“Oh, you’re here!” Tina jumped up to meet them excitedly. “It’s good to see you all. Bernice, I didn’t expect you. You didn’t seem like you enjoyed yourself much the last time we went to one of these things. But I’m so glad you came!”
“Yeah, uh, thanks,” Bernice said awkwardly, and Kerrianne wondered if she was thinking about what Maxine had told them in the car. How had Tina remained positive when her life had been so hard?
“Isn’t it a wonderful night?” Tina gushed on. “I just love it when the air is so crisp that it tingles when you breathe it in. It’s like everything is clean and pure or something. It’s a hoot.”
“It’s no fun to exercise in,” complained Evie, casting them a cheerful smile that belied the comment. Kerrianne noticed again how beautiful her skin was and how shiny her short black hair.
“Is this all that’s coming?” Maxine asked when they had ordered.
“Rosalva should be here soon,” Evie answered. “Didn’t you hear me order for her? I hope the waiter didn’t think I was ordering two meals for myself.” She laughed. “That would be just my luck. Oh, look, there Rosalva is now.”
Kerrianne saw the brown-skinned, dark-haired woman coming toward them. She looked better than good in black pants, a red long-sleeved blouse with a loosely knitted black sweater on top. She was short but teetered on very high heels. Kerrianne thought with envy that this was one woman who had her figure under control—unlike Kerrianne and Tina, who were too thin, and Evie and Bernice who had gained too much weight. Only Maxine was as fit as Rosalva, though the twenty years between them was noticeable.
“You look smashing,” Evie exclaimed.
“You think?” Rosalva sighed. “I worry these pants make me look too fat.”
Evie rolled her eyes. “Why is it always the thin ones who complain about being fat? You wanna see fat, look at this.” She slapped her ample thigh.
“You are exercising, aren’t you?” Rosalva asked. “Did you read the books I gave you?”
“One of them,” Evie said grudgingly.
Tina’s voice shook with eagerness. “She’s been using my treadmill. She’s lost three pounds already! Isn’t she wonderful?”
The group congratulated Evie, while she looked embarrassed but pleased.
“What about you, Kerrianne?” Evie asked. “Do you exercise? You look like you do.”
Kerrianne felt all eyes turn toward her. “I work in my yard a lot. Especially in the mornings now that the kids are in school.”
“In this weather?” Evie’s tone was admiring.
“I love working in my yard any time I can.”
That wasn’t quite true. After Adam died, there had been a time when she hadn’t cared about the yard at all. She’d let it go horribly, the only work being done by Mitch, Tyler, and her father in their spare time. But last year she’d started taking interest again. Now she went out several times a week to work. There wasn’t much to do in the winter, but she did what she could, making sure the leaves were raked and the flower beds free of old growth. Now she dreamed about creating a greenhouse in the corner of her yard but worried where she’d find the money. She was fairly sure she could put it together herself—and she’d enjoy doing so. Even if Adam had been alive, it would have been her project. He hadn’t had much use for the yard and hated even mowing the grass. In fact, now that she thought about it, the yard had been a point of contention between them. Strange how she hadn’t remembered that until now. The remembrance unsettled her. What else had she forgotten?
“Kerrianne?” Maxine’s strident voice came into her thoughts. “Rosalva was asking you what you knew about apple trees. Do you have to spray them? Hers had worms this year.”
“Yeah, you do. I actually spray mine twice.”
“Can my teenagers do it?” Rosalva asked. “I’ve got two boys. One’s going on a mission next year—if my ex doesn’t talk him out of it.” She heaved a great sigh.
“Aren’t exes great?” Evie echoed her sigh. “I’m glad my children were grown before my husband left me. At least they’re mostly safe from his influence.” Then, for a moment, her pretty face turned bleak. “Stupid thing is, I still wish he hadn’t gone. I wish we could have worked things out.”
Her words made Kerrianne sadly aware that not all the members of the Independence Club were as carefree as Tina would like to believe. Everyone seemed to have regrets—everyone but Tina, and Kerrianne couldn’t really fault her for that.
“Goodness,” Tina said, staring in the direction of the waiter who was bringing out their food, “doesn’t that look wonderful? I’ve never seen anything look so delicious.”
The mood turned lighter after that, and Kerrianne was grateful for Tina’s cheerfulness and ability to steer the conversation to positive thoughts. She had the strangest feeling of a clock turning back in time, as though suddenly she was a teenager once more, out with a group of friends. Of course, beneath the carefree talk and hearty laughter, there was always the knowledge that they were different from the young women they’d once been. Evie and Rosalva’s difficult marriages had dissolved because of their husbands’ infidelity. Tina, Maxine, Bernice, and Kerrianne were widows. Tina, Rosalva, and Kerrianne now had to deal with single parenthood. But even these differences managed to fade into the background, almost as though the night were borrowed from the past, before all the rest had happened. Kerrianne was determined to enjoy it.
Maxine caught her eyes and smiled. “Thanks,” Kerrianne mouthed. Maxine was right about this being exactly what Kerrianne needed. She was glad she hadn’t let her guilt over Benjamin getting sick the last time keep her at home.
“So,” Kerrianne asked, fishing for more information about Maxine’s plan, “are all the people at this gathering tonight divorced or widowed?”
Evie laughed. “Oh, no. Some have never been married. Younger ones don’t come for long, though. Seems they always end up married.” She laughed again, and the others joined her.
“He’ll have to be really something for me to get married again,” Rosalva said, her Spanish accent heavy with meaning. “I’m not going to make another mistake.”
Evie lifted her glass of water. “I’ll drink to that.” They all did, but Tina choked on her water and sputtered it all over the table.
“Sorry, girls,” she said, mopping up. There was a glittering drop on Tina’s strawberry-blonde hair, but Maxine dabbed it with a napkin.
After the meal and much laughter, the women went out to their cars and drove to the church building. Kerrianne heard the music as she entered the doors and recognized the tune immediately.
Tina saw her mouthing the words. “That’s what’s so great about these things,” she said. “They play music we loved growing up.”
“I hope we’re late enough,” Evie said, checking her watch. “It’s never good until it’s been going on for a while.”
After paying at a table, Maxine put an arm around Kerrianne and led her into the gym. Kerrianne took in the decorations, the disc jockey at the front of the room, the multicolored lights cutting into the dim room, and the couples rapidly filling up the floor space. Her chest tightened.
“A dance,” she whispered, leaning toward Maxine. “You brought me to a dance?” Turning on her foot, she decided the only sane thing to do was to flee.
Chapter Ten
When she turned, the other women were standing in a solid line behind her, looking determined. Or was that her imagination?
Kerrianne whirled back to Maxine. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a dance?” She tried to say the words forcefully, but they emerged in a pathetic whisper.
“Because you wouldn’t have come if I had.” Maxine tone was exasperated. “Come on, trust me. You need this. It’s been okay so far, hasn’t it?”
Kerrianne opened her mouth to protest, but before she could, a man appeared in front of her and asked her to dance. “I, uh, well . . .” When she’d attended dances without a date before her marriage, she’d made a rule never to
turn down someone who asked her to dance. But that was before Adam.
This man was definitely not her type. He wore too-tight pants that hadn’t been in style since the 80s, and though he wore no tie, his shirt was buttoned clear to the top. His mouse-colored hair was cut in a bowl shape above his round face, his bangs falling into smallish eyes of indefinable color. He was also at least twenty years older than she was.
“Not yet, Reuben.” Evie pushed her bulk around Kerrianne. “She just got here. Give her a minute to get used to everything. Come on, I’ll dance with you.”
Reuben inclined his head, giving Kerrianne a shy smile. Then he went off with Evie. Kerrianne felt relieved.
“He’s harmless,” Maxine whispered. “He’s not all quite there, if you know what I mean. A child, really. He’ll ask you to dance again in a while. He always asks everyone who’s not with a date.”
“And sometimes even then,” Bernice said with her customary sniff. “I told him that I was taken several times, but he doesn’t listen.”
“Probably having a hard time seeing your husband,” Rosalva said in a too-innocent tone that went right over Bernice’s head.
“It’s an over-thirty dance,” Maxine informed Kerrianne as she guided her to some chairs by the side of the room. “This is the best place to start since you’re thirty. They have other dances where the top age is thirty-five, but I couldn’t take you to one of those since I don’t qualify.”
Rosalva clicked her tongue and made a face. “You don’t want to go to one of those. At least not until you’re ready. Younger men don’t know how to treat a woman. You should hear some of the things they say!”
“That’s what you get for sneaking in,” Bernice said. “You haven’t seen thirty-five in more than five years.”
Rosalva’s eyes narrowed. She opened her mouth to say something, but Tina jumped in brightly. “All the dances I’ve gone to are a lot of fun, though I do agree that the older men know how to make a woman feel special. They always bring flowers.”
Kerrianne was starting to breathe more normally now. I can do this, she thought. Now that the initial shock was over, she was actually anticipating the evening. Dancing was something she and Adam had loved to do together. Of course, they hadn’t gone as much since the children were born, but they’d made it a point to get out every so often. Adam had always sung softly in her ear on the slow dances, serenading her.
Maxine nudged her arm, and Kerrianne was startled to see a handsome older gentleman standing in front of her. He was probably older than her father, though he looked in better shape. “May I have this dance?” he asked.
Kerrianne stood up and let him lead her onto the floor. She was glad he was so much older. It didn’t make her feel nervous at all but rather like a little girl dancing with her daddy.
“First time here?” He moved too slowly for the music, as though he couldn’t quite catch the beat or was perhaps unable to keep up with it.
“It shows?”
He shook his head. “Maxine told me. My name is Harold, by the way. Harold Parry.”
Harold? This was the man Maxine had been dating? Kerrianne looked at him more closely. He was nice-looking, arresting even, with his salt-and-pepper hair, thick gray eyebrows that framed curiously colorless eyes. He was a full foot taller than Kerrianne, which would make him heads above Maxine, and as broad-shouldered as any woman could want. He was wearing a suit that looked new and in style.
“I wore it for Maxine,” he said with a gentle smile. “We older men like to dress up for the ladies.” Not everyone was dressed up, however. Plenty of the men wore jeans, especially the younger ones.
Kerrianne let herself sway into the music, enjoying the beat, the movement, and the casual air of the dancers. When the song ended, she put her hand on Harold’s arm. “Thanks,” she said. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”
He placed his hand over hers and patted it in exactly the way her father would have. “The pleasure is all mine.” They walked back to the place where Maxine and Bernice waited. Evie, Tina, and Rosalva were out on the floor dancing.
Harold bowed to Bernice. “Would you like to dance?”
“No, thank you,” she said, her lips pursed in disapproval.
“But if you’re not going to dance, why do you . . .” Maxine trailed off as Bernice glowered at her.
“If you change your mind,” Harold said, “please let me know.” His eyes were twinkling, and Kerrianne had the distinct feeling that he was holding in laughter. She grinned at him, and he winked back. He offered an arm to Maxine. “I think I have enough energy for another one, if you will do me the honor.”
“Okay. But try to keep up, would you?” Her words were light and caused a chuckle from Harold.
Bernice shook her head as they moved away. “Disgraceful,” she muttered.
Kerrianne’s heart began thundering in her chest as a sudden, white-hot anger pulsed through her. What gave Bernice the right to judge? Her fists clenched in her lap.
“I can see why Evie and Rosalva are looking,” Bernice continued. “Their husbands were jerks, so they need to find an eternal partner. And Tina, too, I suppose. But Maxine . . . I just don’t see how—I mean, she was happily married. Just because he’s gone doesn’t mean she should forget him.”
She was talking about Maxine, but the comment jabbed at Kerrianne, as though warning her to not follow the same path. Words of anger and despair boiled inside Kerrianne, and even if she’d wanted, there would have been no way to stop them from spewing forth. “Bernice, don’t you get it? We have the rest of our lives to live without our husbands. For you that may not seem like a long time, but what about someone like me? It’s more than half my whole life! Do you know how incredibly long that seems right now?” Tears threatened to fall, and her voice was choked. “I try to hold onto him, but you know what? He’s not there tucking in my kids at night. He’s not there to help pick up their toys or to worry when they’re sick. He’s not there to take me dancing. He isn’t even around so I can beg him for three days to cut the stupid lawn.” Kerrianne sucked in a deep breath, shaking her head. “How many years am I going to have to cut that lawn all by myself? Or all the other stuff? I tell you what. Right now, seeing it that way—your way—maybe I’d be better off dead.”
Bernice’s eyes widened, and her mouth worked, though no sound emerged. Without waiting for a reply, Kerrianne sprang to her feet and headed to the refreshment table at the back of the gym.
She hated the way Bernice judged Maxine. She hated being at a dance without Adam. But even more she hated feeling guilty. Maxine was right. Kerrianne needed to learn how to live again, to be herself. She needed to learn how to laugh and sing and, yes, dance without Adam.
“Hi, do you want to dance now?” Reuben was at her side now, his expression that of an anxious boy, belying the crow’s feet around his eyes.
“Sure!” Kerrianne drank the rest of the punch she didn’t really want and tossed the cup into the trash. She followed him into the middle of the dancers.
“So, do you like to dance?” Reuben asked after a minute. “I’m Reuben, by the way.” He moved awkwardly, like a teen who’d never quite overcome his self-consciousness. His gaze was mostly on the ground, though he looked up every now and then at a space behind her right ear.
“Hi, Reuben. I’m Kerrianne, and I love to dance. Or used to. My kids keep me pretty busy right now.”
He smiled a strangely beautiful smile. “You have kids?”
“Yes. Three.”
“I don’t have any kids. I’ve never been married.”
“I see.”
“My sister has kids, though. I like them.” He looked up from the ground and actually met her gaze.
“That’s nice.”
“I come to a lot of dances. I like dancing.” He did an ungraceful move with his hands and shoulders that Kerrianne thought he must have copied from a more experienced dancer.
“Well, this is the place for it,” she said.
> He nodded, apparently having reached the end of the topics in his repertoire.
Kerrianne used the lull in conversation to glance around at the other dancers. There were a lot of people, some who looked interesting. Again she had the feeling of being transported back in time. In high school, the more popular couples had also danced near the disk jockey and the loud speakers, and nothing seemed to have changed. Evie was in the midst of the current “in group,” as was Rosalva, their faces alive and happy.
When the song came to an end, Reuben glanced up from the floor. “Would you like to dance again?”
Kerrianne was about to say yes—after all, she wanted to dance and Reuben certainly wasn’t threatening—but a man appeared at her elbow. “May I please cut in, Reuben? You know what a hard time I have getting a partner. Not like you. Everyone dances with you.”
Reuben grinned. “Okay.” To Kerrianne, Reuben added, “I’ll find you later.” He glanced around, spied Bernice alone at the side of the room, and made a beeline for her.
“Good luck,” the newcomer said under his breath. He was a handsome man of maybe forty with sand-colored hair that was slightly spiky on top. He wore blue jeans and a matching T-shirt, with a button-up shirt worn open like a jacket.
As they began moving to the music, the man leaned forward and said, “I’m Gunnar.”
“I’m Kerrianne.” His cologne was a bit strong that close, or at least seemed so to Kerrianne, who hadn’t been that near a cologne-wearing man since her dating years. Adam had disdained the stuff.
“I’ve never seen you at any of the dances before.”
“I’ve never been to any.” They both smiled.
Behind him, Kerrianne caught a glimpse of Bernice dancing with Reuben. Apparently, not even she could turn down the childlike man.
Huntington Family Series Page 100
