by E M Lindsey
“Are you hungry?” Ryan asked.
The left side of Cole’s lip twitched up and his voice sounded tense. “Yes. In more ways than one.”
“We should eat,” Ryan said, though the longing in his tone betrayed what he really wanted. “Then we can move this somewhere more comfortable.”
Cole swallowed hard, then nodded and turned toward the second set of cabinets. “I’ll get plates. You refill the wine.”
“I can do that,” Ryan said, because they were definitely going to need more wine to get through dinner.
They made it to the table without losing their focus, though it was one of the toughest things Ryan had ever done. He knew what Cole’s skin tasted like now, knew the soft, panting sounds he made, had felt the outline of his hard dick up against his thigh. But he hadn’t tasted his mouth, hadn’t held his hard cock in his palm, and he wanted all of that. Fuck, he wanted it like he hadn’t wanted in years.
Their conversation was ground to a halt as they sat down to the food, though Cole made a noise of surprised pleasure when he took his first bite.
“Okay, this is definitely not the spagbol I had when I was a student.”
Ryan chuckled, grinning to himself. “I think I’m taking that as a compliment.”
“You should,” Cole told him, then laid one hand flat on the table as he twirled pasta around his fork. His smile took on something a little darker, a little more mischievous. “Up until this moment right now, the only thing I wanted in my mouth was your dick, so it’s definitely a compliment.”
Ryan choked on his bite and covered his mouth with a napkin. “Jesus.”
Cole smiled again and went back to his food. Wisely, Ryan said nothing because the only things on his mind would definitely end the dinner, and he wanted to keep up his strength. He was already feeling the wine a little, and he didn’t want to lose sense before he got the chance to take Cole in his arms and do whatever it took to make him lose control.
Their food didn’t last long.
“Just leave the plates,” Cole said, rising from the table.
Ryan pushed his chair back, then walked around to where Cole was standing and let his hands fall to his hips. “Is there anything else we need to do right now? Walk the dog, fold laundry, go through the mail? Because the moment you give me the green-light, your time is going to be occupied for a while.”
Cole shivered, his cheeks going pink again, and he shook his head. “Kevin likes to lay on the porch, and he has his dog-door if he wants in. The post is sorted, and laundry can wait.”
“Thank fuck,” Ryan said, and then cupped Cole’s cheek to telegraph his intent before his mouth descended. When warm tongue hit his, Ryan knew that not only was it going to be a long night, but he wasn’t sure he had the strength to walk away when it was over.
5.
Cole’s desire for Ryan had warred with his discomfort at having someone in his house, in his space, where he was most vulnerable. But his need to feel this, to feel hands on him, a mouth on his own, touch leaving him on the verge of begging overwhelmed any anxiety he had about Ryan in his home.
The dinner had been just short of agony, but he’d occupied his mind with eating one of the best meals he’d had in years, and with knowing that Ryan was as close to panting and begging for it as he was. He could hear the hitch in Ryan’s breath, could feel the tension in the air. He hadn’t done this since before he’d lost his sight, and he was just short of terrified, but he was determined to get past that hurdle.
Adrian had given him the courage. He’d felt monstrous and mangled until Adrian had taken his hand and revealed the braille map of scars across his face, his neck, his ear, his back. Adrian had all that, and his lover wanted him in the body he now possessed, and Cole was allowed to have that too.
In spite of not knowing for sure, Ryan carried that air about him which labelled him an attractive man. Cole was sure the lawyer could have his pick of anyone, and he’d chosen Cole. He’d actively sought Cole out, and the evidence was plain as day in the erection he’d pressed against Cole’s thigh as he’d paid worship to his neck.
Cole felt turned around and dizzy as he took Ryan’s hand and led him to the bedroom. His house had one story, stretched wide along his property with his bedroom near the very back of the house. He had no idea if lights were on, so he kept Ryan tucked in close at his side and led the way into the bedroom.
“I fucking hope you have protection, because I need to feel you everywhere,” Ryan growled, coming up against his back and winding his arms around Cole’s middle. His voice breathed against the back of Cole’s ear, sending shivers down his spine.
“I should,” Cole said. He had lube at the very least, tucked in his nightstand. He hadn’t thought to buy condoms in ages, but there was every chance some had been packed away with his things during the move. He tried to think, but Ryan’s hands now trying to move up his shirt was completely and wholly distracting. “I don’t know…I…” He paused, panting as Ryan dragged blunt nails over his right nipple, sending shockwaves through his body.
He hadn’t been touched like this in so long, and never with so much purpose. He’d spent a good portion of his life hiding who he truly was, engaged in dark hotel-room trysts with strangers he had no intention of ever seeing again. Oh the irony now, that a man he could do this with again and again, he was completely unable to see.
Not that it mattered right then. They moved toward the bed, Ryan’s hands pulling their clothing away. He could hear the soft sounds of fabric hitting the floor, then the bed was against his calves. Ryan’s hands were careful over his compression sleeve, avoiding the places where he hurt the most, mouthing at the places which were desperate for touch.
As Ryan’s teeth grazed his naked hip, Cole’s head flopped back against the pillows hard, his hips jutting forward, seeking to be touched there, where he was hard and leaking. Ryan didn’t need much direction. He took Cole’s non-verbal cues as though he was made for reading them. It was almost a shock to feel a sudden wet heat envelope his cock, but all ability to reason it out flew out the window when the head of his dick nudged the back of Ryan’s throat.
“Bloody hell,” he gasped, his hands moving down, searching for purchase. Ryan’s hair brushed along his fingertips, a little coarse from product and sweat. It was short and light, which meant it was probably more blonde than brown. There were ridges along his skull which Cole traced with the pads of his fingers, then he gripped the locks beneath his palms and began to push himself into the wet opening with short thrusts. “God yes, so good. Ryan,” he moaned.
Ryan hummed, and the vibration around his dick almost sent him over the edge. He palmed Ryan’s cheek, and Ryan pulled away with a wet pop. “Everything okay?”
Cole let out a tense, high-pitched laugh. “Too okay,” he said, his voice breathy. “I’m too close, and I don’t want this to end just yet.”
“Alright,” Ryan murmured. There was a smile in his voice, then he kissed his way up Cole’s body, angling himself perfectly to take Cole in a deep kiss. “What do you want?” he asked against his lips. “Whatever you want, it’s yours.”
He was nearly overcome by the offer. It had never been like this in the past. There had been a quick race for pleasure, never concern for the other person. With Isabel it had been drunken fumbling, no kissing, just one body using another’s. This was everything he wanted, and nothing he ever believed he deserved.
Ryan’s hand reached up to cup his face, his thumb gingerly tracing along a puckered scar. His mouth lifted, only to descend along his jawline, tracing a path upward, licking around the shell of his ear. Ryan moved in, two soft pecks over his softened eyelids—empty as they were, they felt hot and full all of a sudden.
The emotions were too much. Cole was unprepared for the assault. He needed something familiar, that pain-pleasure to focus on, to ground him. “I want you to fuck me,” he said.
Ryan groaned, nodding his head against the side of Cole’s face. “I can do that,�
� he told him. “God, I need to be inside you.”
Cole understood. It wasn’t a want, it was far more than that. He rolled to his side, wincing as his burnt arm pressed into the bedding with his full weight, but he welcomed the distraction, letting it pull himself back from the edge. His hand searched the drawer and eventually he found the bottle of lube, pressing it into Ryan’s hand. “I have condoms. I think they’re in my bathroom. I’d fetch them but it would take me ages…”
“Give me five seconds,” Ryan said, sealing the promise with a swift, rough kiss to Cole’s lips.
Cole let his hand fall over his face as he heard Ryan shuffle off the bed. He heard the distinct flick of a light switch on the wall, then the sound of rummaging through the cupboard. He took the opportunity to catch his breath, even as his other hand drifted between his legs to give his cock a lazy stroke. He had never been so hard in his life, and he knew he wasn’t going to last. His body was primed, ready to take whatever Ryan wanted to give him, ready to sink into the sensations.
The world, his life, the dangers beyond, that all waited for him with tomorrow’s sunrise, but tonight he had this. Tonight, he had Ryan’s body, and the promise of something that could continue on beyond this moment. Ryan was gun-shy when it came to relationships—he’d told Cole all of that without saying the words, and Cole was no idiot. He knew what Ryan was trying to get across, and he was fine with it.
Cole had no room in his life for a relationship, but this? This, he could do.
It was far past five seconds, but Ryan eventually returned, touching Cole on the calf, then dragging his hand up the inside of his leg until his knuckles brushed his tight scrotum. “Sorry that took me so damn long,” he said, and punctuated his apology with a kiss to the side of Cole’s dick.
It throbbed and Cole shifted toward him, unthinking, just wanting. He shivered when Ryan gave a low chuckle, then his entire body went stiff when he heard the sound of the lube bottle open. “I don’t need a lot of prep,” he told Ryan, and he meant it. He’d always loved a tight fit, a little discomfort. He had always been sensitive to touch, and now even more so, and he wanted this to last at least a little while. “Just use a lot of lube.”
Ryan surprised him by lifting his hand and pressing a kiss to the inside of his wrist before pinning his hand to the bed near his ear. “I’ve got this. Trust me.”
Cole’s mouth went dry with the realization that he did trust him. He didn’t know him, had no way to verify that this man was anything he said he was, and yet, he somehow knew he’d readily place his life in Ryan’s hands if the situation arose. Luckily this was not war, this was not hostile territory. This was his home, and his bed, and regardless of his inability to see, he had the upper hand.
When Ryan released his wrist, he reached for Cole’s leg, gently bending his knee. He steadied Cole’s foot on the mattress, then knelt between his legs and gave a gentle swipe with slick fingers between his cheeks. Cole groaned, pushing against the hand, seeking friction. In response, Ryan kissed his knee, then pushed one finger against his opening.
Cole did everything in his power to relax as the finger circled him, prodding gently, not pushing in just yet. Ryan was waiting for something, a wordless acquiescence. Cole reached for him, finding his hand, and kissed the tips of his fingers. It was all Ryan needed—a sweet, sensual gesture to go forward. His finger pressed all the way in, and Cole hissed, then groaned as he fucked his hips back onto Ryan’s hand.
“Shit, you are so sexy. Jesus, I am not going to last,” Ryan gasped. He took Cole at his word, adding a second finger straight away, scissoring them open. Cole wanted the rest of him, wanted Ryan’s cock, wanted to be filled.
He let out a whimper as Ryan found his prostate and brushed gently along, sending sparks flying from his belly button, through all four limbs. “I need,” he gasped.
“I’ve got you.” Ryan pulled away, and Cole almost protested the loss, but heard the sound of a box opening. The distinct crinkle of the condom wrapper filled the silence, punctuated by Ryan’s rapid breaths, and then suddenly there was something blunt and hard pressing at him.
Cole lifted his other leg, spreading wide, letting Ryan lift him by the hips for the right angle. He felt a stream of cold slick hit him as Ryan poured on more lube, and then without warning, Ryan pushed inside.
Cole’s head pressed back through the pillows as though he could reach the floor through his mattress, his hips jutting into the air as he felt full full full. His jaw clenched, hands wrapped into fists. His scars on his arm stung, his body taut and more tense than he’d been in so long, and yet it was so perfect.
Ryan was murmuring quiet, soothing things, his hand drifting up and down Cole’s sternum as he began a slow, shallow thrusting. He was angling himself, trying to find that right spot, clearly watching Cole’s every reaction. It didn’t take long for him to find it, for his hard cock to graze that place inside of him that made everything white out.
His orgasm began to crest unexpectedly as Ryan’s thrusts elongated, as they gained more force, rocking Cole back, shaking the bed. Ryan’s hands held him by the thighs, keeping him lifted as he pounded, grunting now with the force of holding back.
“I can’t,” Ryan gasped. “Shit, Cole, I can’t hold on. I need to…”
“Yes,” Cole breathed out. He reached for his dick and it took three quick strokes before he felt his hot seed spilling onto his chest.
Ryan thrust against him a handful of times, hard, erratic motions before his dick swelled and Cole felt the hot semen fill the inside of the condom, the pressure inside of him intense for a moment as Ryan’s hips pressed against him and he stilled.
Cole became aware of their erratic breathing, matched inside their chests as he bore down, and Ryan slipped out. The mess on his stomach began to cool, and he groped for a corner of the sheet, swiping it away before kicking it to the end of the bed. He could hear Ryan moving around on the floor, then the bed beside him dipped as Ryan slid onto the pillows and reached for him. A warm palm touched his hip, light fingers brushing along his side, up to his shoulders, cupping his jaw.
“That was,” Ryan began.
Cole let out a small hum. “It was.”
Ryan chuckled and stroked beside Cole’s lip with his thumb. “Listen, if you want me to take off, I can. I don’t want to overstay my welcome or anything.”
Cole felt his stomach twist at the thought of Ryan leaving. There was no real understanding between them, no promises, no expectations. But the idea that Ryan might stay, that they might have more time, even wake up together, it made him feel warm all over. “There’s no rush,” Cole said into the silence.
He heard Ryan let out a relieved breath, and it gave him the courage to shift closer, to reach out and touch. Ryan’s skin was still hot, a little tacky from sweat, and as Cole dragged his fingers through the coarse hair on his chest, he could feel the rapid beating of Ryan’s heart.
He realized what he was doing after a moment, and went to drag his hand away, but Ryan seized him by the wrist and pressed his hand back to the side of his neck. “You can touch me. Anywhere, any time.”
Cole swallowed thickly, then let his hand drift up, cupping Ryan’s jaw. It was well defined, hard, squarish against his palm. There was a hint of beard, like he’d been unshaven for a few days, but Cole had to imagine he kept himself tidy for work. He liked the rough feel against the pads of his fingers.
“May I ask you something?” he said as he took one finger and touched the edge of Ryan’s mouth. He felt the lips quirk up. “Smiling?”
Ryan chuckled, his hot breath puffing against Cole’s hand. “Yeah. Sorry it’s just…Noah gives everyone endless shit when they say ‘can I’ instead of ‘may I’. He’ll like you.”
Cole felt himself grin and he shuffled close enough that his hips were brushing against Ryan’s.
Ryan closed his hand around Cole’s wrist again, then turned his head and pressed a kiss to his palm. “What did you want to ask?”
He felt Ryan startle and tense a little, and his hand released Cole’s, though he didn’t pull away. “Oh. I’m not anything…”
“Don’t,” Cole said, a little heat in his voice. “I know you’re attractive, so don’t tell me you’re nothing special.” Ryan’s skin heated beneath his hand, and he shifted uncomfortably.
“How do you know?”
“The way you speak, the way you move, your confidence,” Cole told him simply. “I never used to pay attention to those things until I lost my sight. But it’s obvious now.” He worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. “I just need honesty. I have no other choice but to trust that people are telling me the truth, and maybe it doesn’t matter, but I am curious.”
“No, I get it,” Ryan said, and he let his hand come to rest at Cole’s waist. “Anyone else would be able to just look at me and see for themselves, so it’s a fair question. And you’re not wrong, I am attractive. I’ve…I think I’ve always had a little issue with self-confidence. I’m good looking, but my brother is absurdly handsome. He’s like a damn GQ model, but he’s also taller, and stronger, and smarter, and kinder than me. So, when you asked me that…”
Cole touched Ryan’s lip, quieting his words. He expanded the territory beneath his touch, feeling over his cupid’s bow, his long, thin nose with the slight ridge in the center, the fine brows, the low hairline. It told him absolutely nothing, because he learned early on after losing his sight that what he could feel did not replace what he had once been able to see. It had angered him at first—everything he thought he knew about being blind had been a romanticized lie made for movies and TV. Yet he found he wanted to touch Ryan, not just his face, but everywhere. It made his stomach twist in the best way, made his lips tingle with the desire to kiss him again and again. It was wholly new, and he wanted to cup his hands around this moment and protect it with everything he had.
“What color is your hair?”
