by Sarah Hoss
He smiled when he remembered them sitting at the table, talking and getting to know each other. He’d quickly found himself looking forward to their nightly visits.
He stooped to pick up a twig and used it to beat at the tall grass as he walked. The things Margaret said to him had hit a nerve, but he knew she was right. He didn’t have to stop loving Mairi to start loving Marlana. What man in his right mind would give up the chance to love and know her? She was a remarkable woman. Look at all she had been through and had done so without falling completely apart. She’d had a few moments of tears, but who wouldn’t? Her strength was one of the things that drew him to her. She was beautiful, smart, funny and ...
He stopped. When had he fallen in love with her? Had he been so dead-set on fighting it that he hadn’t realized he’d already done it? The revelation hit him like a ton of bricks. Life is what it is—people live and people die. He would no longer use the excuse of being afraid to lose another person to keep from loving again. He would have to tell her soon.
He set off in the direction of the grave. If Marlana wasn’t there, then he would take the time to say goodbye to Mairi and ask for her blessing. If she was, he was ready to talk to her about everything.
When he arrived at the grave, he found her. He meant to step forward and acknowledge his presence, but something stayed his feet. He knew he shouldn’t listen in, but he couldn’t help it. He was stunned to hear what she was saying. What did she mean by she was leaving? He had to listen more.
He stepped forward to draw her attention, just as she ran off. He was torn between going after her and letting her go. Did she need a moment to herself? Would she be angry to know he had listened to her?
He decided to let her go and walked on to the grave. Being here always made him sad, but he realized the ache had dulled. Amazing the things you miss when you delude yourself. He squatted down to touch the flowers he assumed were left by Marlana and smiled at the gesture.
“Busy place today it seems.” He ran his hand through the grass that grew on the graves. “How is our son?” He sat for a moment, listening to the sounds around him.
He ran his hands gripped one of the stones that circled the single grave. He’d had the baby buried with Mairi, tucked in her arms. The words she spoke on her deathbed came back to haunt him and he hung his head.
Promise me ye won’t grieve forever.
“I broke my promise to ye, and for that I’m ashamed. I’m sorry.” His fingers traced the words engraved on the cross.
“I understand what it is ye were trying to tell me, now, and I want ye to know I’m going to try and be happy. Marlana makes me happy. I’ve fallen in love with her.”
He stood and stared in the direction of the house, knowing Marlana was there. His heart was a little lighter and he hoped that she would be glad to hear what he had to say.
“Good bye, Mairi.”
A gentle breeze blew and touched his cheek, ruffling his hair. He smiled, thinking that maybe it was Mairi and she was giving her blessing. He turned toward the house and hopefully his future.
CHAPTER 18
Marlana glanced around in confusion, then stood. Her legs tingled from sitting Indian style for such a long time.
“What the hell?” She was at the edge of a forest, and she could hear rustling in the bushes behind her. She turned to see what it was and felt a small kick in the back of her leg. Fear ripped through her, but she knew there was something she had to do. What was it? Who was in the bushes and where was Alexander?
“Marlana, wake up, lass.” Alexander sat on the side of the bed, shaking her fiercely. Suddenly she realized it was her own screams that she’d heard and quickly closed her mouth.
Taking a moment to regain her composure, she scanned the room, looking for answers.
“Marlana?” He sat with one hand on her shoulder, the other on the bed across her body. Worry evident in his voice.
“What?” Her throat felt like sandpaper and the word came out in a whisper.
“Ye were having a bad dream, lass. Are ye all right?”
“I couldn’t find you in the woods. I was so afraid.”
“It’s over, ye’re safe. See, I’m here.” He put his hand on the side of her cheek and she relaxed into his palm, sighing deeply.
“I couldn’t find you.” She gripped his sleeve.
He whispered soothing words to calm her down. After a few minutes, he spoke. “Are ye all right, now?”
She nodded and loosened her grip.
“We need to be going. Can ye be ready in an hour?”
She sat up straight. The trip was today. They would be heading out to see the Chief of the Macphersons. No wonder she was having nightmares.
“Of course.”
Alexander sat a moment longer, studying her. Finally, he chucked her under the chin and rose. Holding out his hand, she took it and he helped her rise from the bed.
“I’ll see ye outside in an hour.”
With everything packed and breakfast eaten, she now sat on top of Heather and was on her way. She tried her best to block out all thoughts of where she was going and to just stare at the scenery. Scotland was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful places she had ever seen and it didn’t matter what century you were in. That was one of the things she loved about the country. Some of the places here looked as if they had hardly changed over time.
“What are ye thinking about to put such a smile on yer face?” He scanned the area as they rode.
“Just how beautiful everything is.”
“Aye, she is that,” he said and winked at her.
She blushed and turned away.
“Tell me what the old woman said to ye about your necklace. How did ye know?”
Shifting in her saddle she stared at Alexander in surprise. “Oh, well, do you want the long version or the short version?”
“We’ve quite a bit of riding to do, why not the long version?”
“Okay.” She settled herself into the saddle a little better and took a drink from the water pouch. “My many times Great Grandmother was Scottish and her name was Crawford. The story goes that she was alone and pregnant. About to give birth, she went to seek help from an old woman who everyone believed to be a witch. She tried to pay the old woman for her services with two pearls, but instead of taking them, she blessed them and gave them back. That is what you heard from the Gypsy woman.”
He nodded. They were riding side-by-side, both gently rocking with the horses movements. “There’s more to the story—the legend I grew up on.” She brushed the hair out of her eyes, wishing she had tied it back into a plait.
“To save on breath, I’m just going to call her Grandma, instead of repeating the many greats each time.”
“Aye, it is a mouthful.”
“My Grandma took the baby and went back home to raise him. She did eventually marry and the man was not nice. He came to Grandma with a huge amount of debt and Grandma didn’t have anything to begin with, so they lived in poverty for quite a few years. He never knew about the pearls. Grandma had always kept them hidden and the only other person who knew was the boy because they were being saved for him to give to his wife on their wedding day. The boy hated Grandma’s husband, so he kept the secret.”
She glanced over to see if he was still listening. He smiled at her, then went back to scanning the horizon.
“Then, one day it was rent day. They’d been able to meagerly make it by in the past, but this day they couldn’t. Her husband had gone into town and blown their remaining income on liquor and women. So, when the men showed up to collect their rent, Grandma was already packing, knowing they were going to be thrown out. When her husband handed the rent collectors some coin, Grandma just stood there, confused. She asked him where he had gotten it, but he wouldn’t answer or look her i
n the eye.”
She twisted in her seat to look more directly at him. “Story goes that Grandma had a bad feeling and went to the hiding place of her pearls, only to discover one missing. When she confronted him about it, he got angry and slapped her, once for confronting him and a second time because she’d dared to hide something from him. When the boy found out what the man had done, he was furious. He argued with Grandma’s husband, which led to a fight, which led to the man dying.” She straightened in her saddle, stretched her back, and wiggled to get the numbness out of her bottom.
“The one and only pearl has always been given to the first boy of every family to be passed to his wife on their wedding day. I kind of broke the chain. Mom couldn’t have any more kids after she had me, so when I turned eighteen, she gave it to me as a gift. I’ve been wearing it ever since.”
“Well, the blessing didn’t seem to work out too well for yer Grandma.”
“You’re right, it didn’t. But everyone after that has had great marriages and so I wonder if it is the pearl or the legend that keeps love alive?”
Alexander winked at her. “Maybe a little of both?” He went back to studying the area, but he seemed to retreat into a deep reflection.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
He laughed. “I don’t know how much a penny is worth, but I doubt my thoughts are worth it.”
A little while later, after they had ridden a good distance in silence, Marlana was brought back to reality when Alexander tugged on her sleeve. “What?” She never turned to look at him.
“What is wrong?”
She said nothing, just kept looking straight ahead. Her mind had gone back to their destination and was churning with images of everything that could go wrong. She knew she needed to quit, to calm herself down before she worked herself into a panic, but she couldn’t seem to help it.
“Won’t ye talk to me, lass? Yer about to bite yer lip clean off of yer face, so I know something is wrong.” Suddenly she realized he’d stopped. She turned Heather around and went back.
When she raised her eyebrow in question, he answered. “I have watched ye secretly the entire time ye have lived with me. I listen to ye, pay attention. I’m sure ye have done the same.”
The blush on her cheeks was her only answer. She willed herself to quit biting her lip. It was a little unnerving to realize someone watched you unknowingly, but she should have expected such a thing. She was a stranger in his home.
Alexander laughed. “I lost ye again, I’m afraid.”
He got down off his horse, then walked around to help her off Heather. She didn’t want to tell him her fears. He cupped her chin and looked into her eyes.
“I’m afraid, okay?”
He chuckled with a gleam in his eye. “Ye afraid?”
Jerking her chin out of his hand, she stepped away from him, bumping into Heather.
“I don’t know what on earth you find so funny, and this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you.”
He quit smiling. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt yer feelings.”
“You say that to me an awful lot, you know.”
“It’s only that I find it hard to think of ye as afraid. Look at all that has happened to ye, and ye’ve been strong through it all.”
“You, sir, give me more credit than I deserve. I’ve been terrified this whole time.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Terrified of what?” He didn’t move. She was glad he was keeping a distance, getting closer to him would be a distraction. He was like a magnet and the closer he was, the more of a pull she could feel.
Before she knew what she was doing she let it all go.
“Terrified of a lot of things. First,” she counted on her fingers for emphasis. “I was scared of what had happened to me, then I was scared when I saw you. Not only because I was in your house and you were a complete stranger, but because I’d dreamt of you for so long. I thought for sure I’d gone crazy.”
Finger number two sprang forward. “Second, I’ve been afraid of all the things that could happen to me while I’m here. I think the wolf is a great example.”
The horses whinnied and shook their heads. Alexander loosened their reins so they could eat. He had no expression on his face, he only stood there, letting her vent. She started to pace.
Up went finger number three. “Third, I’m afraid I may never get home and part of me is afraid to leave.” Her heart raced and she took a slow breath to calm it. No sense in passing out now, she was on a roll.
“I’m afraid that I’m starting to fall in love with you and I can’t let myself do that. I might be thrown back into my own time at any moment.”
“Lord knows what the Chief wants with me. Besides, everyone I have ever loved has left me, why wouldn’t you?” She covered her mouth, realizing she was raising her voice. “Sorry.”
It dawned on her that maybe she understood just a little bit of why he acted the way he did toward her. No wonder, sometimes it takes an emotional breakdown to see things more clearly. Her palms were sweaty and she wiped them on the front of her dress. Stopping in front of him, she turned to stare at him. The horses were grazing; unaware of what was going on, not seeming to be affected by her outburst.
She stood in front of him. Waiting to see what he would do or say, waiting for her heart to slow down, waiting for whatever forces that brought her here to snatch her back into the twenty-first century.
Her heart began to slow as she took deep breaths. She stayed rooted to the spot she was in, and he walked over to her. Taking her in his arms, he held her. His embrace was warmth and strength and she stole from it, not feeling any guilt at being so greedy.
He stood still and let her calm herself down as he held her and she was grateful. After a moment, she pulled back ever so slightly to glance up at him. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
“Ye are one of the strongest women I know and I know that ye must have had some fears, but nothing like ye have just said. I wish ye had confided in me, maybe I could have helped?” He raised his eyebrows for emphasis and she smiled.
“I’m sorry for not speaking to you. I didn’t want to burden you with my troubles. I was afraid I’d seem silly to you.”
“Only a person without fears is silly, as ye say.” He brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and they remained in the embrace. The afternoon was warm and birds chirped overhead. He bent his head and she closed her eyes, waiting for his kiss. Welcoming it, cherishing it.
His lips were warm and she could taste the spices from the drink they had shared earlier. She slid her arms around his waist and relaxed into his embrace, enjoying the strength he so willingly offered.
Most of the fear she held passed as she laid her head on his chest and heard him sigh. “We must get on our way or we will have to camp out tonight and I would rather not.”
She nodded and walked over to Heather. He helped her mount, then went around to Gideon. All Alexander had to do was grab a hold of Gideon’s reins for the horse to know his master was ready. Heather, on the other hand, was spoiled and Marlana jerked on the reins to get her to obey.
Part of their ride was ensconced in silence. Alexander was busy scouting the area. They came out of the woods, into an opening called Glen Banchor, then they rode along the River Spey for a while. They were on their way to Badenoch, the heart of Macpherson lands. The glen ran along the base of The Monadhliath Mountains, which rose up to their right. The sight was beautiful. The grass was green this time of year, with purple heather dotting the area. Tall grasses swayed with the wind, dancing a tuneless waltz that has been played for thousands of years.
She raised her head to look at the sky. The clouds were thick, but the rain had held off so far. She could see it raining in the distance, the fingers of the clouds reaching down to the land. Most like
ly it was heading in their direction and she hoped that they found their way to the keep or shelter before it hit.
Marlana patted Heather’s neck, and in response received a snort and shake of her mane. If the horse could feel her nerves, she didn’t show it. They were becoming fast friends.
Her mind started to wonder. Heather made her think of Mairi, which made her think of being married to Alexander, which in turn made her simply think of Alexander. She turned her head to steal a glimpse of him, only to find him watching her.
“What? Why are you staring at me?” she asked.
“Ye look like ye are about to vomit. Do we need to rest a moment?” He started to rein in his horse, but she waved him off.
“Do I really look that bad? Because I was thinking of you right then.”
“Aye? Well, I hope it isna me that makes ye turn green.” He raised an eyebrow.
“I was trying to keep my mind occupied on things other than the Chief.”
“Quit worrying. It’ll be all right.”
“Easy for you to say. I’m about to go into a real castle, with real clansmen, guards, swords, and a Chief. In my time, it’s not the same. Besides, all of these people will be curious, guarded, and suspicious. Everyone will be looking at me, wondering about me, and they’ll eventually ask me questions.”
She reined in Heather quickly, startling the horse, and glanced at Alexander. “Oh, my God. I don’t think I can do this. I think I might be sick after all.”
She jumped off the horse and leaned over.
“Marlana, let’s not draw conclusions. Wait and see what happens. Ye may be making yerself worry for naught.”
She knew he was right. Don’t cross your bridges before you get to them, her mother had always said.
Alexander gave her a hug and helped her mount again. “Trust me,” he said and they were on their way.
