by Wendy Davy
“You look stunning.”
“Thank you,” she replied looking up into his eyes. “You’re not so bad yourself.” She ran her free hand over his hair and down the back of his neck.
The gesture could not be taken for granted. He let his head drop down for another, longer kiss as her fingers lingered on his neck. He stifled a groan and lifted his head. “I like it when you don’t pull away from me.”
“I don’t want to pull away from you anymore.”
James tugged her toward the boat. “We’d better get going. I think you’re going to like what we have planned.” He looked up and said louder, “Sean, you guys ready to go?”
Sean and Ashley walked toward the boat hand in hand, heads held tightly together.
Half an hour into the boat ride, they came around a bend in the lake. When Victoria saw where they were heading she said, “Settlers Creek! I’ve never been here by boat before.” She smiled brightly at James. “This is so cool! Thank you for bringing us here.”
“My pleasure,” James announced as they neared the bustling marina.
Dozens of boats sat tied up to the docks in the marina, some sat unoccupied while others were filled with an assortment of tourists. The smell of gasoline permeated the air as fuel pumps worked to refill thirsty boat motors. Pieces of conversations could be heard above the roar of the engines and laughter erupted from several locations creating a festive atmosphere.
Beyond the docks, people swarmed along a large two-story building up on a hill. Rows and rows of shops occupied each level. Restaurants were filled with guests dining and a few bars were overflowing with patrons. With the lights blazing, a band began setting up for the night’s show. Visitors to the lake and locals gathered together to spend a warm summer evening enjoying the view of the lake along with some local entertainment.
Victoria pointed to a family feeding popcorn to the fish that gathered near the boardwalk at the lakes’ edge, looking for handouts. “Isn’t that little boy adorable? Look! He just dumped the whole bag of popcorn in at once. Oh! Dad’s not too happy about that.”
James grinned at her enthusiasm as he docked the boat and tied the ropes to the pleats. He put a hand out to Victoria and lifted her with ease to the dock. Sean did the same for Ashley, except that he stumbled back a bit and they almost took a swim in the lake.
Laughter erupted from both of them. “Sorry Ash,” Sean giggled through his words. “Hey guys.” Sean looked at James and Victoria and suggested, “Let’s meet up for dinner in an hour. Sound good?”
“Sounds good.” James nodded and watched as Sean and Ashley wandered off. He turned to Victoria and asked, “Where would you like to go first?”
Her smile was like sunshine on a cloudy day. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be happy anywhere you are.”
James took her hand and led her into the throbbing crowd. “I take it you’ve completely changed your mind about me then? No more mistrust?”
They moved past several people gathered around talking, when they reached a quieter place she turned to him, pulled him close and said, “No more mistrust. But it’s more than that James. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
James heard the words, but they took a moment to register. That was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to trust him, not love him.
“No, don’t do that.” James shook his head vehemently. “You don’t want to do that.” He looked off into the crowd taking a deep breath.
“It’s too late. I already do. Was I not supposed to?” Victoria let go of his shirt, dropping her hands to her sides.
“No, you weren’t supposed to,” James reply was terse. He could see the pain tear through her. She took a step back from him, hugging her arms around her shoulders.
“Why not?”
“What do you want from me?” James words were forceful. He didn’t want to hurt her any more than necessary, but he also couldn’t let herself believe she loved him. “I’m going to be leaving, remember?”
“Of course I remember.”
“Then let’s just enjoy the time we have together. Why complicate it?” He shrugged and tucked his thumbs into the front pockets of his jeans. He tried to look more casual than he felt.
“Complicate it! You mean like with real human emotions?” Victoria shook her head. Tears stained her cheeks and she angrily swiped them aside. “I never said you had to love me back.” When he said nothing and only looked at her she added, “Forget it. I’ll see you when it’s time to eat.” James watched as she bolted into the crowd.
He stood there, and let her go. She loved him. His web of guilt grew more tangled, more intense. He should have known better than to spend so much time with her. He had let her get too close. He had a strange sense of satisfaction at her admission of love, but it was mixed with the inevitable guilt associated with his actions.
James’ eyes trailed her movements as she weaved her way past dozens of vacationers toward the far end of the complex. With the breeze capturing her blonde hair and her attractive blue blouse billowing, he was able to track her easily. He figured he would be able to zone in on her in a crowd of thousands, so he took his time following her and let her get farther ahead.
****
Humiliation and pain tore through Victoria. She had admitted her love for James, only to be rejected. He kept hanging around her, asking her to do things with him. Spend time with him. She knew he cared for her, at least she thought he did. Why would he turn her away so harshly? Victoria turned to look behind her. She half expected to see him there, or to feel him brush against her as he came up beside her. When she didn’t see him coming after her, her heart plummeted even further.
Victoria jogged up a flight of stairs to the upper level, ducked into a shop and absently wandered around. She poked at a few trinkets, looked at a few t-shirts and tried not to break anything with her trembling hands. She felt foolish for loving the man who she knew from the beginning would be leaving. She had tried not to love him, but failed miserably. Victoria had hoped that maybe he would change his mind and stay if he knew how she felt. Obviously that wasn’t the case.
Victoria stepped past a display case harboring rich scents of vanilla, peanut butter and dark chocolate fudge. Normally that would have tempted her taste buds, but now the sweet smell only added to her rising nausea. A group of young tourists came in the door. They crowded around the fudge, leaving little room for her. One of the young men bumped against her without apologies. The little space left for her in the shop was stifling. Panic rose in her. She needed to get out fast. Shoving past the rest of the patrons, she scrambled for the door. Through protests and grumblings from the large group, she managed her way outside, finally catching a deep breath. That helped keep the panic at bay until she saw him.
Eric stood a few feet away from her, with his back to her. Even though she couldn’t see his face, she identified him immediately. Eric had a unique way of standing that Victoria would recognize in her sleep, even after all these years. He stood on the long wooden deck that ran the length of the building, looking over to the concert goers on the grassy area below.
Victoria fought down the rising panic once again. Blinding fear tried to envelop her. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. When she had seen him on the Jet Ski, James had been there. She had felt safe standing beside James, secure. But now, she stood among a crowd of strangers, feeling totally alone and isolated. She said a quick prayer for help and willed Eric not to turn around. But of course, he did.
“Hey Vikki,” he said leaning his elbows against the railing. He jerked his head up in a quick nod.
Instead of fleeing, which she really wanted to do, she forced herself to take steps closer to him. She would not back down to him again. Anger crept through her words when she asked, “Are you following me?”
He slowly shook his head. “You were the one sneaking up behind me.”
“I was not…” Victoria started to protest then realized he was trying to take the upper hand. Determined not t
o let him, she walked up to the railing next to him and leaned into it.
He turned to look at her with a smile. “You look as good as ever.” His soft and familiar voice hit home.
She turned blazing eyes on him as her panic turned to anger. “I want you to stay away from me.”
“Then why did you come over here.”
“To warn you off. I won’t take any crap from you Eric. I’m not a teenager anymore.”
“I’m not either,” he sighed. “Okay, I’ll admit, I saw you run into the store. And I followed you.”
“Why?” Victoria asked as revulsion crept up her spine.
“I wanted to apologize.”
She squeaked out the question, “Say again?”
“I’m sorry for what I did that night.”
“You. Sorry? Not likely,” she scoffed.
“Will you just listen to me for a minute?”
“Why should I?” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“When I told you I’m a changed man, I meant it,” Eric said as he placed his arms on the railing. He looked out over the crowd again. “I made a terrible mistake that night, with you. I really did love you.” His eyes once again focused on hers.
“No, Eric. You couldn’t have. You don’t try to rape someone you love,” she hissed.
“Maybe you’re right, but at the time I thought I did love you. When I asked you out on the picnic that night, I had intended to ask you to marry me.”
Disbelief had her shaking her head. “No.”
“Yes. I had picked up the ring from the jewelers that day, but I had made the mistake of leaving the receipt out on the table. When Dad saw it, he went ballistic. He said I wasn’t allowed to marry a Connor. He always hated the fact that I even took you out,” Eric paused and looked her in the eyes. “You know he’s always believed that the Connor’s land should have been his, something about a dispute generations ago. Anyway, when he found out, he took out his belt, made sure I listened to him. Then he threatened you.”
Victoria took in a deep breath and asked, “Did he hit you often?”
“Only when the mood struck, and yes, that was often.”
“The man has no business being a sheriff.” Victoria studied his features. “I’m sorry Eric, I didn’t know what you had to live with.”
“If you want to be sorry, be sorry for what I did to you.” He gripped the porch railing with a tight, white knuckled grasp. “After Dad was finished with me, I had a few beers, then a few more. By time I went to pick you up I was angry. Furious, at Dad, at you.”
“At me?”
“Yes. I wanted you, and I couldn’t have you. I guess I always knew that, deep down. You were too good for me. I knew I couldn’t have you, and I tried to take you anyway. I had no right.”
A sudden thought occurred to Victoria. “So, after he beat you, you took me out anyway?”
“Yes.”
“Then why did you run to him after I hit you with the rock.”
“I was a coward I guess. I knew even though he beat me, I was still his son and he’d stand up for me. I didn’t want you telling anybody. I knew he’d scare you out of it.”
“Why are you telling me about all of this now?”
“Because I became a Christian. A few years back, I was put into prison for theft. It was the lowest point in my life, when I went to prison. But it also was the best thing that ever happened to me. My cell mate had a Bible.” Eric ran a hand through his hair and explained, “I picked it up one day, and that is all it took. I told you I’m a changed man, Vikki. I want to ask you to forgive me.”
Victoria turned from his imploring eyes, and looked out to the crowd. The band droned out a sad, old country western song. Her words to James echoed in her head of her asking him to forgive the drunk driver that had killed Danny. But this was different, wasn’t it?
“All these years, I thought you had no regrets.”
“I didn’t for most of them. I blamed you, my father, everyone but myself. But now, I regret it every day of my life. I take full responsibility.”
Victoria looked him over, remembering the times they had together. The familiarity was there, but thinking about their past only led to memories of that awful night. “You never told me you loved me.” Emotions churned through Victoria like a strengthening whirlpool.
“I didn’t know how. Remember who I had as role models. Mom never stood up to Dad. She let him hit her too.” Eric gripped his hands together and said, “I’m still screwed up in ways. I guess I always will be. But I’m trying to set things as right as I possibly can and move forward with my new life. In order to do that, I needed to see you. To tell you what happened, and to say I’m sorry.”
“I don’t know what to say Eric. All these years, I’ve been...” Victoria searched for words to say. “Terrified of you. Of what happened.”
“I wish I could make it up to you. But I know I can’t. I just hope one day, you’ll forgive me.”
Victoria knew then what she had to do. She didn’t want Eric carrying around a load of hurt and pain any more than she wanted James to. “I forgive you, Eric.”
His eyes widened. “That simply?”
“Yes. It’s what God wants me to do. I forgive you,” she said again, more assuredly.
His face lit up with relief. “I didn’t really expect you to.”
She shrugged. “Just do me a favor.”
“What’s that?”
“Keep close to God. He has a plan for you, you know.”
“I know. It took me a long time to accept that He loves me anyway, no matter what I’ve done.”
“That’s right. Ohh!” Victoria exclaimed as Eric took her in a tight bear hug.
She didn’t have time to react before James appeared and pried them apart. He lifted Eric off his feet.
“James, no!” Victoria interceded.
James had Eric by his collar and at eye level. “Give me a reason, I dare you.” His voice was menacing, the words came out gravelly and rough.
Eric held his hands up in defense. “I wasn’t going to hurt her.”
“James, put him down. It’s okay,” Victoria said. When James hesitated, she added, “He’s really not trying to hurt me.”
Slowly, James let his hands drop, but he kept his body as a barrier between Victoria and Eric.
Victoria put a hand gently on James’ arm. She looked at him and said, “I’ll tell you about it later, just let it be.”
Eric backed away. He glanced at Victoria and gave a small, grateful grin. “Thank you, Vikki. You are truly amazing.” Then he turned and disappeared down a flight of steps.
“What was that all about?” James demanded as he whipped around to face her.
She heard James’ question but was helpless to answer. She stared after Eric, wondering if she had seen the last of the man who had created her tormenting nightmares. Nightmares that might finally be at an end.
James took her by the shoulders and voiced his demand. “Tell me.”
“I will,” she nodded, finally able to speak. “But first, tell me how long you were watching us.”
“The whole time. I followed you, watched you.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to make sure you were safe.”
“Why?”
“Will you stop asking asinine questions Victoria?”
“No, I won’t. Why do you want me safe? You’re confusing me James. One minute you are pushing me away, telling me you don’t want me. The next you’re stalking me.”
“I’m not stalking you, and I never said I don’t want you,” his vehement reply was barely controlled. “I said you shouldn’t love me.” His eyes searched hers as he let out a long, exasperated breath.
“Why not? Because you won’t let yourself love me back?”
“That couldn’t be the farthest from the truth.”
“You’re talking in riddles, James.”
“Answer my question. What was that about?”
Victoria sighed in fr
ustration. “All right.” She turned to lean on the railing in the same spot she had just forgiven Eric. “I should have done that a long time ago, James.”
“Done what?” He asked as he leaned an elbow on the railing, close to Victoria. His shirt brushed her arm. She could feel his warmth and was inexplicably drawn to him even through her haze of confusion.
She looked up into his eyes and answered, “Forgiven him.”
James’ pulse throbbed at his temple, angry lines formed across his forehead. “You better explain to me now, Victoria. Or I’m going after him. What did he say to you?”
Victoria recounted the conversation she’d had with Eric. Trying not to leave out any details, she spoke slowly and paused several times. When she finished, James looked at her with an incredulity that spoke volumes.
“You forgave him. Just like that?”
“Yes, I did.”
“You’re either the most incredibly naive woman I’ve ever known, or,” he paused for a moment, “or just the most incredible.” James leaned over to place a kiss on her forehead.
“James, if you really don’t want me to love you, you’d better stop looking at me like that. And stop kissing me like that.”
In reply, his head bent lower this time. His lips met hers with a possessiveness that took her breath away. He wrapped his arms around her and held on like he would never let her go. Eventually, when he pulled away, he leaned his forehead against hers and admitted, “I hated seeing his arms around you. I want to be the one that holds you, Vic.”
“Then why push me away?”
