by Bijou Hunter
Virginia didn't look insane. Young and pretty, she seemed average. Virginia blended into a crowd in a way Pax and Ford never could. Even Howie had a presence. Ginger seems small. No way can I imagine her sending body parts in gift-wrapped packages.
"I'm sorry about Sabine," she says, and I know she means it. "She was funny."
"Yeah," I say, realizing how much I miss talking to someone who cares about Sabine. "You know, when she disappeared, no one really cared. I pretended people figured she'd come back, but that was a lie. No one cared besides me. Maybe Flora, who was in a few classes with her in high school, but nobody else."
"I cared then, and I still do. I plan to fuck up the people who took her from you. I've been waiting for years for payback. It's going to be messy, but she deserves for them to beg. I'm going to make that happen."
Her tone is quiet, but I see something in her that makes her reputation not seem so far-fetched. Killing people doesn't bother her. Revenge keeps her warm. Ginger seems average, but her heart is dark in a way I'll never understand.
"Why tell me now?"
"I don't know what Pax tells you. I just know you're tied to him and the club. You're tied to Howie and his brother too. A lot of people are making moves, and I want you to know the truth about Sabine. Just in case I'm not around later to tell you."
Nodding, I feel emptied out now. I can barely remember Sabine's smile. Or her laugh. She's very far away now.
Ginger's demeanor changes when a family enters the pool area. She's playing the part of a normal college-aged woman again. Also playing a role, I return to cleaning. By the end of my shift, I'm drowning under waves of grief and guilt. My only escape waits for me at home. I only pray he'll be enough.
37
Pax
Forget Now, Forgive Later
I'm stealing meth on Grand Theft Auto when Bebe arrives home. Like a puppy desperate for attention, I stare at her and wait for a sign of approval. She says nothing while walking past me to check on Tallulah taking a nap. I keep the game on pause and hope she'll throw me a bone. A smile alone would be enough to make my day.
Bebe reappears from the hallway and takes the baby monitor.
"I need to talk to you," she says in a quiet voice that sends a chill through me.
Following her downstairs, I don't know what is about to happen, but I'm fucking terrified. Something is different about Bebe now, and I fear she'll cut me loose for good.
"How long has Tallulah been sleeping?" she asks, setting the monitor on the dresser in my room.
"She crashed around twenty minutes ago."
Bebe looks tiny standing in front of me. When her gaze meets mine, I hold my breath.
"Someone told me my sister is dead, and I know it's true. Maybe I've known it all along, but I can't lie to myself anymore."
Even wanting to say something, I can't move. Bebe stares at me and struggles against tears.
"I don't forgive you," she whispers. "Not yet. I know I will because I love you too much to let you go. I still don't trust you. None of that matters right now. I'm falling apart, and I need you to help me forget."
Like a fucking moron, I have no idea what the hell she wants me to do. Bebe realizes I'm clueless, so she caresses my face. My brain switches on, and I reach for her immediately.
Bebe whimpers against my lips. When I try to pull away, she yanks me closer. Ignoring her tears feels impossible, yet she needs me and I miss her.
My lips remain on hers as we undress. My brain wants to ask questions about who told her Sabine was dead. Is this person dangerous? Should I be worried?
Instead of thinking, I let my body take control. Kissing away her tears, I explore her body until she begs to have me inside her. We both sigh when I fill her. My hips don't move while I enjoy her pussy clenching. I study her face and find her staring at me in an odd way.
"You love me," she whispers.
Unable to tell if her words are a question, I nod. "Of course, I do."
Bebe wraps her legs around me and lifts her hips. She wants me to fuck her, yet I feel like we're supposed to talk or share feelings. Bebe doesn't want therapy. She wants to forget her pain by embracing pleasure. I'm no good with words, but I can give Bebe relief.
Our bodies remain together for the next few hours. We only stop when we hear Tallulah stirring on the monitor. Realizing we'll need to leave the bed soon, Bebe clings to me.
Laughing at something on TV, Tallulah's voice sounds like music on the monitor. We grudgingly get up and dress.
Bebe slides on her panties then sighs. "Sabine and I weren't close like you and Ford. I loved her though. I really hoped she was safe."
"I'm sorry. Do you know how she died?"
Bebe shakes her head. "Ginger just said you and her would get revenge."
Yanking on my tee, I pretend hearing that name doesn't hit me like a ton of fucking bricks. Why is she talking to my woman? The questions will need to wait.
Before we go upstairs, Bebe leans against me. "Help me tonight with Tallulah. I don't want her noticing me upset."
"She probably will anyway," I say, holding her. "She always notices stuff. She's too smart that way."
Bebe gives me a weak smile. "She is smart. It's the only thing good she got from having Howie as a dad."
"Don't talk about him," I say too strongly.
"Because he hurt your dog?"
"Because he hurt my family," I mutter, wrapping her tighter in my arms. "And I don't like him being the one to pop your cherry. You should have been well fucked your first time. It's something I feel deeply about."
Bebe lets me hold her. None of the squirming away from the last few days. Even if she hasn't forgiven me completely, her smile is full of love. I hold her hand as we walk upstairs to find a sleepy Tallulah still watching TV in bed.
The kid instantly knows her mom is upset. Lying like a good mommy, Bebe doesn't dump life's ugliness on her child. My mom would have told me the truth. Your aunt's dead. Bad things happen all the time. Might as well write your will now. Have any toys you want to leave to your brother when you're dead?
Putting on a happy face for Tallulah, Bebe makes her daughter a snack before I insist we go out for dinner. I know she plans to cook, but I want the rest of the night filled with pampering of my woman. When I tell her this idea, Bebe gives me a great smile. Yeah, complete forgiveness isn't too far around the corner.
38
Bebe
Little Memphis Never Forgets
Lupe is always in a good mood. Even when she's not, she smiles and laughs. I don't know how she remains so positive, but I wish I had such a skill. Sitting in the nail salon, I feel a hard knot of loss in my gut. While Lupe says nothing about my bad mood, she decides to entertain Tallulah.
They now sit on the other end of the salon. Every few minutes, Tallulah waves at me. I wave back but am relieved she's too far away to sense the dark vibe hovering over the rest of us.
"Flora's gone to visit her mom," Darby says, leaning back her head and closing her eyes. "I don't know if she'll come back."
"I thought her mom disowned her," I mutter.
"She did. Flora said her mom found Jesus and is trying to make right with her life before she dies."
"Sounds promising," Perri says from a few chairs down from me. "My mom already knew Jesus when she disowned me."
I think about my friends starting over in a world that'll always see them as prostitute outcasts.
"I'm not pretending I don't miss her and Orion," Darby says. "I love that little boy, but leaving Little Memphis isn't such a bad idea."
Flipping through a People magazine, Jenn nods. "People never forget anything around here. If she was a prostitute yesterday, she'll be seen that way in twenty years."
Darby nods. "Remember, Jaqui?"
The older women share a grin while Joker's new wife Amanda snorts.
"Who?" Shay asks.
Still smiling, Darby clears her throat. "Well Jaqui's a New Age bitch who walks around tel
ling people about cleansing their auras and crap. No one likes her, but people play along because she's harmless enough."
Jenn begins laughing before Darby reaches the punchline.
"Before Jaqui got married, she had a bachelorette party and slammed back her body weight in booze. Next thing we know, she's running around naked outside and servicing guys on the street. Years have passed since that night. Hell, a decade at least, but people still think of Jaqui as the chick who sucked off a dozen guys two doors down from the post office."
The women laugh loudly at Jaqui's bad rep, reminding me to avoid getting on their bad sides.
"In Little Memphis, you're always remembered by your most salacious story," Jenn says. "Darby is remembered for the time she shot two intruders. I'm remembered for the time I got jealous of Lucky's old girlfriend and drew a mustache on her whore face with a permanent marker."
"You two," Darby says, gesturing to Shay and me, "are remembered for killing Creepy Spencer."
"And I'm remembered as a prostitute," Perri grumbles.
Darby smiles softly. "Just until you get a better story."
"That mustache marker thing sounds fun," I tell Perri, who grins.
Sighing, Darby closes her eyes. "As much as I'll miss Flora and Orion, I don't blame her for wanting to leave the city."
Everyone falls silent. I suspect we're all thinking about how soon we'll leave Little Memphis. None of us knows when and if we'll ever return. Worst of all, our men will remain behind. Maybe even forever in the quarry where club enemies go to rot.
39
Pax
Shooting the Shit
When Bebe tells me where Ginger is staying in Little Memphis, she also makes me promise I won't hurt her new buddy. I reassure my woman how I have no reason to be pissed at Ginger. She killed Taz's crew and left a gift for me. Hell, I should send her a thank-you basket. What does someone buy for a killer pimp with everything?
Even fond of Ginger, I'm no fool. Ford knows where I'm headed. If I don't come back, he'll rain down hell on our new friend.
Ignoring the front desk chick, I walk down a hall to the back of the hotel where Ginger and her group's rooms are located. My hand resting next to my gun in my jacket, I knock once before wondering if I should have called ahead.
Ginger answers the door wearing a flannel shirt over shorts and a tee. She looks young and fragile, but her brown eyes are hard like those of a person who kills without thought. Those eyes look back at me in the mirror.
"Why didn't you say hi to Cassy at the front desk?" she asks, leaning against the door jam. "You didn't even give her one of those guy head nods."
I smile slightly. "You've got eyes everywhere, huh? Impressive, but I ain't here to talk to Cassy."
Ginger steps back into her room without gesturing for me to follow. I remain in my spot and wait for her. She reappears, shoving a gun in her jacket pocket.
"Let's walk and talk like business people do."
Ginger and I wander down the quiet halls of the half-empty hotel until we reach the back where a vending machine and laundry room is located.
"I hope you aren't here to threaten me to stay away from Bebe," she says, peering out of the curtain.
"Why would I?"
Ginger glances at me, and I feel her picking me apart with her gaze. I can't imagine her ever being a good prostitute with such edgy demeanor. With her dark gaze, I'd worry about getting my dick back.
"So what do you want?"
"I want to know how Sabine died."
"Why?"
"Bebe imagines fucked-up things and maybe knowing would help her."
"I doubt that."
"Tell me."
"You heard how I died, right?" she says, stepping closer, yet seeming farther away now. "How he tied my ankles to one truck and my wrists to another then tore me apart really slowly."
When I nod, Ginger doesn't react immediately.
"He came for me that day, and I ran. Sabine and a few other girls were with me, and they ran too. Trigger only caught Sabine. He shot another girl, Dolly, in the back. When Sabine stopped to help her, he grabbed her."
"He knew she wasn't you?"
"Yeah, he knew."
"So he killed her and you ran?"
"Wouldn't you?" she asks, sounding tired. "He killed two of my friends. He scared the shit out of my allies."
"Not Paro."
"No, Paro was loyal. He seemed useless to a guy like you, but he kept me informed."
"Where did you go?"
"None of your fucking business."
I smile at the wrath behind her words. I'd seen cold women in my life, but Ginger raged. The heat of so much hate could burn down all of Little Memphis.
"I should have kept a better eye on Bebe," she says, checking her phone. "Who would have thought a freak like Taz would grab her at the park during the middle of the day? I rarely underestimate assholes, but I did with him."
"It worked out. I got her to move in with me, and now I'm planning to keep her. Tallulah has a real home. That wouldn't have happened if not for the fucker Taz. I'd say I got more out of that day than he did."
Ginger smiles. "He wet his pants and cried when we came for him. Not in the beginning. He was so very brave in the beginning. When he knew he would die, he begged. It was funny."
"I wanted to kill him."
"He was expecting you, but never saw me coming."
"No, I guess he wouldn't."
"I don't think Trigger will last until after New Year's," she says, studying me.
"No, he won't."
"You have things handled with Bebe and Tallulah, correct?"
Giving her a nod, I wait to see if she asks questions. I hope I get to tell her it's none of her fucking business. She doesn't take the bait.
"When Joker's in charge, your problems aren't over," Ginger says.
"How do you figure?"
"I assume you know Wolfman and his evil fuck brother are being paroled soon."
Frowning, I move too quickly, and she reaches for her weapon. Ignoring her fear, I sigh.
"See, I keep hearing that, but he's supposed to stay in prison for a few more years."
"They don't keep murderers, rapists, or baby molesters in prison for their whole sentences. Do you really think they will for a guy running dog fights?
"My dog was one of those dogs."
"Share your sob story with the parole board," she says, eyes hard. "Not that it'll do any good. They're going to release them."
"How do you know?"
"I told you at the school. People love to talk, and I listen. Wolfman worked with Trigger and things went well for him. He pissed off Trigger, and the law came down on him. Now he's playing nice again. Trigger has more power than you think. That's why he and his top guys need to die messy, so the people who bow to him will bow to Joker. Assholes respect terrifying power."
"I know I do."
Ginger smiles. "Yeah, me too. Bebe isn't an asshole, and Wolfman isn't done with her. He's gotta be put in the ground to make her and Tallulah safe."
"I'll handle it."
"If you don't, I will. His brother too. They're like you and Ford. If you take out one, the other will hunt you down. You'll need to kill them both for Bebe and Tallulah to be free."
Maybe there are questions I should ask her, but I can't think of them. I'm not sure why I came besides needing to talk to her away from the other guys.
"I should get out of here before someone wonders why I'm hanging at a hotel in the middle of the day."
"Trigger thinks I'm hiding in the West Side. He has Zombie and Wino searching motels."
"You know everything, huh?"
Ginger smiles. "You're muscle. You crack skulls. I'm a leader, meaning I'm responsible for other people staying alive, including you and your brother. If I don't know everything, bad things happen like with Taz and Bebe."
"I like being muscle for a reason."
"This isn't where I get sappy and promise not to take you out
if you ever get in my way. I'll just say I'm glad Bebe has a man like you. She deserves better than a loser like Wolfman or a soft fucker. It's what Sabine would have wanted."
We study each other for a minute. Neither feels much trust, but we're on the same page. Protect Bebe and Tallulah first. Then paint the streets of Little Memphis red with the blood of Trigger and his allies.
40
Bebe
Who's Feeling Nuts?
The last few days have left me feeling worn down. I keep thinking of Sabine dying scared and in pain. My brain won't let me remember her the way she was before she disappeared. I've become my own worst enemy.
Every time I get lost in the painful thoughts, Pax and Tallulah bring me back. We play games or go for walks even on our first snow day. When Tallulah goes down for the night, Pax teaches me how to play his hardcore videogames.
I enjoy shooting bad guys. Even worse, I'm quite proud of myself when I succeed at stealing meth. Such bizarre accomplishments, but the game distracts me.
Pax knows other ways to make me think of only him. We explore each other until I can draw a map of his every sensitive spot. I even figure out how to make him come faster during a blowjob. The guy is officially my bitch.
To be fair, Pax turns me into a drooling mess every night. After all those years of thinking I was sexually defective, I can't believe how much I come. Thanks to Pax, I'm a sex goddess loving every caress.
While pain lingers around the edges of my thoughts, coping with losing Sabine becomes easier. I'm blessed with too many joys to be miserable every moment. The upcoming holidays put me in a far livelier mood. I also believe Pax and Ginger will get Sabine revenge.
Vengeance isn't on his mind when we head to dinner. Pax loves steakhouses, thinking they're a perfect slice of America. The guy loves America.
