by Blue Saffire
I bite my lip and nod trying to hold back the sobs. Reese looks like the wheels are turning in her head. Reese is a problem solver it is a part of her nature and the reason she is so good at business.
“Okay, so we just tell him. Troy text me the other day asking me to meet up before playoffs start, I can ask him to pass a message along,” Stacey offers.
“No,” I shake my head.
“Maybe Nico knows him and can talk to him or tell us more about him. I know they play different sports but Nico and his brothers know tons of people. If they don’t know him I know his brother can find him. This Troy guy, what team is he on? He can at least give us a name,” Reese suggests.
“No, no, no, I don’t want to know. He walked out. He didn’t say anything and he didn’t leave a way to contact him. This is not his problem. I’ll handle it on my own,” I sniffle.
“So you plan to keep it right,” Alee asks. “I mean I never thought you would be the first but I just can’t see you doing anything other than keeping it.”
“It’s my baby,” is all I can say.
“Well you know I am here for you whenever you need,” Reese says soothingly.
“My sentiments exactly,” Alee chimes in.
“I wish I could say the same,” Stacey says with a distant look on her face. Reese, Alee and I all look at her like she is crazy. “Oh Doll, not like that, I mean I’m here whenever you need me but I just won’t be here, here, like in New York. My dad is pissed about me burning through my divorce settlement and my trust and he has some clauses he is threatening to use to cut me off if I don’t move to Texas where he can keep an eye on me.” Stacey sighs then shrugs.
The wheels start spinning in my head and my plan snaps into place. My baby may not be able to know who their father is but maybe I could do the next best thing. He had let out that he was born and raised in Texas. I could tell in the way he talked about it that he missed home. It must be a great place to grow up.
I could give my baby that, to know a part of where their father is from. I need a change. I need a fresh start.
“I’ll come with you,” I tell Stacey.
“What? To Texas, are you serious? But what about your job, you wanted to be a lawyer?” Stacey says half excited, half concerned.
“I can take the bar exam there and find a job. My dad can probably help. There are just as many athletes in Texas as there are in New York. I can travel if needed. I want to go. He was from Texas I think it would be kind of cool to have the baby there,” I shrug.
“You do know Texas is huge. It’s not like you are going to run into him in the grocery store or something,” Stacey says and presses her lips.
“I’m not going there to run into him in the grocery store,” I huff.
“I think I get it,” Reese says with a smile. “I also think you can’t hide forever. These things have a way of coming out.”
“Reese, you of all people should understand why I’m doing this. What if he has someone that loves him? I don’t want to drop a baby on her doorstep and I don’t want to come in between them.”
“He had no problem coming in between your legs,” Alee snorts.
“Ugh, why do I bother,” I laugh for the first time in days and put my head in my hands.
“You’re really coming to Texas,” Stacey squeals.
I nod and give her a smile.
“You heifers are leaving me,” Reese frowns.
“Like you have time for us anyway, Tam wouldn’t be in this mess if you were there that night to save her from me,” Stacey chides.
“And why do we associate with you again,” Reese teases.
“Girl you stole the words from my mouth,” Alee laughs.
“I have no idea,” Stacey says and looks at her nails like she is bored, then looks at Reese and Alee, giving them a big smile. “I’ll miss you guys.”
“I’ll be back at least once a month to get my hair done.” I say pointedly to Alee then look at Reese. “We can hang out then unless you get Nico to move to Texas,” I wiggle my brows at Reese.
“Not happening, have you met the man? He is fierce about his family. So unless one of his siblings moves to Texas it’s not happening,” Reese chimes. She is right. From what I know Nico’s family has been through a lot and they have become inseparable, much like Nico and Reese. “Speaking of which he has been asking if you are ready to take on some new clients. So when you get yourself together know he has your back with a few clients and I will be spreading the word that my girl is handling business.”
And just like that I became a Texan.
Chapter 4
Five years, it has been five years of torture. I think about that night often and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. I have tried to move on and see other people, but I always find a reason that they are wrong, mainly because they are not her.
They’re not short enough, not curvy enough, or not smart enough. They don’t make me laugh, they don’t understand the game or anything about it and not one of them has been as good in bed as she was. Those full lips, her big brown eyes, her cute button nose, it was all perfection. I haven’t found one woman to match those standards.
The first year I couldn’t even get it up without imagining it was her. I tried everything, dating all colors, shapes, and sizes. Nothing would do. The second year I took a break from women altogether and focused on the game.
I had a great career in Cali. I was the starting quarterback and my team was the team to beat. We actually walked away with the ring last year. I had some great endorsements and I did some modeling here and there. Still none of that mattered. For five years I felt like something was missing. I lost a piece of my soul and it was out there somewhere roaming around without me.
I wasn’t going back home nearly as much as I or my family would have liked, because I felt ashamed of what I had done. Anyone of my family members would have read it on me and called me on it. All I had was a picture on my phone to comfort and taunt me. I made sure it was uploaded to my phone every time I upgraded. I had it printed out and blown up. I did things with that picture that made me look like a stalker or a whipped pussy, as Troy called me until he got traded off my team the year after I met my little lawyer.
But it was all because I knew I fell in love with her at first sight. She owned me the moment I laid eyes on her. I did go looking for her once. It was a few months after that night. I rented a car once I got to New York and drove to her place. I’d gotten the address from the car service that drove us to her place that night.
When I got there, there was a for sale sign up and they were having an open house. She lived in a really nice neighborhood. I entered the house to find the real estate agent and an older man who looked annoyed. One look at the man and I knew he was related to my little lawyer. It was in the bow of his lips the way he wrinkled his nose and the almond shape of his eyes.
He had to be her father or uncle or something. He already looked pissed off so I didn’t think walking up to him to say. “Excuse me, I think I slept with your daughter or maybe your niece a few months back. And well I don’t know her name, but I think I love her and I want to find her,” was going to work. So I did the next best thing.
I took the tour of the open house with the realtor and feigned interest looking around for clues of why she was moving or at least where to. I came up with nothing and felt sick to my stomach when I left. I didn’t think I knew enough about her to hire professional help and I didn’t know how to explain it without being embarrassed.
So for five years I have just managed to exist. I tried a long term relationship thinking that would help. Tiffany was a nice girl she just wasn’t her. I hated the way she laughed and she pushed too much. Wanting to meet my family, wanting to move into my place, wanting to be on my arm when I had to show up at events; I guess for a girlfriend all that wasn’t a lot to ask. Six months passed and I wasn’t in love with her. I was barely tolerating her.
I hated how she would show up at my place a
nd leave things around trying to mark her territory. I’d find strands of her bleached blonde hair in my sink after I cleaned the sink out. Her underclothes would be in random places and my housekeeper would find them. I just had to end things and that was true for so many things. I wanted out. So as soon as an offer came my way to go home and play in Texas I jumped on it.
I shocked everyone. My GM didn’t see it coming, my coach didn’t have a clue, and even my agent was stunned that I wanted to take the offer and leave. I just needed to go home, find myself, and be with my family. I needed to be surrounded by people that really care about me.
It feels good to be in my parents’ home surrounded by laughter and home cooking. I see my dad relaxing and enjoying just kicking back and not worrying about the ranch or drilling sites for once. That is my cousin’s responsibility now. My parents bought a great place with plenty of space for them and the grandkids.
I love my nieces and nephews. Watching my brother and sister with their families makes me wonder if I’m missing something. I watched the guys on the team that would rush home from games to be with their kids, especially on holidays. At twenty-eight I want more and I see how happy it makes my parents to have a full house.
“I am so happy you are home honey,” my mother coos as she enters the kitchen. I have been sitting at the kitchen island on a stool looking at houses on my mobile device.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” I say with a genuine smile. It does feel good to be home.
“I hope whatever has been bothering you can be solved with family and love,” my mother says knowingly.
Leave it to my mother to get right to the point. This is why I have stayed away for so long. My parents have had that look on their face from the first day I got here. They know something is really eating at me.
“I hope so Mama,” I sigh.
“Your brother wanted to come by but something came up with Donna and the kids. Ann said she and the kids would stop by a little later,” she informs me with a warm smile, as if she had been reading my earlier thoughts. “So you think you’ll be able to find a house close by? You know you are welcome to stay here as long as you like or go to the ranch and stay there if you like.”
My mom is great at multitasking. She is preparing dinner for the family, getting games and movies out for the grandkids and tending to me and my issues. I miss being pampered and fussed over as the baby in the family.
“I plan to look at a couple of places tomorrow. Hopefully there is something promising with those. Things are going to get busy soon. If I can find something early this week it would be best,” I sigh and draw my hands down my face.
I have been looking at houses for a few days but the problem is that I’m not sure what I want. I know I’ll know it when I see it. I wouldn’t mind being closer to my parents. I also think I need something that I am going to make permanent.
“Well just remember not to rush into anything hon’,” she says gently sharing her wisdom. “You’re home now, you can take time and fix everything that needs fixing.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Now I got all that organic stuff you’ve been eating and I changed out the pantry so you can be comfortable while you’re here. I want you to always feel welcome without worrying about what you’re going to eat,” she stirs something in a pot then covers it and goes to retrieve a bottle of water. Placing it in front of me she takes away the empty bottle.
“I really appreciate it all Mama.”
“You’re my baby, it’s not a problem at all,” she stops and looks me square in the eyes. “Whoever she is, if she is the one you’ll find your way back to her. If she’s not the one you will learn to let go.”
I am speechless. I blink back the tears and rest my head in my palms. It’s good to be home, this is what I needed.
Chapter 5
“Come on Tam just pick a dress already and put it on,” my brother calls from his perch on my bed while I stand in my closet trying to figure out what to wear.
“Ellerie, don’t rush me. I don’t want to go to this in the first place.”
According to my brother I need to start dating. So his bright idea for the day is to take me to some family and team function at the stadium. He was blessed to have signed a contract three years ago. When the offer came and he saw the opportunity to play, move to Texas, and be able to look after me and my daughter. So he jumped on it.
He is in great shape these days and he has always had the talent. His team just hasn’t had the right pieces to bring home the championship. I worry about him sometimes because the clock is ticking and the chips seem to be getting further and further away. I know he has done everything he can to stay in Texas because of us but I want him to go where he will be happy.
“That’s exactly why you are going. Just think all that potential money under one roof and the opportunity to talk to some adult men that are not your clients,” Ellerie croons.
“That sounds like a contradiction,” I grumble and step out of the closet. “If they are potential clients then don’t they fall into the same category as all the other men I talk to?”
“Don’t they fall into the same category as all the other men I talk to?” Ellerie mocks. “The point here is that you have spent the last five years doing nothing but taking care of my niece and working like mad to become partner. I am proud of you for finally taking a vacation, but when are you going to find some type of social life. I’m not saying dude needs to move up in here or anything. I just want to see you happy.”
“Who says I’m not happy? And what do you think of this dress? Is it too much,” I ask and spin around as I push my diamond studs into my ears.
I have on a simple black dress that is off the shoulders, fitted in the bodice, flaring out at the waist into a pleated skirt. The insides of the pleats are white with a white petticoat underneath made of organza. The dress falls to just above my knees. It has a classic look to it.
“You’re my sister anything you wear is perfect. And you are not happy,” Ellerie narrows his eyes at me.
“Uncle Eli,” my little monster coos as she runs in the room at the perfect moment and jumps on to the bed lunging at my brother. “Do you like my dress?”
“You look like a princess,” Ellerie beams down at her and strokes her silky curls.
Brielle’s hair is just one of the many things she got from her father. It’s not golden blonde like his but more of a dirty blonde. It’s full and thick like mine, but it is silky like I remember her father’s being when I ran my fingers through it. She has a natural curl that causes her long locks to fall in Shirley temple like curls.
Brielle has her father’s blue eyes, a little version of his nose, his cleft chin and two dimples. Only way you know I had anything to do with her is in the bow shape of her little full lips and the almond shape of her big blue eyes. You can also see me in her thick eyelashes and full brows, despite them being a dirty blonde.
Then there is her complexion, she is not brown like me or tanned like her father. She has a mocha complexion of her own that makes her big blue eyes sparkle something fierce. But make no doubts if you see a picture of her father you would know she’s his little girl.
Brielle bounces off the bed to do a little twirl for her uncle in her little cotton yellow dress with a satin sash at the waist. My family spoils her every chance they get, Stacey included. My parents spend more time traveling the world since my dad retired, not that I blame them. They worked hard raising Ellerie and me and they deserve to enjoy their lives. But when they are home they are usually in town fawning over Brielle.
I named her Brielle after her father and my brother. It was never my plan to find out who he was or his real name. It just sort of happened. For weeks I tried to avoid pro football events and potential clients. I figured if I stuck to entertainment law and other sports for a while I could avoid putting a name to the face.
Unfortunately, I had a complete meltdown during Christmas with my family, when my brother insisted I
hang with him, my uncle, and my dad watching the game. There his face was flashing on the screen for a California team, Bradley Monroe, on the offensive line up as the starting quarterback.
I sobbed so hard everyone thought I was losing it because of the pregnancy hormones. I had just told them that I was expecting and there were mixed feelings about it. My mom was excited and welcomed the idea. Both my dad and Ellerie wanted to know who the father was.
I wanted to give my baby one more thing that belonged to her father, so Stacey and I started playing with different girls names. I didn’t like Brandy so I went with a little of Bradley and a little of Ellerie, hence Brielle.
“Uncle Eli, Mommy said you are making new friends and you’re taking us to meet them,” she chirps.
“That’s right beautiful. Some new friends and some old ones,” Ellerie smiles down at her.
“Do you think they will like my dress too?”
“You and your mommy will be the prettiest ones there.”
Brielle giggles and bounces on the balls of her feet. I love this little girl so much. I walk into the closet and slip on a pair of red satin platform peep toe shoes. Stepping over to the mirror I sweep on some red lip gloss and smile. My skin is glowing from two weeks on a Disney cruise with Brielle. I am glad I decided to just do black eyeliner with mascara and a touch of black shadow in the corners. I look refreshed.
I grab my red bag, big enough for Bri’s reader, my reader and some snacks for my picky eater in case she doesn’t like what is served at this thing. She drives me crazy with her picky eating. She’s tall for her age and when she eats she can pack it in but it has to be something she likes.
I don’t know where she gets that from. Sometimes I just want to pull my hair out, but then I remember that I know exactly where she gets it from. I just wouldn’t know him well enough to know for sure that I am right.
“I feel so unprepared,” I complain. “You guys just got a new player and it’s a big deal isn’t it. I should have at least gone online and caught up.”
