Well, he wasn’t going to put up with it. He wanted a better explanation than she’d given in that stupid letter. He wanted to know if she still wanted to share custody, if she was planning on coming back. He wanted to take her in his arms and tell her he loved her.
“Let’s get dressed,” he said to Emily Jane. “My passport’s still valid, but we need to get one for you. I wonder how fast we can have it expedited?”
“Look, Vikki, I just want to know where she is exactly,” Mitch said into the phone Monday after visiting the post office for Emily Jane’s passport. “Please. The baby really misses her.” The return address on the envelope was California, and Mitch suspected that Cory had gone to see Vikki before returning to Brazil.
“For what it’s worth,” Vikki said, “she should be back within a few months. She has oodles of photographs already. Really incredible ones. In fact, I’ve an appointment next week to go over the ones she’s already taken with the folks at NG. I think they’ll have more suggestions—especially when their writers start digging their teeth into their articles—but it shouldn’t be a long project.”
“Two months is a lifetime to a baby.” Mitch was glad his emotions had become numb or he might embarrass himself by sobbing.
“I know. But it’s a good thing she didn’t take her.”
“She didn’t really have a choice. I still have custody.”
“And she really left without saying good-bye?”
“She mailed me a note and some photographs of her pet friend. They’re for a story I wrote for the kids.”
“Story?”
“Yeah. Nothing much. Just a story about some animals.”
“She told me about your stories.”
Mitch was surprised. “When?”
“On Saturday morning when she was getting on the plane for Brazil.”
Mitch swallowed hard, wondering if he would always taste the bitterness when he heard the name of the country that had been so dear to him on his mission. “Are you going to give me the address or not?”
“Sure, I’ll give you the address of the camp where she’s staying,” Vikki said. “She should be there if she hasn’t moved. Might be better to e-mail her, though. She bought equipment to e-mail me from wherever she is, so you can contact her that way.”
“What I have to say, I want to say in person.” Even then, he wasn’t sure it was going to do any good.
“Well, keep the e-mail handy in case you can’t find her at the camp. The Amazon is a big place.”
“I’ll be able to find her.”
“What about your, um, allergy? Is it safe for you to travel?”
“Don’t worry, I lived in Brazil for two years with only minor problems.”
He wrote down the address, thanked her, and was about to hang up when she said, “Hey, about that story. Cory’s photographs have gained an excellent reputation, you know, and with them your story could maybe go somewhere. I’m not a literary agent, but I have connections. Could you e-mail me the story?”
Mitch was startled into laughter. “I guess, but my brother tells me curious monkeys have been beaten to death as a children’s book subject.”
“Well, it depends on the angle. If they actually teach something about animals, as well as entertain, then they can be classified as a sort of nonfiction. There’s a good market for that.”
Mitch didn’t really believe anything would come of it, but Vikki was nice to ask. “I’ll think about it. I have your e-mail address on your card.”
“Well, good luck, Mitch. If it matters, I liked you a lot better than that wimp Evan.”
“Thanks—I guess.”
Mitch hung up the phone and stared at the address in his hands.
“I just don’t see how she could leave EmJay,” Mitch said on Monday night to Tyler and Savvy. He’d wanted to cancel the barbecue when he discovered Cory had gone back to Brazil, knowing he was too wrapped up in his own misery to be good company, but after dealing with the baby’s passport, talking with Vikki, and checking on flights to Brazil, there hadn’t been time to call Tyler. But it was just as well; he wanted to know what they thought of his plan to go after her.
“EmJay?” Tyler asked from his place at the picnic table. “Since when did you decide to call her that?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t. It sort of keeps coming out.”
“I like it,” Savvy said, tickling EmJay, who was on her lap nibbling on a roll.
“EmJay’s been looking for her,” Mitch continued, waving a spatula. “She walks all around the house searching like she did when she first came here. I know she’s looking for Cory now. And she had a nightmare last night.” He sighed. “It was horrible.”
“Poor baby.” Savvy hugged EmJay, who didn’t return her embrace but bore it gravely as though she understood every word.
Mitch placed the last bit of cooked chicken on the serving plate and walked toward the table. “That’s why we’re going after her. As soon as EmJay’s passport arrives.”
Tyler blinked. “You’re what? Are you crazy?”
Mitch banged the plate of meat on the table with more intensity than he intended. “I’m not going to let EmJay lose another mother!”
“Cory’s not her mother,” Tyler retorted, “and doesn’t deserve to be if this is how she acts.”
“She does too!” Mitch knew he was bordering on shouting, but he didn’t care. “You don’t know her like I do. It’s me who drove her away. Me! She thinks I’m forcing the gospel on her. She says she can’t think with me around.”
“You?” Tyler arose and glared at Mitch across the short expanse of table. “Is that what this is all about? Obviously, you have a thing for her. Well, I think you’re better off without her. She’s never going to make you a good wife.”
“You’re just mad because she lied to you.”
Tyler shrugged. “To me, to everyone. The bottom line is, she had all the missionary discussions. She just doesn’t want to believe. Face it, Mitch, she’s gone. She made her choice. Isn’t it better she left before you and EmJay were really attached? At least now you can find someone who will stick around.”
Mitch didn’t want to find someone else. He wanted Cory. He couldn’t think of anything but her crazy orange hair and all those freckles. “I should have been at the discussions!” he said, pounding the table. “Maybe I could have helped.”
“No, you couldn’t.” Savvy shook her head. “Now will you two calm down? You’re scaring EmJay.”
Sure enough, the baby was staring at them with huge eyes, looking ready to burst into tears. Mitch felt immediately chastened. “Hey, sweetie, I’m sorry. Come here. I’m not mad. Come to me.” EmJay held out her arms to him, smiling tentatively. Mitch lifted her into his arms and sat down at the table. “Maybe I could have helped Cory learn the truth, if I’d known about the lessons.”
Savvy slid a piece of chicken onto her plate. “I think this is something she has to do herself. You should have seen the way she reacted to Tyler and the missionaries when they kept pushing her to admit to her feelings. She’d bite her nails and say nothing, or repeat back exactly what they said.”
“Sounded good to me,” Tyler said.
Savvy shrugged. “Anyway, she didn’t seem to want anyone telling her how to feel. And a good thing, too. She needs to find out how she feels.”
Tyler propped his chin up on one hand. “I’m sorry, Mitch. I wanted the discussions to be a good surprise for you. Only it didn’t work out that way.”
“Maybe not.” Savvy reached for the bag of potato chips. “Or maybe she just needs a little time. Isn’t that what she said in her letter?”
“At least she dropped the custody suit.” Mitch smoothed EmJay’s hair, thinking of Cory’s similar locks. “But it’s not like her to leave like that. I know she loves EmJay. You should have seen her that day we thought we lost her. She was frantic.”
“Amen,” Tyler said.
Savvy nodded. “That’s why I think you should give her time.
She’ll come back. If it’s not her choice, she’ll always wonder if she did it for you and EmJay.”
At her words something fell into place for Mitch. “This is because of her father, isn’t it? AshDee never really talked about him, but Cory said a few things that got me wondering what kind of man he was. From what I could gather, he basically ruled her life.”
“I don’t really know,” Savvy answered. “But that could affect her thinking, even now.”
Mitch let out a long sigh. “Yeah, I guess so.”
What made him angry was that he had been so intent on either fighting with Cory or preaching to her that he hadn’t bothered to discover what might be holding her back. Even the few times that she had begun to open up to him about her family, he had taken her statements at face value without delving for the whole story. He wished he could have another chance. He had wasted so much time. He should have acted. He shouldn’t have hidden his feelings away in the hopes that she wouldn’t trample them. What was a little trampling when he might have lost her forever?
“So you think I shouldn’t go to Brazil?”
Savvy gave him a sympathetic smile. “Not unless she wants you to.”
“What about EmJay?”
Tyler, who had been silent for the last little while, spoke up. “Maybe it’s okay for her to leave EmJay. I mean, Cory knows the baby has you, so maybe it’s okay that she goes away for a while to think things over. It might be good for both of you. Maybe everything will work out in the end.”
Mitch was about to congratulate his brother for saying one of the most thoughtful things he’d ever said, when he realized Tyler wasn’t looking at him but at Savvy.
“Bash da bash. Much ken.” EmJay was reaching for the chicken on his plate.
Mitch stifled the longing inside his heart. “Okay,” he said, breaking off pieces for EmJay. “I’ll wait a little longer. But if I don’t hear from her soon, I’ll—” He broke off. He didn’t know what he’d do. What could he do?
Nothing. Nothing but pray.
Oh, Cory! he thought. Where are you now?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Cory’s legs were beginning to ache. She shifted her position in the tree slightly, knowing that at any moment the sun would begin creeping up behind the waterfall in front of her, and she would take what might be the best photographs of her entire life. This time it wasn’t an animal she awaited, but nature herself: God’s creation.
The irony was that before her time in Utah, here in the jungle was the only place she’d felt she belonged, but now that sense of belonging, that sense of oneness with the land, was completely absent. She was again a stranger, and that broke her heart more than it had already been broken. Even Meeko had deserted her today.
In the three weeks she’d been back in the Amazon, she had thrown herself into her work, rising with the sun and going to bed after dark. Memory card after memory card filled with pictures for National Geographic. Her best work ever. But to what end?
Maybe she was still running.
She didn’t care to examine her motives too closely. All she knew was that Mitch and EmJay had completely transformed her life, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for such a change.
Was the gospel true?
She wanted it to be. With all her wounded heart she wanted it to be. She wanted to feel that God loved her. That Jesus had died for her sins. That she could be reunited with her sister and her mother again. Moreover, she wanted to love Mitch and EmJay forever.
But she wasn’t sure. Did God exist? Did He have a plan for her? Or did loneliness drive her to want to believe a fantasy? Was she only investigating the Church to gain custody of EmJay? Was she becoming serious about it because of her growing feelings for Mitch?
How she missed him now! She wished she could talk with him about her uncertainty toward the gospel, but he would probably tell her how much he knew it to be true. Her knees would go weak, and she’d follow him as blindly as she’d followed her father.
Mitch isn’t my father. If I didn’t agree, he wouldn’t force me.
Mitch was everything her father hadn’t been, that was true. Was that how her sister had felt about her husband? Cory hoped so.
“Maybe I’m so worried about being taken in that I can’t see the truth.” Her words drifted through the branches of the trees, unheard by anyone but herself. Herself and maybe God—if He existed.
The missionaries had told her to pray. So had Tyler and Savvy. But only Savvy had understood her reluctance. What if it all was true? Did that mean Cory had to give up everything she’d worked for?
Mitch had apparently given up his chance at a new career without second thoughts. I’ve come too far for that, Cory told herself. The empty part of her heart mocked the words.
She shut her eyes as a tear escaped and slid down her cheek. More than anything in the world, she wished at that moment to hold EmJay. To see her grin, to feel her little arms around her neck. But she had given that up. For what? For pictures in a prestigious magazine. To see her name in the credits and be honored by her peers. She had thrown away love for something that would only leave her wanting more.
“This is what Mitch knew,” she whispered. “That love was more important than pictures or chasing wild animals. He knew. Oh, what have I done?” She tried to tell herself that her assignment was almost over, that she would be back with EmJay soon. And then what? Mitch had asked the question once. Would she accept the next assignment? What about EmJay? What was Cory willing to do to be in EmJay’s life?
Cory felt more confused than ever, especially now that the jungle held no answers. She’d thought coming back here would make things clear, but her confusion was worse. How could something that had once been her only salvation, something that had been the only “right” thing in her life, now be so wrong? How could she no longer belong to her work?
She had been praying. She had prayed about the Book of Mormon. She had prayed about Joseph Smith. All of it made sense to her. She felt warmth in her heart when she prayed. But all that meant to her was that the gospel was a beautiful concept. One thing was certain: her father wouldn’t approve. She wasn’t sure if that knowledge helped or hindered her quest to know the truth.
“AshDee,” Cory whispered. “I need to know if it’s true. Will you help me? Please, God, if You really are there, if You really love me, let me know.” A part of Cory thought how odd it was for her to be up a tree at a remote jungle site, two cameras around her neck, poised for the picture of a lifetime; yet instead of thinking about the shot, she was praying, her eyes open and searching for an answer. “Oh, God, please.”
The sun’s rays touched the horizon and slowly inched up the sky, forever changing the world with its light. Cory knew that without the sun, the world wouldn’t simply be drab and meaningless but devoid of all life.
Light spread farther into the sky, gently fingering the thin clouds poised in wait above the horizon. The tendrils of light tangled with the cloudy wisps, infusing the entire sky with a myriad of colors that were achingly beautiful to behold. This beauty reflected from the pool of clear, clean water at the base of the waterfall, calling out an invitation to any who would answer.
Cory identified the moment she should have begun snapping photographs, but she didn’t reach for a camera. She sat silently, her soul filled with the same vibrant, life-giving light that colored the sky.
My life was like the dark, she thought. Before God. Before the gospel.
Love wrapped around her like a familiar blanket. Of course she no longer belonged alone in the jungle. She belonged to God. She belonged with her family. She wasn’t a stranger on earth but a child searching and growing, a woman learning to let go of the past and recognize truth. A woman who needed to trust, and especially to love.
Cory didn’t take the picture, though she knew it was probably the most incredible sunrise she would witness in her life. Even if she were to wake early every morning and search the world over, there could never be another one to rival
it. God had answered her prayer. This moment was for her and only her. The beauty was forever engraved on both her heart and her soul.
Tears slid down her cheeks, but they were happy tears. God existed and He loved her—and that meant AshDee was indeed waiting for her in the “next room” as the Huntingtons had implied. God had devised a plan for them to be reunited!
“Forgive me, AshDee, for being so stubborn,” she whispered.
Yes, it was she, Cory, who needed forgiveness. She hadn’t cared about the new gospel or the joy her sister had found. She had refused to see anything but betrayal. She understood now. If only . . .
But regrets belonged to the past, and Cory had room only for the future. She let herself become lost in the beautiful sunrise, marveling at how easily her mind now grasped the concepts that had been so difficult a short time before. The gospel had altered her; she would never be the same—would never want to be the same.
Long after the sun sat high among the clouds, Cory urged her stiff legs to climb down the tree. Her movements frightened a small tree squirrel in the brush below, and the creature moved lightning fast through the greenery. Cory lifted her face to the sun and laughed.
Walking back to camp, she considered her next move. For it was her move—she understood that now as she had so much else. Even at the rate she’d been working, a proper job on the photos might take another month.
Unless she didn’t stay.
Suddenly, she discovered that her success here meant little to her. Mitch had been right. The choice wasn’t between her niece or her work but rather a choice for love that permitted her more opportunities for joy. It meant finding something she loved and could do while raising EmJay. It also meant being with Mitch, if he could forgive her. Could he? If anyone could, it would be Mitch.
Back at her tent, she sent an e-mail to him. She’d written many others before but hadn’t sent even one. After five tries, she finally wrote something that conveyed her message without exposing her heart more than she could bear. Her heart, once broken but newly patched by her Savior, was still fragile.
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