He made a noise in his throat, almost like a laugh, but not quite. "You weren't yourself, not after all those drinks. It's fine."
"I don't know," I said contrarily, "maybe I was myself."
He shook his head. "It wouldn't matter. Now tell me, what happened out there?"
The warmth in his voice, the concern…it was tearing me apart. There was something so familiar and safe about him that I longed for right now, and I couldn't evade him.
"It's…complicated," I said at last.
"Immortal intrigue?"
I nodded, feeling tears well in my eyes again. Fuck. I think half of my emotion now was from the way he was looking at me and had nothing to do with the rest of my life's madness. I stood up and looked away, hoping he wouldn't see my face, but it was no use.
"Georgina, what's happened? You're scaring me."
I dared a glance back. "You…you wouldn't believe me if I told you."
His face was still filled with worry, but the hint of a smile turned up the edges of his lips. "Can you seriously believe that after half the stuff I've seen you go through? Try me."
"Fair enough," I admitted. "But I don't want to get you involved."
"I want to help," he said, moving closer. His voice was like velvet, wrapping me up in softness and security. "Please. Tell me what's going on."
I wanted to tell him there was nothing he could do, but suddenly, words spilled from my lips.
"Jerome got summoned-which means he's trapped somewhere and-"
"Whoa, wait. Summoned? Like in Dr. Faustus ?"
"Um, yeah. And so long as he's gone, we're all in this weird state. Peter calls it 'stasis.' None of us have our pow-abilities anymore. I can't shape-shift. Hugh can't see souls. The only ones who are happy about this are the vampires because they can go in the sun again, which'll probably end up killing them. And if we don't find Jerome soon, someone else is going to take over here, and I really don't want that. And yet…I really don't want to go another second like this either, being in this limbo. I want everything to go back to how it was."
Seth's face was unreadable as he regarded me for several heavy seconds. Finally, he said, "Is it…is it so bad going without shape-shifting?"
I shook my head and began to ramble further. "It's not that. It's the fact that I may not be immortal anymore. I can't…I can't handle that. Coming here was horrible. The walk from my apartment. I'm afraid of everything. It's stupid. I mean, you guys-humans-get by all the time and don't think about it. But I'm scared to leave the house. Scared of what could happen to me. And when that car didn't see me right away-fuck. I just froze. I was paralyzed. God, I feel like an idiot. I must sound crazy."
At long last, a tear leaked out of the corner of one eye, the final stamp on my weakness. Seth reached out and gently wiped it away. He didn't withdraw his hand when finished, though. He slid it to my shoulder and pulled me to him. I rested my head on his chest, swallowing back more tears as I sank into the protection he offered.
"Georgina, Georgina," he murmured, running his hand over my back. "It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay."
Those words…there was something so wonderful about them, simple as they were. When people are distressed, others have an instinct to want to actually do something tangible to help-men in particular. And there's nothing wrong with that-often, it's very much desired. But what a lot of people don't get is that sometimes, all that's needed is to hear those words: Everything's going to be okay . It's enough to know that someone's there, that someone cares about you. It isn't always about the next logical course of action.
My next words, spoken into his Hong Kong Phooey shirt, came out muffled. "I don't know what's going to happen. With any of this. I'm so scared. I don't think I've been this afraid since I thought Roman was going to kill me."
"Nothing will happen to you. You said yourself this won't last more than a few days. Just wait it out."
"I don't wait very well."
He laughed and leaned his cheek against my forehead. "I know you don't. Don't worry. Most of us do far more dangerous things than walk two blocks, and we survive just fine. Yeah, that car kind of sucked, but even still, nothing happened."
"It's two and a half blocks," I corrected. "Not two."
"Right. I forgot that extra half one where the sharks and land mines are."
I pulled away slightly so that I could look into his face. His arms stayed around me. "I have to find Jerome, Seth."
His smile faded. The worry returned. "Georgina…if you want to stay safe, going after him probably isn't the way to do it. You don't always have to take this stuff on yourself, you know. Let someone else look for him. Stay home."
"That's the thing…I'm not sure anyone will be looking for him. Why would the other demons want him back? They want his territory. They aren't going to be happy if he's found."
Seth sighed. "Great. Now I'm the one worried about you leaving the house."
"Hey, I thought you said everything was going to be okay?"
"Gotta be careful what I say." Eyes thoughtful, he reached up and smoothed some hair on the side of my head. "Why are you so brave?"
I scoffed. "Are you insane? Didn't you just witness my near breakdown?"
"No," he said gently. "That's the thing. You are scared. You don't know what's going on or what could happen to you. Yet, in spite of that fear and uncertainty, you're going to throw yourself out there to hunt him down. No one else would do that, and you do that kind of thing all the time."
Inexplicably, I flushed under his praise. "I was only going to do a Web search."
"You know what I mean. I think you've got more courage than anyone I know-and what's truly amazing is that it's so subtle, hardly anyone ever notices. You do so much, and it goes unseen. I wish I was that brave sometimes."
"You are," I said, growing increasingly unsettled by our proximity. I also noticed then that he was still smoothing my hair back. "What are you doing to my hair? Does it look bad or something?"
"Your hair never looks bad." He dropped his hand sheepishly. "It's just…a little messier than usual."
"I brushed it fifteen minutes ago!"
Seth shrugged. "I don't know. It's just kind of frizzy, but that's probably normal. There's a little humidity out."
"Frizzy? My hair's never frizzy."
"Georgina," he said wearily. "Considering everything else going on, I don't think you need to worry about your hair being frizzy."
"Yeah, yeah. You're right." I made a face. "I just feel like I got a raw deal here. The vampires are having a non-stop party. Me? I somehow get bad hair. Not sure the energy break is really worth it."
Seth tilted his head, face puzzled once more. "Energy break?"
"Yeah. Along with everything else, I lost the need for life energy, so I'm not-"
I stopped. The world stopped.
I met Seth's eyes, those beautiful golden-brown eyes that were filled with utter and complete shock as we both realized the full weight of what I had been about to say. His hold on me stiffened. The casual embrace suddenly became so much more. I was acutely aware of every place we were touching and exactly how much distance was between the places we weren't touching. He felt warm, so wonderfully warm, and every place he touched me tingled-not necessarily in a sexual way but in a Oh my God, it's Seth way. My entire body was on full alert, waiting and watching-and hoping-for him to touch me more.
He swallowed, eyes still wide. "So you aren't…I mean you can…"
"Yeah," I said, my own voice husky. "That's the theory, at least. I haven't really tested it…"
My words faded off because they didn't matter. My relationship with Seth had been plagued with a hundred small problems, everything from communication to trust and the myriad details in between. And always, always underneath that had been the knowledge that we could never be physically close. Oh, we'd been able to hug and do some kissing-there was even a fair amount of tongue we could get away with before my succubus hunger started stealing
his life. But ultimate intimacy? Sex? Making love? It was totally off-limits, and that denial had tortured both of us, no matter how much we talked about love being the most important part in a relationship.
And now…here we were. Those barriers were removed. I hadn't tested if my succubus stealing really was gone, but I didn't need to. I could feel it, as Hugh had said. The perpetual craving that always lurked within me was completely dormant. I could touch and kiss anyone without restraint. I could touch and kiss Seth. There was nothing standing between us now.
Well, except for one thing.
A knock sounded on my door. "Georgina? Are you in there?" Maddie called.
It was like cold water in the face. Seth and I sprang apart. He backed toward the door, and I promptly sat down at my desk. My heart was pounding again. Damn it. I was going to have to talk to Hugh and get an anti-anxiety drug. "Yeah, come in," I called.
Maddie stuck her head in, surprised to see both of us. "There you are," she said to Seth. "I just got here and couldn't find you."
Seth was still in shock. "I…yeah…I saw Georgina was here and stopped by…"
Maddie peered at me. "You okay? You look a little worn out." Her eyes flicked to my hair and then back to my face. "Did you just wake up?"
Apparently, I no longer looked like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, which was something. I hadn't liked the way she eyed my hair. "Well, not exactly. It's, uh, been a long day." I stumbled over my words. I was so flustered, I could barely string a coherent response together. Seth's presence was like the sun, blinding me and warming me all over, and Maddie was making me feel guilty and dirty for enjoying that sun.
"Is everything okay with your family?" she asked.
"My-oh, yeah, they're okay. Still just a little crazy, but it'll, um, pass." I stood and picked up the laptop, hoping I sounded casual and calm. I needed to get out before I said something stupid. As it was, I couldn't even make eye contact with Seth now. "I really just came by for this."
Maddie studied me a few seconds longer and must have decided I was more or less telling the truth. She relaxed and seemed oblivious to me trying frantically to get to the door.
"Hey," she said, "I was thinking you might not need to go to California for beaches."
"For…what?"
"Remember our conversation at Mark's?"
"Er, yeah." Miraculously, I did. The condo thing, when I told her I had a beach itch.
"I have the perfect solution: Alki."
"Alki?" asked Seth, confused.
"It's a secret." She winked at me. "I thought that might be a good place to start looking. What do you think?"
"Sure. Sounds great." Alki Beach was a region of West Seattle that stuck out into Puget Sound. While it was a far cry from a Cyprian beach, it was, well, a beach. And if agreeing that it was a good idea would get me to the door…
"Cool! And what about dancing?"
"Huh? What about it?" I probably looked like a deer in the headlights again. This agitated state of mine didn't make for good topic-jumping.
"Teaching salsa. I mentioned it to Beth and Casey, and they were pretty excited."
"Oh. Yeah. Sure. I can do that." I was seriously about to agree to anything to escape.
Her face lit up. "Oh, thank you! Is this week too soon? I bet we could get everyone together on, oh, Thursday."
"Sure, sure, that's fine." I was almost at the door.
"Oh, thank you! This'll be fun. I'll double-check the day with everyone and e-mail you. If something comes up…I mean, I know you're under a lot of stress…"
I waved it off. "It's fine, really. Have a good night, okay?"
I put on a winning smile and quickly walked past both of them. As I stepped out the door, though, I glanced back and met Seth's eyes. My smile faltered. A thousand messages passed between us, just as they used to when we were dating. Only this time, I wasn't sure what any of them were saying.
I kept walking, suddenly realizing I had a lot more than mortality to worry about.
CHAPTER 12
Searching the Internet didn't turn up much, just as I'd feared. Still, I took some satisfaction in at least doing something. It kept my mind off my possibly impending death. It kept my mind off demons descending on Seattle. Most importantly, it kept my mind off Seth.
Because if I thought about him, I was going to think about touching him and kissing him and…well, a lot of other things. My feelings for him were starting to consume me, almost to the extent that my other problems seemed trivial. So, I lost myself in Google searches, hoping for any scrap of information about demon summoning. As expected, most of my hits sent me to sites on role-playing games and Dr. Faustus. Still, I felt better than if I'd just sat around.
Driving to the meeting at the Cellar was about as agonizing as walking to the bookstore had been. I took slow back roads, unwilling to face the congestion and speed of the freeways. The Cellar was a pub a lot of Seattle immortals liked to frequent. Whoever had organized this event had apparently reserved the restaurant's back room, which was normally used for banquets and wedding receptions. I didn't have to sense demonic magic to know they'd sealed off the space from prying ears.
The dimly lit room was crowded when I entered. I recognized some of the local lesser immortals, but most were demons I didn't know. Few sat at the long table, which was covered with appetizer plates and bottles of wine. Most people stood around the edges, deep in conversation, or had pulled chairs up in tight, furtive clusters. Grace and Mei were both working the room, looking as businesslike and efficient as ever-albeit edged in an uncharacteristically frazzled air. For the first time ever, they were dressed differently, and I wondered if stress had prevented them from coordinating their wardrobes. Mei wore a red skirt and blazer with a necklace made of tiny alternating gold and silver rings. Grace wore a linen pantsuit with a chunky stone choker with a crescent moon pendant.
Peter, Cody, and Hugh stood in the corner and waved me over.
"Hey," I said, "what's going on?"
"Not much," said Hugh. "This seems to be more of a meet and greet. Not a lot of organization."
We fell silent, all of us watching the interactions. In the opposite corner, I saw Cedric gesturing dramatically as he spoke. His face was dark and intent, and Kristin stood nearby with a clipboard and rapt expression, taking notes. Not far away, Nanette stood with her lovely, unreadable face while listening to another demoness talk.
"So, you must be Jerome's staff."
The four of us turned. None of us had noticed the demon approaching, thanks to losing our ability to sense immortal signatures. This whole experience, I decided, really was like being bereft of sight or smell. This particular demon was no one I knew. He had a big toothy smile and skin that looked like it had had a tanning job go bad. His spiky white-blond hair wasn't doing him any favors either.
He extended a hand. "I'm Tom. Pleasure to meet you all."
We each shook his hand in return, introducing ourselves. He held our hands with great vigor, like a politician on the campaign trail. If we'd had a baby, I had no doubts he would have kissed it.
"I imagine this must be pretty strange for you," he commented. "But I want you to know that we're all here for you. There's nothing to worry about-things'll be back to normal before long."
"Thank you," I said politely, giving as good a succubus smile as I could in a non-succubus state. Snark around a demon was never a good idea. Snark when you didn't have your normal powers? Horrible idea. "We're just anxious to get Jerome back."
His smile faltered a little but quickly resumed. "Yes, yes. Of course. We're all doing everything we can. But, of course, you know there's a chance Jerome might not be found…"
"So we've heard," said Hugh, speaking as politely as I had.
Tom nodded. "But don't worry. In the tragic event that happens, we'll make sure you guys are taken care of. You can rest assured that Seattle's next archdemon will rule with control and competence, making sure you're able to perform your duties
in an efficient and effective manner."
I had a feeling he was on the verge of telling us how, if elected, he'd cut taxes and increase jobs, but we were interrupted by a high-pitched voice.
"Georg- gee -na!"
A seven-foot woman was heading toward us. She had ebony-black skin that looked horrible with her orange hair. The combination made Tom's features look supermodel gorgeous. Gold eye shadow shot all the way to her eyebrows, its glitter rivaled only by the multicolored sequins of her dress. A black feather boa flared around her as she walked. Several demons in the room froze and watched her, which was remarkable. Demons are not easily fazed.
"Who's that?" asked Cody. Just like with Tom, Cody could sense neither the identity nor even the type of this immortal. But I needed no such clues.
"Tawny," Peter and I said in unison.
"How do you guys know?" asked Cody.
"The clothes," said Peter.
"The whine," I said.
Tom was standing there, mouth half-open. A moment later, he recovered himself. "Well, it was nice meeting you all. I hope you'll come talk to me if you have any questions or concerns. I'm very eager to get to know you all better." He scurried off just as Tawny reached us. We stared.
"What the hell happened to you?" exclaimed Hugh.
Tawny pouted. "Well, there was this really nice guy that I wanted. Really pure and-"
"Tawny," I interrupted. "I've told you a hundred times. Stop worrying about the good ones."
She shook her head. "No, no. He was into me. Well, he was into this." She gestured to her body. "I figured out that he had these weird fantasies his wife didn't know about. So, I put on this shape, and we did it . And the energy…it was amazing."
I couldn't hide my astonishment. Tawny had managed to score a decent guy. She'd used a strategy that, while basic, was also highly effective: exploiting secret desires. It could shake the unshakable soul. "Wow," I said at last. "That's great. I…well, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm proud of you."
She sighed. "But I didn't get to enjoy the rush. Like, ten minutes after it happened, it went away. Everything went away. I started feeling sick and-"
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