“She’s confused and afraid. We have to give her room.”
“To lie?” When Savvy didn’t reply, Tyler went on. “If you’re going to be her guardian, you can’t let her control you like this.”
“Well, it would be a darn sight easier if you didn’t keep undermining my relationship with her!”
“What?” Tyler couldn’t remember a time when he was more frustrated. “I’m not doing anything of the sort! Look, Savvy, she’s obviously trying to keep us apart.”
Savvy shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. Tyler, I really think you should go back to Utah.”
Tyler felt her slipping away as surely as if she had told him she loved another man. “Savvy, you know me. You know I would never lie to you.”
“Maybe not purposely. But when I talked to Lexi earlier, I realized I can’t go through it again. I won’t!”
“Go through what?” Tyler took in her tearful blue eyes, the color of a clear afternoon sky, her smooth face, the delicate curve of her cheeks, the fulness of her lips. He loved her. Oh, how he loved her!
She glared at him, her brows drawn tight. “For years I’ve watched on the sidelines as you dated one thin supermodel after the other, never mind if they had anything in common with you or had ever cracked open a book. For years I was the standby when your dates fell through or when you really wanted to see some foreign film. And all that time I kept hoping you’d look at me, that you’d see who I really was.” Tears fell down her cheeks, and the pain in her face was almost unbearable for him to see. “But you never did. I was always the best friend, the sidekick, the girl who loved you more than any of the others, but who you never looked at twice. The girl who could never be what you wanted.” She clenched and unclenched her jaw. “That’s what I can’t go through again. I won’t let you take my heart and throw it away the minute a skinny little thing crooks her finger in your direction. I just won’t!”
Realization crashed over him in a terrible, life-altering way. What have I done? How could he ever hope to make up for such pain?
He had to try. She was everything to him.
“I didn’t know,” he said. “I’m sorry. So sorry. But I love you, Savvy. Whatever happened before, whatever wrongs I committed in the past, I love you now. I love you in the way that lasts for eternity. I want to wake up every morning with you by my side. I want to have children with you. I don’t care what you weigh, or if you cut your hair, or if you grow old and wrinkly. None of that matters. What matters is that I love your heart. Please, give us a chance. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving myself to you.”
He saw that she was stunned into speechlessness. Leaning forward, he placed his hands on her arms, pulling her close to kiss her. Gently at first and then with more intensity. Savvy responded to his touch until a car drove by, and she broke away.
They walked back to the house in silence. Savvy kept her eyes on the ground, repeatedly kicking a small stone. Tyler didn’t know what else to say or to do. He could only pray. The feel of her was on his lips, and his fingers tingled where they had touched her arms. He loved her so much. Couldn’t she feel his love?
On the doorstep, she turned toward him. “So are you going back to Utah?”
He was tempted to say yes, to soothe his own hurt feelings. But he’d told the truth when he said he couldn’t leave her. “Not unless you make me.” After several heartbeats, he added quietly, “Please don’t make me.”
“You could lose that job.”
“Better than losing you.”
She watched him for a long moment, her blue eyes troubled. Tyler felt their future on the line. If she asked him to leave again, after all his confessions, what choice would he have? He couldn’t force her to love him. He flexed his hands, trying to swallow the growing lump in his throat.
At last she spoke, so softly he strained to hear the words. “Go home, Tyler.”
“Savvy,” he begged.
“Please.”
His heart breaking, Tyler left her on the porch, climbed into his Jeep, and drove away.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Tyler drove all night, arriving in Sandy at three in the morning. The house was dark and empty-looking. Stumbling with exhaustion, Tyler went up the porch stairs. He found the right key and fumbled as he tried to open the lock. Succeeding at last, he practically fell inside. Muffin was barking somewhere upstairs and soon sped into sight, shaking his tail in excited welcome.
“Sh, boy.” Tyler tried to pass him, tripped, and fell. The dog yelped as Tyler’s body pinned his front legs.
“Who’s there?” growled a voice. Lights flooded the kitchen, pouring into the living room where Tyler had fallen.
Tyler blinked at the light and stared up into his older brother’s face. He looked much the same as the last time Tyler had seen him at the airport–tall, thin, with bright blue eyes and sandy hair–except that he was wearing black pajama bottoms dotted with soccer balls and a black T-shirt. In his hands he held a baseball bat at the ready, muscles rippling with the effort. “Hey, it’s only me,” Tyler protested.
“Tyler?” Mitch relaxed, setting down the bat. “Whew! I was worried there for a moment. I mean, it didn’t sound like Muffin was upset–until he yelped.”
“I fell on him.” Tyler sat up, giving Muffin an apologetic pat.
Mitch offered him a hand up, and Tyler accepted. At once, Mitch pulled him into a warm bear hug. “It’s good to see you, little brother.”
Tyler felt a rush of emotion. “You, too.”
“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be in Colorado?”
Tyler shrugged. “What about you? The last I heard you were in Australia.”
“Surprise.” Mitch gave him a wide grin. “Mom and Dad picked us up late last night at the airport. I had to call them before we caught our flight out from Denver. We didn’t know until right before we left Australia that we would be able to get the standby tickets, and that was my first opportunity to let everyone know we were coming.”
“Where’s your Mustang?” Tyler asked. Mitch’s ugly orange-red car would have at least given him some warning.
“Still at Dad’s. It was too late to pick it up.” Mitch’s brow creased. “So what brings you back? I thought you were with Savvy.”
Tyler bit back tears. This is what he loved about family. It didn’t matter how long had passed since they’d last been together. They immediately fell into familiar routines that promised both comfort and guidance.
“I’ve blown it,” Tyler admitted. “I’ve blown it big time.”
Mitch sighed. “It can’t be that bad. Come on. Let’s sit down on this excuse for a couch and talk it out.”
“You need your sleep.”
Mitch waved the objection aside. “Don’t worry about me, I’m on a different time zone anyway. My body’s too confused to sleep.”
They talked for two hours, Tyler’s exhaustion vanishing as he recounted everything. At last, Mitch sat back. “You did only one thing wrong that I can see,” he said.
Tyler blinked. “What?”
“You gave up too easily.”
“I can’t force her!”
“Did you offer her a ring? Did you ask her to marry you? No? I didn’t think so.”
“I wanted to!”
“Wanting to doesn’t count. Think of it this way. From what I remember, Savvy held onto your relationship–such as it was–for a lot longer before she finally let go.” Mitch shook his head. “Sorry to tell you, brother, but a couple weeks of devotion can’t make up for that. You have to commit, and that means acting.”
“Like when you chased Cory to Brazil?” Tyler was beginning to understand.
“Exactly.”
Tyler smirked. “If I remember correctly, you wanted to go, but we talked you out of it. Savvy and I both told you to give her space. Only after Cory e-mailed you did you finally fly to Brazil.” Tyler should know. He’d gone with Mitch and missed the first two weeks of his college classes, nearly blowing his scholarship. “Sa
vvy told me to leave. How can I not respect that?”
Mitch rubbed his chin with a forefinger. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He brightened. “I know. Write her a letter and lay everything on the line. Let her know you’re in there for the long haul. Then ask her to call. You can overnight the letter to her. Then the ball’s in her court, but you’ve shown you’re not giving up.”
“What if she doesn’t call?” The thought was very painful.
Mitch raked back his hair, which was inches longer than Tyler’s. “You have to assume it’s going to work, that’s all.”
“I won’t give up.”
“Good.”
With new hope in his heart, Tyler tried to rise. The sooner he wrote the letter, the sooner Savvy would receive it.
But Mitch didn’t let him go into the kitchen for a pen. “Oh, no,” he said. “Not now. You’re too tired to stand straight, much less write a letter that’s going to convince a woman you’re in love with her. No, it’s bed for you. There’s plenty of time in the morning.”
Tyler let his brother lead him to his bedroom, grateful it was in the old part of the house so he wouldn’t have to climb the stairs. “Thanks,” he mumbled, as he fell onto the bed.
“Don’t worry about it.” Mitch walked back to the doorway and switched off the light.
* * *
Tyler slowly regained consciousness. He could feel that he was lying on his own bed, stomach down, face smashed into his pillow. Voices came to him, rising and ebbing in the distance. As he turned slightly, his head sent a warning shot of pain: don’t move.
He groaned and brought a hand to his head. Then he heard giggles, coming from much closer. Prying open an eye and squinting valiantly, he spied three small forms hovering in his doorway. He thought it was Benjamin, Caleb, and Mara, but he wasn’t sure.
“Shoo!” Amanda’s voice came from the hall. The children giggled loudly.
“Aw,” Benjamin said, “we just wanted to play with him.”
“Go on back to Uncle Mitch. Go on, now.”
The kids scattered, and Tyler let his eyes fall shut. But all at once the night came back to him. Savvy! The letter! How could he have slept at all with something so important needing to be done?
He leapt to his feet–well, at least he tried to leap. Instead, he fell back to the bed, his hands grabbing his aching head.
“That’ll teach you to stay up all night,” Amanda said from the doorway.
The pain was easing now. “I need a pen,” he mumbled. “Some paper.” He’d rather compose on the computer, but that seemed too impersonal for what he had to say.
Amanda laughed. “Okay, but first maybe you need an aspirin?”
“No. I’ll be okay.” He shook his head . . . and groaned. “Okay, would you get me one?”
She was back in less than a minute with a tall glass of water and the aspirin. He swallowed the pill dry and then downed the water. “Thanks,” he said. “Hey, wait a minute. What are you doing here anyway?” He grabbed his glasses from the bedside table and stuck them on. There was something different about his sister today.
“We’re all here, silly,” she said. “Mitch and Cory are back. We’re having an impromptu family reunion. The older kids even begged to stay home from school, and we shamelessly let them. We’ll probably get hauled off for neglect or something, but it isn’t every day Mitch comes home.” She laughed, and Tyler grinned. She was right–this was a day to celebrate.
“There is other news,” she said, resting her hand on her stomach. “Wonderful news.”
“Better than Mitch coming home?”
“Way better.”
“Must be big, then. I know he’s your favorite brother.”
“Would you zip it?”
His eyes went to her hand. “Are you having twins?”
Abruptly, she sat down beside him, her smile dissolving into tears. “Oh, Tyler, I got a call from Paula’s boyfriend this morning. He told me that if we draw up the papers for adoption, Paula will sign them! She’ll actually sign them! Can you believe it?” Tears were falling down her face, but Tyler knew they were happy tears.
“Really?” Tyler punched a fist in the air. “Oh, Manda, that’s so great! No, it’s absolutely wonderful!” He closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer of thanks heavenward. “I thought I really blew it in California. I’m so glad I was wrong.”
“We were right to wait.” Amanda’s smile was back, wide and radiant. “I wanted to go to court with guns ablazing, but waiting gave Paula time to think about what was best for the children. Oh, Tyler, I’m so, so happy! Now we’ll never have to wonder if they’ll be taken away. We can go to the temple and be sealed.” She wiped a stray tear.
Tyler’s own eyes were feeling moist and his heart full. He leaned over and gave his sister a big hug. “Have you called Savvy?” he asked.
“Not yet. I didn’t think to grab the number before we left this morning. If you have the number, I’ll call her now.”
Tyler was on the verge of volunteering to do it himself. Maybe she’d changed her mind. Maybe if he called with this good news her heart would soften toward him. Once he had her on the phone maybe he could make her see . . .
Make her see. He swallowed hard. No, it had to be her choice. This was Amanda’s news, and she had the right to share it. He would write the letter.
Ten drafts later, Tyler’s handwritten plea for Savvy’s heart was finished. Immediately, he drove to the post office. When he arrived home, he found all his siblings–Amanda, Kerrianne, and Mitch in the kitchen. Voices and children’s screams outside signaled that the rest of the family was out on the patio.
“Did you tell Savvy?” he asked Amanda.
They all looked at him knowingly, but he didn’t care how much his emotions where showing. He had to know.
“Yes,” Amanda said quietly.
“Did she ask about me?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Tyler.”
“That’s okay. I’m not giving up.”
“Good.”
“In fact, I’m going back to Colorado.”
“What! You just got here.” Amanda looked around wildly at the others. “Tell him.”
“We talked about this last night,” Mitch said. “We agreed that it has to be her choice.”
Tyler flexed his hands. “You said yourself that I have to assume it’s going to work. That means when she gets that letter tomorrow, she will call me and when she does, I’m going to be right there on her doorstep.”
“And if she doesn’t?” Kerrianne’s eyes showed her worry.
His heartache intensified. “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.”
“Mitch, do something,” Amanda said.
Mitch shrugged. “Okay. Tyler, do you want to use my frequent flyer miles? I have a ton of them.”
“Mitch!” Amanda slugged him on the shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. What if it only makes things worse? Tyler’s our last chance to have Savvy in this family, you know.”
“There’s something else to consider,” Kerrianne said. “What if Derek dies? She’ll need somebody then–somebody who knew him.”
Tyler’s stomach wrenched. Derek was dying, and he’d left Savvy there alone. Yes, he’d done as she asked, but had it been the right thing? His sisters seemed to be constantly changing their minds.
Maybe he was already too late.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Savvy didn’t know whether to be triumphant or devastated that Tyler had left Colorado. She’d begged him to go, and yet she didn’t want him to leave at all. Truthfully, she wanted little more than to fall into his arms, but what if his feelings for her weren’t as deep as he professed? Lexi seemed so sure that he was in love with someone else. And Tyler, with his glib tongue, had fooled her before. But not on purpose, she thought. Never on purpose.
What have I done? she thought more than once. She had the sense of somehow failing a test. But what else could she do? She loved Tyler, but trusting him wa
s another matter entirely.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Derek asked her on Wednesday afternoon. “You look like you lost your best friend.”
I did, she thought. Aloud she said, “I’m fine. What would you like for lunch?” Each day had become a challenge to entice him to eat the foods he was permitted. The choices were so limited that he’d lost much of his appetite.
“Will Tyler be coming over?” he asked. “I’d like to see the newspaper.”
“He’s gone back to Utah,” she said. “I’ll get you a subscription.”
Lexi looked up from a book Savvy knew she’d already read three times. “He’s gone? But he didn’t say good-bye!” She glared at Savvy. “This is your fault, isn’t it?” She ran from the room, and seconds later they heard her door slam.
“I’m sorry,” Derek said softly.
“It doesn’t matter.” She arose and took a few steps toward the kitchen.
“People do change,” Derek said. “I did. Maybe you should think about that.”
His voice was so gentle it made Savvy want to cry. She left the room hurriedly.
She was making lunch when Amanda called with the wonderful news about Kevin and Mara. “I’m so happy for you!” Savvy said, tears coming to her eyes for what seemed like the millionth time that day. It was a miracle. Tyler was right–they still did exist! She sent a silent prayer of thanks heavenward.
She wanted to ask Amanda about Tyler. If he’d arrived safely. If he was all right. He’d been so upset. But she couldn’t ask because that would be opening a door too painful to talk about. He was out of her life. Period.
But she didn’t want him to be. She kept Amanda on the phone a long while, talking with her about anything she could think of. At last Amanda made a reference to Tyler, so Savvy knew he was there and safe. Old habits die hard, she thought.
The day dragged into night. On Thursday morning, Savvy decided to take Derek’s brown sedan and find him a newspaper. He and Lexi were watching TV in the front room, with Derek lying on the couch propped up with pillows. “I’ll only be a few minutes,” she told them.
“Take as long as you want,” Lexi muttered.
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