James took a careful step toward me, his voice softer. “You don’t need this shit, Erica. Say the word, and I’ll have him out of here.”
“Like hell you will.”
Blake shoved James then, his slightly shorter frame hitting the wall. James reacted immediately, throwing a punch that Blake narrowly avoided. The two men skirmished. They pushed and pulled until I was certain they’d tear each other apart if I stood idly by. I was desperate to make them stop.
“It was Daniel,” I yelled, no longer clinging to that secret truth if it meant they’d stop this madness.
Blake shoved James off, and for the moment he kept a distance, as they both heaved for air, eyes wild with fury.
A look of confusion softened James’s anger slightly. “Who?”
“He’s—it’s not important. But the day you saw me that way, I’d just seen him. We had a fight, and...” I sighed, the weight of the past forty-eight hours crashing down on me in an instant. “He hit me.”
Silence fell. No words, no fists. Neither man moved.
The look on Blake’s face gutted me. As if learning about James hadn’t been enough, these words cast a shade of betrayal across his features that made me want to go to him then. To hold him to me and say sorry all over again. For all of it.
“First this,” Blake said, pointing to James, “and now you’re telling me that Daniel hit you. What the hell is going on, Erica? Is there anything else you want to tell me? Let’s just get it all out.”
My lip quivered, tears threatening again. Too wrapped up in his own anger, he wouldn’t feel my remorse today. I was alone with it. Alone and scrambling to keep some semblance of peace between my personal and professional life. A lost cause if I’d ever seen one.
“You should go. Both of you. Just leave.” The last words caught in my throat, lacking conviction and reflecting my frayed nerves.
James cursed and left us alone, his footsteps disappearing down the stairwell. The door slammed shut below, the sound echoing up to us. Blake stood motionless, his stare burning into me. The silence was painful, my own thoughts reeling and loud amidst it.
I could almost hear his too. More questions of why. Why had I been so stupid? So stubborn? When I looked up into his wounded eyes, they confirmed it. The effort to restrain his anger, the culmination of all the hurt, was evident in his posture. The muscles of his arms were taut and coiled, no doubt still primed to punch James into next week.
I would have apologized, tried to bring him back to me, if I weren’t so goddamn angry at myself now. I knew he was jealous, but he’d taken it too far. He had no right to confront James and step into my business that way. No matter what had happened.
“I don’t even know what to say to you,” he finally said.
“Then don’t say anything at all. Blake...I’m exhausted, I’m sore, and I’m ready to seriously lose it. I don’t need you berating me, making this all my fault.” My voice wavered as I brushed away a tear that had broken free. “Maybe it is, but I can’t bear you telling me that right now. I can’t take it.”
He hesitated a moment, that heavy silence filling the space between us again. Then, without another word, he left.
Out of my world again. I watched his retreat, relieved of the pressure of his resentment, yet infinitely more miserable than I’d been before.
CHAPTER NINE
I hesitated in the hallway, my hand resting on the door. Alli’s laughter with others carried beyond the walls of their new apartment. I wanted to celebrate and be happy for Alli and Heath, but I was on the other side of that emotion as long as Blake was keeping me at arm’s length.
He’d taken my request to not say anything at all and to leave too literally. A couple days had gone by. He’d worked late again last night, arriving after I’d fallen asleep and rising before I had. The only proof of his being there was an empty coffee mug in the sink. He always seemed just beyond my grasp, and though I was angry too, the distance was tearing me up inside.
I took a breath and pushed open the door, not remotely prepared for all the love that rushed around me whenever I was around Blake’s family. All of it was infectious too though, so I held some hope that they could pull me, and maybe even Blake too, out of this funk.
As if in perfect reflection of Alli and Heath’s energy, the apartment hummed with laughter, the buzz of conversation, and Alli’s loud whoop when the cork popped off the champagne.
“Erica!”
Blake’s younger sister, Fiona, ran over to hug me as I stepped into the main area. Catherine was right behind her, coming for a warm embrace as soon as Fiona stepped away.
“How are you, honey? You look wonderful.”
“I’m good. Thanks.” I gave a weak smile, self-consciously glancing down at the outfit I’d thrown together. I was surprised I wasn’t wearing two different shoes for how focused my brain had been lately. Black skirt, top, and ballet flats. That was hard to screw up.
When I met Catherine’s gaze again, a line of worry marked her forehead. I brightened instantly and plastered on a happy face. No matter what, I didn’t want my problems with Blake to upset Alli’s party. This was an important moment for her and Heath, and I was already worried about stealing her thunder with all this wedding madness that she reassured me we had to cover tonight.
Alli joined us, grabbed my hand, and pulled me farther in. “Let me give you the tour.”
“Sure.” I gave Heath and Greg a small wave before they disappeared out of view.
Alli took me room by room, through the space. The apartment lacked for nothing, on par with what I would expect from any Landon property. Warm colors, spacious rooms, and tasteful design. Some rooms were still cluttered with boxes, but for the most part, it already felt like a home, theirs.
“It’s beautiful, Alli.”
Her shoulders crept higher as she smiled. “Thanks. I love it. I’m so excited to make it ours. Heath has been working a lot, but hopefully soon we can do a little more to it.”
I smiled too, appreciating how far she and Heath had come. He’d only been out of rehab a couple weeks but they were now well on their way to better, to a normal life together. Alli was hard at work re-immersing in my business and Heath was doing the same with Blake’s. Blake wanted him more involved, and from everything I’d heard, he was taking the bull by the horns, investing himself more heavily than he ever had before.
Deep down I was happy for them, so very happy. But I couldn’t help but draw parallels to Blake and me. Even sharing an apartment, we felt farther apart than when I’d lived a floor below. Moving in together had been easy, too easy almost. I was hesitant at first, but at Blake’s insistence, my overstuffed trash bags that I’d moved a couple months earlier from the Harvard dorms took another trip up a flight of stairs. In less than twenty-four hours, my life had melded even more firmly into the organized wealth of his. While I enjoyed sharing the space, the apartment never really felt like mine, not the way Alli felt about this place now.
“I’m so happy for you,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady as Alli looked to me for reassurance, for my support as her best friend.
She smiled, content, and hooked her arm in mine. “Thanks, hon. I am happy. Now let’s go get extra happy and drink some champagne. We need to talk wedding details and work out the last stuff for the party with Fiona.”
“The party?”
Her eyes shot up, her hand going to her mouth. “Oh shit.”
“What?”
“Oh shit shit shit. Just forget I said it.”
I stopped our exit from the room. “Seriously, Alli. Just spill it.”
Her shoulders slumped. “It was supposed to be a surprise. Catherine wants to throw you two a little engagement party.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Does Blake know?”
“Of course.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“We thought it would be fun to make it a surprise. I know you’ve been stressed with everything that’s going down with
the business right now. We didn’t want to add one more thing to your plate. And it’s no big deal, really. Just a small party at their house with some friends of the family who wanted to meet you and catch up with everyone.”
On cue, my stomach rolled. I couldn’t imagine who friends of the family entailed, but considering how tense things were between Blake and me, I could very well be flying solo for much of the event. That thought was far from comforting.
“Are you okay with that?”
“I’m fine,” I insisted. “It sounds like fun. If I can help with anything let me know.”
“Don’t worry about it. I think Catherine’s got everything covered. All you two need to do is show up and be yourselves.”
She grabbed my hand and gave me a reassuring squeeze as we reemerged into the main living area. Fiona was filling the flutes, getting as close to the rim as she could without the foam spilling over.
“Where’d the guys go?” I asked.
Fiona sat back onto the couch with her glass. “Upstairs. There’s a rooftop deck. Really nice after the sun goes down on nights like this.”
I wondered if Blake had arrived and was already up there with his dad and brother, but I was embarrassed to admit that I had almost no idea where he’d been for the past day and night. I wanted to believe today might be different. The company of his family always seemed to make Blake seem more human, less godlike in a way. Maybe around them we could let down this wall between us so we could talk, really talk. Newly engaged, we were supposed to be in love, stable, wanting to be with each other. Right now we could barely share a room without palpable tension between us.
Alli and I sat down on the large sectional across from Fiona. I admired the open space and light that filled it through a bay window at the front.
“I think we should toast. To the move.” Fiona tipped her glass to Alli. “And of course to Blake and Erica’s engagement.”
“Cheers,” we sang in unison.
I relaxed back, taking a sip. Maybe this is what I needed while Blake cooled off. A little champagne and girl time.
Alli wasted no time rummaging through her purse on the floor.
“Speaking of engagements.”
She pulled out a sizeable stack of wedding magazines adorned with colorful bookmarks. My eagerness for girl time came to a skidding halt.
“Obviously the most important thing is picking out your dress, Erica, but we need to decide on colors tonight, because it’s driving me nuts not knowing, and I’m selfish like that.”
I laughed softly. I hadn’t given it a single thought. At least not since middle school when pink and purple were on the top of every little girl’s list.
Fiona repositioned herself on the other side of Alli. “Oh, I love this one. But maybe in navy.” She pointed to one of the models.
Alli pursed her lips. “I don’t know. If we’re doing beachside, there might not be enough contrast. What about mauve, or something really bright, like fuchsia?”
Fiona laughed. “Making Blake and Heath wear pink vests and ties would be amazing.”
Alli joined her laughter. Before long their brainstorming had degraded to pink glittering cummerbunds and they were nearly falling off the couch with giggles. I was willing to give them the go ahead if it meant talking about anything else. Then I heard some clatter in the kitchen and remembered Catherine was prepping dinner for our whole group on her own. The men were still nowhere in sight.
“I’m going to go check on dinner. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I disappeared into the kitchen and found Catherine stirring something in a large steaming pot. Dinner smelled Italian and delicious. I was suddenly hungry though I hadn’t had much of an appetite today.
“Hey, honey. Can I get you something?”
“Oh, no. I’m fine. I was just wondering if you needed help with anything.”
Catherine smiled. “I think I’ve got it covered. Go hang out with the girls.”
I surveyed the large designer kitchen, wishing I could find a mess to clean. Anything to give me an excuse not to go for a few more minutes. Back to the bridesmaid’s den.
What the hell was wrong with me? Didn’t every woman on the planet want to get caught up in this whole process? How could I run a fashion start-up and lack the slightest interest in the finer details of what was shaping up to be a wedding far beyond anything I would have ever imagined? “Big white wedding” was being given new meaning with each passing moment as Alli and Fiona vied for confirmation of their opinions.
I bit my lip and searched my brain for an excuse to stay.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I nodded. I wouldn’t mind disappearing into the floor right now though. “I just needed a break I guess. They’re...”
She lifted the corner of her mouth, quiet understanding in her eyes. “Driving you nuts?”
I laughed. “Maybe a little.”
New peals of laughter echoed from the living room and we shared a knowing look.
“Alli accidentally let it slip about the engagement party. Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Oh! Nonsense. I want to. You have no idea how excited our family is about the news. They can’t wait to meet you. Honestly, they can’t wait to see Blake either. He can be a little reclusive when it comes to making appearances for extended family.”
“Well, thank you, again. I feel bad because I should probably be thinking of things like that. I should probably be doing a dozen things that haven’t even occurred to me lately.”
Everything was moving too fast. Work. Wedding plans. As if that weren’t enough, this clash with Blake was threatening to throw everything else completely off kilter.
“Blake’s a take charge kind of guy, but I don’t suppose he’s much help with wedding planning.”
I shook my head. “I guess not.”
I glanced around the room nervously, my gaze landing anywhere but her face. When she grew silent, I chanced a look. Her eyebrows wrinkled. She stepped closer and covered my hand with hers.
“Is everything okay between you two?” she asked gently. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you don’t look like a girl who’s happily engaged at the moment.”
I swallowed over the knot in my throat. “It’s nothing to worry about.”
“Did he upset you?”
My heart twisted, and I squeezed my eyes closed. How could I begin to put into words what had happened between us these past few days? I simply nodded, unable to hide the hurt. “We upset each other. We were both wrong. And things have been tense. It’s been difficult to talk lately.”
I stared down, scuffing my toe against the slate tile floor. “Sometimes he’s just completely overwhelming. Maddening, really.”
She laughed softly. “I could have told you that. Try raising him.”
I gave her a weak smile. “I can’t imagine.”
“He’s a difficult young man. He always has been. He’s my son, and I will love him no matter what, but he’s about as stubborn as they come. But somehow I knew from the moment I met you that you were good for him. I pray every day that he’s good for you too. He’s changed, in so many good ways. I’ve never seen him as tender as he is with you, Erica. Something is different. It’s little things, but I see it.”
Tears burned in my eyes. Before I could say anything or find an excuse to leave, she pulled me to her. I hugged her back.
“Don’t give up on him,” she whispered. “If anyone can get through to him and break through those walls, it’s you.”
I pulled back slightly and brushed away the tears that had fallen. “I just wish I didn’t feel so far away from him right now.”
Blake’s voice carried through the apartment, mingled with Heath’s and his father’s. My heart leapt with sudden anticipation. He was here.
“Blake!” Catherine called out in the direction the living room, releasing me from her embrace.
I wiped my eyes again, hoping to hide any signs of my upset. A
few seconds later, Blake had joined us. He held his ground a few steps inside the doorway, his hands unmoving in the pockets of his jeans. My heart stopped at how drop-dead gorgeous he could look with so little effort. All mine, I reassured myself, yet that’s not entirely how I felt lately. His green-eyed gaze passed between us, pausing on me. I looked away, wanting to hide my recent vulnerability, but I knew I’d given myself away the second he saw me.
“Blake.” Catherine’s tone hardened. “You need to speak to Erica. Everyone here is celebrating and making a fuss and this poor child is in tears over you. You need to start talking.”
He stared at her a moment, his expression unchanged. “Mom, I’m not talking to you about this.”
She grimaced. “Aren’t you the genius of the family? Good heavens, I don’t expect you to talk to me about it. Speak to your fiancée, soon to be your wife. You fix whatever you broke here, and that’s all I have to say on the matter.”
She gave him a hard stare and then softened when she faced me again. She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
Without a word Blake turned. He passed through the kitchen and disappeared into the hallway beyond. I followed him until we were alone in one of the nearly empty rooms I’d seen earlier. This would be their home office. Two desks lined the wall, already cluttered with a stack of papers.
Blake stood in the middle of the room, his back to me. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it.
The sudden privacy also meant silence, an awkward empty silence between us. I searched for words, for something that could possibly bring us back to where we’d been before San Francisco. But I didn’t know what to say to him now. He’d be angry with me for breaking down in front of his mother, not that I’d ever dream of telling her what had happened between us.
“I’m guessing you want to talk,” he said quietly, turning to face me.
I nodded and swallowed over the knot in my throat. I didn’t want to talk here, but who knew when I would have his attention again. “I didn’t want to do this here, but you’ve been gone. She started asking about us, and I just lost it. I’m sorry.”
Hardline Page 10
