best of Betty’ from Jenny and the Jaws of Life: Short Stories, copyright © Jincy Willett, 2002. Reprinted by permission of St. Martin’s Griffin, an imprint of St. Martin’s Press. All Rights Reserved.
P.G. Wodehouse: ‘The Spot of Art’ from Very Good, Jeeves; ‘Mulliners Buck-U-Uppo’ from Liberty Magazine, and ‘A Day with the Swattesmore’ from Louder and Funnier, copyright © P.G. Wodehouse, 1926, 1930, 1932. Reproduced by permission of the Estate of P.G. Wodehouse c/o Rogers, Coleridge & White Ltd, 20 Powis Mews, London, W11 1JN.
Victoria Wood: ‘Girls Talking’, ‘Giving Notes’, and ‘Kitty: One’ from Up to You Porky, Methuen, 1985. Reproduced with permission from the Estate of the author.
In some instances we have been unable to trace the owners of copyright material, and we would appreciate any information that would enable us to do so.
About the Author
PAUL MERTON is one of Britain’s best-loved comics. A regular on both television and radio, his surreal wit and gift of the gab is evidenced weekly on BBC1’s Have I Got News for You and Radio 4’s Just a Minute. He has been ranked by critics, fellow comedians and viewers to be one of our greatest comedians.
An Invitation from the Publisher
We hope you enjoyed this book. We are an independent publisher dedicated to discovering brilliant books, new authors and great storytelling. Please join us at www.headofzeus.com and become part of our community of book-lovers.
We will keep you up to date with our latest books, author blogs, special previews, tempting offers, chances to win signed editions and much more.
Get in touch: [email protected]
www.headofzeus.com
@headofzeus
@HoZ_Books
Head of Zeus Books
