“No, no.” He shook his head, obviously uncomfortable with that idea. “You judge yourself. You live it, that’s all.”
“In five years are you going to take EmJay away if I’m not living up to par?”
“Of course not. If you’re converted, you’re converted. The rest is between you and God.” His eyes roamed her face with an intensity that resembled a touch.
Cory shivered.
His voice lowered. “But whatever you decide, do both of us a favor and don’t pretend you like me when you don’t.”
Before she could respond, Mitch looked over to where EmJay had started down the sidewalk. He turned and sprinted after her. Without a backward glance, he scooped up the baby and headed toward home.
Cory knew the hoped-for barbecue was canceled.
He acted so high and mighty, looking down on her for trying to charm him into giving her custody, but hadn’t he been trying equally hard to charm her into believing in his religion? Not a day had passed that he hadn’t somehow brought it into the conversation.
Well, so be it, she thought, going inside the house. If he wants it so much, I’ll believe. Her first call was to Tyler.
“Hi,” she said, a little breathlessly. Her heart raced at what must be a million beats per second. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what you and the missionaries have taught me, and I’ve decided that I want to be baptized.”
The second call was to her attorney.
Chapter Twenty-Two
On Sunday morning, Mitch didn’t feel like attending his own ward. Instead, he decided to visit his parents’ ward in Alpine. At least there would be other children for Emily Jane to watch and interact with.
He was feeling depressed. All his thoughts were overshadowed by what had happened on Saturday afternoon. Maybe he should have turned around and gone home when he’d seen the blue sedan in Cory’s driveway. But he’d been too curious. Curious enough to listen to the loud voices that had come through the open door.
Then came the words that had utterly riveted him to the spot: “Mitch is the only one who can give me custody of EmJay . . . have to convince him . . . whatever means it takes . . . do anything to get her—anything . . . don’t feel a thing for him. Not a thing.”
Not a thing. It had all been a lie.
All the laughter, the good times. Even the Kiss-That-Never-Happened—the moment he’d replayed in his mind a hundred different ways. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised, especially after her performance at the lake, but the idea pierced him to the core. He’d tried to leave before they’d come out, but he hadn’t been quick enough.
A vision of her smile flashed in Mitch’s mind. That smile, those eyes, they did something to him. They had awakened a part of him he hadn’t been sure existed. But now here it was, appearing at a most inconvenient time.
One thing was certain: she’d only been in his life a week, but he almost couldn’t recall a time when he didn’t know her. It sounded ridiculous, even to himself.
What bothered him most was that he didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. What about the bird watching? Her love for animals? Her supposed enthusiasm for his children’s stories? Was it all a facade to convince him how wonderful she was?
He walked into his parents’ chapel and searched out the bench on the far side where they customarily sat. His mouth opened in silent shock as he spied Cory seated next to his father, thumbing through the hymnal and looking beautiful in her finger-painting dress—this time paired with a mauve blouse. Her red-orange hair was full and curling in every direction exactly the way he loved it. Mitch blinked several times, but the image didn’t disappear.
Emily Jane spotted Cory and began bouncing with excitement.
At that moment she looked their way, and her face froze as though she hadn’t expected him—or hadn’t wanted him to discover her here. Then she smiled.
Emily Jane waved. The minute Mitch arrived at the bench, she launched herself toward Cory. Only after several hugs was she enticed over to his father to search for mini Tootsie Rolls. Mitch’s mother leaned over and gave her a kiss.
“Hi,” Mitch whispered to Cory as he sat beside her at the end of the row, the only spot available without making everyone move.
“Hi.”
“I didn’t expect to find you here.”
“I didn’t expect to find you here, either.”
Yeah, but I have a right to be here, he wanted to remind her. Yet didn’t she also have that right? He looked past her to his parents.
His father smiled. “At the fireworks, we invited Cory to come see what a family ward is like. She was kind enough to accept.”
Mitch glanced at Cory, who gave him a ghost of a smile.
“Moncree.” Emily Jane had finished with Cameron and was reaching for Cory, her fist full of candy. Mitch sighed. He’d have to talk to his father about limiting it to one. After all, there would soon be dentist bills to worry about.
Emily Jane settled in Cory’s lap, but she allowed only Mitch to open her candy. He broke each piece in half and put it in her mouth so she wouldn’t soil her dress, pocketing the rest to throw away later.
Mitch loved the animation that imbued family wards, and he settled back, determined to enjoy the fast and testimony meeting, which always made him feel closer to his Heavenly Father. The meeting passed without incident, except near the beginning of the closing hymn—“Now Let Us Rejoice”—when Cory stopped singing abruptly and brought her hand to her right eye as though she had something lodged there.
“Are you okay?” he whispered, compelled to ask, though he almost wished she did have something there causing her pain.
She nodded but didn’t look at him. She didn’t sing the rest of the hymn, either, though she kept her eyes fastened on the page. Remembering how she’d reacted when he’d told her about Ashley’s favorite hymn, he wondered if the hymn itself had provoked her reaction. Or maybe she was feeling the Spirit? Mitch could only hope.
Probably just wondering when she can get out of here, he thought dismally. Or maybe the paint on the ceiling is peeling and fell into her eye. Wouldn’t that be a great revelation for her? He sent up a silent prayer, asking the Lord to touch her heart—and to calm his own apparent lack of faith.
“It’s much different than a singles ward,” Mitch said to her after the meeting.
She smiled, her eyes not showing the least bit red. “It’s nice.”
Nice. Mitch had the feeling that was all he was going to get from her.
“You two are coming over to lunch, aren’t you?” his mother broke in.
Mitch nodded, but Cory shook her head. “I promised my friend I’d be home right after. She’s leaving for California in the morning, so I really should spend the day with her.” She smiled apologetically.
“We’re just glad you could make sacrament meeting.”
“Thanks for inviting me.”
Mitch watched his father pat her hand before going on to Sunday School.
“I don’t suppose you’d let me take EmJay with me?” Cory asked.
Mitch shook his head. “She needs to be here. We have to start indoctrination young, you know.” He’d meant it as a joke, but Cory glared at him icily. She turned on her heel and was gone.
I am never coming back here again! Cory swore to herself, though she knew she would have to. But she would refuse to sing. She didn’t need songs that reminded her of how often she had felt she was a stranger on earth. First there was AshDee’s favorite hymn, and now came another song promising “no longer as strangers on earth need we roam.” She had only to look to her Savior.
Look to her Savior? That’s what her father had always said. Speaking from his mouth but not his heart, she thought acidly, though she knew that wasn’t exactly fair. Her father had been a true believer. Was that why she was so against believing in God herself? Had the slaps, bruises, and terse words forever destroyed the part of her that longed for spiritual release? How had AshDee found it within herself to try religion
again?
Because I protected her, that’s why. For years I took the brunt of his anger. But she still left me all alone. Cory bit back tears as she slammed her car door shut. It wouldn’t do to give in to them here.
A tapping on her car window startled Cory. She looked out to see Mitch, with his ever-present jacket thrown over his arm. She thought she saw a flash of dull green briefly emerge from one pocket, but she couldn’t be sure.
With a sigh, she rolled down the window. “Yes?” Her voice came out raw and hoarse as though she had been crying.
“I didn’t mean it, back there. I was joking.”
He looked so absurd standing there with his head hung contritely and with EmJay clinging to him that she actually smiled. “I know that.”
“I’d love for you to see Emily Jane today. She does need to be in church because I feel it’s important that good habits start young, but I’ll bring her over after lunch. You can keep her all afternoon if you like. I—I won’t even stay.”
She was stunned into silence.
“Unless you’re too busy,” he added. “With work, I mean.”
“Actually, I was just putting together some of AshDee’s photographs that I made from her negatives. Mostly of our time growing up. A little family history, you might say. You Mormons like family history, don’t you?”
“So they say. I’m not old enough to worry about that yet.” He smiled a slow, lazy smile that made her heart beat a bit more rapidly. Oh, how she wished she hadn’t tried to work her first plan, that she hadn’t let her guard down enough to actually care for him.
“How old are you?” she asked, her mouth dry.
“Twenty-five next month.”
“I thought you were older.”
He shook his head. “According to my mom, I should be long married by now. She knows how to put on the pressure.”
“I can’t believe that,” Cory said, permitting herself another smile. “She’s always so sweet—even when she was telling me she was going to keep EmJay while you were in the hospital.” Of course, Cory had good reason to appreciate both his parents. By inviting her to church the other night at the fireworks, they had unwittingly aided her new plan.
“Don’t let her fool you. She’s tough.”
“Well, at least she believed me when I said you’d told told me to take EmJay.”
“Mom always knows when people are telling the truth. One of those learned mother things, I guess.”
Cory swallowed hard. Could Jessica really know if she was telling the truth?
They fell into an uncomfortable silence. From the corner of her eye, Cory saw his jacket begin swinging, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from his to see what animal might emerge. She considered telling him she was going to join the Church, but in light of their discussion the day before, she couldn’t do it. She suspected that he would see right through her bogus faith, and she wasn’t eager for the recriminations that were sure to follow. Or could he actually believe in a sudden conversion?
Not that it mattered. She’d convinced Tyler and the missionaries, and that was the most important thing at this point. Let Tyler tell him, she thought. Though she had sworn Tyler to temporary secrecy, she didn’t expect him to contain his enthusiasm long.
Her entire plan was already in motion. Her attorney hadn’t been in the office the day before, but she had reached an assistant. When Cory had stressed how little time she had left in Utah—three weeks if she were to start her assignment on time—the assistant assured her he would call her back on Monday morning. Sometime in the next few weeks, Mitch would learn of her legal action.
Then the real problems would begin.
“So I’ll bring her over later?” Mitch said, breaking the silence.
“Okay.”
He turned to go.
Guilt consumed her. “Hey, Mitch?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
He winked before sauntering across the parking lot, with EmJay waving over his shoulder. Cory wondered what he’d been like before EmJay had come into his life. She guessed that he really hadn’t been much different. Children and a family had always been in his future—unlike hers. Lately, she’d begun to wonder if EmJay was the only chance she would ever have of being a mother.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The next week and a half went quickly for Mitch. He and Cory settled into a routine with Emily Jane that for all its smoothness was never quite free of the underlying knowledge that her time in Utah was growing short and that another confrontation was imminent. Mitch tried not to worry about it because he had legal custody, and it didn’t seem likely Cory could change that. She hadn’t even mentioned custody of Emily Jane since that fateful Saturday. Still, a black cloud seemed to hover just out of sight.
Cory took care of Emily Jane in the afternoons while Mitch worked at home, bringing her back before dinner. The first day he’d worried constantly and had checked outside to make sure her rental car was still there. It was. Next day the car was gone for a short while, but she brought the baby home on time. He stopped looking for her car. While Cory had Emily Jane, Mitch was able to get in five or six hours of work each day, squeezing in a few more hours at night after he put her to bed. He missed the baby when she wasn’t around, but he also marveled at how easy it was to work without her little fingers “helping” on the keyboard.
Plus, Emily Jane was happy. Even so, Mitch felt torn. He knew Emily Jane loved Cory deeply and looked for her when she wasn’t around. Seeing them together made him wonder if he was wrong about not sharing custody, if Ashley had been wrong. Emily Jane no longer had dreams that caused her to awake in the night screaming for her mother. It was as though the longings for her mother, the ones that even Mitch’s love hadn’t been able to completely satisfy, had been alleviated by her growing attachment to Cory. Mitch was glad for this, though it made him worry more about the future and Cory’s imminent departure for Brazil.
Only Mitch’s firm testimony of the Church and his deep love for Emily Jane kept him from agreeing to joint custody. Emily Jane deserved a chance to know her Savior, and he worried that Cory’s bitterness and unbelief would cause Emily Jane too much confusion and eventual heartbreak. Yes, Cory could give her a mother’s love and the past of her family, but she couldn’t nurture her testimony or help her find her way back to her celestial home. Only Mitch could do that. Lane and Ashley had been right—they must have been right!
In the end, it really didn’t matter because Cory would soon be out of the country, and there was no way he would let her take Emily Jane with her. He hoped Emily Jane wouldn’t suffer too much when she left. As for himself, he tried to stay aloof with Cory. Sometimes it worked.
Late on a Thursday afternoon, nearly two weeks after that fateful Saturday, Mitch was waiting for Cory to return with Emily Jane from a picture-taking jaunt to the mountains. Amanda, now eight months pregnant, dropped by to see him. He enthusiastically hugged Kevin and Mara before sending them in to see the animals.
“So what’s up?” he asked Amanda, sensing there was a reason for her visit.
Amanda sank onto the couch. “Paula called to say she is coming to visit.”
“The children’s mother?” Mitch felt his stomach grow tight. “What did you say?”
“What could I say? She’s their mother.”
“She hasn’t come for eighteen months. Why now?”
“Kevin’s sixth birthday. I haven’t told him because she’s not reliable, but this time I think she means to follow through.” Amanda rested her hands on her belly. “I just wish it wasn’t right now. I’m a little emotional.”
He sat beside her. “That’s natural.” Or so he’d heard.
“Mara won’t even know who she is. I’m her mother. Kevin’s, too. You should see the shy little smile he gives me every time he calls me that.”
Mitch had seen that tremulous smile, and it was a joyous thing. “When’s she coming, exactly?”
“A little over three w
eeks. What’s that—about mid-August? Anyway, we didn’t want her to come to the house. She’s never been there, and we’ve gone to great lengths to make sure we’re unlisted so she can’t find us.”
“Sure, she can come here,” Mitch said, guessing what she wanted.
Amanda leaned over to hug him. “I knew you’d let us. I could have asked Kerrianne because she lives closer, but I keep remembering that Paula once threatened to burn down Blake’s apartment. So in case it doesn’t turn out well, I don’t want Kerrianne bugged by her. Or Mom and Dad, either.”
Mitch grinned. “But I’m okay to bug?”
“You’re able to defend yourself.” Amanda’s brow furrowed. “You’re not worried about Emily Jane, are you? That Paula coming here could somehow be bad for her?”
“Oh, no. If it came to that, I’m not in the least attached to this house. I could always move.”
The phone in the kitchen rang, interrupting their conversation. “I’d better get that,” he said. “Might be Cory. She’s out with Emily Jane.”
“I should check on the children anyway.”
Mitch went into the kitchen. “Hello?” he said, half-expecting, half-hoping to hear Cory’s voice. Instead, it was his boss.
Fifteen minutes later, he hung up the phone, feeling rather stunned. He walked dazedly into the living room, nearly tripping over Kevin and Mara, who were sprawled on the floor with coloring books that Amanda must have brought for them—his sister was always pulling surprises from her purse.
“Who was it?” Amanda asked, looking up from a jumbled mass of white yarn in her lap.
“My boss.”
“Good news? I know you’ve been worried about being fired.”
He dropped to the couch. “Remember that report I had to turn in a few weeks back? The first one I did? Well, he called to say how well received it’s been. Because of it, we got the funding he wanted, and then some.”
“That’s good, then.” Amanda turned back to her yarn. Kerrianne was teaching her to knit a baby blanket, but apparently Amanda had no talent for it. The little bit she’d finished looked like a misshapen triangle.
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