by L. P. Maxa
I reached down and squeezed her ass. “It’s okay with me. We can tell her whenever you’re ready.”
“Are my doughnuts downstairs?”
I chuckled. “Yes, Landry got you ones with sprinkles.”
Bryan held on to my hand and pulled me toward the door. “Hey. Speaking of Landry, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about some activities for her this summer.”
“Okay, sure. Tonight? After she’s asleep?”
She nodded. “It’s a date. Now let’s get downstairs before I let you have your way with me and ruin all my steps.” I looked longingly at the bed, my bottom lip out in a pout.
I put one hand on the back of her neck and steered her out the room and down the stairs. “Don’t tempt me, baby doll.” When we got downstairs I found Landry on the couch with a book balanced on her lap. It seemed like that girl spent a lot of her free time reading. Which I assumed was a parent’s dream come true. Although I wouldn’t mind if she wanted to pick up a guitar and give that a try too. Lexi was sitting next to her, her legs on the ottoman and her laptop open. Dylan was in the recliner thumbing through some kind of house magazine. “Where is all the testosterone? Dagger isn’t even in here.”
Lexi and Dylan both answered, “Studio.” At the same time.
“The studio? It’s Saturday!” I left the girls to go search for my bandmates. When I descended the steps I expected to see papers all over the place, chewed pen caps, instruments out, and a giant pot of coffee. We used to use coke to keep us awake. Those days were long gone. Instead, Smith was lying on the floor asleep, Dash was on the couch looking at something on his phone, and Luke was playing on the PS3 I’d left down here yesterday. “What are y’all doing? Because you sure as hell ain’t working.”
Dash tilted his head back toward me. “Lexi wanted me to help her pick out bedding.” He winced. “I didn’t want to spend my Saturday looking at sheets.”
Luke shrugged. “It’s dark and quiet down here, I’m hung over.”
I pointed to our bassist. “And that one?”
Dash chuckled. “Dylan wanted to eat brunch at some new vegan place.”
“So you are all hiding down here, waiting for the chicks to leave?” I sat at Luke’s drum set and started to play. I wasn’t near as good as Luke, but I wasn’t as bad as Dash. I laughed as Luke covered his ears and Smith jerked awake. I hit the cymbal and then reached out to calm it with my hand. “Now that I have your attention, what do you guys want to do today? Because I’m sure as shit not spending this beautiful Saturday indoors.”
Dash sat up, putting his phone down beside him. “How ’bout you tell us what happened with you and Bryan last night?”
I sat Luke’s drumsticks down. “What do you mean? We went out with Smith and his cock-blocking girlfriend. Danced, drank, came home, and went to bed.” I was never one to mind a good kiss-and-tell. Although the banging had always been implied. But with Bryan it didn’t seem right to talk about it with my bandmates. Last night meant something to me, even though it was only kissing, I didn’t want to cheapen it with high fives. Not that any of them would actually high-five me for making out with my best friend…but, whatever.
Luke turned off my PS3. “Dude. Did you bang Bryan?”
I rolled my eyes. “Really? What are we, sixteen?”
“Sixteen? I thought you started earlier than that.” Luke winked.
I sighed. “We may have crossed over that friendship line, just a little.” I held my finger and thumb up, about an inch apart. Then two inches, then three.
Smith let out a loud chuckle. “Just a little? You two can’t even see that damn line from where you’re standing.”
“I asked her to stay for the summer, to help me with Landry.” I gestured around the studio. “I need to be in here with you guys working on the new album and I want Landry to be with someone she likes and trusts.”
“And you aren’t ready to give Bryan up yet.” Dash said it like a statement.
I nodded.
“You two just boning?” Luke sat up, running his fingers through his hair.
I shook my head. Technically we hadn’t boned yet, but even when we did (and we would) it still wouldn’t be just sex.
Smith grinned. “You tell her how you feel?”
“Yeah, I told her last night. We’re going to take things slow, and she doesn’t want to tell Dylan yet.” I shot Smith an apologetic look.
Smith held his hands up. “No way, Dylan hates secrets, man. If she found out I knew and never said anything? She’d shoot me. For real.”
“Look, all you know for sure is that you saw us kiss and that I like her. I’m sure Dylan has already figured that out by now. And one kiss isn’t that big of a deal.” Even if it was the best kiss of my entire life. I scrubbed my hands down my face. “I feel like a chick. I’m the one who started calling her every night, I’m the one who begged her to come here. I’m the one who basically put my heart on the line last night. I don’t know what the fuck happened. It’s like one minute my life was all groupies and drugs and then the next I’ve got a girl and a kid.”
“Do you actually want Bryan? Or are you just getting caught up in all this because of Landry? Because if you’re just looking for a mother for your daughter, that’s not fair. To any of you.” Dash stood, stretching his back.
“I think I fell for Bryan back in New Orleans. I don’t know what it is about that girl, I can’t get enough.” I rose and stepped around the drums. “We spent weeks talking and texting, and then when Landry showed up, all I could think about was how I needed Bryan here with me for this.” I threw my arms out. “To be honest, she’s the best friend I’ve ever had. She makes me laugh; she makes me happy; she gets me. You know? And she makes me feel so…capable. It all happened so damn fast! My life is unrecognizable.”
Smith stood and clapped me on the back. “Welcome to the club, bro.”
I collapsed on the couch, my head in my hands. “I have a daughter.” I looked up, near hysterics. “I have a kid, and she’s had a horrible shitty life. Because of me. Because I can’t be bothered to learn chicks’ names, or to make sure they are okay after I leave. I use them, and then I throw them away.”
Smith wore a understanding smile, “Jacks, bud, you—”
“I don’t deserve Bryan’s love, and I sure as hell don’t deserve Landry’s.” I nodded slowly. “But I want to.” Dash threw his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug.
Chapter Sixteen
Bryan
“Well, all the testosterone sure as hell isn’t down here.” The guys broke apart at the sound of Lexi’s voice. Dash walked to the base of the stairs, his hand out to help his pregnant girlfriend down. I followed, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off Jacks. What was it about him down here in the studio? Seeing him in his element always turned me on. Was the lust just the buildup from not being together yet? Or would it always be this way between us? I hoped it would, I prayed that it would. I never wanted to tire of this man.
He smiled when he saw me, looking over my shoulder. “Where’s Dylan?”
Lexi snorted. “The coast is clear, you horny bastard. Dylan is teaching Landry how to play chess.”
He sat down on the leather couch and pulled me down onto his lap. When I stiffened at his touch he whispered in my ear, “It’s okay, B. They know.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Really? I thought we were just keeping things between us for a few days.”
Sheepish. I finally understood that facial description, but he wore it well. “They knew how I felt about you, baby doll.”
I couldn’t help but giggle. “And how do you feel about me? Come on, let me hear some poetry.”
He tugged on my hair, pulling my mouth to his for a brief kiss. “Oh, I’ll give you poetry, doll.”
“Oh yeah?”
He smirked. “How do I want to nail thee, let me count the ways.”
Smith shook his head. “Actually, while you guys are down here do you want to hear what we’ve been working on? I
let Dylan hear it last night.”
Lexi clapped her hands together and attempted to jump up and down. She made it halfway up and then frowned at her belly and sat in a chair. “Yeah! Let us hear it.”
Smith picked up his bass, Luke twirled the sticks in his fingers and sat at his drums, Dash palmed a mic, and Jacks grabbed his guitar. All of them with instruments in hand looked so at ease, so natural. It was obvious that they were all born to do this. I’d heard all of The Devil’s Share songs…I liked them before I met them, but after Jacks and I became friends I went back and listened to everything they ever put out. They were the bad boys of rock and roll. But this, the sound coming from them now, was all things good. It was slow and sweet and tantalizing. The words were full of heart and emotion. The lyrics talked about how love changes you, changes everything. Lexi had tears in her eyes and I was finding it hard to breathe. When the final note came out of Jacks’s guitar and the song was over, no one said a word. We all just stood there in silence, not wanting to break the spell the song had put us under.
Luke scratched his head with a drumstick. “Uh…so, what did y’all think?”
Lexi shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes. “That was the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. Who wrote that?”
“All of us, we all kind of had a hand in it.” Smith sat down his bass.
I could feel Jacks’s eyes on me; I turned and met his stare. “It was perfect.”
He smiled. “Glad you liked it, because we sent that demo to the label yesterday.”
Lexi’s eyes cut to Dash. “What did they say? It’s not at all what you guys have done in the past.”
Dash let out a quick sigh. “We haven’t heard back yet. They may end up loving it, or they may end up getting completely pissed, throwing a fit, and dropping us.”
That didn’t sound good. What happened to a band when their label dropped them? Luke threw a stick in the air and then caught it and gave it a practiced twirl. “And if they drop us? We’ll be just fine.”
Jacks nodded. “Yes we will.”
“Us against the world.” Smith winked at Dash.
The bond between these guys was so strong. They were a family, they had been for a long time now. And with every girl, every new kid, their family would grow. The question is, would I end up a part of it?
The door at the top of the stairs opened, and Landry and Dylan came down into the studio. Landry walked right up to me and leaned against my hip. I loved when she did that, it warmed my soul. “Hey, sweet girl, what’s up?”
“Can I go with Dylan and Smith to eat lunch?” She looked at the ground when she asked, still not completely confident in herself or us.
Was I allowed to tell her yes or no? Was that my place? “It’s okay with me, but maybe ask your dad?”
Jacks kneeled down in front of her, dipping to meet her eyes, not making her have to gather courage to look at him. He smiled. “Fine by me, Buttercup. Where are y’all going?”
Dylan crossed her arms over her chest. “That new vegan place down the street.”
Smith wrinkled his nose. “Kids don’t like vegan food.”
Dylan smiled with an eyebrow raised. “Landry wants to try it.”
“I saw a special about it on TV.” Her voice was soft, but at least she’d spoken up.
Smith shot forward and started tickling her as he picked her up over his head. “All right, you little adventurer, let’s go eat some healthy food.” Landry giggled the whole way up the stairs.
Chapter Seventeen
Jacks
The rest of us ate leftovers upstairs in the kitchen. We were all vegged out in front of the TV in the living room napping and watching some pregnancy show on the Discovery Channel, From Conception to Birth or something like that. It was interesting as hell, but when the birth part came? Lexi cried and Dash looked like he was about to puke. Both reactions seemed on point. I was happy to just lie on the couch with B in my arms, since her sister and Smith were still out with Landry. I loved that my friends were taking the time to get to know my daughter. I was just about to fall asleep when the doorbell rang.
Luke hopped up. “I’ll get it. No use in you disgusting couples breaking apart.”
I was more than happy to let him deal with whoever was at the door. I didn’t want to move until I absolutely had to.
“Jacks? Get over here!”
I could hear the panic in Luke’s normally calm and soft voice. I shot up off the couch, a million horrible scenarios running through my head in the fifteen seconds it took me to make it to the front of the house. Luke was standing stiff with his arms crossed over his chest and his feet planted. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
He moved to the side, making room for me. There was a woman standing there; she was thin and she looked vaguely familiar. “Can we help you?” Was she a groupie? A stalker? Had people finally noticed we were in Florida?
“You sure the hell can. Where’s my daughter?”
Landry’s mom. Holy fucking shit. I could see it now, the slight resemblance was mostly in build and skin tone. I didn’t know what I wanted to scream at her first. “Where the hell do you get off showing up at our door? How did you even find us?!”
She pushed her long hair out of her face. “It’s not hard to find a house full of famous rock stars, Jacks.”
“Why are you here?” I was shaking, seconds away from losing control. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this angry…or scared.
“I wanted to see my daughter.” She looked at the ground. “I missed her.”
“You missed her?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You abandoned her!” I went to shut the door, but she stopped me.
“Where is she?!”
I swallowed. “She’s safe. Which is something she never was with you.”
She narrowed her hollow eyes. “Like an asshole like you would know the first thing about how to treat a girl. Let alone a child.”
Her words hit me hard; she’d unknowingly hit me where it hurt. “You need to leave. Now. Before I call the police. If you want to talk to Landry, you need to contact the state. Believe me, they’re just dying to know why you abandoned your child.”
She shifted on her feet, clearly uncomfortable at the mention of social workers and the police. “She’s mine.”
I could feel Bryan walk up behind me. Her hand on my back gave me strength. “No, she’s not. Not anymore. You want her back? Be prepared for the fight of your life.” I slammed the door in her face. I was trembling. I was terrified and pissed off and yet at the same time I felt almost bad for the woman standing on our porch. At one time she had been pretty, but clearly life hadn’t been kind to her. And I couldn’t help but wonder if it all started with me. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I wasn’t ready to look at them yet. I turned and headed into the kitchen, grabbing my cell phone and calling Diane, the social worker. Her voicemail picked up. “Diane, it’s Jacks Cole. Landry’s mom was just here looking for her. I sent her away, so I’m guessing she’ll be contacting you soon. I’m calling my lawyers next.”
Chapter Eighteen
Bryan
Landry’s mom showing up had shaken us all to the core. Diane had called back, telling Jacks to get all his ducks in a row so to speak. He needed to make sure that all the social worker checks would scream “healthy, stable environment.” We couldn’t give her mom any ammo to use against us. No one spoke a word about the encounter with Landry. Jacks didn’t want it brought up anywhere around her. He instructed us all to act like it had never happened if she was in the house. She didn’t need to know, not yet. She was so happy here, she was letting her guard down and learning to relax. Knowing her mom was back would only terrify her. Jacks had taken her and Dagger down to the beach so I could fill Dylan and Smith in on everything. I’d never really pictured myself as a parent, never really gave it much thought. But after spending this time with Landry, I was finally starting to understand. I would do absolutely anything and everything to make s
ure that little girl was safe and happy. I would go to the ends of the earth for her.
“Honey! We’re home!”
I closed the tile catalogue I’d been looking at when I heard Jacks and Landry come through the door. “How was the beach?” Jacks came in, smiling, and pulled me close for a hug. Kissing the top of my head before heading to the kitchen.
Landry trailed in behind him, still in her damp swimsuit and miniature aviators that matched Jacks’s large ones. “It was great! We saw a stingray!”
“You did?! That’s so cool!” I put my hand on top of her head and turned her in the direction of the stairs. “You need to change out of that wet suit and jump in the bath to get all the sand and sunscreen off you.” Before they’d left the house I’d slathered Landry in SPF 50. She had more of an olive skin tone, but that sun reflecting off the water could make anyone burn.
“Okay.” She put one foot on the stairs, and then looked into the kitchen. “Thanks for taking me to the beach again, Jacks.”
He grinned. “Any time, Buttercup.” I collapsed on the couch and a few seconds later he joined me. “What are you looking at?”
He was sticking by what he said. Her mom didn’t exist right now, and I’d honor that. For him and for her. “Tile.”
“For the house?” He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. He smelled like sunscreen and salt water. I had the sudden urge to lick his skin; I bet he’d taste like summer. I also knew what he meant by saying the house instead of my house. “Take things slow” didn’t really seem to mean anything to him.
“Yes, for your and Landry’s house.” It would be her house, too, so maybe I should let her pick out her own bathroom stuff. If she went with unicorns and rainbows Jacks could always have it remodeled later.
He was quiet for a while, just sitting next to me looking at flooring over my shoulder. “I have no intention of this relationship going badly, baby doll.”
