“I want to escape with you too. But this is our home, and our lives will always be here waiting for us. Besides, taking more time off would send me into a meltdown. I have a ton of catching up to do from being out so long.” I immediately thought of the mountain of work I’d barely put a dent in today. Risa’s lunch had thrown me off when my focus should have been on the details surrounding the impending upgrades.
Then I remembered something.
“So what is going on with James? I nearly had a heart attack when I saw him at the office this morning. What happened?”
“Alli wanted him in the office to help while you were out.”
“I can’t imagine that’s the only reason why you let him stay.”
“No, we talked.”
“He came to you?” I pulled back slightly, in disbelief that James would actually seek Blake out, or vice-versa.
“I think we can both agree that he’s fairly protective of you, so when Alli hinted that you’d been hurt, it didn’t take long for him to show up at my office wanting to know more.”
“And?”
“I think initially he wanted to know that I didn’t have anything to do with you being hurt. He seems caught up on this idea that I abuse you.”
He winced, and I didn’t like the emotions that played out there.
“I don’t think it has anything to do with you. His dad was violent. I think it’s a sensitive subject for him.”
“Maybe that’s it. Anyway, after learning that Max attacked you and knowing that Daniel hurt you too, he posed a compelling argument that he stay, for your sake.”
“And you agreed?”
“Basically, as much as I would like to, I can’t be with you twenty four hours a day. With everything that has happened lately, it makes sense that James be there to make sure that you can be safe at work.”
I put more of a separation between us, staring at him in disbelief.
“Let me make sure I have this right. Are you telling me that you’re willing to let James stay with the company with the understanding that he act as my in-house bodyguard?”
“Erica.” An undercurrent of warning came through as he uttered my name. “If you think I’m taking any chances with your safety, you’re crazy.”
I tried to step away but he didn’t budge. “I can’t stand the idea of having all of you hovering around me, waiting for something terrible happen. I want to be trusted to take care of myself, at least a little bit.”
“I know, but taking care of you is my job now. Remember?”
True enough. I’d given up the right to fight him on this matter.
“Beyond that, I knew agreeing to remove James from your life wasn’t an easy decision for you to make.”
“You didn’t give me much choice.”
“You still had a choice. I’m glad you made it and were willing to make that sacrifice for us. I’m not saying I completely trust that he doesn’t still harbor feelings for you—”
“He’s seeing Simone. I’m pretty confident he’s moved on.”
“He made a point to tell me as much. I haven’t had much success with getting over you personally, so you’ll excuse me for taking his reassurance with a grain of salt. As I was saying, he might still care about you, but as long as he can keep his hands to himself, those feelings can serve to keep you safe and out of danger while you’re away from me. Keeping him there seemed like a worthwhile concession.”
“Blake Landon making a concession?” I rolled my eyes.
He hauled me back up, slapping my ass through the thin cotton of my dress. I yelped and squirmed.
“Roll those pretty blue eyes at me again, and you’ll regret it.” He massaged me where he’d made contact, grabbing me gently. “Maybe you could thank me instead.”
“Thanks.” I meant to sound sarcastic. Instead I was breathless as he pressed me against him, his hands splayed possessively at my back and over my ass.
“That’s more like it.”
I suppressed a smile. “You’re hopeless, you know that?”
“Yes. Hopelessly in love with you. Get used to it. Marriage is forever.”
His eyes glittered in a way that made me forget I was annoyed with him.
“On that note, actually. I was hoping we could talk about wedding plans tonight.”
I weakened a little. “Yeah?”
He took my hand and we began to walk back toward his parents’ house.
“I don’t think it’s any secret that you can’t quite compete with Alli’s enthusiasm over all this wedding stuff.”
“You picked up on that, did you?”
He laughed. “I’m very observant. But I was thinking maybe we can scrap all this elaborate planning, and just do something small. We can still have my family, your family, but skip trying to put on some big display. I want to be married to you, Erica. I don’t want to wait. Put me in a pink cummerbund, and let’s just do it.”
“Really?”
“Really. What do you think? We could do it here or at the Vineyard. A little ceremony on the beach, get some pictures, and spend a couple weeks at the house there just us. Then I can re-explore every inch of your body with the sweet satisfaction of knowing you’re my wife.”
I smiled broadly, loving the sound of all of that. Especially the re-exploring my body part.
“Sounds perfect.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“All of it. It sounds perfect.”
* * *
Alli nearly overflowed my glass of Pinot Grigio laughing over something Heath was saying. I was too busy listening to Fiona vent about her last date gone wrong. A couple empty bottles littered the table as we finished yet another expertly cooked family dinner, courtesy of Greg, who was proving to be a force in the kitchen.
Greg tended to be quiet, as least compared to the rest of the family. But he was approachable. More approachable than Blake was at times, though I could see similarities between the two men. How people became a product of their parents always fascinated me, maybe because it was a perspective I’d largely lacked. Blake was so different from both Heath and Fiona, yet they all shared this common thread that made them a family.
I could not have asked for a better family to become a part of. My heart swelled every time I thought of what a blessing they’d become. Having Blake would have been enough, but becoming a part of their world made the whole prospect of marrying into another family more than I would have ever expected.
Catherine defied all the horror stories I’d ever heard about wretched mothers-in-law, and Fiona was sweet, plain and simple. Heath, as troubled as he’d been, too was becoming a loyal friend. And Greg seemed to be the glue that held everyone together.
A sudden dinging rang out and my gaze fell on the glass that Blake held.
“We have a little announcement.”
“Oh! What is it?” Alli clapped her hands together, straightening in her chair.
“You already proposed, Blake. Enough of the fanfare. You’re making me look bad,” Heath said.
Alli turned a deep shade of red and shoved him. He caught her by the wrist, pulling her back to him and planting a chaste kiss on her lips.
Blake cleared his throat. “Anyway, we wanted to let you know that we’ve made some decisions about the wedding.” He looked to me, silently letting me know I could take the floor if I wanted to.
I inhaled a deep breath and began. “Well, as most of you know, I haven’t had a lot of time and energy to devote to wedding planning. I know you all were probably wanting and hoping for something big, which, to be honest, has been a little intimidating.”
Catherine shook her head. “Nonsense. We are here to support you and Blake, no matter what you decide. Selfishly of course, I would love to be there to see my son get married, but however you want to do it is entirely up to you. It’s your special day.”
“I would love to have you there, all of you. You all have already become my family…” I tapped my foot nervously, reminding myself not to start c
rying. Damn if this wasn’t a sensitive subject. Then I felt Blake’s hand on my knee, reassuring me. “And my own family being so small and kind of distant, we thought that it would be wonderful to have something small with the few people close to us. For the sake of simplicity maybe, and also because we could do it sooner.”
“You’re not pregnant, are you?” Heath blurted out.
He was nursing a glass of wine. Alli frowned and hit him harder on the shoulder. He shot her an apologetic look.
“No, definitely not,” I said quickly.
Catherine grabbed the last nearly empty bottle of wine and refilled her glass. “Well, you wouldn’t get any arguments from us. We’re bored and retired. I need a grandbaby sooner rather than later.”
I snapped my jaw shut. Oh hell. Blake could barely hide a grin. He gave my knee another small squeeze.
“Dinner was great, Mom. I think that might be our cue to head home.”
* * *
Maybe the white wine and ocean air did something to me, because I couldn’t keep my hands off Blake as he drove us back to the city. I crept my hand over his thigh to the bulge in his jeans and kneaded gently. He placed his hand over mine but didn’t stop me.
“What do you think you’re doing, sweetheart?”
“I want you tonight, Blake. I can’t wait anymore.” I stroked him, his erection growing under my touch. I wanted every inch of him, and tonight I’d have it. I didn’t care what had happened. Blake was my lover, and our bodies were made for everything I wanted to give him tonight. It had been too long and I needed him. Except need didn’t do justice to the emotions running through me tonight. Something else was at work, and slowly I had begun to put it together.
His hold over me firmed, slowing my movements. He worked his jaw, and I could sense his concern.
“Wait until we get home,” he said quietly.
I thumbed over the soft head of his cock and grasping him more firmly.
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Christ.”
I hummed with pure female satisfaction, leaning over so more of our bodies made contact. “I don’t want to wait,” I whispered into his ear. My breasts rubbed against his arm as I reached to unzip his fly.
But he stopped me. “Erica, put your hands on your knees. Right now.” His expression hardened as the sharp command left his lips, the earlier vulnerability disappearing.
My heart beat rapidly as I assessed his mood. Was he mad or bossing me around? Regardless, a little rush at being told what to do fluttered through me, settling low in my belly. I eased back into the seat and rested my hands on my knees.
He glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road.
“Lift up your skirt and take your panties off. I want to see you.”
I smiled, pleased with where this was going. I obeyed and hiked my skirt up high enough so he could see me naked and ready for him. I wanted nothing more than to straddle him on the highway, but I could live with this until we got home.
“Good. Now touch your breasts.”
I hesitated a second, considering his request and how hot it made me. Then I cupped my hands over my breasts, noticing how heavy and tight they’d already become.
“Pinch your nipples, just like I would. Nice and hard.”
I did as he asked, and the sensation arrowed to my pussy. I stifled a tiny moan. My nipples quickly beaded into taut buds begging for his mouth. The way he looked back at me now, his eyes dark and dangerous, melted me on the spot.
“Tell me how that feels.”
I closed my eyes and squirmed, the feel of leather on my ass reminding me of my nakedness. I groaned. “I’m warm all over. But I’m frustrated. I want your hands on me.”
“I know you do, baby. Soon enough. Do you want me to let you touch yourself some more?”
“Yes. Please.”
“How about you slide your fingers into your pussy and tell me how that feels.”
I exhaled sharply, my need urgent now. I couldn’t possibly last long this way. I moved down to my torso until my fingers traced the seam of my sex. I glided my index finger along my opening, over my sensitive clit, and back down again. I opened my eyes to find Blake’s on me again, his tongue wetting his lower lip. Seeing that small sign of his own hunger, I pressed into myself. I arched my back off the seat and moaned, wishing he were filling me now, where I’d wanted him for so long.
He adjusted himself before hitting the gas a little harder. “Talk to me, baby. We’re close.”
“You could be inside me so easily. I want you here, your mouth and your cock. It’s not enough, just me. I have to have you or I’m going to lose my mind, Blake.” I grabbed my breast with my free hand, pinching my nipple as he’d told me to before.
“Fuck,” he breathed. His grip tightened on the wheel.
“That’s what I want. I want you moving inside me, slamming into me. I want to forget everything except how that feels, how perfect you make it feel every time.”
He glanced sideways and caught my thigh with his free hand. He tugged my leg up so my knee rested on the console. I was fully open, exposed and eager for the attention he should have been putting on the road.
“Keep going,” he rasped.
“You’re the only one who’s ever made me feel this way. I love it. I love you. I’ve been going crazy missing you, needing you. Blake, I need you.”
I pumped into my sensitive tissues, my mind reeling with want.
“Blake, please,” I moaned, having no care of where we were. I was close and I couldn’t wait.
“Don’t stop. I want to see you come for me.”
I did as he asked, desperate for any relief, even at my own hand. I edged closer to orgasm, the promise of it coiling tight in my muscles. Eyes closed, I had no idea where we were until the car came to a sudden stop and Blake’s hands were at my breasts, his mouth hot and wet at my mouth.
“Come, baby. Hurry.”
His hand covered mine as I hastened my final strokes. My muscles tensed, my skin burning under the small places where we touched.
“Blake,” I breathed his name, over and over.
“I love watching you do this. God, I want you so bad. So fucking bad.”
Then I crashed over, just as his teeth sank down into my shoulder. I cried out, shaking with the force of the climax.
I came down slowly, the reality that I was spread eagle in his car on our not-so-private street slowly dawning. I swallowed over a gasp, gradually pulling myself back together. Blake leaned back, seeming to do the same as he stared through the window.
“Let’s go.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I leaned back against the door of the apartment the minute it shut behind us, only a little sated. My legs were still jelly, but every cell was charged, ready for him.
“Come here.”
Blake turned after a few steps, hunger and hesitation at war on his beautiful features. Hunger won as he came back to me, pinning me gently. He kissed me, petal-soft brushes of his lips over mine. I shivered as he traced the skin of my shoulder down my arm, lacing our fingers together. He pulled back a fraction.
“We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
My heart ached at the smallest increase in separation between us, that small recession from where we’d been moments ago. I gripped him by the hip, wishing I could will him back to me, wishing distance were the only obstacle between us.
“I want to.”
“I can wait. God knows, I don’t want to, but I can.”
Strain laced the words as he spoke. I arched into his gentle touch—whispers of skin on skin, quiet declarations of the love between us that had very recently had no outlet. Blake was my lover, and we loved with our bodies.
“I’m ready, Blake. I need this, to be this close to you.” I had to find my way through this, so we could find ourselves in each other again.
He cupped my cheek, holding my gaze. “I will wait. As long as you need to.”
“No more
waiting. I’m...”
I shook my head, not wanting to show him my doubts, but it was too late. He leaned away, his green eyes questioning me.
“I can’t take this anymore. I don’t know if I’m ready or if I’ll freak out somewhere along the way, but we have to try because I can’t live like this, without you.”
“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“No, it’s not the same. You know it’s not. This is who we are, how we love, and sometimes I can’t show you any other way.”
“You need time to work through this. I can see the hesitation in your eyes. I can feel it when you hold back. It shreds me. I can’t stand the idea of being the one who scares you and brings you back to those memories.”
“I know...God, you’ll never know how sorry I am, for all of this.” I sagged against the door, defeated by what Max had brought between us.
“You don’t need to be sorry. I’ve told you a hundred times. You need to believe me when I say that. None of this is or has ever been your fault.”
“I wish I could make it go away. You have no idea how badly I want that...to have Mark’s memory wiped away forever, but even his death couldn’t do that. I thought maybe it would, but it didn’t. It took away the fear that he could hurt me again, but what he did to me on the inside...I don’t know if I’ll ever be free of it. I want to believe it won’t haunt me one day, but all of this...lately...everything feels so fresh. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it again, but with different eyes.”
“How do you mean?”
“I know it sounds crazy, but before, with Mark, right after he attacked me and for the years after, I was never really better. I was functional and happy enough and moving forward with my life, but in order to be, I put what Mark did to me away. I locked him in a box, threw away the key, and convinced myself I was fine. But I wasn’t. Before you came into my life, I hadn’t really faced any of it. Maybe out of self-preservation with school, because I couldn’t imagine letting the rape ruin me and everything I’d worked so hard for. But I can’t block it out anymore. It’s like this terrible ugly scar and I’m too exhausted to hide it anymore. You’ve seen it, and you don’t judge me or pity me for it. It’s a part of me, and for the first time in years I’m realizing that I’m not all the way healed yet. And that’s okay. But I’m better because of you, because of us.”
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