Fuck.
Stepping back, I tripped on the gutter as I shook my head. I knew there was a perfectly good, logical explanation but I was pretty pissed that I had to give one. It had been such a fantastic fucking night, everything was perfect, even when the breeze picked up and the sun faded, making the night air just a little too chilly, Mia had said nothing, but instead snuggled in against me and kept watching the movie. But one stupid, single strand of hair had thrown everything off track. Running my hands across my chin and letting out the frustrated sigh, I made sure she was tucked in the car safely before I shut the door, probably a little more forcefully than was needed.
Rounding the car, I counted. I was trying to get my temper under control. Mia didn’t deserve to cop that bullshit. No one did. I was wound up. If I’d have thought there was another way she could have gotten home safely I would have suggested she take it. But I wasn’t that big of a dick. Don’t get me wrong, I was undoubtedly a dick, but I wasn’t that bad. Not yet, anyway.
Jumping behind the wheel, I fired up the ignition and took off like a bat out of hell, spinning the wheels as I went. From the corner of my eye I saw the fear on Mia’s face, and instantly hated myself for putting it there. That was the last thing I wanted.
“I’m sorry,” I spat through gritted teeth.
Although I meant the words, my jaw felt like it was fused shut, not wanting to budge.
“Okay.”
It was barely audible.
Clenching the steering wheel, I eased off the accelerator and focused my breathing. Mia had hit a nerve, but even I didn’t know just how raw it was. Until now Zoe wasn’t something I had to explain. Something I wanted to explain. Something I ever thought I’d have to. But for Mia, for Mia I would.
“It’s Zoe’s.”
As soon as her name tumbled from my lips, I felt my grip on the wheel ease and my heart beat steady slightly. It was still erratic beneath my breast, but the craziness and overwhelming rage were fading.
“I assumed.”
“Then why?”
I didn’t get it. I might be a guy at that. A dumbass guy, but I thought we’d already covered all this. I’d already explained Zoe. I didn’t want this to be something I had to go over every time we left the house. That bullshit wouldn’t fly with me. Mia either trusted me, believed me, or she didn’t. It was that simple. And if she asked me to choose, well, let’s just say, it didn’t matter how good her ass looked in jeans. Zoe wasn’t going anywhere.
“Nothing.”
Nope. That answer was fucked too. I wasn’t about to deal with that sort of crap, either. Women and their ‘fine’ or their ‘okay’ or even their ‘nothings.’ They were all full of shit. Cutting across two lanes of traffic, earning myself an aggressive horn blast and a one finger salute, I pulled into the nearest parking lot, killed the ignition, and sprang from the car like something stank inside. And it did. But my pissy attitude followed me right out into the cool night air.
For what felt like forever I paced on my own, back and forth. Stretching my arms above my head and behind my back, I needed to work the kinks out of my tense muscles. I wanted to punch something. I needed to work the fury and adrenaline out of my system. I could hear the blood pounding in my ears and I could feel my heartbeat tattooing beneath my ribcage.
“Derek,” Mia’s voice was meek, timid, and tinged with fear.
I was officially an asshole.
I’d driven her to a park, which now, glancing around, was pretty dimly lit, and grimy in the middle of the night, only to leave her alone in the car while I ranted and raved and paced about like a fucking lunatic. All because I’d gotten so caught up in my own head I hadn’t bothered to stop and talk to her. That’s all it would have taken. Just a breath and a conversation. Sounds simple enough. For a normal person, it probably was. I mean, fuck, I’d already told her how much of a fuck up I am and she was still standing there looking more beautiful than ever. In two strides, I was in front of her, crouched down so I was at eye level.
“I don’t share, either.”
They weren’t just words. They were a promise. One I meant with everything I was and everything I had. I would make Mia understand about Zoe, but me not being one hundred percent faithful, that wasn’t something she’d have to worry about. Ever. Not with me.
I wrapped my arms around her hips and felt her arch into me, my face pressing against her collarbone. When I heard her breath hitch, I didn’t know if it was from fear or if she was on the same page. The truth was I was too much of a chicken shit to look up and see for myself. I didn’t want to see fear, rejection, or revulsion in her eyes. So instead, I squeezed mine shut and held tight, just breathing her in.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but I know by the time I made to move my knees had locked together and ached, our breathing had synchronized, and my stupid racing heartbeat had returned to normal.
Mia was first to pull away. “But Zoe…”
Staggering to my full height, I cupped Mia’s face in my hands and fused our gazes. I only wanted to say this once and I needed Mia to not only hear me, I needed her to believe me. “Zoe and I are a package deal, Mia. I can’t break that. And I won’t. Not for you. Not for anyone. Now I know you might not want that, and that’s your decision to make, but I like you. I can promise you, Zoe and I will never be more than what we are right now. The best friends you could ever imagine. She will always be an extremely important part of my life, but she isn’t going anywhere. The rest, well…that’s up to you, really.”
Chapter 18
Mia
Well, fuck me sideways! What the hell was I supposed to do with that? I wasn’t usually a jealous person. I really wasn’t. Green was so not my colour. I didn’t like it and I hated the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. All night that single strand of hair had been taunting me. I’d bit my tongue, willing myself not to shut up and just go with it. The dumb thing is, the moment I spotted it on his shirt, I knew exactly who it belonged to. There was no question. No doubt. Of course it was Zoe’s. Who else’s would it be? For three quarters of the movie, my fingers had been itching to reach out and just pull it off and let it float away on the wind. Instead, I balled my fists and did nothing. Then things got out of control. I got out of control in the car and I blurted it out. Once the words were out, I couldn’t take them back. I watched as Derek’s face contorted in pain, frustration, and annoyance, but I couldn’t unsay them. Then the more pissed off he got, the more the jealous bitch inside of me took hold and I found myself not wanting to take them back. Now here we were in some creepy parking lot, in the dark, arguing over the future. A future I wasn’t even sure we had.
“Derek, look at me,” I snapped as forcefully as I could.
I watched as he huffed out the breath he was holding and dropped his hands on his hips. It was like he was fortifying himself for a punch he knew was coming. I guess in his line of work, it was a habit he couldn’t break. Shaking off the heavy thought, I forced my attention back to the task at hand.
“Just say it.” His voice was deep, velvety, and wrapped around me like a blanket. Even if I wanted to walk away from him, with a voice like that and with those wide, sad, puppy dog eyes watching my every move, there was no fucking chance.
“I get it. I had coffee with Zoe and she told me everything.”
“Everything?”
The shock on his face was almost comical. I don’t know if I should have taken it as a compliment or been extremely offended. Was he surprised that Zoe had opened up to someone or me in particular?
“Yeah, I mean, I think so. It was a pretty horrific story, so I wasn’t going to pester her for more info, you know.”
“Yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck roughly and my whole body shivered. I wanted those large hands rubbing my neck. And not just my neck. Although now was not the time to have those sorts of thoughts.
“I get it, I really do. You and Zoe are a package deal. And I can’t imagine anyone wanting to split that
up. Honestly, if anyone ever does, can you call me? Because I seriously want tickets to that shit!” I couldn’t help it. The mood needed to be lightened, and if I had to provide the comic relief, well then, that’s what I was here for. When Derek’s stoic face cracked into a wide, toothy smile, everything felt like it would be okay again. I don’t know how I knew that or why I believed it, but I just did. It felt fucking fantastic―and it scared the shit out of me.
“You do?”
“Yeah, I really do.”
“But you said…”
“Yeah, I did. But you took what I said and jumped to the conclusion…”
“It wasn’t really a jump.”
“No. More like a running leap.”
“Derek…” I tried to return the conversation back to the topic at hand. I didn’t want to. I liked playful Derek. He was fun. He made me smile. He made me laugh. He made me feel alive. Honestly, I don’t remember the last time I felt like that. But if we were going to attempt anything, then I wanted this out of the way once and for all so we didn’t have to circle back ever again. I just wanted it over and done with so I could move on. So we could move on. “When I said I don’t share, I wasn’t talking about Zoe. I meant others…”
It almost caught in my throat. It tasted like bile. The thought of Derek and someone else made me physically ill. I was well aware that I had no claim over him. It was ridiculous, really. He wasn’t mine. He wasn’t a possession. He was a person who could do what he wanted, when he wanted, with who he wanted. I hated the fact that my stupid insecurities made me want to be the only person that he wanted those things with. It was pathetic. I was pathetic.
A huge, smug smirk tugged at Derek’s very kissable lips and I didn’t know if I wanted to kiss it off or slap it off. Taking a measured step forwards, Derek stalked towards me like I was his next meal. “Mia, you and I might not know each other very well yet, but I can promise you this. I am not one of those guys who plays around. Yes, I come as a package with Zoe, which you know about. No secret, but other than her, once I have a girlfriend, that’s it. There are no others, as you so succinctly put it.”
I gulped.
He was so close I could smell his cologne and it was doing all sorts of things to me.
Derek was going to be the death of me.
I’d been hurt before. More than he could imagine. More than he knew.
I had to tell him
I had to explain.
One day.
Not today.
Not now.
Right now, I had something more important to do.
Without another word, I closed the distance between us, grabbed his shirt, and yanked him towards me before crushing my mouth over his, throwing everything I had behind the kiss. Right now, I might not have the words to convey that everything he’d just told me was exactly what I needed to hear, but I could damn well show him. Or at least I could try.
When Derek pulled back, my lips felt bruised, and I was gasping for air, but I couldn’t hold back the smile. This boy, this man set every nerve ending I had on fire. He could be the death of me, but what a way to go. Just when I thought he was about to step away and give me some breathing space, he surprised me yet again. Tugging me close he straightened his back, lifting me off my feet like I weighed nothing at all.
“Derek!” I heard the needy squeak pass through my lips and was suddenly glad there was no one else around to witness my pathetic-ness.
Slipping one hand under my butt, he wrapped my legs around his hips and backed me towards the truck until I was squished between a wall of muscle and metal. One side was scorching my flesh with his body heat, while the night cooled metal sent a shiver through my limbs.
Giving my ass another squeeze, Derek bit down on my ear lobe before soothing the nip with his tongue. His incredibly talented tongue. It was the single most erotic experience of my life. A huge part of me didn’t want him to stop. Not now, maybe not ever. But the other part, the sensible part, the angel on my shoulder reminded me that we were in a public car park.
“Derek,” I tried to get out, but it came out as a needy whimper as he ground himself against me.
“Mmmm,” he murmured against the pulse point in my neck.
If my blood wasn’t boiling before it was now. It felt like molten lava as it flowed through my veins. If this kept up much longer I’d be embarrassing myself fully dressed in the car park and I wouldn’t give a shit who heard me.
“We-we can’t do this―not here,” I managed to splutter. There was no conviction behind them, but thankfully, Derek understood and pulled back. Slightly. But only enough to leave me with another scorching kiss before setting my feet back on the ground.
I’ll admit I was thankful he didn’t let go when my feet first hit the gravel, because there was no way my legs would have been able to hold me up. They were more useless than wet noodles.
For a few moments we stood there, not saying a word, our foreheads pressed together just panting as we tried to regain control of our breathing. I can’t speak for Derek, but I know I for one was struggling. Every frigging breath I took, his scent filled my nostrils and the urge to climb him like a monkey up a tree was overwhelming. He must have sensed my discomfort, or stupidity or maybe I just looked like an idiot, because all of a sudden, he stepped back.
“I should get you home,” he said.
His words may have come out no louder than a whisper, but to me, it couldn’t have been any clearer. I watched with my mouth gaping open as he pulled open the passenger door and silently helped me in.
I shouldn’t have been as worried as I was, I just couldn’t help it. He liked me. That much was obvious. And we had chemistry. Enough of it that it was damn near combustible. But something was off. I hated my head sometimes. Sometimes it just twisted me into knots. Damn anxiety girl. Able to leap to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound. Knotting my fingers together, I tried to force the tension out of my body as I watched the scenery flash by.
Sneaking a glance at Derek, he looked powerful and in control. He must have sensed me watching him because his lips quirked up mischievously before his hand reached out and intertwined our fingers, steadying my nervous digits.
“I can hear the wheels turning from here, Tinkerbell.”
“Tinkerbell?”
“Yep, Tinkerbell! My little pixie!”
He smiled, a full megawatt, panty-melting smile and I knew I was screwed. This boy had me completely twisted inside out.
“We’ll see,” I countered, not wanting to cave too easily. Or at least not wanting to seem like I was.
Before I was ready, he was parked out the front of my parents’ house. Groaning, I didn’t want to get out of the car. Hell, I didn’t want the night to end. I’d had a good time. A great time. But I couldn’t very well invite Derek inside. With my luck, my mother would be sitting on the lounge with her grey hair twisted up in curlers while she read some trashy romance novel that she was way too old to be reading, while Dad watched some terrible English police drama providing his own commentary. Nope, Derek wasn’t getting inside. Not tonight. Probably not ever.
As I unbuckled my seatbelt, the sound of the click echoed through the car. “Well…thanks. I had a good time tonight, Derek.” The worlds dribbled out, sounding pathetic. It didn’t seem like enough. I just had nothing else.
Derek just chuckled. His deep, rumbling laughter was infectious, and before I knew it, I was giggling right alongside him. Then as abruptly as it started, it stopped. Silence filled the cabin again and it was just as weird and awkward as it had been.
“Mia…don’t pretend. With me, you never have to say what you think I want to hear. I want to make that perfectly clear, okay? If you want to say something, say it. If not, don’t. Easy.”
His words wrapped around me like liquid comfort. They were warm and reached into the deepest pits of my soul, touching parts even I didn’t know existed. It was like he knew exactly what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it. I
both hated and loved him in that moment. He frightened the shit out of me.
“Okay,” I murmured weakly.
“Okay then.”
With one huge hand he cupped my cheek and the warmth flooded my body. My eyes flickered shut and an embarrassing little moan escaped my parted lips. I wanted him to kiss me again.
“Mia.” His warm breath was on my neck and it set every hair on my body on end and my skin was covered in goose pimples.
“Mmm,”
“Goodnight,” he murmured against my neck, dropping a soft kiss against the skin just behind my ear before pulling back.
Chapter 19
Derek
Putting distance between us was the hardest thing I think I’d ever done. No, sorry, I was wrong. The hardest thing was my dick right now, which was physically crippling me as it pressed into my zipper. I was almost certain I’d be sporting a zipper indentation for the rest of my days, but that’s what this tiny pixie did to me. Turned me on more than I ever thought possible. And as much as I wanted to yank her into my lap and steal every breath in her beautiful little body, I had to let her out of the car. Tonight.
“G-goodnight,” she mumbled, grabbing her bag and jumping from the car, disappointment written all over her face.
The door shut a little harder than necessary, and I let out the breath I was holding. The whole fucking car smelt like her…something I was in no hurry to get rid of. I watched as she made her way down the drive and unlocked the door. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping she’d throw one last glance over her shoulder, or a wave goodbye. Hell, I’d even take a sad little smile. Something. Anything.
I got nothing.
She unlocked the door and disappeared inside.
Without anything.
Running Away (Finding Your Place Book 2) Page 12
