by TC Rybicki
Doug eavesdropped on everything even though they frowned upon such things.
“I’ll ask her. The kid trusts me. She’ll tell me if anyone ever hurts her. Can’t she stay here? Momma always wanted a girl.”
His mother dabbed at her eyes. She cried so easily. “Son, it doesn’t work that way. She isn’t a stray animal. No, we can’t just keep her.”
Tanner introduced Molly to Willow and it was love at first sight for both. She was on the floor rubbing the golden retriever’s coat.
“She’s cool, isn’t she?”
“Oh, yes. I love her. She’s so soft.”
“Yeah, she’s a good dog. I taught her some tricks. I can show you later.”
“Okay. Are you sure you’re not in trouble?”
“I’m fine. My parents think I’m a hero or something, but I have a question. Are you in trouble, Wills?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Listen. You can tell me. I’m not a snitch, but you shouldn’t be scared at home. No kid should. Are you scared to go back to your family?”
She shook her head. “No, no one scares me; that’s not the word I’d use. I just get angry and that’s not our way. No one else seems angry, so I don’t fit in. I hate a few things back there, and Rain says hate needs to be released into the wind. I try, but I disappoint them. I hate how we only stay in that one spot. I bet there’s lots more to see in the world, if the pictures in the books are real. I’ve never even been to the store. JC goes once a month, but no one else is allowed. I asked to go to school, but JC said it’s oppression and I’m free. He said I was a tree in my past life and told my parents to name me Willow.”
This JC sounded loony tunes and Willow’s parents listened to him.
“So, no one ever hurt you? Promise.”
“No, I promise they don’t.” She looked down at the floor. Doug didn’t know if that was a lie or the truth, and it would take him years to figure out some hurts were on the inside and were just as bad to deal with as broken bones and bruises.
His father took Willow back on the way to dinner. He was the only one to walk her down the hidden path once they parked the car. At least, Doug knew how to find her now. Dad was gone a good twenty minutes before he got back to the car.
“Well, what do you think?”
“I think that’s not the best place for a little girl, but her mother seemed happy to see her. I guess she loves her.”
“But she’s not giving her the best life.”
“No, I don’t think she is.”
“Walt.”
“Don’t worry. I’m going to head into town before work tomorrow and talk with the sheriff. I’m not going to ignore this. I’m an officer of the court, but I’m also a realist. It might not make a difference.”
Doug was curious. “Did you meet their leader?”
“Who?”
“Willow said their leader is JC.”
“Well, that’s concerning. I think these people are being fed a load of bull.”
His mother was practically crying again. “I bet he tells them he’s Jesus. That poor precious child.”
“Jesus? Wait. People impersonate Jesus?”
“More often than you think, Son.”
They drove away and headed to their favorite restaurant. Doug’s thoughts stayed on Willow. He was about to eat a big juicy cheeseburger and fries. They’d get ice cream for dessert and she was back in the woods, probably chewing on leaves in her sack dress, watching out for the creepy River kid while a fake Jesus told her school was oppression. He didn’t know why he cared so much, but he did. Wills was a good kid. She called him Dutch and he liked it. She wasn’t weird at all and Doug forgot to apologize for that insult. Willow was different and different suddenly felt new and exciting to him.
Present Day
“That was refreshing. I’m a new woman,” Willow announced when she came from the bathroom.
“You smelled fine. Didn’t you shower before your date?”
“Yes, but trust me, I felt fishy. You know me and dead fish.”
“Don’t I ever.”
His hand hovered over something she accidentally left out on the coffee table. Willow didn’t want him to see it, so she practically took a dive to grab the pamphlet before Dutch read the title.
He saw her attempt, which only piqued his curiosity.
“Keeping secrets from your best friend? I don’t think so.” She tackled Dutch on the sofa, but he didn’t release the brochure.
“Give it back, Asshole!”
He wouldn’t relinquish the hold, so she upped the assault tactics with pinches and girl punches, “Please.”
“So many women have laid on me and made that exact plea, but nope, I don’t feel like handing this over. It must be juicy to get such a reaction.”
Willow slapped his chest. “Eww, disgusting. I’ll never beg you for a damn thing.” Doug pushed her away and stood up. He held the paper over her head, “Except that. Please give it back. It’s personal.”
He acted like he was going to hand it back, but totally faked Willow out and took off to the bedroom. She barely got a foot inside the door to bar him from locking her out of her own room. He held the accordion style pamphlet in front of his face before slowly bringing it back down.
“What the fuck, Wills?”
She snatched it and ripped the damn thing in two, but it was too late.
“No, what the fuck to you? I said, no.”
“Why do you have an information paper on insemination?”
“Because I needed information. Drop it.”
“I’m a doctor, you could’ve asked. The guy goes into a room then...”
“Enough. This discussion ends now. I need to clean up.”
“Already did when you were washing off the octopus. Talk to me. We discuss anything and everything. When I had my first nocturnal emission, who did I tell?”
“Yes, thanks for that. I was petrified about whatever morning wood was for years.”
“And when you got your period, whose door did you knock on first? Not Momma’s.”
“You knocked on the bathroom door and told me I was taking too long. I did not seek you out. And, if I remember correctly, you scared me again, told me life was downhill from that point. My God, you really are a big fat jerk, but seriously, I’m not ready to discuss this, so let’s get some sleep.”
“Please, tell me it’s not for you.”
“Dutch.”
“Oh no, am I too late? Are you?”
“No, of course not. It was one consultation. I’m not sure when I want to get the ball rolling.”
“Willow. Artificial insemination? A complete stranger? Why?”
“Because I’m not getting any younger. Thirty-two is just around the corner.”
“I know. Your birthday is the day after mine. I never forget. Your eggs are still perfectly fine. Plenty of women are waiting later these days and they have healthy babies. Why the rush? You haven’t even been in a serious relationship in forever.”
She rolled her eyes. He knew why that was. “I’m looking at all the options. I told you I won’t rush, but let’s face it, I have been dating since I was sixteen and I’ve yet to meet a man I want to have babies with. I swear the older I get, the worse the pickings are. You know how important having a child is to me.”
“Yes, and I know why.”
“You do?”
“I think so. You want to do it right because you were wronged a lot growing up. I get that, and you’re destined to be the most kickass mom in the history of moms, I’m sure. But I thought you wanted the whole shebang: the husband, the big house with the picket fence, then the babies.”
“I’ve never been selfish to want too much. I’ve been thinking what I want most, lately. That’s a baby. Call me old-fashioned, unfulfilled or whatever you’re thinking. I don’t care. I’m happy in my life, but I want to share it.”
“This is because of me, isn’t it?”
“Excuse me? I think I’v
e told you plenty of times check your ego at my front door.”
“No, I mean it’s because of what happened with Jason. You said you haven’t met a man you want to have babies with, but that’s not the whole truth. If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be with Jason and I bet you’d be on kid number two by now.”
Jason was Willow’s only serious relationship. They were together over two years and even picked out the Victorian condo together before the relationship ended abruptly. Honestly, she was so into Jason that she hadn’t planned out when and if they’d have babies together. They were living in the moment or so she thought.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“You’re damn right it wasn’t, but I still think you harbor resentment. That guy didn’t deserve you after the stunt he pulled. In fact, I never liked him, and he never deserved you from the start.”
Jason always seemed okay with Dutch and how close they were, but right before they went into the deal on the condominium, he issued an ultimatum. The relationship with her best friend was too much. Doug came and went as he pleased. He was too familiar with Willow and he’d already made the joke about getting his key. Jason believed she didn’t rely on him as much as she relied on Doug. He couldn’t take it anymore and if they were going to own a home together, she had to choose.
Once she got over the shock of what he’d asked her to do, it was a no-brainer. No. She wouldn’t cut Dutch out of her life. Jason wasn’t just asking that she not talk to him so much or not dare give him a key to their new place. He wanted that relationship over and done even though he knew she practically grew up with Doug’s entire family.
“Seriously, Dutch, I don’t resent you. If that’s how he felt, I’m glad he voiced his concerns before I entered into a legal agreement with him.”
“Don’t do this, Willow.”
She knew he was going to have unwelcomed opinions, but Dutch was going a little overboard, even for him.
“You have to trust me. That’s what we do when it comes to the big stuff. I’m still being cautious, but I’m not going to back down from living the life I truly want. I make good choices. I’m self-sufficient and I have so much to offer a child, with or without a partner. I expected a little more support from my best friend.”
“I do support you, but you don’t always make perfect decisions because you think with your heart more than your head.”
“For instance?”
“For one, practically every guy you date has screwed you over in one way or another. Let’s talk about this place while we’re at it.”
“No. Let’s not. If you hate it so much, why are you always here?”
“Because you’re here. But seriously, you are willing to live in this dump with a baby?”
Willow was pissed every time Dutch ragged on her condo. Yes, it was ancient and had some quirks, but she adored the architecture and it was full of character. It was a hundred-year-old building, and she had the worst busy-body for a neighbor in the adjoining unit. There was a lot of street noise since she was close to a popular park. The windows let in a draft. Her utilities were astronomical, sometimes her water turned orange and every step on the floors came with a creak or squeak.
“This is my home.”
“Maybe, but you didn’t pick it out.”
“Yes, I did.”
“No. He did and you living here is messed up.”
“Jason never lived here. It’s mine.”
Dutch tried to take her hand. She hated how he could rile her up because he could tell when he was under her skin. Willow got red in the face and shaky before she cried. If she cried, then she’d looked pathetic like she still pined for Jason. She didn’t. At least not in the literal sense, but maybe she did mourn the idea of what they could have had.
“What about your job?”
“What about it?”
“You’re going to keep up the travel with a tiny baby?”
“I have enough savings to cut back the first year. Besides, I’ve already brainstormed a new blog with Constance. It will be geared toward family vacations. This is a real job, you know, so you can stop with the eye rolls.”
“I never said it wasn’t. It might not be the best use of your double major in journalism and communications, but no doubt you make a living.”
“I’m doing what I want to do. I always wanted to see and experience the world. I get paid to do it, too, so that’s a bonus.”
Willow was defensive. Doug thought starting a travel blog was a terrible idea if it wasn’t just a hobby. It quickly turned into so much more as her subscribers grew and she got product endorsements and advertising. Now she worked for a magazine and was widely known on social media as the Georgia Gypsy.
Dutch grabbed her by the shoulders. “I’m sorry. I’m talking out of my ass right now because I’m frustrated. Look. You’re amazing. Your journeys are inspiring. I love it when I can tagalong. I’m not demeaning your career. It’s so Willow. You’re my hero. Can we sit down? I feel like we should sit down.”
“Okay.”
She had a seat next to him on her queen-sized bed covered in a quilt made by Doug’s Nanny who passed away when they were in college. She didn’t have any granddaughters and insisted her quilt collection go to her. Willow’s life was completely interwoven with the Chadwyks. She loved them more than her blood relations. She forgot why she was being sneaky about trying to have a baby in the first place. Of course, she would have never gone through the procedure without him. He’d probably be the one to give her a ride to the doctor’s office.
“Relax. I was letting the information soak in. I would’ve told you. Calm down. You’re really worked up over this, aren’t you?” He broke out in a sweat. She’d never seen him like this except the day of the MCATs and the week when Walt had a minor heart attack last year. They clasped hands. “Dutch. You’re scaring me. Take a breath.”
He breathed in and out a few times. “Don’t, Wills.” He said that already. “I mean, don’t let the doctor shoot you up with some stranger’s jizz. I don’t want you to do that.”
“Eww, gross. Can you act more professional with me for a second? It’s clinical. I would get a detailed profile. I’m not going into this haphazardly. It’s going to be fine, whatever I decide.”
“I’m sorry. I know you hate when I say shit like this, but you can’t. I won’t let you. I swear to God, I’m going to forbid it. You can’t go that route.”
Willow halfway chuckled. “Yeah, right. When have you ever stopped me from doing something when I have my mind made up?”
“Never, that’s why I have a solution. Your mind is made up to get pregnant and have a baby. That’s not the part I want to change.” She was confused. “Don’t use an anonymous donor. Use me.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’ll father your baby.”
Willow laughed out loud. Dutch did not want kids and the whole world knew it.
“I’m not joking.”
“Did you drop acid for the first time when I grabbed a shower? I mean seriously, you’re sweating, trembling, acting like a maniac, and saying outrageous things. What in the hell has gotten into you?”
Dutch wrapped his arm around Willow. “You’re my best friend. Please. I just can’t think of you going the clinical route. It’s fine for some people, but not you. I think you deserve something else, something more personal. Let me do this for you.”
“But...”
“But nothing. It won’t change anything. You’ll be the kid’s mom and I’ll be the best Uncle Dutch I can be. There won’t be expectations. We won’t tell anyone. It will be our secret. This way you’ll know for sure your baby’s father isn’t a weirdo or stricken with genetic afflictions. You already know my family’s history.”
“Dr. Nichols said it’s an extensive screening process. I’d have all that information from any prospective donor.”
“People lie, Wills. People lie all the time to me. Do you smoke Mr. M? ‘No way, I quit twenty years ago.’ But I smell it
on his breath. Do you drink Mrs. L? ‘Um, an occasional glass of red wine.’ But her liver is pickled. I can palpate the damn thing through her abdomen like a huge rock and her blood tests reveal the truth. People fucking lie to doctors more than they tell the truth. You can’t trust those personal files on the donors.”
“Right, just like I can’t trust any man I ever go out with?”
“Probably not. So far, it’s been a bust, don’t you think?”
Willow shook her head. She never complained about the bimbos he went out with, so she didn’t understand why he was so judgmental about the men she dated. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. They both were overly edgy, and she needed to think. Dutch’s offer was the last thing she ever expected.
Although, he made a little sense. She loved his family. It sounded kinda nice to imagine carrying a part of Doug for the future. She knew he meant it the many times he said he’d never have kids. He had a brilliant mind, was devastatingly handsome, and despite his outward faults, there was no soul on earth Willow trusted more. Her best friend was more than capable of producing a beautiful child, inside and out. But wouldn’t it change their dynamic? They never let anything come between their friendship.
She wanted to say no, but instead she said she’d give it thought. There was a lot to sort out, and she would have to talk to Dr. Nichols.
“Let’s sleep on it.” She wasn’t in a huge rush. He needed to chill. It was one consultation, totally in the beginning stages. “I’m tired and to tell you the truth, I’m a little shocked over your suggestion. We’ll talk about it again. Not sure how the process works if I know my donor, but I’m also honored you care enough to make this offer.”
“I understand that you’re shocked. I’m shocked too, but as soon as the thought came to me, it’s the only thing that makes sense. But, I think there’s been some confusion, Wills. I didn’t make myself clear.”
