“All right. But keep your gloves on, and don’t leave the backyard. I’ll turn on the kitchen light so you can see.”
The boys, full of energy as they always seemed to be, scrambled for the honor of being the first to reach the backyard.
In the kitchen, Ryan leaned against the counter. As his mother sat at the table and started to speak, he pondered at how cramped he felt here now that he’d been spending so much time at Kerrianne’s. Her house had higher ceilings and a vaulted entryway, and the kitchen and family rooms had been designed in a wide, open fashion. His house, a simple rambler from an older generation, was tight everywhere and poorly designed. Besides that, the house was steeped in memories of Laurie. Everywhere he turned, something shouted her name—the framed prints on the wall, the wallpaper itself, the hot pads in the kitchen. None of these things had been his doing, and they brought poignant memories of his wife. The good ones he treasured, but the other ones, the ones where she lay on the bed dying, those sometimes tormented him until he had to leave, even if only for a walk around the block.
He much preferred Kerrianne’s place, where mostly the bad memories could not enter. She and Adam had bought the house a year before he’d died. He’d asked her about memories last week, and she’d confessed to him, almost as though by a slip of the tongue, that she’d lived in the house far longer without Adam than with him and that sometimes she couldn’t remember his ever being there. She’d looked sad when she’d said it, but he’d made her laugh soon after. She was beautiful when she laughed. He was glad her house didn’t torment her as his did him.
“Aren’t you going to answer?” his mother said with a touch of asperity.
Ryan pulled his thoughts back to the present. “I’m sorry. I was thinking of something. What did you say?”
“I was explaining why I came. I asked why you didn’t tell us your friend was from such a fine family.”
Ryan blinked, trying to understand her meaning. He didn’t sit with her at the table but stayed leaning against the counter. “I assume you’re talking about Kerrianne. What does her family matter? I would think a person should be judged by their own merits.”
Elizabeth clicked her tongue impatiently. “Family always matters, dear.”
He was about to protest, to tell her that Kerrianne still dated him in spite of his family, but hurting his mother would only make things worse between them.
Elizabeth fingered the plump flesh on her cheek. “You should have told us.”
“I hadn’t met her family,” he said. “How do you know them, anyway?”
“I don’t—exactly. Your father was contacted by a PR firm for representation. Cameron Huntington, your friend’s father, came to conduct the interview. When Mr. Huntington learned your dad’s name, he said he knew a Ryan Oakman, and that’s how it came out. Your father was impressed with the man.”
“So now you’re going to roll out the red carpet?” Ryan didn’t bother to keep the bitterness from his voice.
Elizabeth stared at her hands in her lap as though unable to meet his gaze. “Well, darling, I know we should have trusted you, but we worry as parents. It’s only because we love you.”
That might have worked when he was sixteen, but now he knew they acted more to protect their name and status than anything else.
“I should have known,” Elizabeth added. “That little girl—Misty, wasn’t it?—she was a complete little doll. So refined for such a young child.”
“Oh, she can be unrefined, I guarantee it.” Then he thought of how she had resolved her differences with Ria. “But she is a good kid. They all are.”
“Well, I wanted to invite Kerrianne over again to make it up to her.” Elizabeth looked at him now, her eyes pleading.
Ryan couldn’t believe what she was asking. He didn’t want to forgive them or to put Kerrianne in their path—even if they were suddenly being charming. “Why isn’t Dad here?” he asked, stalling for time but also really wanting to know. His father had to be behind this visit because his father always pulled the strings.
“He knows I’m here, of course, but since I was the one she overheard in the kitchen, we thought—” She broke off delicately, her gaze falling again to her hands.
Despite his anger, Ryan felt his heart soften. “He should be here, Mom.”
“He isn’t good at this sort of thing.”
Ryan laughed bitterly. “You mean family.”
“I mean”—she met his eyes—“at being wrong.”
“You need to stand up to him.”
“Maybe.”
It was likely all he’d ever get.
“So, will you do it? Willard tells me you’re still dating her.” There was a gleam of matchmaking in her eyes that would have made him laugh if it hadn’t been so late.
What should he do? Kerrianne would forgive them—she was that way. For him it would be a little harder, but he’d try for her sake, knowing she’d want to smooth things over. What was it about women that made them so easily forgiving? Even his mother constantly forgave his father the control he maintained over her life. Kerrianne wouldn’t approve of that, he thought. She’d encourage Mom to make her own decisions and stand up to my father for what is right. He smiled at the idea of Kerrianne and his mother as close friends. Maybe one day. It was a good dream. His father would have to watch out.
Elizabeth took his smile to mean something else. “Then you’ll do it? How about this Sunday? Or we could wait until Christmas, though I suppose she’ll want to spend that with her family.” She looked at him expectantly.
“No.” He shook his head. “I won’t ask her to go to your house.” Elizabeth looked crestfallen. He crossed the space between them and sat down, pulling his chair next to hers. “However,” he amended, “I will ask her if she’ll agree to have you and Dad over to her place.” Her turf. That was the only way he’d agree to the meeting. “Then you can see who she really is, whether or not her family is in the picture.”
His mother thought for a few moments. “That’s fair, I suppose. But I’ll have to discuss it with your father. I don’t know if he’ll come.”
“I don’t know if Kerrianne will agree, either.”
“Do you think it would help if I went to see her? I could stop there now.”
“Not tonight,” he said shortly. When he saw the hurt in his mother’s eyes, he explained. “Today is the fourth anniversary of her husband’s death. It’s a tough day for her.”
“She loved him very much?” Elizabeth studied him.
He nodded. “Yes. Like I did—do—Laurie.” Because he couldn’t resist, he added, “You didn’t like Laurie either because of her mixed blood. You don’t know how much that hurt her.”
Tears gleamed in Elizabeth’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Ryan. I really am.”
“Is he?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I believe he is.”
“Then tell him to come because I won’t let another wife of mine step into his house again until he wins her over.”
“Wife?” Elizabeth said almost eagerly. “So it’s really that serious?”
“On my part.” He took a deep breath.
“And hers?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
With that, he went to check on the boys.
Chapter Twenty-Two
She’d eaten enough chocolate to make herself sick and was well on her way to missing Ryan and the children when Maxine popped her head into the greenhouse.
“Nice setup,” she said, whistling appreciatively. “Little dark, though. You need a better light.”
Outside the greenhouse everything was black. How much time had passed since Ryan left? One hour? Two? Three?
Kerrianne stood to greet her friend because Maxine’s beautiful off-white coat was not as conducive to sitting in the dirt as Ryan’s jeans had been. Kerrianne brushed her own jeans clean—not from dirt but from bits of chocolate.
“Ryan called me a couple hours ago,” Maxine went on. “He
was taking the kids out, but Misty refused to go. Apparently, she and Ria were having a fight, and when that was taken care of, she wouldn’t go out to eat because of what day it—”
“I’d better get in there.” Kerrianne started to brush past Maxine, but Maxine reached out and held her in place.
“They’re fine.”
“They?” Kerrianne had been imagining Misty all alone, sobbing out her grief.
“Ria refused to go, too, and went up to Misty’s room. I checked on them when I first got here, hands full of candy, of course, and they were laughing and talking on Misty’s bed. They had some little dolls.”
“They were playing? Together?”
“Yep. They’ve broken the proverbial ice. They went on and on about it, but truthfully, I sort of tuned them out after the fourth telling. You know how that goes.”
Wonder filled Kerrianne’s heart. “Does Ryan know?”
“Well, he saw Ria go into the room, so I’m thinking he does. I guess having both Ria and Tiger stay with you instead of that other baby-sitter paid off. I’m glad you’re not playing games anymore.”
Kerrianne chose to ignore that remark. “It hasn’t been easy.”
“I would say not.” Maxine gave her a smile. “Just remember when you’re mad at his kids that sometimes you don’t like your own very much when they’re naughty.”
Kerrianne laughed. “It’s not that, actually. I feel a little smothered is all. Ria follows me around a lot, but maybe that’s because Misty’s always pushing her away. Maybe now they’ll keep each other occupied.”
“I doubt it. In all the talking they mentioned something about you teaching them to sew and cook and about a dozen other things.”
“I see.”
They were quiet for a moment. Maxine studied a new sprout coming from a box on one of the shelves. “Why didn’t you go with Ryan?”
Kerrianne looked at her. “You know what today is.”
“So?”
“I don’t know.” Kerrianne resented her interference but couldn’t exactly claim that Maxine had no idea how she felt. “Do you think I’ll ever stop remembering this day? Do you think my life will ever be normal again?” She felt a little despairing as she said it. Four years was a long time—and yet perhaps not long enough.
“You want to know if you ever get used to them being gone, and the answer’s no. But the missing them becomes okay after a while.”
She was right. Some days missing Adam was okay. Especially now that Ryan had filled so much of her heart’s emptiness. “But how,” Kerrianne asked, “can I miss Adam and feel something for Ryan at the same time?”
Maxine turned from the new plants and put her hands on either side of Kerrianne’s arms. “We can certainly mourn one spouse in the same heart that loves another. That’s how we’re made. Think of a mother who has lost a child. Does her grief and longing for that child mean that she can’t love her other children? No, of course not. Adam is gone, Ryan is here, and that has to be okay.”
“I wonder what Bernice would say about that,” Kerrianne said dryly.
“She’d probably report us to the bishop.” They both laughed.
Maxine took off her coat, unneeded in the heated greenhouse. “At the dance last week,” she said casually, “a few of the guys asked me where you’ve been.”
“They called me,” Kerrianne said. “I said I was seeing someone.” She’d told that to everyone, except for Gunnar. First she’d been sick, and then he’d been out of town. She’d never gotten around to it. Besides, she wasn’t sure she wanted to tell him. Nothing was official between her and Ryan. They’d only dated a month, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for a commitment. Sure, she’d dated Adam just two weeks before she’d known she loved him, but that was different, wasn’t it?
“How many guys ended up sending flowers?” Maxine wanted to know. “Just those two?” At Kerrianne’s nod she added, “There would have been more if you’d gone again. A lot more.”
Kerrianne shrugged. “I’m still not sure who sent one of the bouquets. It was either the older gentleman who smelled like mint or the one who reeked of body odor.”
“I know exactly who you’re talking about!” Maxine said with a giggle. “They’re both far too old for you. But that reminds me. It can’t be the mint guy who sent the flowers. Rumor has it he’s dating someone.”
“Good. I hope things work out for him.”
Another brief pause, and then Maxine dropped a bomb. “Harold asked me to marry him.”
“What? You’re kidding!” Kerrianne grabbed Maxine’s arm. “Oh, my goodness, that’s wonderful—isn’t it?” She wasn’t sure by Maxine’s expression. “Did you say yes?”
Maxine sniffed. “Of course not! I told you before that I’m not about to start washing a man’s clothes again. Or feed him, for that matter. I have my freedom to think about.”
“Well, you could make some agreement about that, couldn’t you?”
She pursed her lips. “Besides, the old goat only kisses my hand. I may be old, but I’m not dead yet. I want romance—and I’m not just talking chocolates.”
Kerrianne giggled. “I know what you mean.”
“Oh?” Maxine said with a knowing smile. “Has Ryan kissed you?”
Blood rushed to Kerrianne’s face. “I think it’s time to look in on Misty and Ria.”
* * *
After saying good-bye to Maxine, Kerrianne found the girls seated companionably on the couch in the family room watching a video, right where Maxine had left them. Kerrianne was happy the two were finally getting along, but she didn’t dare say anything that might break the truce.
“Mom?” Misty said as she entered. “Tomorrow will you teach Ria and me how to make snickerdoodles?”
Kerrianne was glad she’d asked for tomorrow. Snickerdoodles might push her over the edge on a day like today, and she’d spent too much time on the edge lately. “Sure, sweetie. We’ll dust them with green and red sugar for Christmas.”
The girls murmured happily and grinned at each other. Kerrianne noticed they were wearing some of Misty’s dress-ups and play makeup. There was no trace of Ria the tomboy. Kerrianne hoped this meant Misty would play ball again with her brothers.
Kerrianne busied herself cleaning the kitchen until she heard the garage door opening and knew the boys were back. Ryan would be parking her van inside the garage and telling them to leave their boots outside by the door. She liked that he remembered, especially since she had barely mopped the kitchen floor. Setting the mop aside, she went into the family room. The outside door bumped a few times before it burst open to reveal Benjamin, Caleb, and Tiger. Ryan was behind them, grinning.
“We’re back,” he announced.
“I see. Come on in.”
Ryan entered, keeping his hands behind his back. He glanced at the girls on the couch, his eyebrows raised in question. Kerrianne smiled and nodded.
“So, girls,” he said with a satisfied grin. “Did you eat?”
Misty ignored him, but Ria nodded. “Yeah. Maxine helped us. Well, we didn’t really need help, but she was here.”
“Good, because guess what I brought?” Ryan pulled out the sack of candy bars he’d offered Kerrianne earlier.
“I want one! I want one!” the boys shouted, jumping for the sack.
“Wait.” Ryan held it out of reach. “Princess Misty gets to pick first.”
“Why?” Caleb complained. “I want the first one. I’m littlest.”
“Misty picks first because she’s had a difficult day. And because she’s a girl and she’s special.”
“That’s because she’s wearing a princess dress,” Caleb said.
“Nope. They’re always princesses, and they always go first.” Ryan walked around the couch and stood in front of the girls.
“Ria’s a girl,” Tiger said. “Why doesn’t she pick first?”
“Misty’s younger,” Benjamin countered.
Ignoring them, Ryan went down on one knee with a flou
rish. “What about it, Lady Misty? Will you pick first?”
Kerrianne watched her daughter struggle with indecision. Not about what candy to choose but whether she should spurn Ryan altogether or give in to her desire for chocolate. Kerrianne knew what a hard decision it was—and not only because of the chocolate. One look into Ryan’s pleading, intense eyes and Kerrianne would have given in immediately. Misty held out for a full fifteen seconds. Kerrianne counted them, marveling at the way Ryan didn’t flinch.
“There’s a Mounds,” Ria whispered. “If you don’t take it, Tiger will.”
Misty could bear no more. Her hand shot out and closed around her favorite Mounds candy bar. Ryan didn’t move but stayed in front of her waiting. “Thank you,” she said finally.
“You are welcome, Princess.” He passed the bag to Ria, and then to the boys, who were instructed to eat in the kitchen.
Misty bounced from the couch. “Mom, we’re going to my room, okay?”
“Only for a minute,” Kerrianne said. “We still have school tomorrow and it’s bedtime.”
Misty nodded and with a shy glance at Ryan, that held neither approval nor her usual disdain, she left the room with Ria tagging after.
“Whew!” Ryan drew his hand across his forehead. “She’s a tough one.”
“She was close to Adam. His little princess. She misses him.”
“She’s not the only one.”
Kerrianne looked away. “No, she’s not.” She hoped he understood. After all, he knew what it was like to lose someone he loved.
Ryan took her hand and sat on the couch. Her hand tingled with his warmth, flooding her with confusion. She had never wanted and not wanted something so much. She took her hand away on the pretext of getting comfortable.
“My mother came to see me,” he said. “We stopped by my place after dinner, and she was waiting there.”
“What’d she want? Is she mad about Thanksgiving?”
“No, that wasn’t it at all—though she probably is still upset about that. But what she came to do was apologize to you.”
“What? Why?”
Ryan leaned back, looking handsomer than ever. She wanted to put her hands in the short curls in the nape of his neck. “Apparently, my dad is doing some legal work for the firm your father works for, and they got talking, and bingo.”
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